A quick study of Brett’s puppy, Walter.

A while ago, I posted some new Zodiac signs.    But I’m afraid they’ll all wrong.

You see, I hadn’t taken into account that Pluto has been demoted to a “dwarf planet“.   I also hadn’t allowed for the other recently-discovered dwarf planets. (Like Eris, which is even bigger than Pluto).

And of course you realize, since astrology is an exact (snicker) science,  that changes EVERYTHING.

So, after many intricate calculations and consulting countless star-charts, without any further ado…here is the new, updated Zodiac.

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Chocolate (January 1 – January 30)

You display many personalities.  You can be hard and bitter, or soft and sweet.  You’re a team player, often joining with others of equal substance, to create a winning combination.  But many prefer you on your own, just as you are.   You tend to be very popular, especially with the ladies.
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The Stapler (February 1 – March 7th)

You’re basic, old-school, and often under-appreciated, but sorely missed if you’re not around. Others appreciate how you bring order into chaotic situations.  Your strength lies in your gathering the sum of the parts, and assembling them into one cohesive whole.
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The Labrador  (March 8th – April 1st)

You’re hyper.  You’re clumsy.  You’re messy.   And you often stick your nose where it doesn’t’ below.  Despite this, you’re lovable in your own goofy way.  You want to be everyone’s best friend, and you’re  great with kids.
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The Vacuum Cleaner (April 2nd – May 14)

You’re fastidious, you don’t like messes, but you have high aspirations.  Just remember to take in the good, and filter out the bad.  Otherwise, things could really start to suck.   Stay away from the Labrador, you two are incompatible.
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Ice  (May 15- June 8 )

You’re cold, frigid and brittle, but your presence is often found to be refreshing.   And all it takes is for someone to show you some warmth and compassion, and you’ll melt in their hands.  Try to team up with Kool-Aid, you go well together.
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Lego (June 9 – July 10)

You’re a colorful sort.  Multi-faceted and you do well in groups.  You will loyally stick with your team-mates.  The only downside is that your thinking tends to be linear:  you don’t’ like to cut corners or round things off.   But if you apply yourself, there’s no limit to how big you can grow.
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Kool-Aid (July 11 – August 21)

(Oh yeah!)  You’re colorful and vibrant.   You put on a good show, even though there’s not that much substance to you.  Everyone likes you, though adults won’t admit it.   But your sweet personality guarantees you’ll be a big hit with the kids.
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Bubble-Wrap (August 22 September 10)

You’re a protective sort, acting as a cushion against the harsh realities of life.   Your only downfall is that others will often take advantage of your generous nature.  They’ll keep applying pressure until you literally reach the breaking point.   Be careful not to let this happen too often, or you’re lose your identity.
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The Hot Wheel (September 11 – October 15)

When properly guided, you fly through obstacles with speed and vigor.   But you often run off course, and that’s when things tend to derail.   Just stay true to your course,  try keep things on track, and you’ll do fine.
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The Spatula (October 16-November 18)

You’re always prying into other people’s business, and constantly making things topsy-turvy.  But you also show an impenetrable, impervious side.  Nothing sticks to you.  It’s almost like you’re made of Teflon or something.
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Neon (November 19 – December 5th)

Inert, and gassy.  Noble and aloof. You’re a loner, you dont’ like to join up with others.   But if someone sparks your attention, you’ll light up the room with your brilliant presence.
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Mud (December 5th – December 30th)

You’re extremely down-to-earth.  Uptight people try to avoid you at all costs.   Others, especially the young, will seek you out and embrace you with glee.  Either way, you’re omnipresent: it’s difficult to imagine life without you.   You’re extremely compatible with the Labrador.

Sometimes when I paint, I have a really good day.

Like last Saturday, when I finished this one:

And then some days aren’t so good.

Like two days later:

Oh well.  They can’t all be gems.

A few weeks ago, I blogged about the autumn colors, and how brilliant they were.

But what many people don’t realize is how brief that moment is here in Ontario, and how quickly things change.

This was three weekends ago:

And this was today:

Again, three weekend ago:

And today:

BLAH.

And just think, there are still seven more weeks of autumn before winter officially starts.

As far as I’m concerned….bring on the snow!

It won’t be that much colder, but at least it will brighten up the place.

The other day, I posted some Friar-O-Lantern cartoons.   One made a reference to 2001 Space Odyssey:

Well, last night, after the trick-or-treating was done and his kids in bed, Brett came over, and he brought over a real-life version.

Best.    Friar-O-Lantern.  Ever.

Well done, Brett.     (He even got the quote right).  Eyeteaguy will be proud.

It was the perfect accessory to our decadent evening of beer,  Zesty-Mordant Nachos,  left-over candy and a bad Zombie movie.

1.  Grunta-saurus Rex

Quite common, actually.  Suitable for Project Managers, bosses, etc.  who’s only “motivational” technique consists of growling and threatening their staff.   Costume comes with extra sharp claws.
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2. Slugs

Not a reflection on one’s work ethic.   Rather, a good reminder to the worker-peons on where they stand in the corporate food chain.  (Just above algae and nematodes, but below the lesser-vertebrates).
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3. The Procedure Queen

For those who live, eat and sleep for paperwork, but who couldn’t wipe their  own arse if there wasn’t a procedure to explain how to do it.

(Arse-wiping Procedure included, for $12.99 extra)
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4.  The Walking Brain-Dead

For senior-manager types…
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5. Huge DoucheBag

Reserved exclusively for senior executives, who collect their gold-plated retention bonuses and stock options, while their company flounders and the regular staff get laid off.

Bag of money comes extra.
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6. The Phantom of the Office

For the self-imposed Soup-Martyrs, who forgo lunch hour and sit working at their desk, with nothing more to eat than a bowl of watered-down broth.

Costume comes with sack-cloth and ashes.
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7.  Anagram-Guy

A great way to recognize office idiots who can’t speak freaking English, unless the first letters of every word combine to make another word.
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8 . Soul-Sucking Vampire

Costume can also be used as a Human Resource Manager.    You decide.

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9.  Clunk-FuK™ the Mindless Safety Robot

Clunk-FuK™ likes to focus on the most trivial, painfully obvious safety tips, while totally ignoring the more serious issues.

Also great for helping train staff, during Safety Orientation Week.

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10.  Pavlov The Dog

Perfect the Wannabee Yes-Men, who slaver and drool at whatever comes out of their bosses’ mouth.
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11.  Dr. Spaztard the Mad Scientist

Are you a brilliant PhD scientist put in charge of multi-million dollar project?  Do you also have the social skills of Rain-Man?

Then THIS is the costume for you!
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12.    Corporate Drones/Worker Bees

Like the slug costume, a great way of reminding staff on where they stand in the grand scheme of things.

Buckets are included.  But you can’t keep the pollen.

(* Back by popular request.   And you can click on the pictures to make them bigger.)

Tipper, after retrieving those rubber IKEA balls for 5 straight hours…

To quote my sister:  “She has no shame.”