Things I WON’T do, when I retire.

old-man-jenkins

Hose down my driveway.
Note to seniors:  a driveway means cars can DRIVE on it.   It is outside…it is ALLOWED to get dirty.

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Become a Lawn-Nazi
An obsessive-compulsive perfectly-groomed lawn (along with a hosed-down driveway) is a sure sign that someone has way, WAY too much free time on their hands.

If I ever get to that point, I’ll watch Oprah.  Or volunteer.  Or something.

I dunno…maybe bake Braille cookies for the blind.  Or knit sweaters for homeless chihuahuas….ANYTHING but groom my lawn.

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Hang out at the office where I used to work.
If I’m going to pal around any former co-workers, it won’t be with the whole damned group, it will be with a few selected best friends.    And it will be at home, at the pub, or at Tim Horton’s…whatever.

One thing I can tell you…it will certainly NOT be in the dingy basement cafeteria where we all used to work.

(Do the words “GET A LIFE” mean anything to anyone?)

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Buy a FLY and drive in a caravan with all the other FLY’s
(FLY = F**king Land Yacht = those monster RV’s that are so damned big, they have their own Zip Code.)

Oh, don’t get me started!  I can’t even begin to list all the reasons I hate these gas-guzzling behemoths.  (It will probably have to be a separate blog post in itself).

But let’s say experienced severe head trauma, and I somehow changed my mind and eventually DID own a big Land Yacht.

Then least I’d get off the beaten path, and I’d explore the scenic back-roads my own.

The LAST thing I’d want to do is play follow-the-leader at 35 mph on the Interstate….with a herd of other FLY-driving Greyheads doing exactly the same thing.

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Fear new technology
I had a relative who had all her marbles right to the very end, and she was a very smart woman.   She survived Nazi occupation, and immigrated to Canada and successfully raised a family.

But she just had this one mental block in her old age:  she could not operate a tape deck.

She’d play her audio book till the tape ended. Then would literally wait hours for someone to come home, so they could take the tape out and flip it over to the B-side.

I don’t understand.   I mean……a three-year- old can do this!

I think it was more of a case of “would not”, rather than “could not”.    I hope I never get like that.

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Participate in lame-ass activities  just because that’s what all other retirees seniors do.
I can see myself enjoying fishing, curling, or golf or camping.   These are activities that everyone enjoys, both young and old.

But it’s the other pastimes  I don’t understand:  bingo, square-dancing, tai-chi for seniors, etc…

Nobody EVER did these when they were in their 20′s.   So what’s the story here?

When you turn 70, does the “Old-Fart” switch go off in your head and suddenly you decide you WANT to lawn-bowl?

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Continue Investing in High-Risk Equities
You constantly hear stories about seniors losing their retirement fund, because they had invested in stocks and the market crashed.

Well, I’m sorry…but DUHHHH!!    WHAT were you thinking? (Especially in today’s market!)

When you come down to it, it’s basically all about greed….these people had a nest egg, and they wanted it bigger.

On a scale of 10, as a financial expert, I rate maybe a 1.2.   But even a doofus like me knows that when you approach your golden years, you’re supposed to transfer your investments into low-risk funds and bonds, and not gamble your life savings.

(Sorry, I don’t plan on buying cat food, when I don’t own a cat.)

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Work shitty jobs
OMG…if I’m 70 years old, and I’m a Wall-Mart Greeter, or I’m flipping hamburgers at McD’s with the other 16-year-olds, then I’ve FAILED at life.

If I work these $7.00/hr jobs because I HAVE to, then I’m totally screwed up my retirement planning (see above) and I’m one step away from eating Whiskas to stay alive.

If I work these jobs because I WANT to…then maybe its’ time to change my Depends, and put me in a home.  Because I’m no longer competent and responsible for my own actions.

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Gloat to the Younger Generation
I promise, I will NOT tell young people how great it is that I no longer have take part in the Rat Race.  I will NOT tell them how the company’s changed, and how I’m so glad I don’t’ have to work at that place any more.

Those poor bastards will feel bad enough as it is,  knowing they have to put in another 25 years at the Factory.  Why make them feel worse?

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Make Recreational Activities Sounds like Work.
I will refuse to tell everyone how “hectic ” my life is, because I’m busy playing golf and visiting friends.

(Sorry, this is what working people do for FUN, after they’ve put in their 8 hour work-day).

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Talk about Death
Typical Senior conversation:

“Did you hear about Bill Garnaggle? He got cancer of his big toe-nail…it went into his kidneys, and he died on the golf-course when his spleen exploded.”

“Oh, really?  What a shame.  Did you hear about Betty Garfarkle down the road…it’s sad, really..they found her lying in a pool of her own excrement….”

As for me, when I get old, this will be my approach:

“LA-LA-LA (covering my ears), I can’t hear you, Death, LA-LA-LA.”

