The End of Days: Ten Sure Signs of the Impending Apocalypse

 

 

 1.  Michael Jackson
Do I have to explain?  I mean….come on….LOOK AT HIM!

 2.  Raspberry Fanta
Because nothing edible should be this blue.  Ever.

 3.  South Park, in French
This is wrong on so many levels, that I cant’ describe it.   Check it out on You Tube if you dare.  Especially Cartman.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1T_pz7UfNRo

 4.  Paris Hilton
The epitome of worshipping false idols.  (What purpose on this planet does Paris actually serve, anyway?) 

5.  Prozac for Dogs
Yes.  Anti-depressants for pets.  It’s quite common, actually.    While the Third World starves to death, we need to give Bowser prescription meds so he doesn’t feel sad.

Sheesh.  No wonder some countries hate us.

 6  Dick Clark is getting old
After half a century of being 29 years old,  poor Dick is finally starting to show his age.  And it’s caught up to him with a vengeance.

 7.  Cirque de Soleil
Yes, I realize that what they do takes incredible strength and agility.   But the Cirque creeps me out.  It’s like an entire circus made up of Evil Clowns (except they’re half-naked).     

(I’m sorry…this just ain’t right!) 

8.  Donald Trumps’ Hair
Seriously.  WTF is that on his head?  I think it might be some kind of succubus that latches onto his brain, controls his thoughts, and makes him act like an idiot.  

(Actually, that would explain a lot.)

9.  Gordon Ramsay
His show is aptly named “Hell’s Kitchen”.  I think he’s the worst human being on TV.   This screaming prick-pilot makes Simon Cowell look like Mr. Rogers.

Yet his trembling acolytes willingly put up with his crap (Yes, chef!  No, chef!  Three bags full, chef!  ) in exchange for their souls and a remote chance of one day running a Hell’s Kitchen of their own.    

All their ass-kissing and hard work, just so yuppies can dine on Foie Gras à la Crème de Merde.    

Ahhh.   Human Achievement at its finest.   

10.  Deep Fried Cheeseburgers
As if cheeseburgers alone weren’t greasy enough on their own…no, let’s batter them up and then fry them in fish oil.  

(Sweet Jesus have mercy!)

Hey, nobody loves junk food more than me.  But this is way over the top…

(Even the Friar has standards!) 

 

  

 

 

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23 Comments on “The End of Days: Ten Sure Signs of the Impending Apocalypse”

  1. Allison Says:

    1. Yep.
    2. Weird.
    3. Oh, my.
    4. Yep.
    5. Yep.
    6. Yep.
    7. Awww, I love Cirque du Soleil! 😦
    8. Yep.
    9, Yep.
    10. Eeww…

  2. Friar Says:

    @Allison
    Oh well….9 out of 10 aint’ bad. 🙂

    (I think women tend to tolerate the Cirque more than men, though)

  3. Allison Says:

    I always wanted to perform with Cirque du Soleil. 🙂

  4. Friar Says:

    Wow…you must be in incredible shape!

    Those people are too bendy for me! 🙂

  5. Allison Says:

    Always wanted to do the contortion/hand balancing act in Varekai. 🙂

    I used to be in good shape, but alas, no longer. Hopefully after graduation I can start dancing again, and get back in shape!

  6. Karen JL Says:

    “a la creme de merde”…hahaha (I don’t know how to type accents)

    I don’t mind the Cirque either. I could look like them…I just choose not to. And I dig a circus that has no animals.

    So where do you stand on deep fried Mars bars?

  7. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    Noooo, not Gordon Ramsay! I’ve ven posted about him (his other series, Kitchen Nightmares, is about restaurant Experience Design). He’s my foul, loudmouthed idol.

    Ah, at last the Friar tumbles from his pedestal. I like the rest of the list (Cirque creeps me out, too), but Gordon is a genius. A genius, I tell you.

    Karen JL,

    I’ve heard deep fried candy bars are awesome but I haven’t tried any. That kind of trend could take a millennium to get to where I am, and when I’m in someplace (anyplace) better, there’s so much food I miss that hot candy doesn’t get a place. Have you tried them? Curious.

    I have made deep fried truffles (the chocolate kind, not the mushrooms) at home. Those were amazing. Thought I’d died and gone to heaven.

    Regards,

    Kelly

  8. Friar Says:

    @Allison
    Sushi and dancing? You’re quite multi-faceted. What other tricks do you have up your sleeve?

    @Karen JL
    See? Another woman with have no problem with the Cirque…! I think it’s a guy thing.

    Deep Fried Mars Bars…..Hmmm. Dosen’t sound too appealing…like a melted chocolate bar you left in your pocket. But I would try it…at least ONCE.

    PS. I cheated with the accents. Cut and paste them from Word.

  9. Sandie Says:

    Oh my gosh. You are totally right. I have to go find god now. brb.

