Superheroes I Feel Sorry For.

Superman

He’s got a high-maintenance girlfriend who always needs rescuing.   His friends are all morons, who are too stupid to realize Clark Kent is just Superman with glasses.

And what if he wants to get intimate with someone?   He’ll be faster than a speeding bullet, which is not necessarily a good thing.

(Not to mention, he’s liable to blow the poor woman’s head off.)
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Wonder Woman

She’s got that lesbian-bondage thing going on…

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  (After all, who are we to judge?)

But it can’t be easy for the poor woman, trying to find an open-minded partner willing to share in her non-conventional lifestyle.
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Green Arrow

An under-appreciated D-Lister.   Nobody knows what he does, except shoot arrows.

And he’s often mixed up with the Green Lantern (who actually does have legitimate kick-ass superpowers.)
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The Thing

I bet you he shits bricks.   I mean literally.

Which would be hell on all the toilets.
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Spider Woman

It’s a male-dominated Superhero’s world.

So no matter how hard she tries, no matter how good she is,  she’ll always be compared to SpiderMAN.
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Batman and Robin

Their Man-Boy relationship is somewhat questionable. (I mean…just how OLD is the Boy-Wonder?)

Sooner or later, someone’s going to say something, and the Caped Crusader might find himself with some serious legal issues.
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Wolverine

His 18-inch razor sharp claws tend to pop out of his knuckles at a moment’s notice.

He’s gotta be really careful with that, when going to the bathroom.
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Zan (half of the Wonder Twins)

Unlike his sister, who can take the shape of any animal, Zan can only take different forms of water.

Great.   What if a Super-Villain decided to be a dick, and just drank him and pissed him out?

(Shudder.)  I cannot think of much worse.
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Aquaman

Given that 99% of all crimes and disasters take place ABOVE water, he’s not exactly the most useful Super-Hero in the world.     Talking to fish can only get you so far…

He probably has to take a part-time job at Marine-World, to help make ends meet.
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Edwards Scissorhands

Okay, he’s not really a Super-hero.  But he does have unique mutant properties, so I’ll add him to the list.

And I really pity him.

At least Wolverine can retract his claws.

But how does this poor guy wipe HIS arse?

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Tags: aquaman, batman, comics, Dc, edward scissorhands, fantastic four, humor, marvel, superheroes, superman, wonder twins, wonder woman

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