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Make excuses for procrastination

Doncha love it when retirees miss an important deadline for something,  and their excuse is they were “too busy?”

Sorry…you DON’T WORK anymore.   You are NOT too busy.   You didn’t  do it, because you didn’t WANT TO.

At least admit it, and be honest about it!

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Start liking bag-pipe music
I have zero Scottish ancestry, and I don’t like bag-pipes now.   I can’t ever see myself changing my mind about the subject, even 40 years from now.

(Unless it’s because that  “Old-Fart” switch suddenly gets activated…)

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Holding up the line, cashing in 34 winning lottery tickets at $2.00 each.

Playing the lottery once in a while is fun.   But I won’t be blowing half my old-age pension check every week on the chance of winning the Big One.

(What…?  So I can win money and retire AGAIN?)

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Go to Early-Bird specials

Sorry, 4:30 PM is a late lunch.  NOT an early supper.

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Obsess over the daily newspaper
I feel sorry for the Type-A’s who never did anything with their lives but work.   Now they they don’t know what to do with themselves.

For a lot of them, reading the paper becomes  the highlight of their day.  They get upset when it doesn’t arrive on time.   They get upset when other people touch it before they do.   And they’ll spend 3 hours reading it (followed by the evening news on TV, in case they’ve missed anything since reading the paper).

That’s just SAD.    GET a hobby.

(No, wait…that’s the problem.  They never learned HOW).

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Continue to do the present job I’m doing right now, as a retiree on contract.

If I’m in my 70′s…and I’m still doing the same work…then why don’t you just put a bullet in my head right now, because I deserve to be put down!

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65 Comments on “Things I WON’T do, when I retire.”

  1. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar

    Mr. Hoser lives two houses away from mine. You obviously haven’t seen him I action in the fall. He comes out numerous times a day with his electric leaf blower, which he switches to vacuum, and then sucks up any errant leaf that lands on his property. But the ridiculousness of his work is that he vacuums up to a perfect imaginary line between his lawn and his neighbour’s.

    He must hate me, because I let my leaves pile up so my grandkids and I can make humungous jumping piles. If the wind is right, my leaves migrate to his lawn.

  2. Mike Says:

    My driveway IS dirt and gravel — I don’t wash it down.

    We are thinking of puttin’ sod down and then maybe our yard will have grass and be a lawn. But, then, maybe we’ll go for gravel instead.

    I drop in at the where I used to work every few months or so — and we didn’t have a cafeteria. I stop in the offices to say hi, including the office my old boss — who I really disliked and don’t like much better now — and manager.

    Our RV is small, my hair is gray, and I drive under the speed limit because Honda says I shouldn’t tow my CRV any faster than 65 mph. The RV uses diesel, not gas, and I get WAY better fuel economy than 95% of other RVers.

    Technology, for the most part, is my friend. I just don’t have to have the latest and greatest when what I have works just fine.

    Fishing, curling?, and golf aren’t for me, but, then bingo, square-dancing, and tai-chi aren’t either. I still have quite a few years before I’m 70, so who knows what I’ll like then, but we quit bowling on the hardwood before I retired.

    Low risk investments are the way to go when you’re depending on your savings to help protect against inflation and maintain your current standard of living. However, I did invest quite a bit in natural gas at the end of 2007. (see below)

    The only way that I’ll work any of those sh..ty jobs is if the economy and my savings really tanks a whole lot worse than it already has. When it comes to putting food on the table, I’m not too proud.

    Newspaper, what’s that? I get my news online.

    I went back a year after I retired and did my old job for 6 months. I’ll have another chance to do it again after another 12 month break. But then, I’ve still got several years before I hit 60, so why not.

    Oh, that risky natural gas investment? So far the I’ve recouped 43% of my investment in less than 18 months.


  3. Friar, I like your Mum.

    Hello Friars Mum. That is a great story. Does he really not get that leaves can move?

    Oh yeah, Friar, good post and all that. How about some Line Dancing?

  4. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Bitch, bitch, bitch.

    When we both retire I’m going to move in next door to you and do ALL of these things.

    You’ll of course do everything in your power to drive me nuts. It will amuse the neighbours to no end.

    They will make a hollywood movie based on our lives, we’ll be rich, you’ll move to BC to ski and paint food. I’ll buy a forest, and sit in the middle of it enjoying it until I die and the animals eat my corpse.

    Eyeteaguy

  5. Brett Legree Says:

    You should do another one called “Things I WON’T do, while I’m still working”.

    You know, how like Mr. Freezy always talks about how he scrimps and saves and unplugs his TV when he’s not using it to save money on electricity, and how he buys everything in bulk and freezes it, so he’ll have more for when he retires.

    Geezus man, you could DIE today. Enjoy life just a wee little bit.

    (He doesn’t even have any kids, for dog’s sakes, what does he spend his money on anyway???)

