What Retro TV has Taught Me

a

Bus drivers were paid shit.
Look at that dump Ralph Kramden lived in.    That musta been in pre-union days.

a

People didnt’ know how to relax back then.
Dads wore their suits and ties after work, all through dinner until bed time.    Sheesh..unbutton your collar, at least.

a

If women played their cards right, they didn’t have to do jack-squat.
Look at Carol Brady.   WTF did she DO?   Her kids were mostly grown up.   She didn’t have a job.  She didn’t volunteer.   And she had a housekeeper who did all the cooking and cleaning, for Chrissakes!

Boy, she sure won the lottery, marrying Mike Brady.  Either that, or she was really good in bed.

a

The 1970′s were a BAD decade.
Bad hair.  Bad music.   Bad clothes.  Bad furniture.  Bad politics.   And really BAD sitcoms.

I just pray to God that perms don’t come back.  That’ all I ask.

a

Dads used to be smart.
Ward Cleaver.   Mike Brady.   Ozzie Nelson.  Father Knows Best.    Respected authority figures, adored by the whole family.

Unlike today’s fat, bumbling idiots, where “Daddy” is on the bottom of the family pecking order.  Right after the dog and the living room drapes.

a

We guys missed out on a good thing.
Unlike the Carol Bradys, many TV-housewives back then cooked 5 course meals, did all chores, and never asked hubby to help out around the house.  All while keeping fit and trim and looking great.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a wife like that.   Maybe it wouldn’t be all that great.   But part of me thinks it would be awesome.

But in today’s liberated society, I’ll never get to find out, will I?

a

The Superfriends weren’t too bright, they always had to explain things to themselves.
I swear, every 5th sentence on that show was someone who said they’ve “got to” do something.

“I’ve got to stop Lex Luthor before the village explodes”.   “We’ve got to find a way out of this cave”.  “Batman, you’ve got to keep your hands off Robin…”

I suppose the narration helps you follow the story…If you’re a moron, that is.

a

People back then would have a stroke if they heard today’s music.
In early 60′s shows (like the Beverly Hillbillies or the Munsters) there would often be episodes where Hippies would show up.  They’d say “Groovy Man” and dance to cheesy Rock’n Roll Music.  And the older crowd would be utterly SHOCKED, while the canned laughted yokked it up.

I can just imagine what these same folks would say, if they  heard contemporary Gangsta Hip-Hop screaming about ho’s.  Or saw a Death-Metal Rock concert with staged human sacrifices and crucifixions.

a

It’s not safe to go South of the Mason-Dixon Line.
Because I have images of a corrupt stupid sheriff stopping me for speeding, smashing my tail-light, and saying that will get me 30 days on the “county farm”, resulting in  car chase(s) and me ending up in jail with a backwoods Southuhn Lawyer to defend me.

a

High School Students were all 25 and over.
Look at the actors in Welcome Back Cotter or Happy Days.    Hell, their kids would have been old enough to be in High School.

a

We were much stupider back then.
I don’t understand how those old shows were funny.  Good Times, One Day at a Time, Alice, Happy Days (after Ron Howard left).  Nostalgia aside…if you watch those show now…Gawd, they’re so LAME.

Is THIS what people found genuinely funny?  Were people THAT stupid?

And I don’t buy the excuse that it was a simpler time back then, and people had different values.

Because comedy from the 30′s (like the Marx Brothers) still stands the test of time today.   Unlike the Retro TV crap that makes you want to gouge your eyes out.

I dunno..maybe people WERE that stupid.

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21 Comments on “What Retro TV has Taught Me”

  1. Brett Legree Says:

    I hate you.

    Now I have the stupid “Happy Days” theme song playing over and over in my head.

    Thanks a lot.

    I’ll have to play some Gorgoroth videos to purge my brain.
    :)

  2. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Maybe you can watch some Viking Death Metal too. :-)

  3. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Crap. I feel like such an outcast. I didn’t watch TV when I was a kid so I have no idea what you are talking about. I’d bet it would be funny if I had.

  4. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Wee Friar,

    Are you planning a second post, because you missed dissing a whole bunch? Maybe you were too young to remember?

    Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, The Flying Nun, Mork and Mindy, Archie Bunker, I Love Lucy, Bob Newhart, Dick Van Dyke Show, Mary Tyler Moore, Laverne and Shirley, Mash, Mission Impossible, Smothers Brothers, Carole Burnett, Laugh In.

    My all time favourite comedy show has to be Carole Burnett.

  5. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    You were culturally deprived.

    Actually we didn’t have a TV antenna till I was 10. A didn’t see a lot of these older shows until my young adulthood.

    But I do remember stuff like “My Three Sons” and the Lucy Ball show. And seeing Batman in the eveningsbefore it was re-runs. I’m old.

  6. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @Friar’s Mom,

    Finally you liosted a show I watched! M*A*S*H. But I watched it inUniversity so I guess that still doesn’t count.

    Even now I can’t stand sitcoms. I did a media course in school and they brought in an episode of Cheers (the only episode I have actually watched of that show) but the laugh track had been removed. It was the dumbest thing I has ever seen. Someone would say something and them pause, hell everybody paused. Then someone else would say something and everyone would pause. Then the scene changed. It was the most unnatural thing I’d ever watched.

