The M-Chip. (You-will-be-assimilated….)
You’ve heard about the “V-Chip” they put in TVs, right? Well, have you heard about the “M-Chip”?
This is one of my Friar Theories. I not only suspect that the M-Chip exists, but that it’s used extensively by most large corporations. It’s what companies plant inside employees’ heads to change the way they think, so that they may become “Managers”. (Hence the “M” in M-Chip).
If you look closely, you can see evidence of this. For example, you might have a supervisor, who seems pretty decent and relatively normal. You get along with them, you respect them. When push comes to shove, you know they’ll cover your back and stand up for you. Everything at work is as it should be.
Then one day, they send your boss off on a “course”, which is usually called something like “Leadership Training”, or “Management Academy” or “Sick Sigma Brown Belt”. (I think of it more as “Re-education Camp”).
When your boss comes back, they’re a totally different person. They start using fancy words like “expectations” and “commitments” and “performance improvement”. And let us not forget the all-encompassing clincher: “This is unacceptable!”. They stop speaking English, and start using acronyms. All sense of logic is gone.
What’s worse, is they start treating you like you’re in idiot, and lecture you on company policy and how you should work in order to keep Uncle Big Brother happy.
…Congratulations! Your supervisor has been assimilated by the Collective. They’ve now become a “Manager”!
Where does the M-Chip come into with all of this? Well, (according to Friar’s Theory), most intelligent logical people couldn’t possibly want to behave like this, without something in their brain snapping first.
So in order to make it work, companies insert the M-Chip into selected candidates’ brains. The M-Chip is not only a tracking device (to locate managers on evenings and weekends), but it also senses “non-manager” thoughts” and emits signals to correct them.
For example, a manager might be working on a Sunday afternoon, reviewing company documents outside on his lawn chair. He suddenly starts thinking “This is bullshit…I should be relaxing and spending time with my family!”. The M-Chip detects this anxiety and BZZZZAP! it sends a mild shock into his head, erasing these heretic thoughts. It then sends out pleasure signals once the poor sap starts reading the documents again.
Or take the case of a ridiculous new “Company Policy” that adds extra work with no added value. The staff complain to their manager that this makes no sense, and she find herself agreeing with them. As soon as this happens, BZZZZZAP!…our manager gets zinged by the M-Chip. Next thing you know, she starts praising the new policy and Uncle Big Brother, and explaining how this will benefit the company, and the “expectation” is that everyone SHALL adhere to it.
It’s pretty sad when someone gets “assimilated”. Furthermore, you gotta be careful when you talk to people you’re not sure about.
I know a colleague who used to be “cool”. We used to like to bitch about work and compare war stories, and have a good laugh.
Last time I saw them, I started joking about work again. They were about to laugh, then suddenly, they turned cold, and stopped. Then they started lecturing me that it’s not always a one-way street, you think it’s easy making fun of corporate affairs, but managers have to often deal with problems that are caused by employees.
Then I noticed a small scar on the side of their temple, where a small object might have perhaps been surgically implanted in their skull.
….. (Oh, no. They got you too, eh?).