Archive for April 2008

Beware the Soup Martyrs

April 30, 2008

Next time you’re in the lunch room, see if you can spot someone who does the following:

  1. They sit down to eat for 10 minutes.
  2. While they’re sitting, they only talk about work.
  3. The only thing they eat is a tiny bowl of soup (with an optional side-salad consisting of three leafs of lettuce).

Congratulations!  You’ve identified a Level I Soup Martyr.  

These keeners who deliberately forsake solid food so they can get back to work as soon as possible just BUG ME.  Oooh, aren’t they SO BUSY and SO INDISPENSABLE?  Don’t you wish you were more like them? 

Gee, maybe the rest of us lazy slobs should also gulp down our food, instead of selfishly eating tuna fish and (gasp)  using up the ENTIRE 45-minute lunch break.

But that’s only a Level I Soup Martyr.   At least these guys will make an appearance at lunch and pretend to socialize.  The Level II Soup Martyr, on the other hand, won’t even take the lousy 10-minute break.  They’ll bring their meal back to their office and catch up on work-related reading.

My God, that’s just SAD.  

While they’re at it, why dont’ they wear a hair shirt and start flagellating themselves in public? 

A Soup Martyr can be anyone, but (big surprise) they’re usually senior managers who are graduates of the Chip Implant Academy.   Poor souls, they’ve been “assimilated” into believing Uncle Big Brother is more important than basic bodily functions like eating.  (Sleeping is next to go, followed by family life.)

But at least the Level I and Level II martyrs are only affecting themselves.  They’re relatively harmless.   Who you REALLY have to watch out for are the Level III Soup Martyrs.  

These individuals have achieved the highest level of Meal Martyrdom.   They have attained a Zen-like state where they are able to fore-go the midday meal altogether, and can work on nothing but fumes and feelings of Action-Oriented Proactivitiy.  What makes Level III’s dangerous is they assume everyone else can (and shall ) be able to match their standards of workaholism.    

For example, I was once at a meeting that (I kid you not) went non-stop from 9:30 AM to 1:30 PM.   There was no coffee served, no food brought in, and no pee breaks were called.  

Everyone just sat at around the table, afraid to leave, while Mr. Marquis de Sade soldiered on, covering each of the several hundred items on the agenda.  Meanwhile, people to my left and right were dropping like flies.  (I think one person ended up on the floor in a fetal position, sobbing).  

Worst.  Meeting.   Ever.  

Towards the end, I was so delirious from lack of hunger, that I had visions of getting on the table and throwing my feces around the room, just like an enraged, stressed-out Chimp would.    (AEEECK! AEEECK! AEEECK! )   

(Fortunately the meeting ended and it didnt’ have to come to that.) 

THAAAAANK YOU, Mr. Soup Martyr!    

Moral of the story is, if you ever feel you’re too busy to eat, and you want to cut your lunch break short, watch out!  You don’t ever want to become one of THEM.  

The good news, though, is there’s a simple cure.  Next time you feel like over-working, just order a Super-Deluxe Double Cardiac Burger with fries and gravy.   By the time you’re finished eating, you’ll be ready for a nap at your desk, and all feelings of Soup Martyrdom will have vanished. 

Motivational Posters: Part II

April 29, 2008

Donald Trump’s motivational poster:

 

Donald Ducks’ motivational poster:

 

Sister Mary Helen (Our Lady of Perpetual Guilt)’s motivational Poster:  

  

Ritalin Boy’s motivational poster:

 

 The crime-witness-being-interviewed-by-a-police-officer-on-Cops‘ motivational poster:

 

Yoko Ono’s motivational poster:

 

Meat-Eaters versus Plant-Eaters

April 29, 2008

 CARNIVORE is to Tai-Bo as HERBIVORE is to Tai-chi.

CARNIVORE is to Bugs Bunny as HERBIVORE is to Mickey Mouse.

CARNIVORE is to denim and flannel as HERBIVORE is to Gor-Tex and Lycra.

CARNIVORE is to Baby Stewie is HERBIVORE is to Caillou.

CARNIVORE is to a bass boat as HERBIVORE is to a sea kayak. 

CARNIVORE is to a large cuppa coffee as HERBIVORE is to a Venti Cafe Latte. 

