Make them Stop!

Okay, crows have now officially made it to the top of my list of  Assholes in the Animal Kingdom.

I have a flock of surly teenage birds that likes to hang around my house.

Every morning… 

…at 5:45 AM…

…like freaking clockwork…. 



For @#% SAKES….


THE F*&$%K   



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24 Comments on “Make them Stop!”

  1. veredd Says:


    That sounds SO ANNOYING.

  2. Ellen Wilson Says:

    I can relate. In the UP it was the whipperwill. Then, the other day, it was a cardinal or robin. Always that early morning squawking. Doesn’t matter where you are. All you can do is go outside and throw stones at them.

  3. Friar Says:

    If I didnt’ like animals so much..a pellet gun would be tempting….Soooo tempting 🙂

    The stupid birds seem to make the rounds. My house seems to be their start-off point.

    I’ve already gone out a a few times at dawn, and yelled at them, and chucked a few pebbles. It seems to work.

    But those mornings make for a Grumpy Friar.

    Assholes!! (Why can’t they just play nice and be quiet like all the other birds?)

  4. perhaps they are trying to tell you something???

  5. Friar Says:


    Yes…that’s it. I can hear their voices in my head…It’s all starting to make sense now…

    Go…Friar. Go climb that clock-tower with that rifle.

    Make them pay…all of them…MAKE THEM PAY…! Bwah-ha-hah! 🙂

  6. Crows zeroing in on the Letter Writer’s Home….perhaps your “fans have put little bits of crow bait around your windows…Nahhhhh, that wouldn’t happen.

  7. Friar Says:


    If I really wanted to stir things up, I should write in and complain about the asshole crows!

    (Naaah….even the Friar has his limits!)

  8. Okay, take a spin and google Hugin and Munin the two crows that hang out with the Norse god Odin. Maybe those are Viking Crows.

  9. Friar Says:


    Ooooh…an obscure Viking reference! I never would have figured this out! I’m impressed (as will be Brett!) 🙂

    Okay, I’ll find out which two birds are Hugin and Munin, and I’ll cut them some slack.

    As for the other ten assholes that hang out with them and squawk…Hmmm!!!

  10. chuckling. I thought you would like that. Wait’ll Brett hears. He’ll be wanting some Viking crows of his own.

  11. Friar Says:


    If they were Viking crows, I’d assume their names would have been Ĥjĕkyl and Ĵyĕkyl.

  12. neyellen Says:

    That is some weird doodley shit over the words Heckly and Jeckyl, Friar. I’m impressed. How in the fuck did you do that?

    You must kill the crows. And sacrifice them Then eat them. Crow pie.

    I like crows. A lot. You can teach them to talk. And they like shiney things. Ah! Put some shiney things out and the crows will be distracted and get them! They will be too busy picking at the shiney things to be loud!

  13. ROFLOL!!!! Good one.

    Ahh, time for wine and the next part of the day. 🙂

  14. neyellen Says:

    Where in the hell did my Wilson Ellen go? See what happens when you get married? What a bunch of shit. I like Ney, but no one can pronounce it properly. They say knee, and other such crap. It’s actually French! Good God! Well, French German. One of those border bastard things. I’m a border bastard thing. Haheee! Better for the gene pool.

  15. neyellen Says:

    @Janice – You know what’s important. Painting and wine. Not always in that order. But you get it done. And really good, I might add.

  16. Karen Swim Says:

    Friar, I’ll swap your crows for my geese, they’re Canadian they would be right at home!

    @Ellen, groovy photo! Is the other photo your Wilson photo?

  17. Sara Says:

    Growing up, crows from the tree next door used to divebomb us in our backyard. “Yay! Smile! Happy swing time! OMG! The crows are attacking! Run for cover!! My eyes!”

  18. Friar Says:

    I agree with you. The crows must DIE.

    I like crows…but NOT at the crack of dawn.

    PS. I just cut and paste the squirley accents from Microsoft Word Symbols.

    I lived with those 60 geese on my front lawn a few years back. They shat all over the place and were hissy bitches. But at least they learned to keep quiet in the mornings.

    (I still think they’re a-holes, only less so, than the crows!)

    I’m with you. Except I’ll take a cold beer, instead of the wine (It’s more manly that way, you see) 🙂

    Geez, that sounds awful (but kind of fun, in a scary way).

    It makes me think of one thing: get the tennis racket out! 🙂

  19. Steph Says:

    Odin’s crows…Thought and Memory, right? I think that’s what they meant…

    I don’t mind them so much…they blend in with the screeching blue jays, and then the gold finches and cardinals and all other manner of very vocal birds at 4 am!

  20. Friar Says:

    Wow…I’m impressed how everyone knows about Odin’s crows, except me.

    Another bird that annoys me are loons. (which I might not even discuss might be another post!)

  21. Yeah. I hear that.

    No matter where I go on the planet, there is this bird I call the Car Alarm bird, it sounds like those car alarms from the 1990s that do 3 calls of the same sound, then on to like 30 other sounds, each 3 times. This mutha chirps all night and day. Anyone who hears him just wants to shoot him, but I have never seen him, don’t even know what he looks like. There is always just one of them dominating each block. Wah-wah-wah. Tttirt-Tttirt-Tttirt. Rewow-Rewow-Rewow. AAAAah. Fly away bird. Please fly away.

  22. Friar Says:


    Man..that would drive me nuts!

    Based on everyone’s comments, I’m begining to suspect that birds were put on the planet to annoy us! 🙂

  23. Timmy Supercell Says:

    I had the same problem here too! Exept these aren’t crows. we have these odd sounding jungle like birds, and they chirp from 4:00 am to 6:00 am. And then start chirping again by evening. So many of them chirping at the same time, constantly.

  24. Friar Says:


    Well, we don’t have those type of birds in Canada. Where are you from?

    As I write this post (almsot a year later), the crows are back. Even more than last year. And they’re just as obnoxious.

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