    Read a book, use your imagination, go for a walk. The great unwashed masses are being kept docile and well fed by TV so they will be plump and slow, ready to eat when the end comes.

    Eyecannibleguy

  7. XUP Says:

    Plenty of the retro shows were stupid and not funny, but like Friar’s Mom says, there were some really good ones that are still funny. Just like many of our current sitcoms are stupid and not funny and some are good. I’m going to have to beat you up, however, if you don’t take back what you said about he 1970s music being bad. It was the best damn music ever made. Zepplin, Dylan, Hendricks, Pink Floyd, Stones, John Lennon, Bob Marley, James Taylor, THE DOORS, the Who, Beatles, Grateful Dead, etc., etc.I think you may be confusing the 1970s with the 1980s. Hair, clothes, music, furniture didn’t get bad until the 1980s. Politics was always bad.

  8. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom
    I remember most of those shows. Some (like the Smothers Brothers) were before my time, or you didnt’ let me stay up late to watch them.

    Yes, there were some good ones, like MTM or M*A*S*H before Alan Alda got preachy.

    But the Flying NUN? Oh…come ON! :-)

    (I actually remeber watching that too..with you when you were preggers with Seestor)

    @Eyeteaguy
    You know what’s worse? Watching a channel from Quebec, where they show an old sit-com with the voices dubbed in French. The canned laughter is the same, but the whole comedic timing is off.

    What also annoys me is the “Fonzie” effect. When live TV audiences burts into hoots and hollers and applaud when a lead character walks on the set.

    (*shudders*)

    @XUP
    Sorry, you’re right. I should have qualified that. The earlier 70′s (circa 1970-73) was still pretty good for music. But a lot of that was a spill-over from the 60′s. (Which is where most of those muscians you mention came from).

    Heck. Even Lennon had a long dry spell in the later 70s. And Dylan went re-born Christian, which kind of put his career on hold for a while.

    The 80′s also ANNOY me (despite it being my coming-of-age decade). They just annoy me less than the 70′s.

  9. Donald Mills Says:

    A great post Friar but I’d take Bewitched, All in the Family, Get Smart or The Dick Van Dyke Show over Men Behaving Badly or any of the other “smart” crap on television these days.

    And while you’re right that a number of the shows were pretty damned lame (One Day at a Time), I wonder what people are going to say when they look back at Jersey Shore, the Biggest Loser and the rest of that nonsense. I don’t imagine it be flattering.

    Anyway, damned funny, Friar.

    All the best,

    Don

  10. Friar Says:

    @Don

    Actually, I like most of those shows you mention. I still watch All in the Family on re-runs. And I’ve always had a crush on Mary Tyler More (circa 1962-70).

    Samantha Stephens was also pretty damned hot. That Darren (both of them) sure won the lottery marrying her.

    I agree with today’s TV being a pile of manure (in case you haven’t seen my previous post about the Summer TV Line-up for 2010).

    Anyway, glad you liked this.

    Friar

  11. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar,

    The Flying Nun had to be the most inane premise for a sitcom. I can’t imagine who came up with such a preposterous idea and how it got approved for TV.

    Nanoo! Nanoo! Mork and Mindy was also far out, but I must admit, I have a soft spot for Robin Williams as “Mork from the planet Ork”. He was so off the wall, so funny. Apparently his role in the Mork and Mindy Show made his career. I taught my grandkids the Ork V sign.

    I enjoyed the bumbling cast and malfunctioning equipment like the “cone of silence” in Get Smart. I recently found out that there’s a cartoon version of the show for kids.

  12. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    An ad-agency executive who marries into a family of witches.

    An astronaut who finds a genie in a bottle on the beach.

    A mother who’s spirit is trapped inside a car.

    A family of Frankenstein monsters and a Dracualas.

    Hmmm…I don’t think a nun that flies was that much more preposterous than anything else at the time.

  13. Gracious Says:

    You’re still a negative SOB.

  14. Friar Says:

    Gracious = Troll.

    That is all.

  15. Eyeteaguy Says:

    As opposed to today’s dramas/sitcoms. Everyone is a doctor, lawyer or a cop. They should do a show about me?

    Why should they do a show about me?

    Because I’m so damned good. That ain’t no guff neither. I’ve done got me one hundred and fifty-seven dead users killed. And fifty water buffaloes, too. Them’re all certified.

    EyeFMJguy

  16. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Gracious,

    Like a festering carbuncle, you’re very annoying. Now that you have the attention you’re seeking, you can crawl back under your rock.

  17. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy
    Wow…a show about an IT department. Now THAT will be sure to get the audiences tuned in!

    @Friar’s Mom

    I don’t like to moderate comments, but in this case, I’m going to make an exception.

    This is the last time I’m allowing it. Any more A$$hole comments from trolls are going to get deleted and not even acknowledged.

    If it’s attention they seek, attention is what they’re NOT going to get.

  18. Friar's Mom Says:

    Goodonya!

  19. Brett Legree Says:

    “How can you shoot women or children?”

    “Easy! Ya just don’t lead ‘em so much! Ain’t war hell?”

  20. Friar Says:

    Brett, sometimes you frighten me.

    But if we ever have a war, I want you on MY side.

  21. Brett Legree Says:

    (Heh heh it was a response to Eyeteaguy’s last line… he’ll understand…)


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