Stupid Candy Purchases
..Went to the “Big City” today to see a movie, and I dropped into the bulk candy store on the way.
(Laugh if you will, but we dont’ have such a store in Splat Creek. Where I live, it’s a big deal to go to these places).
Especially if you can get stupid candy like this:
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Citrus-like Fruit Slices
Individually wrapped, no less.
I love how they try to make these (sorta) look like slices of an actual orange. (Gee, Ma, I ate my fruit already, can I have my candy now?)
I’ve put these in order, from left to right, in decreasing order of realism.
If you squint real hard and use your imagination, at least the first two can almost pass for an orange and a lime. But what about the others?
(I mean, WTF is with the red-white-blue one supposed to be?… Patriotic Citrus for Team USA?)
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Reindeer Candy Corn
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As if regular candy “corn” wasn’t already artificial enough, they came up with THIS abomination.
Okay…to be fair, I can honestly say it tastes (no better/no worse) than the fluorescent-orange/yellow kind.
Though I suspect no actual reindeers would go within 50 feet of these radioactive pellets.
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Candy Blocks
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Ah, nothing like sugar, dye and ascorbic acid press-fitted into rock-hard impregnable cubes.
But actually, these work surprisingly well: they interlock and you can build with them, just like real plastic thing.
And they’re just about as edible, too (especially if you’re interested in cracking your enamel.)
I like them, though.
It brings me back to my early childhood/toddler days.
When I used to suck on my Legos…
Tags: candy, humor, Lego, reindeer candy corn, Small Town Ontario
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November 14, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Here’s an idea, how about making those Lego blocks out of dog kibble?
I say that because my dumb-assed dog won’t stop eating *real* Lego blocks…
(Have a look at the crap in my ditch, half of it has chunks of shredded plastic in it, the poor doggie must have a sore butt.)
November 14, 2009 at 8:46 pm
@Brett
Poor dumb-ass has a sore-ass, eh?
Knowing how things work, making kibble-flavored lego will probably make Walt STOP wanting to eating it.
But your kids might START…
November 14, 2009 at 10:35 pm
@Wee Friar,
My my, how things have changed! Back in my younger days, over 6 decades ago, we had red wax lips, white wax teeth, tiny wax coke bottles filled with sweet liquid, licorice pipes, candy cigarettes, and tiny cones filled with sugary stuff. This was penny candy, in trays behind a display window in your corner-store. Some candies were two for a penny. There was Bazooka gum and pink Thrills. Cracker Jacks had real toys inside the box. Ice cream cones cost a nickel.
We could rot our teeth on sweet sticky candy but none of it was as hard as the Lego you describe.
November 14, 2009 at 11:59 pm
@Friar’s Mom
I must be getting pretty old, because I remember at least some of those things you mention.
Especially, with Crackerjack giving out actual toys.
The one thing they have today that you didn’t…was Gummi.
Half the candy there is now Gummi.
November 15, 2009 at 12:25 am
Our small town ice cream parlor has penny candy (costs closer to a dollar now though), including candy cigarettes. This is a big deal here, as candy cigarettes have apparently been outlawed. We don’t have legos; maybe those were made illegal during the Bush administration?
November 15, 2009 at 1:28 am
Ah, yes. Those evil evil candy cigarettes. That I used to eat all the time as a kid, yet I’ve never had the desire to smoke.
Remember when Popeye Cigarettes were actually called “Cigarettes”?
Now they’re lame-ass “candy sticks”. And they even removed the little dab of red dye on the end that used to mimic the lit part.
I bet your our Candy Lego is made in China, though. Probably full of melamine and lead.
November 15, 2009 at 1:37 am
LOL – those lego blocks don’t seem like a smart idea. What if little kids try to eat the real thing by accident?
I used to love Space Dust – totally bad for you I’m sure but I loved how it crackled on your tongue. My mum used to go mad with me for choosing to buy such rubbish sweets – like other sweets were good for you or something.
November 15, 2009 at 6:59 am
All forms of candy corn are hideous. Conversely, any kind of Peep, even Christmas Tree Peeps are delicious! Go figure.
November 15, 2009 at 9:25 am
I ate reindeer corn once but got the flu that day. So I can’t eat it now without feeling sick.
My favorite was Dips. Basically a candy stick and three pouches of what amounted to flavoured sugar. One of those suckers and I was good to go for at least 20 minutes. Then the lovely sugar crash. My mom found me sleeping under the slide at the park one day.
Now we have better candy, like cocaine and heroin. Mybe we should ban candy, it makes drug addicts.
Eyeteaguy
November 15, 2009 at 11:30 am
@Cath
That crackly candy. I remember when it first came out in the 70′s. In Canada we called it “Pop Rocks”.
There was an urban myth: if you ate with and drank a carbonated soft drink, it would make your stomach explode.
And apparently, that’s how the kid “Mikey” from those Life Cereal commercials died.
All lies, of course. But you know how these urban legends spread.
