If these aren’t names of garden flowers, they should be…




– Dick Weed

– Chlamydia

– Fiery Crustaceans

– Wild Foonies

– Blue Simians

– Labia

– Fox Trot

– Emphysema

– Horn  Scrape

– Pink Chowder Heads

– Ornices



Explore posts in the same categories: Friar's Grab Bag

Tags: , ,

You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.

22 Comments on “If these aren’t names of garden flowers, they should be…”

  1. steph Says:


  2. Ellen Wilson Says:

    I see you have been delving into your field guide. I like the way you are reinventing the English language.

    I had this friend in my botany class at MSU and we used to get a kick out of the common names for some of the plants: spicey bush.

    I can’t do it justice here, I’d have to set it up as dialogue, but it was something about a weed in the spicey bush.

    I’m sorry. I just don’t know where my mind is these days. It all started somewhere in Vegas, and then you jumped in the icey water.

    I like your flower picture by the way. It’s very balanced. But not too balanced, because that wouldn’t look right either.

  3. Kelly Says:


    ROFLOL. You have such a keen eye for the absurd. I needed a laugh—thanks!



  4. Friar,

    My neighbor, Labia Blue Simians, was just telling me what a perfect gentleman you are.
    I said to Labia, “Don’t you be telling me that. Why just the the other day he had his Fiery Crustaceans all over my Wild Foonies.”
    Labia raised one eyebrow , shifted in her wicker chair and said, “Well you were hanging out at the Fox Trot again. You know darn well what happened to Chlamydia Ornices there. ”
    I went back to rocking in my porch swing, nodded. ” Well, they say the horn scraping worked wonders for that. ”
    Labia went back to her Junior League minutes, “Uh huh, but her Daddy’s still sending her off to Pink Chowder Heads for the summer.”
    Shocked, I looked at my friend, ” Doesn’t he know about the lake there?
    Labia didn’t even look up, “Apparently not.”
    I said, “Uh oh, Friar stocked that lake with magical trout.”
    Labia smiled…and so did I.

    Ahhh…..cute flowers Friar. 🙂

  5. Brett Legree Says:

    If you cross Dick Weed with Labia, you get Bhumpeen Ooglies… but be careful to keep it clean, or you get Chlamydia…

  6. Kelly Says:

    Mix southerners, Canadians, and Saturday, and you get chaos. Y’all are NUTS.

  7. Friar Says:

    Oh, you are all very NAUGHTY gardeners! (Especially you, Janice!).

    Fiery Crustaceans also sounds like a terrible disease. I hope I never catch THAT.

  8. How was your Race?

  9. Friar Says:


    That was pretty clever writing you did…..I saw you discussing the “gift” you left me on Brett’s blog, so of course I had to go back to my blog and check it out.

    I’m just glad you didn’t mention “Claire”. 🙂

    Race was pretty huge…thousands of people. It was a learning experience. I finished it…so I know I could do it. It was mildly amusing. I didn’t hate it. I didn’t love it. Meh.

    Friars are NOT built for speed. But then again, there were still people crossing the finish line 20-30 minutes after me. (So at least I wasn’t DFL).

    That’s “Dead F**king Last” (a commonly-used term, if you grew up with ski-racing).

  10. I did the Crescent City Classic years ago. Just because. Okay some girlfriends and I dared each other. I am familiar with DFL. No we weren’t. I am glad I did it. The t-shirts were a hideous shade of yellow that looks good on no one,notthe really nifty yellows, but they and our medals got us congratulatory drinks at New Orleans Country Club after the race and bragging rights.. so it was good.

    Who is Claire?

  11. Friar Says:


    I got ripped off. 50 bucks to join the face, and when I picked up my racers kit, the only mens’ T-shirts they had left were “Small”.

    I am NOT a small man. Far from it.

    I took the T-shirt anyway. Out of spite. Mabye I’ll wear it and stretch the hell out of it next time I run. Or use it as a rag for my paint brushes.

    A bonus was that they had an outdoor concert after, and it was David Wilcox. I stood 20 feet from him, watching him play for an hour.

  12. Well, that’s something. He has a nice sound. Better than an ol’ stinkin’ tee shirt. You could give it to one of the little Viklets to sleep in.

    Do you know about the Nature Conservancy’s nature photo contest?

  13. You’ve gotta be tired from the race. I’m going to go catch some zee’s myself.


  14. Karen JL Says:

    Dick Weed is one of my favorite insults!

    And DFL is also a ‘technical term’ used in sailboat racing…meaning the same thing of course.

    Nice blog you got here…and I also enjoyed the ass-ets of your ice water pic. 😉

  15. Friar Says:


    I’ve always liked Dick Weed, but you don’t hear that one too much. As for DFL…cool! I never heard that outside ski racing. I’m glad other competitive sports use it too.

    Oh,no….don’t tell me you’re going to join up with the infamous butt-crack posse? 🙂

  16. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – the other variation is ‘Dick Wad’ which I rather like.

    And yes, I am joining the posse…we gals loves us some good man-butt. 😉

  17. Karen JL Says:

    Hey Friar. Just posting this to check out my OpenID thingy to see what happens. Bear with me and thanks for being my guinea pig. 🙂

  18. Karen Swim Says:

    LOL! You crazy Friar you! DFL is much better than a DNF, happy to say I’ve never experienced either. Only you could come up with this list , I cant wait to see what you have planned for the rest of the week! LOL!

  19. Ahhh, what an inventive and scheming mind you have. It takes a special person to think of these cool flower names. Did you forget to take your meds? 🙂


  20. Friar Says:

    @Karen (Swim).
    Hey, I got two Karen visitors now.

    Yeah, I finished the race, at least. I was almost, but not quite DFL (Out of about 370 men in my age group, I came in 5th last!). HAHAHAHAH!. I love it!

    Yes, I come up with these names mostly on my own (or borrowed the words from other sources). But still…they all ought to be garden flower names, don’t you think?

    And…yes, I could use some meds. 🙂

  21. There’s this commercial on TV where the guy calls himself a dillweed. The first time I saw that commercial I went into hysterics. It was the way he said it, very dry and serious. Now, we need to find you a job naming the flora.

  22. Friar Says:


    :-). I saw that commercial..it was two guys paying pool, right?

    I loved that ad!

    I think it must have been the first time ever that “Dillweed” was used on TV as an insult.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: