Friar Versus the Gray Heads Part III

Man, some people in this town just don’t know when to quit.

If you recall, a few months ago I wrote a letter to the Splat Creek Chronicle, bitching about the crummy store hours and the bad customer service we get in town.  This was hardly what I’d consider ground-breaking Op-Ed journalism.   But my editorials riled up the townsfolk and the debate lasted a good 6-7 weeks, with angry letters flying back and forth. 

I even experienced my first Senior Stalker (see Friar Versus the Grayheads Part I and Part II).

I thought this whole kerfuffle had finally (and thankfully) fizzled out, until I opened up this week’s paper.  There is was:  the main editorial, almost half a page, quite obviously devoted to me.  

It was implied that the store hours in town are not that bad,  that I should shop ahead and plan for holidays, and that I should get to know the town better instead of going to the “Big City”.  

You know, I was ready to let the whole thing drop and move on.

But now, I might just have to write another letter.  

(…you wanna piece of me? )  

Oh, this is ON.  

This is SO ON !!!! -)


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22 Comments on “Friar Versus the Gray Heads Part III”

  1. Sandie Says:

    I so want to read these letters! How small is your town?

  2. Friar Says:


    Town is about 4000 people. Everybody knows everybody, almost everyone here works at the Widget Factory in some way or another.

    I’d love to put those letters on my Blog, but anyone reading them would identify me and possibly themselves and I’d be getting even DEEPER is sh*t.

    (I’m already getting enough flack from the yokels as it is!) 🙂

    Just wait till I submit my next letter, though. I’m really gonna stir things up (though I’ll have to wait till next week to see if I get published, and then wait yet another week to see if I get a reply).

  3. Can I just say kerfuffle is my new favorite word?

    A while back I went to my local Kinko’s at around 6:30 and they had just closed. Some lady was outside whining about how in the city (I live near a major metro city) they stay open all night. I mean, she was just going on and on and I was like, “Lady, I feel your pain but you’re just not in the city anymore. Welcome to Smalltown, U.S.A.”

    But if someone down the street takes it upon themselves to open a 24-hour copy shop, well now, that could be interesting 😉

  4. Friar Says:


    I’d LOVE to see more competition in this town. But they dont’ allow it.

    ….because the City Council wouldn’t approve of any new businesses that don’t fit in with the Good Ol’ Boys Club.

    Locals want to keep things “just so” and dont’ want to improve service. But then they whine that people should “buy local”. (Wah.)

    When I write my editorials, I often refer to the “Big City”. These two words seem to especially rile up some townsfolk.

    “Big City”. Heh heh heh. Another Kerfuffle. 🙂

  5. @Friar, That’s kind of how it is here except the good old boys are definitely not the ones running the show. Mostly, they keep out some of the large chains to try and keep smaller businesses alive and I’m down for that except sometimes I wish we had a Target.

  6. Aah, now I’m so envious of your best buddy since he can have a good laugh for all of us. 🙂 Damn. Those grey heads as you so affectionately name them might want to apply for widget factory shopping hours which would allow you to knock off early to go shopping before they pack away their gear in the middle of the day.

  7. Friar Says:

    I normally try to give the Little Guy my business. For example, there is a fishing/hunting store here. He’s a bit more expensive than the big-box stores. But he’s so friendly and he gives great service, I’d rather shop at his place.

    Too bad people like him are the exception and not the rule. There is something weird in town (must be the drinking water or something). A lot of the merchants here just don’t care. (I think they’re either in it for the tax write-off or as a semi-retired hobby). They just dont seem to want my money. (????)

    Well, as of a few weeks ago, I got transferred from the Widget Factory’s main site, to the branch office..right in town! I walk to work,and I go home for lunch. (Sweet!)

    And yes, I DO get to see all the wonderful stores and businesses during the day that I’d normally never get to see.’s like a whole other town.

    Hmmm…so this is what the Gray Heads get to experience. No wonder they dont’ complain.