    But for me, personally, I have a simple way I won’t have to worry about doing any of this stuff.

    I just won’t retire.

    Note that this doesn’t mean I’ll be keeping a job from someone else. I’ll just transition at some point (the sooner the better) from working for “the man” to working for “me” and then I’ll just keep working for “me”.

  6. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Mike Goad

    I’m curious why you go back to work to socialize with your colleagues? Is it because you have to talk shop? How do they let you through Security without an employees pass? If they were true friends, you’d meet with them at Timmy’s for coffee, go see a guy’s movie, or have them over for dinner.

    @ Three Dog Blogger

    Mr. Hoser seems to be out all the time—I see him when I go cycling, when I return, when I go shopping, when I return, when I play with grandkids. etc. What makes me shake my head and roll my eyes, is the fact that he uses the leaf blower vacuum. OK Mr. Hoser, you may be eccentric, but why don’t you use a rake, so you can get a wee bit of real exercise?

  7. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    Mr. Hoser has the personality of a damp mushroom. I pity his wife. But she’s probably the same. (At least he goes OUTSIDE once in a while).

    @Mike
    Well, for the life of me…going to my old office where my old boss is…that’s the LAST thing I’d want to do.

    Dosent’ sound like your RV is a Land Yacht. If it dosen’t have it’s own laundry room and bowling alley, it probably sounds like a reasonable-sized camper.

    @Three Dog Blogger
    The only thing I can imagine liking more than Line Dancing is Yoga (with estrogen-tea and whale pan-flute music in the background).

    @Eyeteaguy
    I can see the two of us making a sequel to “Grumpy Old Men”.

    (Shaking my fist). Hey, you kids. Get offa my damned lawn!

    @Brett
    Is it possible the Freezer had “too much fun” in the 70′s, and he’s burnt out a few fuses?

    If I work when I’m 70, I hope it’s something that’s so much fun, that I WANT to do it, and it dosent’ feel like work.

    But even then, I’d still take a lot of breaks and have my “down time”. Fishing and skiing…even that, I woudlnt’ want to do 7 days a week, month after month.

  8. XUP Says:

    Everbody who retires from my workplace either comes back as a contractor or shows up at every friggin’ social occasion we have or both. Much as I enjoy the company of one or two of the people I work with, when I leave here I never want to see them again under any circumstances. I’m totally up for the early bird specials though. I eat supper at 4:30 now.

  9. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Yeah, you never know with The Freezer. Too much of the brown acid maybe.

    That’s the plan. Whatever it is, it has to be fun.

    Example: I met a retired gent one time in Arizona, at the Titan II ICBM Museum at Green Valley. So basically he just toured people through the old missile silo and chatted with them. He was actually from Burlington, so when I told him I lived in Hamilton we had a lot in common.

    See, that’s a nice job you could do into your 70′s. Not writing compliance documents…

  10. mehculpa Says:

    Good post, Friar! :)

    @ Friar’s Mom

    I used to deliberately annoy my neighbors by not mowing my lawn for two weeks. They were really OCD, so it was fun! :D

    @ Mike

    Duuuude! You’re still young yet. Stay away from the old job. No one should have to see people they don’t want to see unless they absolutely have to. :O Take up a new hobby! Please.

    @ Brett

    No retiring for me, either. I’m gonna work till I die. (And plan fascinating ways to keel over, while I’m at it. You know, just for fun.)

    Of course, I didn’t get anything when I divorced, so I kinda have to. Oh well. I think work helps you live longer. Those old farts who retire full-time die pretty quickly. At least they used to.

  11. mehculpa Says:

    Cr*p. Sometimes I wish there were an edit button so I could remember to sign my posts.

    –Mer

  12. Brett Legree Says:

    Mer,

    You hit on an interesting point actually. I read some excerpts from a book that came out a little over a year ago – the authors had studied retirement, and found that people who retired in a “traditional sense” might not have been as happy as people who did other things.

    The idea was that sometimes people retire and then sever all ties with their work friends, and they don’t have any non-work friends. They in a sense withdraw from their “community” – which really was their workplace.

    So they were suggesting if a person planned to (say) move to Florida upon retirement, the best thing to do would be to start going there 10-15 years before retiring – lay down some roots there, meet some people every year – that way you’d have someone.

    Either that, or get involved with your community and transition from work to “fun work” e.g. volunteering.

    Or start your own business that you enjoy and never retire.

    Etc.

    They did find that a large number of people who didn’t prepare in this way basically up and died shortly after retirement.

  13. Brett Legree Says:

    There’s one other reason I don’t plan to retire.

