Try to spill at least two quarts of blood every week.
To control your temper, remember to count to ONE.
Learn to smash something beautiful with your hands.
Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. Just storm their castle, and take their stuff anyway.
Encourage your children to learn sword-play, as soon as they are weaned.
Be meaner than necessary.
Try to eat something besides read meat. There is also bacon, ham, mutton, and if need be, fish.
Spend less time worrying about who’s right and who’s wrong. Just SMASH.
Collect Thor Comics.
If Life hands you lemons, STOMP ON ‘EM!
Never cut off what can be torn off.
Support the local economy. Pillage nearby merchants, even if it costs a little bit more.
Never use profanity. Except when fighting, pillaging, drinking, and speaking.
Don’t expect money to bring you happiness. There is also loot, women, grog and banquets.
Avoid burning bridges. But if you must, also cut down and burn all surrounding trees, so that the bridge can’t be rebuilt.
Don’t expect life to be fair. MAKE IT fair!
When you’re a guest, compliment your host on the meal, before you take their loot.
Hear both sides equally, before going berserk.
When there’s no time for a work-out, bench press your Drakaar.
Never forget to rekindle old pillage fires.
Instead of using the word “problem”, yell out “NYARRRGH!” and swing your battle-axe at something.
Have someone read you a book.
If there is a last slice of pizza, just TAKE it.
When undecided what color to paint a room, burn it down.
Street musicians are a treasure…stop and listen. If they amuse you, let them live. IF not, slay them and take their coins, which are now rightfully yours.
Equal pay, for equal pillage.
When your wife and you have an argument, don’t get angry. Instead, step outside, take a deep breath, and invade England.
Never underestimate the power of a kind sword.
When a child falls and skins their knee, take them gently into your lap, tell them to stop crying, and to suck it up and take one for Odin.
Opportunity can knock very softly…learn to listen for it. Then smash the door down!
You never get a second chance to make a first impression. So if your first impression is not successful, then slay your new colleague.
Make a list of twenty-five things you want to do before you die. Do them. And then die.
And finally, ALWAYS be the BEST VIKING you know how to be.