Archive for January 2010

Viking Schussing

January 9, 2010

Realistic New Years’ Resolutions I Can Keep

January 4, 2010

In 2010, I resolve to inhale oxygen, and exhale carbon dioxide.

I will sustain a metabolism, and maintain a body temperature of 98.6F, to the extent that I am able.

I will humor my Mom, and will (occasionally) eat a salad if she puts one in front of me.

At least once this year, I will catch at a cold which will turn into a chest infection, requiring me to take antibiotics and puffers.  (Why ruin a perfect 20-year record?)

I will tell myself that I’ll lose weight, but then I’ll slack off and not achieve my goal,  thereby disappointing myself and others who say I need to be thinner.

I will exert a gravitational force on the Sun and the planets.    (Hey, every bit of mass counts!)

I will try to be more open-minded towards Vegans, and will reluctantly agree that they have a right to their opinion…sometimes.

I will continue to encourage dogs to get all wound up and hyper whenever I play with them.

The same applies for my screaming free-range nephews.

I will accept my caffeine addiction for what it is, and continue to drink coffee.   (There are other vices in my life that need taking care of first, that have higher priority.)

I will refuse to listen to any blogs, Tweets, or E-books that suggest how I can improve my life.    Just to be a dick.

As much as it pains me, I will not take up yoga this year.  Or the next.

I promise to never exceed the speed of light.   Ever.

If I ever start to take Twitter or Blogo-Land seriously, I promise to jam a sharp pencil up my nose and give myself a frontal lobotomy.

I promise to be myself, and in the process, continue to annoy many people.   More than once.

I will give up Lima Beans for Lent.

I will not take part in any exercise where I push my body to its utmost physical limits, thereby maintaining my Black Sheep status with my Uber-athletic family.

In my own small way, by just existing and generating heat, I will contribute to increasing the overall entropy of the Universe.

I will perform my job efficiently, using logic and common sense, thus ensuring I never be considered for a management position.

I will continue to drink beer with Brett on Thursday nights,  as long as his wife/kids continue to allow it.

I promise to continue blogging.  If and when I feel like it.   When the mood arises.   Maybe.


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 71 other followers