These Things Friar Knows to Be True

Every cereal manufacturer, no matter how devoid of nutrition their product might be, will still endorse it as “Part of a good breakfast”.

You can’t gain any more weight than that of the food you just ate.   Eat a pound of chocolate and nothing else, and the worst you can do is gain a pound.

First Law of Thermodynamics:    Energy = (Heat) + (Work).   

First Law of Burger Dynamics:    (Minivans) + (Moms) + (Screaming Banshee-Children) + (Drive-Thru) = SLOWWWWWW.  

If there is only one traffic light within in the next 20 miles of highway, regarldess of your driving speed, you will hit it when it’s juuuuust  turning red.  

(Beauty) x (Brains) = Constant. 

Nothing is ever frictionless.   Nothing. 

Give the chance, Septagenarians will always pay in exact change.   

A hot cup of coffee will always cool down and heat up the surrounding air.    But you will NEVER see the surrounding air cool down, and spontaneously heat up a cold cup of coffee.

A gas will fill the volume of whatever container it’s placed in.  Similarly,  the amount of work will fill whatever time is available to do it in.  (See Parkinson’s Law.)

How much do you think it will cost to fix your fender-bender?   Pick a number that you think is reasonable.   Now triple it.   That’s what the body shop will quote.

Scooby-Doo and those “meddling kids” will keep chasing ghosts, even though they all must be pushing 60 by now.

Dream big:  and there will always be some bozo telling you it can’t be done.

Cubicles are here to stay.

Life isn’t fair:  deal with it.

(Age) x (Driving Speed) = Constant. 

The last drop will always fall in your pants (for guys only).

You can’t get ahead.   You can’t break even.   In fact, you can’t even get out of the game.

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23 Comments on “These Things Friar Knows to Be True”

  1. BrettHead Says:

    Who knew you are so wise. I knew enough to know you are a wise-ass, but this is impressive.

  2. Mike Goad Says:

    Very cool!

    My favorite facts: “Paranoia is important” and “Perception is reality.”

  3. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    “(Beauty) x (Brains) = Constant.”

    LOL, LOL…

    Then I guess I’ll have to be stupid. :)

    Regards,

    Kelly

    P.S. you just almost, sorta, got called wise again. I think.

  4. Brett Legree Says:

    Re: your second last truth – that’s why I’m not wearing pants today.

  5. Steph Says:

    Hmmm, your last one was kinda sad, but I had to laugh out loud at this one: A gas will fill the volume of whatever container it’s placed in. Similarly, the amount of work will fill whatever time is available to do it in. SO TRUE!! As is 13. About 14: cubicles may be here to stay, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay in them!

    Brett: LOL!!!

  6. Allison Day Says:

    “(Beauty) x (Brains) = Constant.”

    I guess that makes me hideously ugly? Oh well. :P

  7. Ian Parker Says:

    “Life isn’t fair: deal with it.”

    “You can’t get ahead. You can’t break even. In fact, you can’t even get out of the game.”

    How very true.

    Also, hilarious post. Thanks for the laughs.

  8. Friar Says:

    @Bretthead
    Oh, there’s very little wisdom here. It’s mostly wise-ass! :-D

    @Mike
    I like the part about perception. Especially at the work place. It’s not how much work you ACTUALLY DO..it’s how much they THINK you do!

    @Kelly
    ..and I’m quite smart, then. ;-)

    Actually, we used to say this a lot when I was in Undergrad engineering. (Which gives you an idea of how good looking the girls were in our class) :-(

    @Brett
    Is that why you wear a kilt?

    @Steph
    I borrowed the last one on a science book, referring to the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics. (Basically, saying you cant’ get something for nothing….there’s no such thing as a perpetual motion machine!). Though I think the expression applies very well to life in general.

    As for Parkinson’s Law. He’s the one who came up with that “work fills the available time”. That man was a genius! (And a funny one, at that). He was 50 years ahead of everyone else.

    @Allison
    Yeah, but from your photo on your blog, you’re pretty good-looking. (Yet you’re also a star science-pupil).

    Who knows? Maybe you’re an “outlier” on the bell-curve (Plus three sigma!)

  9. Friar Says:

    @Ian

    Well, it’s nice to know there are always SOME things you can depend on! :-)

  10. Allison Day Says:

    *Allison turns bright red*

    Awww, thanks Perfessor Friar. :D

  11. Friar Says:

    @Allison

    (…just so long as my other commenters don’t feel left out!) :-)

  12. Allison Day Says:

    @Friar – Nah, we all know all the ladies who hang out at Friar’s are outliers… we party at the far end of the bell curve. ;)

  13. veredd Says:

    “How much do you think it will cost to fix your fender-bender? Pick a number that you think is reasonable. Now triple it. That’s what the body shop will quote.”

    Haha I love that one. It is so true.

  14. Brett Legree Says:

    @Allison,

    There are exceptions to every rule (and Perfessor Friar has been wrong before…) :)

    @Friar,

    Yep, that’s why I wear a kilt, though today I just didn’t feel like wearing pants. International No Pants Day or something…

  15. Allison Day Says:

    @Brett – Yes, and wouldn’t you agree that Friar’s blog (and yours as well) seems to attract these exceptions? :D

  16. Friar Says:

    @Allison

    I agree…all the ladies who visit my blog are plus-three-sigma!

    @vered
    I just write what I know, based on personal experience! :-)

    @Brett
    Uh-oh. No pants. You’ll get all the ladies excited…you Kilted Viking, you! ;-)

    And yes, I’ve been wrong. Many MANY times. More often than I’ve been right!

  17. Ed Says:

    @Friar
    Amazing stuff! I laughed through most of it and greatly enjoyed myself. Just the right twist on reality for me just now as I’m off to work at the “factory”. I owe, I owe, it’s off to work I go.

    PS
    I’ve always hated the bell curve.


  18. “Give the chance, Septagenarians will always pay in exact change.”

    … or with a check (that takes 20 mins. to write out and process).

    I avoid them like the plague in supermarket lines.

    Thanks for the laughs!


  19. [...] What I Know for Sure, No. 2 November 4, 2008 at 10:32 am | In Uncategorized | The other day, Friar said, “Cubicles are here to stay.” [...]

  20. Friar Says:

    @Ed
    Yes…it’s always good to get a dose of reality, before heading off to the Factory! That’s what the Deep Friar is for! :-D

    By the way, I never did understand the bell curve. When they adjusted our grades at school, I always fell in just the right area, where my mark hardly changed.

    @Rebecca

    Don’t forget, the mandatory Old-Lady Change Purse (from which they slowly and clumsily fish out their tarnished coins!)

  21. t.sterling Says:

    I almost wet myself with that 2nd to last one.

    People around me are wondering what I’m laughing at though. I’m exercising my right to be evil and selfish and not telling them. At least I’ll share how body shops rip them off.

  22. Friar Says:

    @t. sterling

    The 2nd to last one reminds me of a rhyme. The first sentence beginning with

    “No matter how much you shake and dance…”. ;-)

  23. t.sterling Says:

    I must share this with my father. I think he is one of the few people I know that will appreciate the humor.


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