Dear Olaf…

  

(Olaf ThunderFröck is a Registered Viking who provides family counselling services.  He is certified in Advanced Pillaging, Stabbing and Going Berserk).

 

Dear Olaf;

My son spends too much time playing video games on the computer.  It’s starting to affect his social life.  He doesn’t go out with friends anymore, and he’s not getting enough exercise.  Whenever I confront him he just shouts “Oh Mom!” and we get into a big argument.  I’m at wits end.  How do I get him to stop?  I wish he’d just go outside and be a kid again.

Concerned Mom

 

Dear Concerned;

Nyarggh.   I have seen these “games” of which you speak.  With flashing lights and such.  They puzzle me, for they are nothing like our own Viking games where we fight to the death.  It sounds like your son has fallen under the spell of some kind of pagan wizardry.   

I would banish your son into the wilderness, armed with only a broad-sword and the clothes on his back.  If after a year he still survives, then yea, surely he will have earned a name for himself,  and can rejoin your household with Honor.  If not, then the buzzards shall feast on his skin and the Gods will be placated.  

———————————————————————————————-

Dear Olaf;

My office mate sits in the cubicle right next to me.  He constantly plays the radio loud and it distracts me from my work.   I’ve repeatedly asked him to turn it down, but he tells me to shut up and ignores me.   I could complain to HR, but I’m afraid that I’ll be branded a “tattle tale”.  What should I do?

Annoyed Worker

 
Dear Annoyed;

Here is my solution.  Just take your axe and breach the cubicle wall.   It always helps to let out a blood-curdling battle cry:  “AIEEEEEEE! YAHHHHHH!  NYARRRGH!!!!!”  While your co-worker is distracted, take your mace and SMASH his music-box, and set fire to the pieces. 

If he protests, then slit his throat and feed him his own tongue.

End of problem.  

—————————————————————————————– 

 Dear Olaf;

I’m thinking of buying a puppy for my three year-old.  I know that this may be too young, but I grew up with a dog and I turned out okay.  Plus I’ve heard that giving a child a pet is a good way of teaching them responsibility and building character.   What do you think?

 Dog Lover

 

Dear Dog Lover;

Aye…animals!  This reminds me of the time we once pillaged a farm off the Saxon coast.   What a glorious day. As the looting fires burned, we smashed down a barn door.  We found livestock, and thought we would amuse ourselves by throwing the piglets in the air, to see if we could catch them on our spears.   HAR!  HAR!  HAR!

My battle companion Krull-Dor threw the first piglet but it missed his spear.  The pig landed on his face, bit his nose, and ran off.  All the piglets escaped.  Krull-Dor lost part of his nose, and Lars Bloödspurten called him Krull-Dor the Noseless.  There was much merriment and laughter about that!  HARR! HARRRR!  HARRRR! GNARRR! 

But I digress.  Now, excuse me, but what was your question again?

 —————————————————————————————–

OLAF’S INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE OF THE DAY:

“Seek first to Understand…then pillage and burn!”

 

 

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