Friar’s Predictions for the Olympic Closing Ceremonies
There will be the mandatory fiddle-music playing, with colorful characters from Canada’s Voyageur past. They will dance in exaggerated movements, and will be having a much better time of it than the audience will.
There will also be the mandatory wailing and drum music to recognize the First Nations.
Young children will clumsily dance around some extravagant diorama, to show us that the Youth is our Future. The people who thinks this is cute will mainly be the children’s parents and grandparents.
Somewhere, there’s going to be in Inukshuk. You gotta have the Inukshuk.
Sadly, Red Green will not make an appearance.
Even better, part of the show will involve just one child doing something pensive and dramatic (perhaps extinguishing the torch).
Someone will fly over the stage, suspended by wires. It will be very magical.
A Canadian singer will sing a touching song, and tens of thousands of people will hold their arms up into the air and sway with the music, brandishing the Glow-sticks they’ll have purchased.
People like me will go into a diabetic coma as our pancreas explode.
While all this is happening, the cameras will randomly zoom in members of the audience, but only those who are absolutely enthralled by this whole pageant.
The whole thing will be very multicultural.
Some 75-year old IOC Member nobody recognizes will give a boiler-plate speech about athletic excellence, and the Hope of All Mankind. Part of the speech will be in French, so as not to offend people in Quebec.
The Jumbotron will show the people of Sochi, who will be hosting the 2014 Winter Olympics. (Isn’t modern technology wonderful?)
The cost of this whole spectacle would have paid for 20 hospitals and 12 MRI machines.
Tags: humor, Winter Olympics Closing Ceremonies
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February 28, 2010 at 1:03 pm
I hate when you are right.
Eyeteaguy
P.S. Firsties!! Again!!
February 28, 2010 at 1:11 pm
@Eyeteaguy
Must a slow Sunday afternoon for you…to be able to pounce on my blog so quickly!
February 28, 2010 at 1:51 pm
I hope Celine *and* the Cirque du Soleil perform tonight.
That would be AWESOME.
(Just to see your head explode.)
February 28, 2010 at 1:51 pm
“The cost of this whole spectacle would have paid for 20 hospitals and 12 MRI machines.”
…and the taxpayers will be stuck with the bill.
As usual.
February 28, 2010 at 2:12 pm
Of course you are forgetting the very most important thing of all. This 20 hospital 12 mri spectacle has allowed our revered leader to show up anywhere they thought a Canadian team might win s he can splash his oh so warm and friendly mug all over the country.
I’d even be willing to bet he might show up at the hockey game today.
February 28, 2010 at 2:26 pm
@dave1949,
And with a little luck, an errant hockey puck might wipe that smug grin off our revered leader’s face.
February 28, 2010 at 2:38 pm
@Karen
ARGHH!
Don’t even JOKE about things like that…that’s NOT FUNNY!!!
Céline and the Cirque….(*Shudder*)
@Brett
Well, we can’t have your grandkids earning TOO much money, can we? They’ll have to pay taxes for something!
@Dave
And he’ll probably have paid thousands of $$$ for those hockey tickets out of his own pocket…right?
@Brett
…or maybe it might hit Céline?
February 28, 2010 at 2:42 pm
I’d have more confidence in our government if Céline were the Prime Minister.
At least she’s good at something.
February 28, 2010 at 3:01 pm
@Brett
Not another Prime Minister from Quebec…!
I’d prefer to give someone else a shot… like Red Green.
March 1, 2010 at 12:33 am
You forgot the mime.
March 1, 2010 at 12:48 am
@Deb
Argh.
Oh, yeah.
And wasn’t he GREAT?!?
March 1, 2010 at 11:39 am
I didn’t watch, so I’ll just assume everything you said was correct. I did hear that there was really no point in having the entire Olympics since the only thing that really mattered was Sydney Crosby
March 1, 2010 at 11:51 am
@Friar: I’m still trying to figure the whole thing out. The bit right after the mime with the people dancing (?) with snowboards was a mess, and the very end of the ceremony looked like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade gone very, very wrong.
March 1, 2010 at 12:51 pm
@XUP
Well, suffice to say, I think I was reasonably accurate here. I’d say I was batting ~ 0.700.
@Deb
I was a bit disappointed. I was kinda hoping for giant inflatable gorillas somehwere in the show.
But I must admit, the giant inflatable moose and giant inflatable beavers proved to be an adequate substitute.
March 1, 2010 at 1:03 pm
@ Wee Friar,
I was disappointed with the long-winded speeches in both official language.
And what was with the last part of the closing “Ceremony”? A loud Rock Concert????? Sheesh!!! And our Canadian taxpayers’ money funded all that? I would have forgiven VANOC if the musical selections reflected Canadian Content.
Where were Gordon Lightfoot, Ashley MacIsaac (fiddler from Cape Breton), Stompin Tom, and the Arrogant Worms with Rocks and Trees????
March 1, 2010 at 1:13 pm
@Friar’s Mom
I know…the pompous blowhard just went on and on with his boring speech….like he was the most important person in the whole event.
Wish someone would have shouted out to just “SHUT UP already and get off the stage. Nobody wants to hear you talk!”
As for the music, you’re showing your age. That’s all “old fart” music.
(Which I kinda like…which means I’m an Old Fart too!)
Speaking of Old Farts…at least they did have Neil Young sing…so the evening wasn’t a total loss.
March 1, 2010 at 4:35 pm
Friar, I was embarrassed by 99% of the Closing Ceremonies; especially the inflatable creatures. What a contrast to go from real, accomplished athletes, to blow-up, floating devices… devices that weren’t even floating, but held up by wires.
Even a pinata would have been better; but what could we have filled it with? Loonies? ppft
I dunno… the whole thing seemed like a mixture of a boring high school graduation and an episode of America’s Got Talent.
@Friar’s Mom.
Too funny. I almost posted a link to an Arrogant Worms music video on Twitter yesterday.
March 1, 2010 at 6:06 pm
@ Wee Friar,
At least Neil Young’s “Long May You Run” lyrics were relevant.
We’ve been through
some things together
With trunks of memories
still to come
We found things to do
in stormy weather
Long may you run . . .
I couldn’t understand the lyrics of the closing Rap group. Have never heard of them before. Can’t remember their name. I’m Rap-challenged. Yes, I admit it. I’m dating myself.
March 1, 2010 at 6:19 pm
@Davina
Yeah…I still don’t know what to think of the Macy’s Parade, as Deb puts it.
And those “Comedy” routines by William Shatner and Catherine O’Hara. Where people laughed “politely” but it wasn’t really all that funny.
When we sang our anthem, it was a bunch of stupid teenagers in white suits trying to be “cool”. (Oooh, look, Canada is so laid back!)
Compare this to the Russian Anthem…with a professional singers, Geezus, it almost scared the crap out of me! But at least there was some decorum to it.
@Friar’s Mom
Nickelback was the most “Modern” group I recognized, and they’ve been around for almost 15 years.
Who the hell were these other bozos?
Too bad they didn’t have Randy Bachman and Burton Cummings sing “Share the Land” or something.