CARNIVORE is to Two and a Half Men as HERBIVORE is to Friends.

CARNIVORE is to an F-18 Hornet as HERBIVORE is to the Goodyear Blimp.

CARNIVORE is to growing crops as HERBIVORE is to planting a flower garden.

CARNIVORE is to the NFL Superbowl as HERBIVORE is to World Cup Soccer.

CARNIVORE is to Wonder Bread as HERBIVORE is to Multigrain cracked wheat.

CARNIVORE is to Karate lessons as HERBIVORE is to Yoga class.

CARNIVORE is to a Chevy truck as HERBIVORE is to a Toyota Yaris.

CARNIVORE is to downhill skiing as  HERBIVORE is to cross-country.

CARNIVORE is to Survivor as HERBIVORE is to Dancing with Stars.

CARNIVORE is to “All-You-Can-Eat” as HERBIVORE is to Nouvelle Cuisine.

CARNIVORE is to a Rottie as HERBIVORE is to anything resemblnig a poodle.

CARNIVORE is to Dubya as HERBIVORE is to Ralph Nader.

CARNIVORE is to Stephen Harper as HERBIVORE is to Jack Layton.

CARNIVORE is to Ah-Nold movies as HERBIVORE is to Chick Flicks.

CARNIVORE is to Myth Busters as HERBIVORE is to Daily Planet.

CARNIVORE is to AM talk radio as HERBIVORE is to NPR.

CARNIVORE is to Dr. Laura as HERBIVORE is to Oprah.

CARNIVORE is to bench-pressing as HERBIVORE is to using a Thigh Master.

CARNIVORE is to ice cream as HERBIVORE is to frozen yogurt.

….Finally,

CARNIVORE is to a Viking as HERBIVORE is to a Middle Manager.

 

 

 

Watercolor #8. Flight over Wrangell St. Elias

April 26, 2008

This was from a photo I took out of an airplane, on a scenic flight I took over Alaska a few years back…

 

Small-Town Radio

April 26, 2008

 

In Splat Creek, you can pick up the radio station from Poutine-Ville, an hour away, in Quebec.  

You gotta love the home-made commercials.  Like when an English Monsieur Carreau gets into a dialogue with a French truck driver called Ti-Boc about the new restaurant on the highway.  For those of you unfamiliar with French-Canadian culture, Mr. Carreau is not too far off of “Mr. Square-head” which is a mild slur against the English.  Ti-Boc is the American equivalent of “Bubba Joe”.   

The two of them will chat simultaneously in both languages and it’s kinda confusing.  But whatever your background, I’m sorry, you haven’t lived till you’ve heard the Ti-Boc commercial. 

During the evenings, people phone in their requests on a first-come, first-serve basis.  The station sticks the songs onto a computer that runs all night.   

After 8:00 PM, you never know what you might get.  It could be something decent.  Maybe Zeppelin or The Eagles.  The next song might be “Chim-Chimeree” from Mary Poppins.  Or the theme song from the Brady Bunch.   (I shit you not!  They routinely play TV theme songs!)  Or you might end up with a recording of “Toothless Joe Tabernaque” playing his tappin’ spoons at the Upper Carcajou Fiddle Festival.  

Saturday, all day, is Bluegrass gospel music.  But not the cheerful fun kind like they play on Hee-Haw.  These tunes are the creepy kind that whine and drone on.  

It reminds me of Deepest Appalachia, where toothless idiot-savants duel with banjos, mate with their sisters, and the fat sheriff might give you 30 days on the “county farm” for  having a broken taillight.  If you’ve seen the movie O Brother Where Art Thou?  you can relate.

Let’s not forget the stellar cast of “professional” deejays.  (Did I forget to mention this is an “all volunteer” station?)  

On one of shows, Great-Grampa Gargamel hosts a “Psychedelic Rock and Roll” show.  This might sound cool, but it’s not.   Not unless you like to hear someone talk through their dentures about the Byrds or Bob Dylan.  I suspect Great-Grampa was already in his 90’s when the Beatles broke up.  

