Who are the People in Your Neighborhood?

There’s this meme going around, where you’re supposed to describe yourself by answering simple questions.

I don’t know who started it.   But the first I heard of it was from Steph.   Then Monika.

Of course, I couldn’t leave well enough alone.   I had to make my own version:

**********************************************************************

I am:      Olaf the ThunderFröck, son of AelFrùd the Horrible.
I think:   It’s time to invade England.
I know:  Those Englishmen have a stash of booty hidden in their church, somewhere.
I have:   A broad-sword, and a battle-axe.  (Who among you, shall challenge me ?)
I hate:   Englishmen
I love:   Thumping and pummeling Englishmen.
I miss:  The Vinland
I fear:    (???)  I don’t understand.   What’s this word mean?
I hear:   The battle cries!….HNYARGGH!  Excuse me.  I must go burn and pillage now.

**********************************************************************

I am:      Caillou, that whiny little cartoon character.
I think:    I’m an accident.
I know:   Mommy has a drinking problem, and Daddy’s been having an affair with the social worker.
I have:    A remarkably spherical head.
I miss:    Riding the Little School Bus with my Special-Ed classmates.
I hate: Making boom-boom in my Pull-Ups (like I just did now).
I love: Sippy cups, cheerios stuck up my nose, and cartoon characters even more obnoxious than me.
I fear: My lack of hair.   (Why am I bald?  Is it chemo?  Am I going to die?)
I hear: Mom and Dad arguing in the next room, over who gets stuck with me in the custody battle.

**********************************************************************

I am: Tippy, a hyper-active Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever.
I think: I’d like to retrieve a BALL right now.
I know: There must be a BALL stashed around the house somewhere.
I have: A nose that can detect the odor of a rubber BALL, to within one part per billion.
I miss: When nobody is around to play with me and throw the BALL.
I hate: Cats, vacuum cleaners, and fireworks.
I love:   Swimming, and retrieving.  (Did I tell you I like to retrieve?)
I fear:    I have lost the BALL.  Wherezit?  Where?  Where?  OMG!  I must FIND IT FIND IT FIND IT.
I hear:   My masters’ car, ten miles away.  He’ll be here soon.  Maybe he’ll throw the BALL.  YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP!

**********************************************************************

I am:       Old Man McGillicuddy, the cranky old guy down the street. (That’s MISTER McGillicuddy, to you!)
I think:    Today’s young folks have it easy.  Not like WE had it, back in our day….
I know:   That I’m smarter than all you young folks think you are. .
I have: Way too much time on my hands.
I miss: MattLock.  Big Band Music.   Getting it up.
I hate:    Today’s music.  Today’s values.  Those damned kids who won’t stay off my manicured grass.
I love:    Hosing down my driveway.  Old-man hats.  Werther Originals.  Canary-colored golf pants.
I fear:     ATM’s.   Anything electronic.  And especially, driving more than 30 mph.
I hear:    Eh?   What’s that?  EH?

**********************************************************************

I am:      Chinese Olympic Medalist.
I think: I better just do what I’m told
I know:   I would be in the salt mines, right now, if I hadn’t have won.
I have:    A gold medal.  Anything less would be unacceptable.
I miss:    My family.  But they promise I can see them again, now that I’ve won.
I hate:    Failure.   Like getting Silver, and being second-best in the world.
I love:     My country and winning and representing China (at least, that’s what I tell them).
I fear:     My coach.
I hear:    They’re looking for gymnastics coaches in the U.S.

**********************************************************************

I am:      A Canadian Olympic discus thrower.
I think: I should just enjoy this while it lasts.
I know:  Nobody will remember me, after this is all over.
I have:   A positive attitude.  After all, isn’t the Olympics about doing your best and having fun? (I keep telling myself this).
I miss:    Tim Horton’s.
I hate:    Coming in 38th.   (Last Olympics, I made it at least as far as 36th).
I love:    Being able to get away from the crummy summer we’re having in Canada, and experiencing some warm weather for a change.
I fear:     That if talk too loudly about wanting to win, my fellow Canadians will scold me and accuse me of flag-waving.
I hear:    They’re hiring at Tim Horton’s.

