Only in Splat Creek, Ontario…
…Can you go to a picnic area after work, and meet two drunken yahoos who invite you to drink beer with them, fire a BB pistol at cans, and teach you how to throw a hunting knife at a tree so the blade sticks in.
…Will the only major Burger King within 30 miles refuse to sell you hamburgers, because their “grill is broken”.
…Can you personally email a restaurant manager about the poor service you received, and the next day get scolded by people all over town, who tell you that you “oughtn’t to have complained like that”.
…Will fellow fishermen act so friendly at the dock, that they’re not the least bit shy about taking a piss right in front of you…literally 3 feet away.
…Will the only Chip Wagon (located next to the main park and soccer field) close at 6:00 PM during peak summer hours. (Actually, I heard if you showed up at 5:50 PM, he’d grumble at you about it being almost closing time).
…Will the Town Library stay open all day, but close between 5:00 PM-7:00 PM, just when everyone is getting home from work.
…Can you buy Baby Formula at the Cheezi-Mart, but when your kids are weaned and you stop buying it, the store manager gives you shit. (Because you should have TOLD him, now he has stuff back-ordered.)
…Will you find a video store that sorts its movies chronologically rather than alphabetically. (Good luck trying to find a movie unless you know what year it was made in.)
…Will the local restaurant refuses to give you a table for the buffet because you didnt’ “reserve”, even though the place is 90% empty and nobody is waiting in line.
…Can people living in a small town of 4,000 feel superior to the people in the neighboring small town of 900.
…Can you drive through the bush, and meet a Grizzly Adams look-alike wearing combat pants and hunting boots, who invites you to his shack for supper, offers you beer, and (if you want), some weed.
…Can you write a Letter to the Editor to the local paper, and then have some old retired fart harass you on the phone, and try to come by your house to talk to you, because he doesn’t agree with what you said.