I love the lady on Sunday afternoons.  A ball of fire, that one is: 

“It’s…uhhhh…ten minutes after two…And…hhh…what was that last song?…(20 seconds of silence)…Banjo Zeke and his Hillbilly Orchestra…playing…uhhh…I seem to haveforgotten…(where is it?)…uhhhhh…No, wait…here it is…”Nearest to thee, Lord Take my Shotgun or I’ll blow your Head Off”

“…The weather forecast for Poutine-Ville…(10 seconds of silence)…I’m looking out the window…its sunnny…uhhh…uhhhhhh…..the thermometer says 26 degrees…that’s warm, I think…Let’s play…uhhhhhhhh…another record.”

I”ve saved the best to last: Radio Bingo.  

Ho-Lee Shit.  As if Bingo wasn’t boring enough to see in person, imagine hearing on the radio, and BILINGUAL.  With the microphone right next to the Bingo machine, so you can hear the noise when the balls turn:

“(Rumble rumble rumble)… BEE….EIGHT…..BAY….HWITTE…(rumble rumble rumble)…..GEE…TWENTY FOUR….JAY VAINT KAT….(rumble rumble rumble)…OH SIXTY SEVEN…OH…SWASSANTE DEESE SET……(rumble rumble rumble)…”

Do you get the idea…?

I was listening to this once, driving my car.  And, not unlike watching a car crash, I had this morbid curiosity and for the love of me, I could NOT turn off the station. 

“(rumble rumble rumble) ….EYE FIFTEEN….”

Finally, after several minutes, I snapped out of it and turned the radio off.  

Twenty minutes later, I thought surely, the Bingo was done now…For God’s sake, nobody with a good conscience would put anything that heinous on the radio, for THAT long. Mabye the music computer is has started again..maybe they’re playing Def Leppard or Wayne Newton right now. 

So I risked it and turned the radio on again:

“…(rumble rumble rumble)….ENN TIRTEE TWO……ENN TRAWNTE DEU………(rumble rumble rumble)…”.

ARRRGH!   They were STILL at it!!!   

And God knows for how long, because I shut the radio off (after resisting the urge to drive into the oncoming headlights).

You know, there are certain things that should just NOT be allowed on the air!  

Where is the CRTC when you need it?

 

 

Motivational Posters for Dummies

April 25, 2008

I never understood the appeal of those motivational posters that people pay big bucks for.  Do these pictures actually inspire anyone?  Or do the office-keeners just hang them on their cubicle wall, because that’s what they’re expected to do, to demonstrate “leadership” and to impress others?

Because frankly, I think these posters are bullshit.  In my opinion, almost idiot can make up a motivational poster, and I’ll prove it right now. 

Pick any photo you like, put it on Abode Photoshop, and add some touchy-feely words in italics.  

That’s it.  That’s the secret. 

For example, here’s a vacation snapshot I took of the Oregon coast, to which I’ve added some words which I made up on the spur of the moment:

 

Ooooh…now isn’t that DEEP?    If you were my boss and I put this up on my wall, wouldn’t you think I was a pro-active motivated team player? 

Now remember, people, I’ve been making these up on the spot.  There was little or no thought put into this.  

Let’s try another.  Something a bit more inspirational, for the spiritually-minded:

 

You know, I surprise even myself that I’ve been able to come up with these so quickly. (In fact, it’s taking longer to enter everything onto my Blog than it was to Photo-shop these pictures).

Wheeee!  I’m having fun.  This is too easy!   Let’s try another:

 

 Sniff, sniff.  (Okay, I know there is a grammar mistake, but I’m still getting all choked up.)   Oprah herself would be reduced to tears.

Notice how I’ve been using the same photo.    That’s what’s great about motivational posters.   The relationship between the pictures and the words is totally irrelevant.  Anything works.   See?….

 

Now tell me that isnt’ just as good as something you’d order from expensive office supply store.  (Geez, I should be a consultant, and get paid big bucks for this!)

I can also have a bit of fun and make a smart-ass poster like they do in Despair Inc. (which is actually a hilarious site worth checking out). 

Heh heh heh.  Personally, I like this last one the best.   At least it’s honest.

 

Lookit what I can do….

April 24, 2008

I’m constantly hearing about everyone else’s fantastic accomplishments.