  10. Friar Says:

    @Kelly
    Actually, I’ve seen Kitchen Nightmares…I dont’ mind that show. Gordon is a bit rough around the edges, but he seems down to earth and appears quite likeable, and he’s helping people get their business back on track.

    But as soon as he’s in “Hell’s Kitchen”, it’s like he becomes another person. My Gawd, I hate him! When I watch that show, it gets my blood pressure up…if someone screamed and yelled at me like that on a constant basis…I’d start giving it right back to him.

    What really makes me mad is how the other people put up with his crap. Million dollar restaurant or not, some things are just not worth it…stand up for yourself, and show some integrity!

    Just once, I’d like to see one of these big guys say “F– you..Chef!” and shove him across the kitchen.

    Or how about everyone says they’ve had enough, and they walk off the set?

    As for my pedestal….ahhh…I’ve fallen off so many times, I don’t bother climbing it anymore! 🙂

  11. Steph Says:

    Hey, what happened to my comment? 😦

  12. Friar Says:

    @Sandie
    Yes…repent! repent! The end is near! 🙂

    @Steph
    Dunno…(???). Melissa was losing her comments too last week. (Usually you’re the first one to write back!)

  13. Karen JL Says:

    @ Kelly and Friar
    I haven’t tried the Mars bars either…but probably would. There’s a place somewhere in the US that will fry absolutely anything apparently. I think they invented it. I have tried deep fried ice cream (it’s a Mexican dessert) and it’s soooooooo good. Mind you I think ice cream and chocolate are gifts from the Gods anyway.

    And I’m with Kelly on the Ramsey thing. I do like the guy and I know it’s just a ‘show’ he’s putting on for the show. I mean *really* Friar, would you even watch the thing if there wasn’t that drama going on? How bloody boring would it be? “Oooo look, they’re frying a Mars bar now”….snore. 😉

    ps: Hell’s Kitchen tonight!
    pps: I think the REAL sign of the apocalypse would be Paris Hilton procreating. Period.

  14. Friar Says:

    @Karen JL
    I saw a show (on “Redneck TV”)…some restaurant in the States…they deep fry SALAD and even soda! (They drop Coke directly into the fry vat…and then serve you the crunchy nuggets). People will eat anything if it’s deep fried.

    I do like Deep Fried Ice Cream. Like you said, from Mexican restaurants. It’s usually a nice thin crispy crust on the rock-hard frozen ice cream. it’s not saturated and soaked with grease all the way through like the cheeseburger.

    I must admit…Hell’s kitchen is like a car crash. You can’t help but look at it. i do watch the show occasionally.

    But I do get fed up with reality TV. All that conflict and high-pressure deadlines. Heck..I might as well go back to the office!

  15. Brett Legree Says:

    Why didn’t you put “beetroot and fried egg on a hamburger”? I love those myself, but I know you think “that ain’t right”… that’s got to be a sign that the Four Horsemen ride, no?

    🙂

  16. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    You know what? I was THAT CLOSE to putting it on the list!!

    It certainly gets an honorable mention. I might add it when I make this list (Part II).

    (My apologies to Monika!)

  17. Mania Says:

    @ Karen and @ Friar

    If you want to type International Accent Marks and Diacriticals, this is a helpful website: http://www.starr.net/is/type/altnum.htm

    Just hold down the Alt key and type the number 130 on the number keypad and voila you get é (e accent aigue). Ç â à ç ê ë ï ü è

  18. Friar Says:

    Thanks, Mania…

    (I never could remember how to get those damned accents).

  19. Kelly Says:

    Mania,

    On a Mac it’s much easier than that (where I mostly am) but THANK YOU, because when I’m on a PC I can never remember and I end up using the little alt menu, which I always have to fish for. This will be very handy!

    Until later,

    Kelly

  20. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Oh, I’m sure Monika would let you away with it 🙂

  21. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Just so long as I don’t make fun of Vegemite (Ozzies get a bit defensive when you do that…I find). 🙂


  22. Allison had a good idea there, so here’s my take:

    1. He’s an alien.
    2. Blue drink = blue tongue
    3. Say “Who killed Kenny?” in French. You know you want to.
    4. You really have a thing about Paris. Pick on someone your own size 😉
    5. Dogs have feelings too
    6. Sadly, it was inevitable
    7. Awww, I love Cirque du Soleil! 😦 (you and me both, Allison)
    8. Another alien
    9, Satan in the flesh
    10. Eeww… (again, I’m with Allison)

    Another fun post Friar 😉 Keep ’em coming!

  23. Friar Says:

    @Melissa

    Of course, I had to try the blue drink. Average/mediocre. It was forgettable.

    And I knew I’d get scolded for making fun of Paris again…Mabye I shouldn’t. But it’s just so DAMNED easy! 🙂

    And I’m beginning to realize that the Cirque de Soleil is a Female Conspiracy. It’s geared primarily towards women. (I have yet to meet one guy who will admit that he likes it).

    Ah..vous avez tué Kenny…bâtardes!


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