Ask a Duck-Toller
I’m 28 years old, and I want to start a retirement plan. What’s the best investment of my money? Do I maximize my RRSP contributions every year? Or do I use all my extra cash to pay down my house as soon as possible? What are the tax implications?
Perplexed (Racine, Wisconsin)
I like to retreive balls. I like bouncy balls. I like furry tennis balls. I like the balls with the bell inside. Any type of ball will do. I like the way they smell. I like they way they bounce. I like the sound they make when they bounce.
When someone throws a ball, I like to run after it as fast as I can. Then I bring it back to them. Then I hope they throw the ball again. And again. And again. And again and again and again.
Oh, God, I really LOVE to retrieve!
I’ve been married to my husband for 40 years. I really love him, but he has a serious gambling problem. It’s gotten so bad, that he blows his entire paycheck on the slot machines, and lies to me about it afterwards. Our life savings is gone. I’m afraid we will lose our house, or worse. My marriage is falling apart. What should I do?
Concerned (Yazoo City, Mississipi)
I would like to retrieve a ball now. A nice, bouncy, shiny rubble ball. That’s what I would like. Where is the ball? Where? I think they hid them on me. I want to retreive a ball. I want to retreive a ball NOW.
I’m searching….Wherezit? Is there a ball under the bed? No. Wherezit? Is there one behind the couch? No. Wherezit? Is there one in the closet? …FIND IT!!!
No, wait…I FOUND ONE!!!! It was between the washer and drier in the laundry room, and dusty and dirty. It was stuck there for two years. But I FOUND IT….I FOUND THE BALL!!!
Oh JOY JOY JOY JOY!!!
My oldest daughter is getting married, and I’d like her father to be at the wedding. However, he refuses to show up unless I invite his new wife. To tell the truth, I really hate this woman. She has never said a kind word to me and we dont’ get along. In fact, last time we spoke, she punched me in the face and told me to make her a sandwich. Do I have to invite her, or can I just invite my ex?
Mother-of-the-Bride (PoutineVille, Quebec)
I have the ball. I’m dropping it at your feet. (Pant! Pant!) Please throw it, so that I may retrieve it. I really REALLY want to retrive it. (Pant! pant!) For God’s sakes (pant! pant!) will you just THROW IT THROW IT THROW IT THROW IT THROW IT THROW IT THROW IT THROW IT THROW IT THROW IT !!!