The End of Days: Ten Sure Signs of the Impending Apocalypse
1. Michael Jackson
Do I have to explain? I mean….come on….LOOK AT HIM!
2. Raspberry Fanta
Because nothing edible should be this blue. Ever.
3. South Park, in French
This is wrong on so many levels, that I cant’ describe it. Check it out on You Tube if you dare. Especially Cartman. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1T_pz7UfNRo
4. Paris Hilton
The epitome of worshipping false idols. (What purpose on this planet does Paris actually serve, anyway?)
5. Prozac for Dogs
Yes. Anti-depressants for pets. It’s quite common, actually. While the Third World starves to death, we need to give Bowser prescription meds so he doesn’t feel sad.
Sheesh. No wonder some countries hate us.
6 Dick Clark is getting old
After half a century of being 29 years old, poor Dick is finally starting to show his age. And it’s caught up to him with a vengeance.
7. Cirque de Soleil
Yes, I realize that what they do takes incredible strength and agility. But the Cirque creeps me out. It’s like an entire circus made up of Evil Clowns (except they’re half-naked).
(I’m sorry…this just ain’t right!)
8. Donald Trumps’ Hair
Seriously. WTF is that on his head? I think it might be some kind of succubus that latches onto his brain, controls his thoughts, and makes him act like an idiot.
(Actually, that would explain a lot.)
9. Gordon Ramsay
His show is aptly named “Hell’s Kitchen”. I think he’s the worst human being on TV. This screaming prick-pilot makes Simon Cowell look like Mr. Rogers.
Yet his trembling acolytes willingly put up with his crap (Yes, chef! No, chef! Three bags full, chef! ) in exchange for their souls and a remote chance of one day running a Hell’s Kitchen of their own.
All their ass-kissing and hard work, just so yuppies can dine on Foie Gras à la Crème de Merde.
Ahhh. Human Achievement at its finest.
10. Deep Fried Cheeseburgers
As if cheeseburgers alone weren’t greasy enough on their own…no, let’s batter them up and then fry them in fish oil.
(Sweet Jesus have mercy!)
Hey, nobody loves junk food more than me. But this is way over the top…
(Even the Friar has standards!)