Friar’s Ass-Hat Cartoon Hall of Fame

(*)  In no specific order

Scrappy Doo

You know a shows’ writers are starting to grasp at straws and run out of ideas, whenever they have to introduce a lame-ass side-kick.    And an asshole one, at that.

Seriously.  Who LIKES this little shit?

Just Google “I hate Scrappy” and you’ll be suprised at how many sites you come up with.
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aGleek

Wonder-Twin powers,  activate!

Shape of…a retarded monkey.

Form of…the point in time, at which Superfriends jumped the shark.
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Bat-Mite

I had happily managed to repress this awful childhood memory for a few decades, until I recently flipped channels and re-discovered “The New Adventures of BatMan” on the Cartoon Network.

I never had a problem with Batman or Robin, despite their questionable man/boy relationship. (Which, even my Mom had pointed out was a little fishy…)

But I have NO idea WTF Bat-Mite is.

All I know is I wish it would must DIE! DIE! DIE!
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Partidge Family 2200 AD

Hah hah!  Bet you forgot about this one, didn’t you?

Again, another gem from the 1970′s, that Golden Era of creating Saturday Morning Cartoons from past-their-prime TV shows.

I never got into the regular Partridge Family that much in the first place. (I always considered them the B-Team, compared to the Brady Bunch.)

But to make a cartoon version, and to turn it into a rip-off of the JETSONS?

Strike one.  Strike two.  Strike three.  Yerrrr OUT.
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Newton the Centaur

If you were a Canadian born between 1964 and 1975, chances are you know you all about Newton and The Mighty Hercules

For those who aren’t, just imagine an androgynous (possibly gay) centaur, who repeats everything twice, in an annoying  high-pitched, whinnying voice.

I watched Hercules for the first time when I was five, and even at that age, I could already recognize the extreme ass-hatted-ness of Newton.

But hey, at least he could SPEAK.

…unlike his autistic buddy, Toot, who could only communicate via flute-music.

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Pokémon

Unless you’re a little boy, between ages 6-10, there is absolutely NOTHING of any redeemable quality, here.

Seems things started to go to Hell in a hand basket,  just at the precise moment when they brought out this cartoon.

I blame Pokémon for bringing the onset the decline of our civilization,  as we know it.

Prove me wrong, folks.
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Passe-Partout (Honorable Mention)

Okay, you had to grow up in Quebec to have seen this one.  This gets an honorable mention, because they aren’t really cartoons, they’re puppets.

But puppets 100 times more obnoxious than Elmo.

Words fail to describe how ass-hat this is.  It’s best to see it yourself.

Here:

And (Good Lord) especially HERE:

Another Ungrateful List

Today, many of our friends are celebrating American Thanksgiving, and some are blogging about the things they’re grateful for.    But (since we’ve already had our Thanksgiving in Canada, and since it’s my nature to be a crotchety old Friar), I feel it’s my duty to do the complete opposite.

So here is another list of things I”m UNGRATEFUL for…

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The entire Month of November.   

Awww…The pumpkins have all gone (especially if you live in Canada). 

Red squirrels (see my rant here).

Early snow on my driveway (I dont’ care if it’s a foot deep, I won’t shovel it…I WON’T.  Not in November, dammit). 

The Little Drummer Boy Song (Pahrum-pa-pum DUMB…!)

Early Shopping-Mall Christmas Carols (There oughta be a law…NO Christmas music until we’ve finished raking the leaves).  

Warm Raisin Pie. (If you wanted to go out of your way to pick the ultimate food to make me gag…MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!)

I know I’ve probably said this before…but Bunny balls (from crummy toilet paper).

Lo-Fat ANYTHING.

Inspirational stories about people worse off than me overcoming great odds, that just make me feel like a total screw-up for not getting my own mundane life in order. 

Sitting down at Thanksgiving Dinner, and being made to go around the table with everyone telling each other what we’re thankful for.  (Yes, yes….I know I’m being a Grinch here.  But we’re not six years old any more.   Plus there’s something about being forced to participate in this Morality Play that just sets my teeth on edge!)

Plugging the toilet.  (I won’t elaborate here.)

IKEA’s premium parking spots for families with kids.  (Way to make me feel like a 2nd class Citizen, just because I haven’t chosen to breed yet!)

Smart Cars (…you drive that and call yourself a MANI?) 

Whole Wheat.  (Is it just me, or does it give bread a BITTER after-taste?)

Cryptic Crosswords (my Mom tried to get me to do one once…I burst a blood vessel in my brain!)  

New York Times Crossword Puzzle clues that only English-Major Artsy-Fartsy’s can get.  i.e.  17th century Welsh novelist.   (Oh…COME ON!!!)

Pokemon (can this fad just please DIE already?) 

Being asked at the very last minute to say Grace at dinner in front of 20 people.  (Nothing like being put on the spot!)

The seventh consecutive day of turkey left-overs (Next year, can we just order pizza instead?)