@David
Candy corn is “meh”. I won’t go out of my way to buy it (except for a novelty like here). But if it’s put in front of me, I’ll eat it. (Candy is candy)
Peeps aren’t as big in Canada. I’ve seen ‘em, but they’re not as prevalent as in the States.
@Eyeteaguy
Hahah! I remember that. It was also called Lik’m Aid, I think.
I liked the powder, of course. But I liked the edible dipping stick even better.
Do you remember those small plastic fruits (bananas, pinapples, etc)? They were filled with a similar powder, I reckon. Just great for getting kids all wired.
November 15, 2009 at 12:35 pm
I remember Pixie Sticks (plastic straw filled with flavoured, coloured sugar powder) and Lik-a-Stik which was also called Lik’m Aid or Dips depending on which area of the country you were from.
I really didn’t like Pop-Rocks that much but it was really fun to watch the neighbour’s cat after it ate some!
November 15, 2009 at 2:49 pm
So, just to be clear… you go out of your way to go to the candy store; you buy candy at the candy store (with money); you eat the candy you bought at the candy store; and then you mock the entire concept of candy and more particularly, the actual candy you bought and will now consume? Crazy, man!
November 15, 2009 at 3:59 pm
I remember the red wax lips. My sisters and I loved those. We looked forward to going to the beach in Calendar and popping into the candy store. Remember those jaw breakers? Ha, hah… just now the song “Candy Girl” is playing on the radio. Yowsa!
November 15, 2009 at 4:06 pm
@Canadian Army Wife
I haven’t seen Pixie Sticks in a while (remember when they were made out of paper?)
Now, whenever I hear about Pixie Sticks, I think of the Simpsons episode where the Flanders kids get all hyper and wired eating them!
Pop Rocks are good. But they’re pretty expensive, for the small amount of candy you actually get. (Maybe the carbonation process costs a lot of $$$)
@XUP
Oh, Gee Whiz.
I was in town anyway, and (seeing how open-minded I am
), I decided to try some new candy I never tasted before.
Not all of it was great. But at least I tried it ONCE. …Live and Learn.
By the way, I also bought a lot of other good stuff which I really enjoyed. (But who wants to read about THAT?)
November 15, 2009 at 4:07 pm
@Davina
I can honestly say, I never got into the red wax lips. If you couldn’t’ eat it, what was the point?
But I did go for the fake plastic vampire fangs. (But that was cleary labelled as non-candy).
November 15, 2009 at 4:34 pm
your dentist must see you coming and start to drool. Al tha sugar…Where was the chocolate?
see I never touched any of that. Not if there was chocolate to be found within a 100 miles.
Chocolate is an antioxident. Yeah, that’s my story and I’m eating it.
November 15, 2009 at 5:25 pm
@Wendi
Like I told XUP…I bought some OTHER candy (including chocolate). Which was too good to make fun of on my blog.
The stuff I’m showing here is in a category by itself: the “Stupid Candy” group. I indulge in it once in a while. It happens.
PS. My dentist thinks I do a good job taking care of my teeth. He’s suprised to see how many virgin teeth I have left (that have never been filled).
…must be all that chocolate I ate!
November 17, 2009 at 3:12 pm
I never did understand the point of wax lips. I thought they were disgusting. Of course, I did try to eat a pair when I was little. And those candy cigarettes were so disappointing. But candy corn = gross.
Up there with Pixie Sticks are Smarties. Otherwise, it must be chocolate before I’ll touch it. Chocolate makes your endorphins sing.
Mer
November 17, 2009 at 3:52 pm
@Mer
I assume you mean the American Smarties (the tangy candy). And not Canadian Smarties (which are like M&M’s. Only better)
My Grandma got me hooked on Chocolate. Whenever we visited her, the first thing she did was give me a glass of Nestle Quik.
But not before giving me a heaping spoon of the stuff, straight into my mouth. (Much to my Mom’s dismay).
40 years later, I taught this trick ot my nephews.
November 18, 2009 at 4:53 am
I used to love the candy corn (the orange ones), and do remember the red wax lips and candy cigarettes. But then I grew up, realized it’s all pure sugar and now just eat spoonfuls of sugar out of the canister instead. Just kidding…….
My vote is for chocolate. Yum-O!
November 18, 2009 at 2:30 pm
@Barbara
I agree…as a adult, I tend to drift away from the Stupid-Candy, and focus more on the chocolate.
And the EXPENSIVE kind, too!
November 18, 2009 at 4:42 pm
@ Friar
Yep, American Smarties. I like ‘em. Even if they aren’t chocolate.
I actually didn’t have candy much when I was growing up. Once a year at Halloween for the big haul and a hollow bunny for Easter. Anything else I bought myself off the ice cream truck. (That didn’t happen much.) After I got married I discovered that other people received candy for Christmas, too.
EXPENSIVE chocolate is the only way to go. More cocoa, less sugar. Yum!
Mer
November 18, 2009 at 6:01 pm
@Mer
The Lindt people have got it pretty close to perfection, I reckon.
November 18, 2009 at 7:12 pm
@ Friar
Yup. What is it–85% cocoa? Heaven in a gold foil wrapper.
Mer