Back in our parents day, if they wanted a job, they went down to the Personel Office, filled in an application form in pen, and where were hired on the spot. For the next 35 years, with benefits and full pension.
Unlike today, where companies can decide NOT to hire you, based on the following:
1. Your cover letter has typos.
2. Your cover letter starts with “Dear Sir/Madam”, implying you’re a lazy bastard who didn’t do their homework because you don’t know the name of the hiring manager.
3. Your c.v. has typos.
4. You c.v. is on garishly-colored paper which makes it look tacky.
5. Your email address is @Hotmail or @gmail, implying that you’re a homeless drifter, with no permanent residence.
6. The computer douchebag-robot scanning your on-line application automatically rejected you, because your c.v. didn’t include the right “key words”.
7. The computer douchebag-robot automatically rejected you, because you’re the 3001st applicant, and the automatic cut-off is 3000.
8. You show at the interview too late. Or too early.
9. Your shoes are scuffed. (No kidding, I was once interviewed by a bozo who took this seriously!)
10. You handshake is too mushy. Or too hard. Or too sweaty. Take your pick.
11. Your fly is undone.
12. You’re nervous and there are sweat stains on your clothes.
13. You have a food or coffee stain on your shirt.
14. You don’t make the right eye contact.
15. You don’t appear to want the job that badly.
16. You appear too desperate for the job.
17. You use bad body language (like crossing your arms).
18. You didn’t research the stupid company, and come up blank when they ask you: “What do you know about our organization?”
19. They see how messy your car is in the parking lot, and they judge you based on that.
20. They take you to lunch, and you order something too expensive.
21. The person taking you to lunch brings you back late, throwing the afternoon interview schedule off, and pissing everyone else off in the process.
22. They trap you with one of those stupid interview questions that has no right answer: “Tell me, when did you stop being an axe-murderer? “
23. There’s a hiring freeze, starting the day after you apply.
24. One of your references hesitates for a few crucial nanoseconds on the phone, when they’re asked about you.
25. You’re not hired, because you’re a woman. Or a man. (Sexual discrimination works both ways, these days).
26. You have the flu, which just happens to fall on the interview day.
27. You apply to the Federal Government without knowing anyone on the inside. (Why don’t’ you apply to be an astronaut, while you’re at it?)
28. You have a PhD and the job doesn’t require one. They assume you’ll be bored so they wont’ hire you.
29. You answer 99 out of 100 interview questions correctly, but it’s the one you get wrong that blows your chances.
30. You could be perfect for the job. But they’ve already decided to hire the boss’s 2nd cousin, and they’re just interviewing you out of “due diligence”.
Good Lord. It’s a wonder how any of us even have jobs, at this point.