    Err, four other reasons, that is… :)

    (My Viklings)

  14. Mike Says:

    Friar’s Mom – The people I stop to see are colleague’s that I’ve known for a long time, some of them more than half of my life. While they are not close friends, it’s good to catch up on things once in a while. I also stop in to keep my toe in the door, so to speak. One more 6-month contracting stint will go a long way to help us with a new, high efficiency heating and cooling system for the house. They plan to bring me back, but there’s no guarantee. So far as security, there is none in the building I worked in and when I was there last as a contractor, they didn’t even badge me so I wasn’t able to go down to the nuclear plant.

    Friar – My old boss was an ASS when I worked for him in-house, but working for him as a contractor was completely different — I could walk any time I wanted to with no consequences other than burning bridges for any future contracts. He’s not a bad guy, just a bad supervisor.

    mehculpa – if I didn’t want to see the people, I wouldn’t go back. I worked in a training department for almost 25 years and we had a VERY low turnover. There were three of us that went into our group at the same time. I retired two years ago, another guy retired last year and the third guy will probably retire next year. When I do stop in, I sometimes get to see some of the people that I taught over the years, too.

  15. Friar Says:

    @XUP
    I have lots of work “friends”, but only one or two that I’ll hang out with on a regular basis (like Brett).

    Even if we have “fun” related work activities. (Like the occasional golf tournament). You still have to be “on”, it’s not the same as relaxing and having a beer with your buddies.

    I promise you, when I retire…I’ll be gone gone GONE from the workplace!

    @Brett
    What? You DON’T want to write compliance documents or fill our quality assurance forms in your old age? :-o

    @Mer
    AMEN!!! Well said!

    @Brett
    Yeah, with your four kids…what are you looking at…Freedom 85?

    I’m pretty much the same…I don’t have kids, but the whole extra grad-skule-Phd-thing was quite a set-back.

    @Mike
    Well, I’m glad it’s working out for you…but the thought of me working for an old boss (who was an ASS, no less). Ugh. It makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a dull pencil!

    But that’s just me! ;-)

  16. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Well, the positive side of working where we do is that there’s plenty of rods to be chafed to keep us occupied until Freedom 155 if we could live that long…

  17. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    I keep thinking of that scene in “Cool Hand Luke”.

    Dig a hole. Fill it up again. Dig a hole…etc.

  18. veredd Says:

    My parents fear new technology. They are otherwise smart and capable. I don’t get it either.

  19. XUP Says:

    Brett – I was in Sydney, Cape Breton once and decided to tour a mine and the tour guide was a retired miner. So he’d spent his entire life since the age of 14 or 15 in the shaft and when he finally retired decided it would be fun to go back and drag tourists through his own personal hell. And this mine shaft was not prettied up in any way for tourists. It was freakin’ horrible. Did I mention he stopped to hack up a lung every 20 minutes?

  20. Friar Says:

    @Vered
    Well, I don’t own an I-pod or have a cell phone with a camera. Or any cell phone period.

    Not that I’m afraid. I just don’t WANT to. (I have enough toys and distractions to keep my busy).

    (Hmmm…maybe that’s the first step towards technophobia!)

    @XUP
    Oh…that’s just so…SAD!!!!

    Like I said..if I ever get that way, just put me down. With extreme prejudice.

  21. Brett Legree Says:

    @XUP,

    I could see that being “not cool”. The nuclear missile silo appealed to me, as a boy who never grew up, and a boy who lived and lives near a nuclear site :)

    The tour guide, fortunately, was not a former employee of the museum.

    If you ever find yourself in Green Valley, Arizona, you have to go check it out. They do a simulated launch and it is guaranteed to make your hair stand up…

  22. Beth Partin Says:

    Friar, I so want to see an RV post.

    But I have to defend the people with high-risk equities. They probably never paid attention to what was in their portfolio. It might be greed on their broker’s part, not theirs.

    I’m the opposite of the person with the perfect lawn. I’m the crazy environmentalist who wants to have a native plant meadow in her backyard and ends up with some anemic grass and a bunch of weeds. I’m sure it drives my perfect-lawn neighbor crazy.

  23. Friar Says:

    @Beth
    Well…I guess people get suckered into listening to unethical brokers. That’s sad..but I do think there’s a bit of greed involved. It’s all about getting money for nothing.

    …I think if people are willing to invest in high-risk ventures, then they at least take a minimum effort to pay attention to what’s going on in their portfolio. If they can’t even do that…well, who’s fault is it if they go broke?

    Not that I don’t invest myself. But I know it’s a marathon race, not a sprint. There’s no such thing as easy money overnight.

    PS. I think the RV post will be coming within the next week or so.

  24. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar

    Mrs. Loser and I are not on fine terms. She had a free range little yappy dog who ran around the neighbourhood and used my lawn at poopy time. I was extremely frustrated and use extreme measures. I scooped up his fresh deposit in a cottage cheese contianer, rang her doorbell, handed her my gift, and said “Your dog left this on my lawn. I’d appreciate it if he pooped in his own yard”. She said she always kept him her yard. I suggested she check out if there were openings through which he could escape.

