Super-achieving for a Cup of Coffee…
An extra cup of coffee a day.
That’s the extra bonus I could end up with this year, if I’m a really, REALLY GOOD little worker bee at the Widget Factory.
It works this way. Our annual pay raises are pretty much pre-set. If you do an adequate job, put in your 37.5 hours a week, doing just what’s required, you will earn a “Good” rating in your performance review. Your pay raise will be something like 5 percent. (Okay, fair enough.)
But, on the other hand, if you a great job, bust your butt, and exceed your job description, your performance review could be rated “Excellent”. And your pay increase will be something like 5 percent, plus another $500.
So let me get this straight. You can spend an entire year, putting in overtime, asking for more work, and going above and beyond the call of duty. And in exchange, you will get a whole five hundred dollars more than someone who only did a so-so job.
You have got to be shitting me.
After taxes, that’s an extra $250 in take-home pay. Divide that by 200 working days a year, and you get $1.25 a day. Which just about covers the cost of one cup of coffee from our overpriced cheesy cafeteria.
Hardly seems worth it, does it?
Especially when everything is based on a quota system. You see, it’s graded on a bell curve, so almost everyone gets rated as “Good” and only very few will ever be rated “Excellent”.
So even if you did invest all that time chaffing the rod and singing the company song, and your poo smelled like oven-fresh cinnamon rolls, you might STILL only end up with a “Good”, because the last “Excellent” was already given out to some Uber-Keener in another department.
Tell you what, Widget Factory. I’ll work just hard enough to meet my requirements. No more. No less. And you can keep your cup of coffee.
Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s quitting time and the lake is calling. I have some bass to catch…