**********************************************************************

I am:      Fallopia Moonchild
I think:   Like, if we would just stop judging everyone, and accept each other’s energies and karma,  the world would be a better place, you know?
I know:  That the Republicans are large corporations are conspiring together to create global warming, to cause the extinction of the whales.
I have:   Multiple tattoos and face piercings.   And lots of free time on my hands.  (Even more than Old Man McGillicuddy).
I hate:    Stereotypes, racism, and negativity.   And also spiders in the bathtub.
I love:    All of humanity.   The vibrations of the Universe.  And granola.  Sweet crunchy granola.
I miss:   The sixties. (Too bad I was born in ’82).
I fear:    Having to shave my legs, and getting a job.
I hear:   The sound of my own inner drummer, beating to the pulse of Mother Earth.

**********************************************************************

I am:      The Friar:  full-time engineer, part time smart-ass (or is it the other way around?)
I think:   I’m hungry.   When do we eat?
I know:   Shit floats,  you can’t push a rope, and water flows downhill.  Aside from that…not much else.
I have:    An attitude problem. (Seriously…someone ought to give me a good talking to.)
I miss:    Playground swing-sets before they got all fucked up and were made too “safe”.
I hate:    Lima beans.   Asshole squirrels.  And the Berenstain Bears.
I love: Red meat.  Southpark.  Large-mouth bass.   And making hamburger out of sacred cows.
I fear:    Evil Cirque de Soleil clowns (Shudder).

Advertisements
Explore posts in the same categories: Friar's Grab Bag

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.

44 Comments on “Who are the People in Your Neighborhood?”

  1. Writer Dad Says:

    I am: Caillou, that whiny little cartoon character.
    I think: I’m an accident.
    I know: Mommy has a drinking problem, and Daddy’s been having an affair with the social worker.
    I have: A remarkably spherical head.
    I miss: Riding the Little School Bus with my Special-Ed classmates.
    I hate: Making boom-boom in my Pull-Ups (like I just did now).
    I love: Sippy cups, cheerios stuck up my nose, and cartoon characters even more obnoxious than me.
    I fear: My lack of hair. (Why am I bald? Is it chemo? Am I going to die?)
    I hear: Mom and Dad arguing in the next room, over who gets stuck with me in the custody battle.

    That’s super funny. My son went through a two week phase where he adored Calliou. Luckily, I convinced him that it was lame.

  2. Friar Says:

    @Writer Dad

    I find parents either love Caillou or hate Caillou. (Either way, the feelings are very strong).

    I figured I might get scolded by some irate Caillou fans (I have been on previous occasions).

    But I’m glad to see you’re not one of them, and that you’ve set your son straight! 🙂

  3. Writer Dad Says:

    If they had a show where people threw things at Calliou, I would get cable back.

  4. Karen JL Says:

    I Hate: that you wrote Southpark instead of South Park.
    …and you call yourself a fan.

    (I’m a part-time smart-ass too! 😉 )


  5. Friar, I adore you even though we are total opposites. You always make me smile. I am most like the Moonchild. Not exactly, but a few things in common.


  6. Love, love, loved it.
    Friar, you just crack me up – terminally. I nearly had a coronary while laughing so hard it now hurts. Damn, I wish to take a peek inside your brain. There must be a lot of conversations going on at the same time.

    How you come up with these ideas is beyond me, really.

    Old Man McGillicuddy reminded me of Splat Creek and your ongoing saga with the local dears. Ha, I can actually just picture him too. He wouldn’t be the gezer who drives the Merc with his rimmed hat on would he? 🙂

  7. Steph Says:

    AHAHAHAHAHA!!! These are the best!! Are you ever GREAT at creating characters, Friar! Why aren’t you writing more stories? I could totally hear the different voices in these!

    I was trying to pick my favourite, but I can’t. Maybe the Canadian one, that’s a really hilarious one. Maybe the Chinese one, too. And the granola chick (although she would be like, ooh, a spider in my bathtub! Ooh, no, don’t hurt it…look at it, at his pretty colours! he’s cute!!)


  8. Friar,
    I like them all..but you the best. I hate clowns. TThe source of many childhood nightmeres. Then maybe the baby…but he’s so sad…

    Hey, did you get the e-mail I sent you? I am holding the comment that you sent to LLI until I hear from you.

  9. Brett Legree Says:

    Now I know what you were up to last night Friar…

    Excellent list (and a tip of the hat to the Viking!), here’s one more!