    Yay! He stopped poopling on my lawn.

  25. Patricia Says:

    Friar,
    Another trip into the inner workings of the mind. I enjoyed the journey.
    One of the wonderful things about my mum was that she got her own computer and loved keeping track of her Grand Kids with emails. She did not wish to be left behind and at 90 when we got her a cellphone that was even better. The nice thing is most of the Grand kids adored her and loved to call and send emails to her.
    She could probably do better IT work than me if she were still alive.

    I think your retirement sounds great and good fun. I have nothing to retire from and my partner will have to work at least until he is 72 or 76 to take care of medical bills and cover us after this recession unless I write a “killer” book and our investments come back to life.

    I thank you for the post on his website on Tuesday, although my IT person did not get your great drawings included…and we still got no comments…I embarrassed him today – I took a picture of his Dog bite on his thigh from last Saturdays bike ride and posted it…now I am working on posts about solar windows and windows in general.

    Look forward to an RV post – I am not a fan myself.

    Do You think I could entice your mum to do one of my writing contests about marriage? I am sure she would win hands down.

  26. Friar Says:

    @Patricia
    When my Dad retired, he didn’t know jack squat about computers but made it his hobby. He’d go on the internet and research all the latest applications and software. After a while, he knew more than most people I knew…I’d often go to him for help!

    There’s one one advantage of retiring in Canada. We HAVE no medical bills. It’s free. We don’t always get the best health care, but we dont’ have to pay for it either. SO that’s one reason it’s easy to say I DON’T want to work at Wallmart.

    As for you husband’s blog. How old is it? It takes time. When I started, I was excited to get ANY comments at all. And even now (a year later, with all the networking and talking to other bloggers), it’s still typically 20-30 comments.

    You’ll have to ask Friar’s Mom is she wants to enter a writing contest. I know that once the warm weather starts, she’ll be on her bicycle all the time and she’ll be too ‘busy’ to write or do half the other stuff she’s supposed to.

  27. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    Bringing back the poop. That’s…AWESOME!!!

    And that’s yet one MORE use you’ve found, for all those old cottage cheese containers you save under the sink! :-)

  28. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar’s Mom,

    I understand your frustration and you had a right to be upset, yet I’m not sure I’d handle it that way – bad blood in the neighbourhood is sometimes not good.

    Here’s why.

    In 1998-99 we lived in a townhouse in Hamilton. We had a big black lab named Daisy. I was diligent in cleaning up the poop.

    One time in January of 1999, my wife and I went away for a short vacation. My mom looked after the house and the dog. My mom has very limited mobility as my parents had a car accident in the 80′s.

    Anyway, she couldn’t pick up the poops in the back yard (it was sort of a common area) – too much snow.

    My mistake was not telling the property super that this would happen.

    Unfortunately, they thought they were funny, and picked up a week’s worth of lab poop and hung it on the doorknob of my house with a note telling me never to let that happen again.

    I confronted them about it, and they were quite rude about it. They said they didn’t care about my mother’s fscking disability and not to leave fscking dog poop on the ground.

    We knew we were going to be leaving in January 2000 to move to Splat Creek. Once it turned cold enough for everything to freeze, I started collecting lab poop. I collected about 2-1/2 months of lab poop.

    One of the very last things I did before we left Hamilton was to go to the property super’s house late at night, and bury 2-1/2 months of lab poop under the snow, on their front lawn.

    I trust they enjoyed the spring thaw in 2000.

  29. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    I know of these Loser People Friar’s Mom is talking about. In this case, she’s perfectly justified in bringing back the Dog Poop.

    Note to self,though: NEVER piss off Brett.

  30. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Oh, I know she was and that’s why I had said she had a right to be upset – and I hope no one thinks I meant any offense.

    I just thought I’d add my 2 cents to say that I know there are people out there who think like me and might return the present :)

    Just make sure your neighbour won’t get back at you is really what I meant to illustrate.

    Obviously I’d never have done what I did if the super had been reasonably polite. But saying they didn’t give a fsck about my mom…

    ARGHHH!!!

    Don’t mess with a Viking boy’s mom!

  31. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Patricia

    Enter a contest on marriage? You gotta be kidding? My children called us “The Bickertons”. We never argued, we just had differences of opinion. No one is perfect. During our 44 years of marriage there were many ups and downs on a long bumpy road. We pursued many diverse interests, with completely different friends. The happiest most relaxed time of our lives was when we retired.

    Do I win??

    @ Brett

    The book about retirement, to which you refer, makes sense. Some people are workaholics. Their lives are defined by their careers. They are honest, diligent, capable, hard-working people. They work long hours, and in the evenings and weekends they are too exhausted to do much but unwind and rest. Some even request cash in lieu of taking a vacation. As a result of their devotion to their careers, they have little time to socialize, to make new friends, or to pursue personal interests. Despite their productivity, they become boring because all they can only talk shop. These are the people who become depressed when they retire. It’s so sad.