  8. Small towns can be tough..

    Here in lovely Middleboro MA, we’re entertaining the notion of an Indian Casino. We had a town meeting about it last year, and did vote to allow it. In front of a crowd of appx 4,000 (30% of whom voted AGAINST the casino), I made a speech supporting the idea.

    I’d say every one of the non-supporters would like to see me riding a rail out of town. Fortunately most of the local pols also supported the idea, so they get most of the hatred.. maybe they’ve forgotten about me by now – I can always hope, anyway..

  9. Friar Says:


    Well, if there is any consolation, these small-minded small-town people ain’t necessarily the brightest. Hopefully their attention span is short and they’ll find something else to bitch about before your casino gets built.

    If not, maybe you and I will end up as fugitives from the Status Quo police. (I hear they’re hiring up in Fort. McMurray, Alberta 🙂 .)

  10. Friar,

    You HAVE to write another letter — and you HAVE to share it with us!

    (oh, and I’m with Melissa: “kerfuffle” was a fantastic word choice.)

    Thanks for making me smile!

  11. Karen Swim Says:

    Ha! Cooking up trouble again eh? Well small towns can be very resistant to change. Another letter would be interesting and I’d love to see show up here! In the meantime, watch out for the greys! LOL!

  12. Friar Says:


    I wrote a post a couple of months ago…”Only in Splat Creek”.

    I’m going to borrow from that, and submit that as a letter to the editor. (Hee! Hee! Hee!). Oboy, are some people gonna be ticked!

    But to be fair to the Grayheads, I’ve heard just as many congratulate me, and tell me that it’s about time someone spoke up and said something, and shook up this town! 🙂

  13. Friar Says:


    Well, you might have to wait a few weeks. The next issue (if they print my letter) comes out next Wednesday. And it will be the following Wednesday after that to see if anyone writes back.

    But they will. People in this town have no life.

    PS. I’m delighted I’ve popularized “kerfuffle” this week.

  14. wendikelly Says:

    Maybe the purple pole sisters will have so come to town and shake things up.

  15. Friar Says:


    I dunno…if you come here, I can’t be held responsible for your safety.

    If you gals start dancing around May-poles and putting on body paint, they mayor of Splat Creek might declare you witches and order you burned at the stake.

    If I recall, the last witch burning in Splat Creek took place only 12 years ago…:-)

  16. wendikelly Says:

    Listen Partner,
    You don’t start spelling my name right, I’m gonna come and tie you to a maypole and paint you a multitude of colors. Then let your Mayor do what he will with that info.
    Or I’ll drop you off at High noon at a Lotto bat fry.
    I did warn you that I’m one of those *Nice* girls…right?

  17. Friar Says:


    Sorry, I’ll try to get your name right next time, Wendeigh.

  18. wendikelly Says:


    picking out paint….

    calling lotto bats….

    fetching the pole…

    starting the fire….

    Friar? May I have a word with you please? For just a moment? Tapping foot..just slightly….

    narrowed eyes….Friar gets THE elbow pinch, goes down, wakes up, painted mult-colored, hanging from a pole……

    Friar….it is spelled: Wendi

    You’ll have time to think about that up there. the Lottery Bats will be over in a few minutes to help you…

  19. Friar Says:

    @Wendi (with an ‘i’ )

    Now, Wendi… do I dot the “i” with a smiley face?

    (I just want to make sure I get it right!) 🙂

  20. wendikelly Says:

    Dotting with a smiley face is reserved for holidays and special occasions.
    It looks like you have it right.

    Thank you very much.

    OK Granny Lottery Bats you can take him down now…no sorry, you can take him home to play with after lunch, you’ve had your fun.…He can wipe of the paint all by himself..Thanks anyway………

    I’m glad we won’t have to go through that again. I think they were quite *fond* of you.

  21. Friar Says:

    We also have Burger Bats in town (shudder).

    That will be for another post…though.

  22. When’s the last time you used the word “rapscallion”?…

    The talented (and hilarious) Deep Friar wrote a post a few weeks ago that included the word “kerfuffle.” We all got a big kick out of his word choice, and it got me thinking about other old timey words that have fallen out of use in today’s lexic…

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