Anyone who strings 500 words together describing what the cat upchucked at breakfast automatically qualifies as a serious, professional “Writer”.
The only reason we’re not all best-selling novelists has nothing to do with our writing skills or talent. It’s because we haven’t decided to write that first draft yet. That’s all it takes, really.
Our entire economy can apparently run on the basis of everyone sitting at home, typing to each other on our computers. Anyone can earn six figures doing this: the only reason we aren’t is that we’re obviously not trying hard enough.
You know those blogs that everyone likes? Let everyone know how COOL you think they are. (You can never praise the Cool Kids enough!)
Freelance writers who work 70 hours a week, shivering in basement apartments eating Ramen Noodles are infinitely superior to the poor bastards working 9-to-5 cubicle-jobs earning $90K.
The market can easily accommodate hundreds of thousands of new authors. It’s just that those Fat-Cat publishing companies won’t allow it.
If you must discuss politics, just remember to keep it Left-of-Center. (We know Conservatives are evil, because the Blogosphere tells us so).
You can never post enough itemized lists on how to Improve your Life. The more lists, the better.
Word of advice: the Emperor always DOES have clothes! (Just go with the flow).
Every one of us, regardless of our background, is a Qualified Life Coach. What works for us, will work for the whole planet. If ONLY they would listen.
Forget Doctors, Teachers, Engineers, Social Workers, Aid Workers, etc. It is We…the BLOGGERS, that the world depends on.
In fact, pick a problem. Any problem. Like Global Warming or World Hunger. We can solve it by talking about it for one day.
You can never get enough famous quotes. They answer all of Life’s challenges or tough questions. The more you post, the better.
If you don’t post any quotes, then comment how reading one made you burst into tears of inspiration and self-awareness.
It’s important to get lots of blog traffic and comments, but not TOO much, otherwise it wastes your time. It’s up to your readers to know the perfect balance.
Anyone with a digital camera is capable of producing National Geographic-quality photos. There is no such thing as bad lighting or poor composition. Whether it’s a pristine mountain scene or a fetid cesspool, it doesn’t’ matter: any photo that’s posted is absolutely EXQUISITE, and is worthy of goosebumps and gasps of awe.
It’s crucial to maintain that emotional instability: at any given moment, be prepared to roll of the floor in hysterical laughter, or burst into fits of uncontrolled sobbing.
Remember that Cool-Kids’ blog that everyone likes? If they fart, it’s important to comment how it smells like oven-fresh cinnamon buns.
Forget about posting any actual ORIGINAL creations (like passages from your novel, some poetry or a short story). What IS important is to write about that fact that you’re writing.
Our blogs are SO IMPORTANT, that we have a RESPONSIBILITY to keep posting our random thoughts. If we go away for the weekend or miss a post, it’s important to let the World know. Otherwise, our readers will rend their garments, lose Faith in Humanity, and and Civilization (As We Know It) will END.
Group Hug, everyone. (Then weep with joy, as we all are one community).