    @ Mike,

    First of all, I commend you for your sincere open honesty. It shows in your comments.

    May I guess about your early pre-60 retirement? Was there an option to an attractive early-retirement package? Were you ready for retirement?

    I spent my lifetime pursuing hobbies, interests, sports, social activities, making true friends. There was no awkward transition into retirement. I had more time to pursue my passions, to spend with friends, and to make new friends.

    OK, so you want to catch up on things when you visit at work. What are you trying to catch up on? Work? Why? Mike you’re retired. You probably have a good pension. You don’t have to work. Money isn’t everything. I’m presently spending my children’s inheritance.

    Instead of visiting your colleagues on company time and disrupting their work day, why don’t you ask to meet a few guys for lunch? Maybe treat someone to lunch. Join a few of them for a beer and nachos at a bar after work. Go out to a movie. Play poker. Invite them to your home for dinner. Get to know them as friends not “colleagues”.

    If I seem critical, it’s because I sense you have not embraced your retirement. There’s so much out there to do and enjoy if you are open to it and want it to happen.

    LIVE THE PRESENT.

    But who am I to offer advice. I have no qualifications. I’m must a commenter on Friar’s Blog.

  32. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    Well…don’t spend TOO MUCH of my inheritance, eh?

  33. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar,

    Dont worry. You know me I’m quite sensible with my spending.

  34. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar’s Mom,

    Exactly – workaholics, giving the best part of themselves to the company that would feed them to the wolves to save a dime.

    The book also talked about friendship at work and after retirement. Basically, if you are not already socializing with your friends at work before you retire, you won’t see them after you retire in all likelihood. They will forget about you.

    I had that experience a few years ago when I left this company for a year. Friends I had made at work that I didn’t see away from work replied to an email from me at most twice, and that was it. They were too immersed in work, I guess, and we no longer had anything in common.

    So, upon returning to this same company, I did not bother renewing the friendships with those work friends. No point.

    For me the true friends are the ones I have in my spare time.

    Though the Friar and I did work together for a little while here, we also had been friends outside of work, and we still are of course. In fact, I had already known him for well over 10 years before that, from university (he was the teaching assistant in one of my classes).

    But back to giving the best part of yourself to the company. I’m sure it is for some folks, but not for me.

    I’m not sure exactly when, but some time last year, I decided to change up my schedule. I get up very early and do things that are important to *me*, first thing in the morning when I am fresh. Then I can go to work, and then, coming home at night, I am easily able to be with my family or friends because I know I’ve done all of the “me stuff” already – so it is easy to just unwind and enjoy social time.

  35. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I just realized I haven’t commented today.

    Worse than that, I haven’t made a smart-ass comment all day.

    So this one is at Brett (I’m give Friar a break today, but just for today)

    Ready? Here goes.

    @Brett, My hero! You are so fscking awesome I wish I was just like you.

    Now go update your damned blog and give us some easy to follow instructions on how to be just like you.

    Eyeteaguy

    I’m not sure about you, but I feel much better now.

  36. Brett Legree Says:

    @Eyeteaguy,

    Small update coming shortly (tomorrow). I think you might get a kick out of it.

    As far as whether it will show you how to be just like me, well, that’s another story… :)

    That brings up another point too. Out of just about everyone I met at university, you are the only friend I still keep (other than Friar). Probably because we were not in the same course together, so we became friends because we wanted to become friends, not out of convenience.

  37. Eyeteaguy Says:

    What chu talkin’ ’bout Willis!

    I befriended you because you scared the crap outta me.

    Do you know how many guns this dude has? Have you heard the music he listenes to? It was all self preservation.

    The only reason I still keep on your good side is so you don’t hang poop on my door handle, bury it my yard or spray my house with it.

    Keep your friends close and the psycho maniacs closer.

    Eyeteag…

  38. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Brett,

    Speaking about friendship, I attended a small all women’s college, and our close knit Science group have been good friends for close to 52 years. The chemistry between us is magical. We are all laid back and no one puts on airs. We know each other all too well. For the past 10 years a dozen of us get together at a classmate’s large home in a country setting, for a two-day weekend. We come from Quebec, Ontario, Vancouver, Jamaica. We have laughed and shared issues in our lives as they arise. It began with our careers, weddings, raising children, rebellious teenagers, their education and careers, shacking up, mother of the bride, our grandchildren, raising triplets, travel, sexual orientation of a classmate, sexual orientation of children, children’s divorce, boomerang kids, spousal abuse, the other woman, divorce, the patch, cancer, mastectomy, senior sex, senior parents, parents dying, cancer, downsizing, widowhood.

