Today, many of our friends are celebrating American Thanksgiving, and some are blogging about the things they’re grateful for. But (since we’ve already had our Thanksgiving in Canada, and since it’s my nature to be a crotchety old Friar), I feel it’s my duty to do the complete opposite.
So here is another list of things I”m UNGRATEFUL for…
The entire Month of November.
Awww…The pumpkins have all gone (especially if you live in Canada).
Red squirrels (see my rant here).
Early snow on my driveway (I dont’ care if it’s a foot deep, I won’t shovel it…I WON’T. Not in November, dammit).
The Little Drummer Boy Song (Pahrum-pa-pum DUMB…!)
Early Shopping-Mall Christmas Carols (There oughta be a law…NO Christmas music until we’ve finished raking the leaves).
Warm Raisin Pie. (If you wanted to go out of your way to pick the ultimate food to make me gag…MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!)
I know I’ve probably said this before…but Bunny balls (from crummy toilet paper).
Inspirational stories about people worse off than me overcoming great odds, that just make me feel like a total screw-up for not getting my own mundane life in order.
Sitting down at Thanksgiving Dinner, and being made to go around the table with everyone telling each other what we’re thankful for. (Yes, yes….I know I’m being a Grinch here. But we’re not six years old any more. Plus there’s something about being forced to participate in this Morality Play that just sets my teeth on edge!)
Plugging the toilet. (I won’t elaborate here.)
IKEA’s premium parking spots for families with kids. (Way to make me feel like a 2nd class Citizen, just because I haven’t chosen to breed yet!)
Smart Cars (…you drive that and call yourself a MANI?)
Whole Wheat. (Is it just me, or does it give bread a BITTER after-taste?)
Cryptic Crosswords (my Mom tried to get me to do one once…I burst a blood vessel in my brain!)
New York Times Crossword Puzzle clues that only English-Major Artsy-Fartsy’s can get. i.e. 17th century Welsh novelist. (Oh…COME ON!!!)
Pokemon (can this fad just please DIE already?)
Being asked at the very last minute to say Grace at dinner in front of 20 people. (Nothing like being put on the spot!)
The seventh consecutive day of turkey left-overs (Next year, can we just order pizza instead?)