    I am: Brett’s pet rock.
    I think: …
    I know: …
    I have: …

    (you get the idea)

    But the one you totally have to do is Tiboc and his dog Carcajou…

  10. Friar Says:

    @Writer Dad
    If you google “I hate Caillou”, you’d be suprised to see what some parents write (Unprintable here!) 🙂

    We should start the ACA (Anti-Caillou Anonymous).

    @Monika
    Yes, I must admit, Splat Creek has inspired Old Man McGillicuddy.

    @Steph
    Mabye I should put these characters together in a book like that CBC guy McLean.

    @Wendi
    You might not think the baby (Caillou) is sad, if you saw the obnoxious cartoon. (But it’s a tough call…parents are split on this. Kelly thinks Caillou is great).

    I havent’ checked my gmail in a few days. I’ll take a look at your e-mail tonight.

    @Brett
    I really liked your Terminator one, (but I forgot to print it out). What you wrote was perfect..I didn’t want to wreck it by changing the words. It will have to be re-posted.

    Based on the response here, I thnk I might have to do a Part II of this.

    Ti-Boc and Carcajou. (Heh heh). I almost forgot about them.

  11. Friar Says:

    @Melissa
    No, you’re not quite like Fallopia Moonchild (because she’d be obnoxious and self-righteous and preachy). You’re too sweet for that! 🙂

    @Karen JL

    You hate it when I mis-spell Southpark?

    Screw you, girl! I’m goin’ HEWHM. 🙂

  12. Karen Swim Says:

    Friar, I don’t know Callilou but her (his?) meme was hysterical! You have an attitude problem? No way! LOL! I would write more but laughing too hard. ROFL!

  13. Brett Legree Says:

    Friar,

    I’ll try to find it, and if we can’t, we can “new and improved” it… for Part Deux

  14. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    “…if I talk too loudly about wanting to win, my fellow Canadians will scold me and accuse me of flag-waving.”
    *big wink*

    Love them all even though I’m a Caillou fan. Your hatred of the little guy is so funny!

    Regards,

    Kelly

  15. Friar Says:

    @Karen
    Caillou is a he (but the voice was done by a woman) Snotty little kid with a round head like a hot-air balloon (worse than Charlie Brown).

    You either love him or hate him. (Guess what category I fall into?)

    It’s a Canadian cartoon, I dont’ expect it would be seen in the States too much (but apparently Writer Dad and Kelly know about it).

    @Brett
    I’ve saved your old email. We’ll have to resurrect the Terminator.

    @Kelly
    See? Our comments on your post yesterday inspired me to write about the Canadian athlete!

    PS. I just KNEW you’d write in, supporting Caillou. (But that’s okay, I still love ya!) 🙂

  16. Steph Says:

    @Friar: Oh. You should totally write a story or three. 🙂 Your characters, here or elsewhere, are the very best. Entertainment by Friar is very quickly becoming my favourite kind. Who needs TV? (There’s YOUR tagline, though I know you’re probably gasping.)

  17. Friar Says:

    @Steph

    “Who needs TV when you got the Friar?”

    I like it. (Maybe I’ll steal that from you!) 🙂

    I do have a few stories up my sleeve (just that I get side-tracked with silly posts like this one that just pop into my head).

  18. Steph Says:

    You don’t have to steal it. Take it! 🙂

    The Deep Friar: Who needs TV?

  19. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar
    Well then you stay HEEAH and I’ll go HEEAH. 🙂

    I had emailed you too with no answer…*sniff, sniff*

    And I’ve never watched Calliou in my life, I’m happy to report.

  20. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Sor-reee. (I’ll look for your email tonight) Nothing personal. I just have different accounts, and I sometimes forget to check my Gmail for long periods of time.

    But don’t forget to respect….my…AUTHORITAW !!!!

    (…and maybe, like…Hey!…..KNIT ME A SWEATER!) 🙂

    I’m relieved, though, that you’re not an animator working on Caillou storyboards (otherwise, I’d have to disown you!) 🙂


  21. Friar

    I’ll just give you the short version here. You used your real name in the post instead of Friar. So I held it back. Should I let it go or do you want me to insert *Friar* in its place?
    I am trying to protect to you if you still wish to remain unknown.

  22. Friar Says:

    @Wendi

    Ooops!

    Yes, Please put down “The Friar”.

    Not that I dont’ trust you guys. But there may be “spies” around the Factory or in Splat Creek itself.