    We have always been there to support each other. When I was seriously ill, six of my friends drove 200k, to visit me. Not everyone is fortunate to have such true loyal friends.

  39. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Dunno why you’re so scared of Brett. When he hangs around me, he’s the nicest, most mellow guy in the world.

    Makes me wonder…who is the “REAL” Brett?

    @Friar’s Mom
    Yes..you DO have good friends. (Not that I don’t have some already, like Brett). But I just wish I had some more.

    People my age (40-something) are so wrapped up in their own lives, they got their head stuck so far up their arses in their yuppie lifestyle, they totally forget what’s important.

    Not too long ago, I was staying with some good friends. They were okay. But some OTHER good friends dropped by to pick up a few things, they were passing through.

    I hadn’t seen them in over a year. I was pretty close with these people. But apparently these other friends were “too busy” to even take off their coats and chat with me for 15 minutes. They had other social commitments.

    Hmph. I wonder. If I ever got deathly ill, do you think THEY’d have driven 200 km to see me?

  40. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    Brett drove 600 km once to help me bury a body. That’s a real friend.

    @Friar
    If you want to find the real Brett play paintball with him and shoot him in the head when he is already out. Yup, that’s the essense of the man.

    And I’ll be your friend if you want. Its ok. I’ll drive 200km to make fun of you, I mean comfort you on your deathbed. And I’ll bet you’ll be on your deathbed because you shot Brett in the head while playing paintball.

  41. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    I get glimpses of the psycho Brett when he sends me You-tube videos of his favorite Viking Skull-**** rock.

    I keep daring him to post those videos on his blog. He’dl frighten away all his subscribers, faster than you can say ARGGGH NYARGHH BLARGGHHH.

  42. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar’s Mom,

    That is simply awesome. May we all be so fortunate to have friends like that.

    @Friar,

    I’ll join Eyeteaguy in the 200 km drive to make fun of you on your deathbed heh heh…

    @Eyeteaguy,

    Yeah, that fracking hurt! Though not as bad as the time you shot me in the throat…

    Funny, it reminds me of a discussion we had a while ago, Friar. The measure of a true friend – ask yourself, “How many people do I know who would help me dispose of a dead body?”

    Those people are your true friends :)

  43. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Don’t tell me you have a body right now…(???)

  44. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Yeah, but you deserved to be shot in the throat. You shot me in the ass! From 2 feet away! You bugger.

    And Friar’s deathbed is gonna be one crowded place, and hilarious too. So who’s gonna poison him. I am free the first week of May to drive up.

  45. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    “A” body? My hatchback can probably hold *four or five* under the cover :)

    @Eyeteaguy,

    Touche… let’s use the ant poison, colourless and odorless…

  46. Patricia Says:

    this conversation is deteriorating…but very funny! When did you all find time to write on Matthew’s blog?

    are you able to keep this dialogue going at work?

  47. Brett Legree Says:

    @Patricia,

    I’m not sure about Friar & Eyeteaguy, but I’m safe and cozy at home while discussing murder techniques :)

  48. Friar Says:

    @Patricia

    Mathew’s blog…??? Am I missing something? (Going to check it out..)

    @Eyeteaguy

    I think when I’m on my deathbed, I should charge you bozos admission.

  49. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Well, I figure as a fellow Viking (aka Olaf) you’ll probably opt for a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ship_burial and so charging admission might be in order :)

  50. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Bozo? How did you know I had a big red nose and frizzy orange hair?

  51. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Eyeteaguy,

    Are you talking about aiding and abetting a felon, or attending a funeral? If it’s the latter, Brett is a true friend.


  52. Based on the advice of my lawyers I refuse to answer the question on a basis it may inciminate me or my frinds. I am taking the fifth.

  53. Mike Says:

    Friars Mom – There was a down-sizing right-sizing on the horizon, but I knew no one Operations or Operations Training would be eligible, so I didn’t stick around. Two guys in my group did stick around for another year just in case and they didn’t get offered a package.

    Yes, I was very ready for retirement.

    Yes, I have a decent pension.

    Some of what I catch up on IS work related and the reason that I’m interested is that I will probably be teaching topics related to some of what’s been going on at the plant when if I go back at the end of summer for another 6 month contract.

    I was an in-house instructor for almost 24 years. I LIKED the teaching part of the job. I HATED the BS heaped on top of the core business of teaching. If I could have just taught and didn’t have to deal with the BS that never added anything to the teaching, I might not have retired.

    One of the things I did like about the job is that it was not a nose-to-the-grindstone kind of job. It was a salaried job so you were expected to get the things you were responsible done, but, if someone dropped in on occasion, it was more of a welcome break than a disruption. It was never discouraged when I worked there, so I don’t feel any reluctance to drop in on occasion now. I don’t do it very often or on a regular basis.

