“You know, at this point in your life, Friar, you won’t find anyone your age who doesn’t have a lot of baggage.”
“I was ready to retire, but my wife and I split up. After 30 years, I just lost half my pension. So I guess I’m going to have to keep working for a while.”
“Women like guys who are physically fit, Friar. And well……LOOK at you…! “
“Hear that?” (Referring to their toddler waking up and crying for the nth time). “That…is the main reason we finally decided to go snip-snip!” (i.e. vasectomy)
“By the time I get back from work, we cook supper,clean the dishes and put the kids down…that leaves me with thirty minutes of free time, to do what I want, before I go to bed exhausted. “
“You’re really asking for a lot, Friar. You might have to compromise, or you’ll never find the woman you’re looking for.”
“We have sex once a month. Whether we need it or not.”
“We’re so busy lately with all the organized sports. I can ‘t remember the last time we stayed home and just had a quiet evening doing nothing.”
“It’s a real treat to be able to eat hamburgers and hot-dogs like this. I never get to do this at home”.
“We all sleep together in the same bed: the two of us, the two kids, and the cat. The other day, little Tiffany woke up lying between us, soaking wet. We weren’t sure if she had just sweated a lot, or if she had peed herself.”
“Dating someone with a kid isn’t’ that bad, Friar. Every second weekend they’ll be at their Dad’s, so you can lots of alone-time with your girlfriend.”
“The child support and flights to visit cost us the equivalent of a $40K full-time salary.”
“You’ve been alone long enough, Friar, that you’ve become set in your ways. I don’t think you’re able, at this point in your life, to have a long-term relationship”.
“If you don’t get married when you’re young, you’ll MISS THE BOAT!”
(From my lawyer): ”Word of advice, if you have a girlfriend move in with you, make sure she pays you something every month. Even if it’s ten dollars. And make sure it’s a cheque, or something that can be traceable to the bank.”
“Friar, you won’t find any women your age who don’t have kids. Look at me: I have two kids but I think I’m a good catch. I met my 2nd husband here, and he’s had his first child with me. But my two daughters don’t like this small town, so we’re all moving back to the Big City. Except my husband who stays here alone to work during the week. He comes to visit us on weekends.. But I think I’m a GOOD CATCH! “