“….I’m building a guest house for my cottage….I ran 24 kilometers today with a split time of 1 hour and 25.2376 minutes…My 4 month ski holiday in BC was fanatsitc…I just bought a new bike…We’re taking the kids to Disneyland this year…”    Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Well, I watched 4.5 hours of TV last night.

I bought two shirts on sale for $29.99.

I’ve been to Clontarf, Ontario.

And yesterday I had a really good dump.

 Yep.   I’m UNDERACHIEVING…and Proud of It!

 

Super-achieving for a Cup of Coffee…

April 24, 2008

 An extra cup of coffee a day. 

That’s the extra bonus I could end up with this year, if I’m a really, REALLY GOOD little worker bee at the Widget Factory.

It works this way.   Our annual pay raises are pretty much pre-set.   If you do an adequate job, put in your 37.5 hours a week, doing just what’s required, you will earn a “Good” rating in your performance review.   Your pay raise will be something like 5 percent.   (Okay, fair enough.)

But, on the other hand, if you a great job,  bust your butt, and exceed your job description, your performance review could be rated “Excellent”.  And your pay increase will be something like 5 percent, plus another $500. 

So let me get this straight.   You can spend an entire year, putting in overtime, asking for more work, and going above and beyond the call of duty.  And in exchange, you will get a whole five hundred dollars more than someone who only did a so-so job.

You have got to be shitting me.

After taxes, that’s an extra $250 in take-home pay.  Divide that by 200 working days a year, and you get $1.25 a day.  Which just about covers the cost of one cup of coffee from our overpriced cheesy cafeteria.

Hardly seems worth it, does it?

Especially when everything is based on a quota system.  You see, it’s graded on a bell curve, so almost everyone gets rated as “Good” and only very few will ever be rated “Excellent”.

So even if you did invest all that time chaffing the rod and singing the company song, and your poo smelled like oven-fresh cinnamon rolls, you might STILL only end up with a “Good”, because the last “Excellent” was already given out to some Uber-Keener in another department.

Tell you what, Widget Factory.   I’ll work just hard enough to meet my requirements.  No more. No less.   And you can keep your cup of coffee.

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s quitting time and the lake is calling.  I have some bass to catch…   

     

Top Ten Assholes from Cartoons and Comic Strips

April 23, 2008

1.  Margaret Wade (from Dennis the Menace)

I think every kid grew up with a Margaret in their neighborhood. She’s the typical prissy little Mommy’s girl who refuses to play in the sandbox and get her dress dirty, who thinks she’s better than everyone.   Margaret is just too smart for her own good, and doesn’t clue in that everyone resents her arrogant air of superiority.  Yet she seems to be on a perpetual mission to “educate” Dennis the Menace and keep him in line. 

If she had it her way, Dennis would be a little wuss wearing a suit and bow tie, sipping crumpets and tea with her dollies.  I’m glad Dennis doesn’t succumb to this bullshit.   In fact, I’m surprised at how tolerant he is.  

If Dennis was a true seven year old, he’d call her an “idiot stupid head” and push her down into the mud.    And she’d deserve it.   But I got to hand it to Dennis.   Whenever Margaret is lecturing him for the umpteenth time, he usually laughs at her and teases her until she walks off in a huff.    (Attaboy, Dennis!)

I can just picture Margaret as adult:  a corporate professional with a “bitch cut” hairstyle and a grey man-suit with padded shoulders.  A Frigid Ice-Queen in a childless marriage, who drives her P-whipped Mangina  husband to drink (or to another wife).  Or both.

Dennis, stick to my advice.  Stop hanging out with Margaret.   Gina is way cooler.

2.  Caillou

If you’re three years old, you’ll love Caillou.  But if you’re any older than that,  you’ll want to gouge your eyes out whenever you hear the little rug-rat start the cartoon show with his sing-song voice: 

“I’m just a little brat…I shaved the neighbors cat…Mommy medicates me, I’m CAI….YOO”.

Don’t even get me started on what’s wrong with Caillou.  Suffice to say he’s an obnoxious whiny little maggot and his parents are idiots.    The kid deserves a good spanking.  Furthermore, the show is so damned goody-goody, diabetics shouldn’t watch it lest they go into insulin shock. 