    Thanks for looking out for me! Much appreciated! 🙂

  23. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar
    Hey did you know season 11 is on DVD? Don’t know if you buy them or not… I’m off to treat myself today. 🙂

    “What-ev-ah! I’ll do what I want!!”

  24. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    No, I dont’ buy the DVD’s (It’s on every day on the Comedy Network, so I get quite a healthy dose of Cartman). And the shows are pretty recent too.

    Just as long as nobody gets kicked in the NnnnUHHHHTS. 🙂


  25. Old Man McGillicuddy. LOL. I have his long-lost brother in my neighborhood. But seriously, why DO old people hose down their driveways?? I can think of 6 million things I would do before succumbing to that level of inane boredom.

  26. Friar Says:

    @Rebecca

    It’s a dormant old-man chromosome that kicks in after age 70. (God, I hope I don’t have it!) My Dad never did…so maybe there’s hope for me yet 🙂

    Never understood that. News Flash, old people. Yes. Driveways will pick up dirt and grit. That’s because you’re OUTSIDE. DEAL WITH IT!


  27. Those are hilarious! Olaf, the Chinese, the Canadian, and your own Friar are my favorites! Fallopia Moonchild sounds most like my inner train of thought. eeek.

  28. Friar Says:

    @Jaden

    You and Melissa seem to be kindred spirits! 🙂

    Like Brett says, I’ll have to do more (Keep your eyes peeled for Part II).


  29. For the love of all that is sacred and holy, Friar dared to mock memes!

  30. Friar Says:

    @Urban Panther

    Yes, I can just hear the voices now:

    “Heretic! Heretic! BURN HIM…!!!”

  31. nancy Says:

    Cdn athlete…I miss: Tim Horton’s
    LMFAO!!


  32. Hi Friar,

    I must say I love the originality you used with this meme. I know a lot of others have done it, but no one like you.

    Thanks for the chuckles!

  33. Friar Says:

    @nancy

    Wonder what your Sports-Fan Dad would think of my comments? 🙂

    @Barbara
    Well, I looked at what othere people were writing, and I saw this was a meme that was just BEGGING me to do my own smart-assed version!

    (Glad you liked it!). 🙂 .


  34. Barbara,

    Our Deep Friar is one of a kind…THAT’s for SURE!!!

    I think that’s probably a good thing, can you imagine two of them?

  35. Friar Says:

    @Wendi

    Sometimes I think ONE of me is too much!

  36. mattt Says:

    Ah, yes, Caillou the Moron. Can’t stand that kid’s cartoon. Very funny, that!

  37. Friar Says:

    @Matt
    Welcome to the Anti-Caillou Association! 🙂


  38. “It was begging me to do it”…..this is SOOOOOO much better than any meme I ‘ve seen. LMAO.

    Do your lab mates at the widget factory just smile every time you walk by, knowing that your brain works like this and they may be treated to it at any given moment? I mean in meetings how would I keep a straight face, if I were sitting next to you…wouldn’t even have to say a word…and probably I would be the one to get in trouble for giggling and coffee spilling out my nose.

    You cracked me up here.

  39. Friar Says:

    @Janice

    Unfortunately, the Widget People aren’t like you. They don’t laugh, they dont’ share my sense of humor.

    Well, to be fair, some of them DO “Get it”. I hang out with those that do.

    As for the ones that “Don’t get it”….well, they just give me ideas to write about 🙂

  40. Rita Says:

    Friar.

    THANK YOU! I NEEDED THAT! So what do ou have planned for me TOMORROW?

    Rita

  41. Rita Says:

    Friar.

    Sorry, but I just have to ask,,,do you like squirrel monkeys?

    Rita

  42. Cath Lawson Says:

    Well Friar – i have to say – that is a whole lot different to Monika’s meme. I’d like to say I could identify with something but I’m stuck.

    I suppose some of the Cirque clowns are kind of “It” looking.

  43. Rita Says:

    BTW: Are you turning into Mr. Rogers? SAY IT AINT SO!

    r

  44. Friar Says:

    @Rita
    I think the asshole factor in both squirrels and monkeys cancel each other out….squirrel monkeys are kind of cute, I find.

    And NO…I am NOT Mr. Rogers. (I dont’ like thick sweaters).

    @Cath
    Well, the fact that you don’t identify with me here…that could be a GOOD thing!

    (Consider yourself lucky!) 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: