Stupid Bear Candy

Look what some (ahem) smart-ass left by my front door this evening. 

Gee, any guesses as to WHO this might be? -)

I’m sure it was done on purpose, because of my recent rant about the Berenstain Bears.

Check it out, though.  Apple juice-based, fat-free, gluten-free fruit snacks.  

Oboy, every kid’s dream.

It figures…Leave it to the crunchy-granola “PC” Berenstain Bears.  

They can’t even get candy right.




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22 Comments on “Stupid Bear Candy”

  1. Sandie Says:

    THANK YOU for referring to fruit snacks (even apple based gluten free fruit snacks) as candy! I kinda have a “problem” with fruit snacks. Once I start, I can’t stop. But…reminding myself that it IS candy helps.

  2. Friar Says:

    Well, in Friar’s opinion, it barely qualifies.

    Lamest. Candy. Ever. 🙂

  3. Kelly Says:


    Funniest. Friend. Ever.

    Gotta admit, if he wasn’t already married, he’s very thoughtful… he’s obviously the type who remembers birthdays and brings flowers on Valentine’s Day… and you haven’t found a lady yet…

    He was thinking of you. It’s sweet. Like candy. 🙂



  4. Friar Says:


    At first I thought it was Girl Guide cookies or something, but then I saw the stupid bears….and though, Oh, NO…you have GOT to be KIDDING ME!

    Yeah…I think I know who migth have done this! 😉

    First time someone has bough me candy like this in years. Too bad it wasn’t a Viking Lady.

  5. Matt Says:

    Wouldn’t “sans gluten free” be loaded with glutens?

  6. Friar Says:


    Welcome to Canada, where everything has to be in the two Official Languages.

    Even stupid bear candy.

  7. Matt Says:

    Yeah, I know. 🙂 Just funny that the attempt to be clever or save space produced a statement that means the exact opposite of what it’s supposed to. Even here in the US most people will use “sans” when they want to say “without” and sound all hoity-toity and would easily read that as one phrase.

  8. Friar Says:


    Yeah, some things in French just dont’ translate all that well.

    Once, I saw a “Two scoops” commercial for Raisin Bran…sung in FRENCH.

    “Deux cuillierees de raisins secs, dans le Raisin Bran…KELLOGG!”

    Gawd! It was HEINOUS!

    No wonder Quebec wants to seperate. 🙂

  9. @Friar You know, I think that would be hilarious to watch.

  10. Friar Says:


    Oh…it was! :-). I almost pissed my pants laughing.

    I often see gems like this when I flip throught the channels

    How about Charlie Brown cartoons? In English, they have actual children doing the voices for the cartoon characters. But in French, they have adults talking in childish squeakly voices, trying to SOUND like kids. It’s SO BAD.

    Especially when Lucy asks “Shar-Lee” to kick the “Fuet-Bawl”.

    I also managed to catch Southpark in French. OMG! Nothing like seeing grade 4 Colorado school kids curse and swear in Parisian French. And Eric Cartmans sounds like a throat-cancer victim screaming at the top of his lungs. I couldnt’ understand a word he was saying.

    For pure entertainment, I highly recommened checking out out French-Canadian TV. (in small doses!)

  11. This is NOT candy…This is tease candy. Which I guess fits perfectly well here… Viking fingerprints all over this one, I am guessing.

  12. Friar Says:


    You’re 100% right. This is NOT “real” candy.

    This is just lame-ass-nutritional- snacks-that-kids-eat-only-because-they-don’t- know-any-better candy.

    It’s also piss-off-the-Friar candy.

    And, oh, yes. I found Viking footy-prints around my house yesterday. They were definitely underfoot.

  13. Brett Legree Says:

    (lurking in the shadows, the barefoot Viking strikes with Stupid Bear Candy…)

  14. Friar Says:

    Oh…THERE YOU ARE…Brett!

    You wouldn’t happen to know anything about this, would you now?

    (Naaaahhhhhh….I didnt’ think so) 🙂

  15. Brett Legree Says:

    Nope, not me, I’ve been hanging out with the Purple Pole Sisters.

    (Man, does that sound inappropriate… 🙂 )

  16. Friar Says:

    …You said pole.

    Purple pole.

    Heh heh heh heh heh. 🙂

  17. neyellen Says:

    I’m not purple and I dance around the pole – not on it!

    Purple pole. Yeah, I get it.

    Sandie is right. This is doublespeak. What a bunch of shit. Can I say shit on your blog Friar? I am anxious to see what you do with these people. They may torch your house.


  18. Friar Says:


    Oh no…we already corrupted Melissa’s blog with the pole theme, and now we’re starting to corrupt mine.

    Well, not really, The Deep Friar is already pretty corrupted.

    Don’t worry, you can say shit on my blog. I do it all the time.

  19. neyellen Says:

    Shit Friar, you are too much.

    Just got my headset. Hopefully it works tomorrow. Bright and Early!

  20. Friar Says:


    I’m trying Brett’s headset on my old computer. If it dosent’ work, then I migth be “Slient Bob” tomorrow and listen to all you guys yack.

    @Brett. Sorry…this candy REALLY SUCKED!!!!

  21. You are a riot! I have to go read the original post.

    I ate a bag of sugar free gummies once from Trader Joe’s and I got soooooo sick!! Ack.

    The way it says “sans gluten free” is a double negative, since “sans” means “without” in French. I had to read that several times to realize they made a bad description choice. What they want to say is that there is No Gluten, but in fact, what they wrote (as far as bilingual people read) is that there is gluten.

    …I just read other peoples’ comments. I’m glad I’m not the only weirdo to notice that.

  22. Friar Says:


    Quebec is so against being purely English, they go out of their way to translate EVERYTHING, often with stupid results (just like you and Matt have pointed out).

    Sans-Gluten-Free. Yeah, makes sense to me 🙂

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