If you think I’m being too harsh,  just google “I hate Caillou” and see what you come up with.   There are armies of parents who are forced to watch this drivel with their kids, who despise Caillou even more than I do.   In fact, there’s been so much hatred written against Light-Bulb Head that I don’t even need to elaborate any further. 

On a related note:  can anyone tell me why he’s bald?  Is it because they’re trying to make him cuter?  Or is it because he’s not well?    If it’s the latter, then he might not be long for this world.   We can only hope.

 3. Ash Ketchum (from Pokemon)

I find the whole premise of this cartoon disgusting.   Ash and his friends are supposed to capture and collect wild Pokemon, and “train” them to fight each other.

So let me get this straight.  You capture wild animals (or whatever the F#$@ Pokemon are supposed to be), force them into captivity, where you make them attack each other for your own amusement and self-glorification.    You…assholes!

And the Pokemon do get hurt when they fight.  Of course, Ash and the other “trainers” will feign concern, but do they really care? (After all it’s because of THEM that the Pokemon are fighting in the first place). 

Take away the cartoon aspect of it, and what you have is glorified cock-fighting.    Ash and his cronies are no better than those drug dealers who raise pit bulls to kill each other, and then profit from the winnings. 

Maybe the Pokemon should revolt, and force their cruel “trainers” into a ring, and make THEM fight themselves to the death.   

 Pika, Pika, indeed.

4. The Berenstain Bear Family (except the Dad)

Check out any Berenstain Bears episode, and randomly start your stopwatch.   Count how long it takes before you’re taught a lesson in morality.  You’ll be lucky if 60 seconds go by before you get lectured on sharing or doing homework or telling the truth.    I pity the poor kids who are forced to watch this PC crap.   (…whatever happened to coyotes with falling anvils or cats swallowing dynamite?)

But what’s even more annoying is the anti-male Feminazi agenda of the whole show.   Anytime the Bears needs to solve a problem, it’s Mama Bear to the rescue.  She’s always the wise one who has the answer.   Any time someone in the family is acting like an badly, (i.e. being selfish, lazy, or not doing the housework), it’s usually a male bear.  Often Brother, but mostly Papa.   

The obvious Bear Family Hierarchy goes from Mama > Sister > Brother, ending with Papa on the bottom of the shit-heap.   Instead of being an Apex Predator to be feared by all, Papa is portrayed as a buffoon/idiot.    There is also a trickle-down effect, as Sis often treats her older (and also more stupid) brother the same way.

It also goes beyond the family.  The town plumber and doctor are also women.  (Oh, gee, can you PUH-LEEZE be more obvious about letting us know that women can fill non-traditional job roles?).   The message of the whole show is loud and clear:  Women rule, and men are expendable and/or stupid.

I’d like to see what would happen if Papa suddenly got fed up of being P-whipped, and went berserk and acted like a REAL bear.    In the wild, male grizzlies are known to attack females and kill the cubs.

5.  Richie Rich’s Parents.

Richie Rich isn’t exactly an angel himself.  The comic strip refers to him as the “Poor Little Rich Boy“, but he’s far from anything BUT….He’s just a spoiled rotten little brat who has no concept of money or how lucky he is.   He hangs out with poor kids (Freckles and Pee Wee), who live in a freaking SHACK, but he never helps them.   But I digress here.  If you want a really good rant about Richie Rich, I refer you Things that Suck .

But you cant’ really blame Richie  He’s just a kid, who’s the product of the environment he was raised in.   He really doesn’t know any better.  

But what about his parents?  They’re adults, they SHOULD know better.   They live is such decadent opulence, yet you never see them ever talk about giving money to Africa or trying to curing AIDS.

Bill Gates has a bazillion dollars, but at least he’s been trying to do some good with his money, unlike Richies’ parents.  These two bosons do nothing but lounge around the house all day, with the Father puffing a pipe in his 1940’s smoking jacket, and the Fat-ass Mother lying on a couch covered in diamonds.  As far as I’m concerned, these two are just another bunch of rich selfish bastards who probably gained their wealth by exploiting the third world.

And talk about being an absentee parents.  You might occasionally see Richies’ dad, but most of the time he’s hardly ever there.  Richie’s Mom is ever more absent, to the point that you forget he even HAS a Mom.   And when have you ever seen Richie get a hug from either of them?   

You wonder why his parents even bothered…maybe they needed a pet kid for appearance purposes and got tired of him when the novelty wore off.  Richie ends up getting more parenting from his butler Cadbury than from his own family.   No wonder the kid’s messed up. 

6.  Big Moose

Why they let this abusive retard mingle with the general population in Riverdale High School is beyond me.  

Any time anyone even looks at Moose’s “gurl” Midge, they get the crap beaten out of them.   Yet everyone seems to accept it.  The teachers and parents do nothing to stop it…the kids are afraid to speak out, and Moose gets to continue his reign of terror.    I especially feel sorry for Reggie, who’s been pummeled by Moose so many times you wonder if he has any of this original teeth left. 

As for Midge:  for God’s sake, girl!  Get out of that relationship when you can…unless you want to start wearing sunglasses to school and explaining to people how you “walked into a door”.   

What would happen in real life if a student repeatedly beat up his fellow classmates in public?   He’d be expelled and hauled off to Juvie faster than you can say “duh”.  But not Ol’ Moose.  They just let him go back to class as if nothing happened.

I think Big Moose fell through the cracks of a failed education system.  He was probably one of those “Special Ed” kids who wore a hockey helmet to class and rode the “little bus” to school.   But the teachers probably didn’t know how to handle him, so they kept promoting him to the next grade.  As a result,  you end up with this angry 250 lb. high school senior who can barely read.

I wish Archie and his buddies would pull a Full Metal Jacket  and pin Moose down one night on a bunk bed, and then clobber him with socks filled with bars of soap.   Just to let him know what being beaten up feels like, and that they won’t take his crap anymore.    

What’s in store for Moose as an adult?  I see two options:   cannon fodder in Iraq, or serving 5-10 years in San Quentin for aggravated assault.

7.  Veronica Lodge

Here’s another Prime Asshole from the gang at Riverdale High School that I wish would die.   

Sure, she’s good looking, but not any more so than any of the other girls in the Archie Comics.  (They’re all drawn exactly the same way).   In fact, if you interchanged the heads of Betty and Veronica, you wouldn’t be able to tell the girls apart.

It’s her personality that’s the problem.  Veronica is downright toxic.    When she wants to, she can be sweet as honey, but within seconds, she’ll turn on you like a rattlesnake. I’ve lost count how many times she’s reduced her “best friend” Betty to tears.  

She also uses Archie to make Reggie Jealous, and vice-versa.   And if a third party comes along who’s even more handsome, she’ll take off with him  and leave Archie and Reggie hanging.   She’s just a pure cock-ease, with no interest in ever going steady with any of the boys.     

Not to mention the way she flaunts money in front of her friends.  What an asshole.  She’s stinking rich, yet insists that Archie pay for her dinner tab at the most expensive restaurants in town.   Archie can barely afford to keep his run-down jalopy car on the road, but instead of offering to help pay for a tune-up (or, God Forbid, chip in for gas money), all she does is bitch to him about it.    And how many times do you ever see her offer to treat everyone to ice cream at the Choklit Shoppe?  Zero.   

Daddy Lodge has millions, and that’s probably the only reason the whole town of Riverdale doesn’t ostracize her.   Still, for the love of me, I don’t know why Archie doesn’t tell that stuck-up bitch where to go, and date Betty instead.   Unless he’s a gold-digger, at which I have no pity for him, and he gets what he deserves.

8.  Mr. Dithers

Dithers is Dagwood’s proverbial boss from hell.   He not only constantly puts down poor Dagwood in front of other staff, but he also harasses Dagwood at home at all hours.  Even in last week’s paper, Dithers was looking for Dagwood on the weekend.  He actually BARGED INTO the Bumstead home, uninvited, and cornered Dagwood in the bathroom, who was hanging from the window, trying to hide.   WTF kind of psycho is Dithers? 

Not only that, but Dithers routinely kicks Dagwood’s ass.  Literally.  So there’s physical abuse, on top of the verbal and mental kind.   

Look, I can understand someone tolerating an abusive boss because they’re supporting a family and they need to keep their job.  But as soon as someone lays a single hand on you, sorry, all bets are off.   If any co-worker even tried to pull a stunt like that with me, boss or not, I wouldn’t be held responsible for my actions.

Dagwood.  Dude.    Get some cojones.  Stand up for yourself and smack the old geezer right back.  

And if you’re too henpecked to do that, then at least document all the times Dithers abused you, and get yourself a good lawyer.  Chances are, you have a strong case for harassment in the work place.  You might win a huge settlement, and wont’ have to ever work for that asshole again.

9. Pepe Le Pew

Pepe bugs me on two different levels.   First, the whole cartoon is based on the ONE JOKE.  A cat gets a stripe of white paint spilled on her back.  Pepe mistakes her for a skunk.  Then he spends the whole cartoon following her trying to get amorous.    

Okay.   Hah hah.   Cat is like a skunk.   The skunk wants her.  But she doesn’t want him.  Because he stinks.  He’s a skunk.    Hah hah.  Okay.  I get it.  Next joke, please.   (No, seriously.)  It’s not funny any more.  NEXT JOKE PLEASE….  

Second (and I’m not trying to be Politically Correct here ), but even the most knuckle-dragging Neanderthal can realize that what Pepe is doing is wrong.   It’s pure, blatant sexual harassment.    Pepe, when you give the cat a bear hug, and she kicks you in the face, it means she wants to be left alone.  The cat wants to be LEFT ALONE….LEAVE THE CAT ALONE, ASSHOLE!   

There’s actually one episode where the tables are turned, and the cat chases him, and he’s not too happy about it.    I wish they’d show more of this.    In the mean time, someone needs to file a restraining order against him.

I dont’ think this cartoon should be banned, though.  They should leave it on TV, as a lesson to the younger generation on how stupid people were in the 1950’s to find this one-line joke so funny.

10. The kids in General Mills Cereal commercials

I hated those kids with the Trix cereal, who would never give any to the Rabbit.   “Silly Rabbit…Trix are for kids”.    Yes, if those kids happen to be selfish greedy little bastards who have a whole box of cereal, and can’t spare one lousy bowl to the poor Rabbit.    I swear, there were times the poor Trix Rabbit was almost in tears, yet these little assholes would continue to eat in front of him and gloat about it.  

I wish a parent would come along and see what their precious little darlings were up to.  If I had a kid that pulled crap like this, I’d give him a Timeout until he finished 9th Grade, and he wouldn’t be seeing any Trix for a LONG LONG TIME.  In fact, I’d confiscate part of his allowance to buy some more cereal for the rabbit.

But if you think those kids are bad, what about the disrespectful little shits who keep tying to “Catch Lucky and his Lucky Charms”?  Excuse me, kids.  You don’t just go up to people and take their things.  Those Lucky Charms DON’T BELONG TO YOU.  They’re LUCKY’s.  For Chrissakes, STOP STALKING HIM and trying to steal his cereal.    

Did it ever occur to them to ASK HIM politely?   …Apparently not.   

These kids are lucky (pun intended) that Lucky is so good-natured.   He only uses his magic in a benign manner, such as making a hot-air balloon to escape from his tormentors.   What if he used his magic to lock the little beggars in a cage underground to teach them a lesson?    Or created a T-Rex to attack them, and send them to the hospital?   If I were those kids, I’d back off.  You don’t want to screw with a Leprechaun.

 

Friar’s Artist Tips: Cheap brushes work just fine.

April 20, 2008

In a typical art supply store, watercolor brushes range in price from $3.00-10.00 for the cheap synthetic ones, to $20.00 (and upwards) for ones made with sable fur.

$50.00…. for stupid BRUSH.  (Yikes!)  Who has the money for THAT? 

When it come to brushes, I’ve learned this is one area you can skimp on.   About 10 years ago, my teacher told me to save my money because the cheap-o brushes work just as well as the premium animal fur variety.   

So that’s what I’ve been buying ever since, and it seems to have worked out okay.   The paintings I’ve posted on this Blog (or sold) were all done with the lowest-priced brushes I could find. 

Plus I’m a “weapon” (i.e. I tend to break and/or lose things).    So if I end up trashing a $4.00 brush, who cares?