Religion…or Blogging?

Religion:   Recognizes there is God, and only one God.
Blogging:  Recognizes there is Seth, and only one Seth. 

a

Religion:    The word  is spread by selected disciples.
Blogging:   The word is spread by selected A-List Cool-Kid bloggers.

a

Religion:   Beware of false prophets.  
Blogging:  Beware of self-appointed “Social Media Gurus”. 

a

Religion:    Missionaries give non-believers Bibles to read. 
Blogging:    Bloggers are on a mission to get non-believers to read their latest E-book.

a

Religion:   People confess their sins in order to achieve absolution from a priest.
Blogging:   Bloggers post their dark secrets and dirty laundry in order to achieve absolution from their readers. 

a

Religion:   Often involves repetitive rituals (like saying “”Hail Mary” 100 times on the rosary).
Blogging:   Often involves repetitive rituals (like commenting on 100 blogs a day)..

a

Religion:     ”Amen.”
Blogging:     “Great post!”

a

Religion:    Martyrs will die for their beliefs. 
Blogging:   Martyrs will post,  no matter what.  Even if they’re sick, busy, or don’t feel like it.

a
Religion:     There is the Old Testament, and the New Testament
Blogging:   There is Blogging, and there is Twitter.

a

Religion:      The faithful wear certain types of clothes, to identify themselves as true believers.
Blogging:     The faithful will color their Twitter avatars, to identify themselves as true believers in the latest flavor-of-the-month cause.

a

Religion:    Heretics are burned at the stake
Blogging:   Disagree with one of the Cool Kids, and you’ll get crucified.

a

Relgion:       Followers look towards religious leaders for moral guidance and advice on how to live their lives.
Blogging:     Followers look towards other bloggers for moral guidance and advice on how to live their lives. 

a

Religion:      At church, they pass the collection plate.
Blogging:     ”If you like this post, please feel free to make a donation via PayPal.”

pal.”

Religion:       Often involves periods of fasting.  
Blogging:      Also often involves period of fasting (as many “Professional” bloggers can’t afford to pay for groceries).

a

Religion:    Serious heretics are ex-communicated.
Blogging:   Serious heretics are denied access to service. 

a

Religion:   The ultimate goal is to achieve everlasting happiness in the Afterlife.
Blogging:  The ultimate goal is to earn “six figures” as “passive income”.

Nominate your Friends for these Prestigious Awards!

Tired of seeing all those flashy icons on all those blogs, and you have no idea what they mean?

Feeling left out, because none of the Cool Kids nominated your blog for one of these virtual awards?

Well, fear not.   You can now fit right in, by using my custom-made decals right here.

Feel free to cut and paste them all over your blog as you see fit, so you can look cool too.

Or nominate your friends.

Or don’t do anything.

It’s all good.

(After all, isn’t it just electrons floating around the internet?)

Your Job Prospects After They Drop the Big One

Job: Wine Taster
Status: No longer required.
Reason: Once the fall-out dissipates, alcohol (ANY alcohol) will be highly-prized, and guzzled with great enthusiasm.   We won’t need pseudo-intellectual bozos telling us about “bouquet” and “earthiness”

Alternative New Career: Commune grape-stomper.

**********************

Job: Electrical Engineer
Status: No longer required.
Reason: Pretty much useless, as we wont’ have electricity for the foreseeable future.  And when we do, it will be 1860′s-era technology.

Alternative New Career: Telegraph Operator (if we ever get around to re-inventing it).

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Job: Chemical Engineer
Status: Still very  much in demand.
Reason: You’ll need someone who knows how to ferment the pig shit into methanol, to fuel the few remaining tractors that still exist.   Besides, Chem-E’s know all about distillation, which will be pretty handy when it comes to making booze.

**********************

Job: Movie actors
Status: No longer required.
Reason: Even if movies and theaters still existed, nobody could afford to go, as the $10.00 admission price would be the equivalent to a months’ wages.

Alternative New Career: Court jester to the local Feudal War-Lord (but they better be funny, or ELSE…!)

**********************

Job: Social Media Gurus, SEO consultants, and Bloggers.
Status: Totally effing useless.
Reason: The internet would have disappeared in the first few minutes of the nuclear exchange.  The electromagnetic pulse (EMP) of the bombs going off would have fried every computer and server on the planet

Alternative New Career: Urine collector for the local tannery.

**********************

Job: WWF Wrestler
Status: Still needed.
Reason: We’d still need law enforcement.   They’d make great bouncers at the gate of the village compound.

**********************

Job: Vegans
Status: Extinct
Reason: Eaten by the hordes of radioactive zombie-mutants still roaming the ruined cities.

Alternative New Career: None. (Extinct!…remember? )

**********************

Job: Doctors
Status: Still very much needed.
Reason: Well, DUH.

**********************

Job: New-Age Healers
Status: Dangerously close to extinction.
Reason: Killed, and or run out of town, as angry mobs discover that aromatherapy and banging prayer-drums won’t do jack-shit to cure radiation sickness and burns.

Alternative New Career: Chemical Engineer Apprentice (after all, someone needs to shovel the pig shit into the boiler).

**********************

Job: Life Coach
Status: No longer required.
Reason: At this point, it would be pretty clear what “Life” would involve:  trying not to get killed and/or not to starve to death.   Would we really need coaching for that?

Alternative Career: Zombie decoy (see “Vegans”).

**********************

Job: Tanning Salon Operator
Status: No longer required.
Reason: We’ll already be plenty brown enough, after the ozone layer is blown away and we’re scorched by the sun.

Alternative New Career: Human shield.  Or cannon fodder.  Take your pick.

**********************

Job: Poet
Status: Highly-respected.  Much in demand
Reason: Even Medieval Pre-industrial societies will still need to be entertained with stories of warriors and Gods.   Heck, if it was good enough for the Vikings,  then it’d be good enough for us!

The Lonely Blogger

Are there ANY other bloggers out there who  ….

…don’t think Twitter is more important than the Second Coming?

…fail to see the difference between a “Link Post” and a “Blog Carnival”?

…think a “meme” nothing but a glorified  chain letter?

…just for today, don’t feel like Saving the Planet?

…aren’t Life Coaches?

…really couldn’t give a flying fox fart when another blogger announces they might skip a couple of posts?

…don’t necessarily think that absolutely EVERYTHING George Bush ever did was 100% wrong?

…haven’t self-actualized yet? (Or are instructing everyone else on how to?)

…are actually happier with MORE money, than less?

…dislike Crunchy Granola?

…want to know what someone’s actual tax return looks like, when they claim they’ve earned “six figures” by blogging?

…think we don’t fully understand Global Warming yet, and that we should continue to examine both side of the argument?

…don’t understand the appeal of quitting a well-paid 9-to-5 cubicle job, in exchange to being being your own boss, working 70-hour weeks and starving?

…believe that self-improvement and inner peace can’t readily obtained by simply reading someone else’s “how-to” list?

…think Chat Rooms basically accomplished the same thing that Twitter does, only they did it 10 years ago?

…drives a car, eats red meat, and uses plastic grocery bags?

…thinks of “Social Media” as just fancy words for vegetating in front of a computer screen, and chatting to strangers we’ll never meet?

…doubt whether our lives can be changed by merely reading a few selectedwords from some famous person?

…don’t feel like paying $150 for an E-book that will be obsolete in 6 months.   Especially if you can get a similar hard-copy at a regular bookstore, for a fraction of the price.

…wonders that if we all want to earn a living sitting at our computers typing to each other, who will actually be out there farming the fields, maintaining the infrastructure and running the country?

…don’t want to be lectured to, inspired, or enlightened, but just want to be entertained?