    The last time I was there I was walking down the hall when several of the instructors were coming out of the Ops Continuing Training Classroom. One of the them saw me and remarked to the others, “Well, there’s Mike, now,” as though they had been talking about me. It turned out that I had been named as the source of some information that they had never heard before in the class they were on break from. I stopped in the classroom for a moment to see who was there since they were on break. It turned out that the class was one of my old topics, part of the training program and legacy that I had a significant part in building.

  54. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Eyeteaguy,

    Glad you’re taking the fifth, and not a fifth.

    @ Mike

    I realize you are quite content with your retirement. I wish you much happiness.

    My goals and desires are so different from yours. As Cicero would say “Suum Cuique”.

  55. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    If bozo’s inappropriate, how about Crusty?

    @Mike
    Hey…good debate you got going here!

    @Friar’s Mom

    Suum Cuique… ???? HUH!!!???

    And who the Eff is Cicero?

  56. Captain Push Says:

    Some of this hit home for me.

    I’m looking at retirement and the economy. I’m NOT going to retire if I have to be “greeter at Wal-Mart. I have a good job. I think I’ll keep it.

    My employer DOES employ a lot of retirees which keeps them from having to promote the younger, better equipped people. I won’t do that either.

    And GOD FORBID I should hang out at the office boring the staff with my war stories. That should be ILLEGAL.

  57. Friar Says:

    @Captain Push

    I don’t think you could EVER be boring!

    I’d love to retire..but given the extra years of grad skule and starting my career late because of it…I’m looking at “Freedom 85″.

    Hey, only 40 more years to go. (Woo-HOO!)

  58. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Captain Push

    If the economy continues to slide, and I spend too much of my children’s inheritance, I too may have to return to work. Federal government won’t rehire me. I don’t particularly care for WalMart, but I might try Tim Horton’s. Yay, I’ll wear a hairnet. It would be a first for me.

    @ Wee Friar

    How about I move in with you, to save money? I promise I’d go to my room when Brett comes over.

  59. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    A single guy in his 40′s..living with his Mom.

    Oboy..wouldn’t’ that make me a CHICK MAGNET!?

  60. Brett Legree Says:

    Keep your mind sharp, stay relevant in some way, or become a resource for things that are interesting and not common knowledge anymore – a historian, perhaps.

    There will always be students, and they will always need tutoring from “Perfesser Friar” etc.

    Seriously, funny as this sounds, I’ve seen a few successful businesses where you had sharp-minded retired people making serious money teaching the young all kinds of things.

    A couple of years ago when my wife was director of the local nursery school, she was taking some very innovative training that could have eventually allowed her to open her own school.

    I had this (in my opinion) not so hare brained scheme that if she opened up the nursery school, I would offer intermediate to advanced level computer tutoring for older students, adults, and seniors out of the same facility in the evenings.

    Part of me wishes she’d stayed on that course rather than changing jobs and working where she is now – but who’s to say she won’t go back to it, and then again, who’s to say I can’t just move forward with this business idea on my own?

    You might see where I’m going with this – computers are my passion, and anyone who knows me, knows I could bore them to tears talking about them.

    So why not teach?

    There’s your business idea for retirement – modify to suit according to your interests.

    e.g. Perfessor Friar’s School of Art and Chemical Engineering, where you learn how to paint pictures of food and learn about thermodynamics at the same time :)

  61. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    You seem to be reading my mind, I’m right in the middle of writing a Perfesser Friar post, as we speak.

  62. Mike Says:

    I was planning to do this in June, but, for some reason, my truck decided to take me to my old place of employment today.

    Today, I went out to talk to my old boss to find out IF he was still planning to try to hire me to teach starting in September. He said he was, except that he would be needing me at the beginning of August and commenced to pull up the schedule to make sure.

    At that point, the license class coordinator — my old job — showed up and the boss asked him about the schedule. Turns out that the point in the class where they will be needing me had to change to accommodate the larger than normal size of this class.

    If they can get the authorization to hire me, they need me to start teaching the 8th of June, so I will probably need to be there on the 1st of June so I can get all of my training and required reading done.

    We’ll have to make sure we are back from our trip out East by the end of May and our planned trip out West will have to wait a while.

    It’s a good thing I didn’t wait until June to check on this.

  63. Friar Says:

    @Mike

    Oh MAN? You’re gonna have to work during the summer?

    (Though I guess in Arkansas, you have a lot more months of warm weather). Over here, it’s basically June/July/August, and that’s pretty much it.

  64. Mike Says:

    Actually, the way the class schedule works is that I’ll be teaching June and part of July and be off until the beginning of October. Then Ill have another 4 1/2 months of teaching.

    So we’ll just be shifting our travel plans and will have from the middle of July to the middle of September or so. I actually started looking at the requirements for passports and we may end up going further north and cross the border into Alberta. We really like the Canadian Rockies, but weren’t planning on going there this year, but now we might.


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