Now Popeye’s gone P.C. on us, too.
Remember those Popeye Cigarettes you used to eat as a kid? They came in a red package with Popeye on the cover. Inside were a bunch of white cylindrical-shaped sticks made out of corn starch.
You had to admit, even the most Special-Ed kid would realize that these were pretty lame renditions of cigarettes. Especially with that blob of red dye that was on the end of each piece of candy. Gee….do you really think it’s lit?
Cigarettes or not, I didn’t care. I just liked the taste of the candy. I still do.
And you can still buy Popeye Cigarettes….SORT OF.
Because look at what Popeye is up to now…
It’s now been changed to ” Tasty CANDY STICKS”….!
(To those of you unfamiliar with the phonetic alphabet, that’s WTF.)
Because GOD FORBID should ANY REFERENCE be made to cigarettes. Lest our precious darling kids get influenced by the glamour of smoking, take up this filthy habit, get lung cancer and DIE!
Oh, no. The Children! Save the Children! Our precious cargo of humanity MUST be protected against such EVILS of SOCIETY.
And just to make sure everything is perfectly risk-free, sanitized, sterilized, and devoid of any possible trace of imagination, they’ve also removed the little spot of red-dye on the end.
So now we’re just eating white pencils.
And I dont’ wanna hear any granola-Moms writing in and saying “Oh…I think this is a good thing. We don’t need to expose kids to cigarettes at such a young age, I’m glad they changed the candy“.
‘Cause that is a load of crap. Hey, we all grew up with Popeye cigarettes. Not only that, but there were also other chocolate and bubble gum cigarettes, that went out of their way to resemble ACTUAL cigarette packages. Our parents let us buy those all the time, and they didn’t see a problem with it.
Because they knew we were just playing and using our imaginations. We also liked it because it was a different way to eat candy.
And despite all this horrible influence, I managed to grow up without ever wanting to take up smoking (Never have, never will). That pretty much goes for all my friends, too.
So Popeye, mabye you should just LIGHTEN UP.
In the mean time, we’re still stuck with his lame-ass CANDY STICKS.
Kinda sucks all the fun out of it, dosen’t it?