Things I am Ungrateful For.

Mosquitoes
Thanks a LOT, God!

Mercury
Wussy little planet.  Seriously…what’s it done for me LATELY?

Scrappy Doo
Most.  Annoying.  Cartoon character.   Ever.

Cathy Comics
A quick plot summary:   I’m fat.  I’m insecure.  AAAAK!

Four-Hole Punches
Why do they even HAVE these?

Endless Wipes
‘Nuff said.

Yoko Ono
‘Nuff said.

The McDLT
Remember this one?   “Keep the hot side hot, and the cool side cool”.   Great…when you put them together, your burger was luke-warm.

Low-quality T.P.
Especially when combined with endless wipes.

Movie Trailers
START THE DAMNED SHOW, ALREADY!

Carob
Don’t even attempt to tell me you’re as good as chocolate.

Whole Wheat Wonder Bread
Kinda defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?

Tai-Chi
Kung-fu for old people, who can’t move very fast.

Hay-Fever
The planet is trying to kill me.

Crows (Screeching)
It’s 6:00 AM.  Will you PLEASE…SHUT THE @#$% UP?

Loser Tables
When you’re stuck at these, at wedding receptions.

RV’s
When driven in front of you, by octogenarians.

Nuns and Circus Clowns
They both frighten me.

Bag Pipes
Oboy.  Now I know what a cat being throttled sounds like.

Screaming Kids
See Bag Pipes.

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31 Comments on “Things I am Ungrateful For.”

  1. Karen JL Says:

    Awesome.

    The Tai Chi one made me laugh out loud. And I rarely laugh out loud.
    (Inside my head…different story) 🙂

    What about circus clowns dressed as nuns playing bagpipes?

  2. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Nun-clowns playing the pipes.

    You have a twisted, twisted mind.

    That would be the basis of a good horror movie, actually.

    I can even picture a Stephen King novel titled: Sisters.


  3. Movie Trailers START THE DAMNED SHOW, ALREADY! – I love movie trailers! I only go to the theatre once a year, so it’s like getting the Reader’s Digest version of the year’s movies. I’m good with the Reader’s Digest version for most of them!

    Mosquitoes Thanks a LOT, God – ah, such a benevolant God.

    Nuns and Circus Clowns They both frighten me. – nuns too? You have issues, Friar.

  4. Friar Says:

    @Panther

    Oh, I have LOTS of ISSUES. I”m just scratching the surface here. 🙂

    I had a nun as a teacher in Grade III. In Our-Lady-of-Perpetual-Guilt Catholic School.

    Miserable, vindictive old woman. Probably my worst school year ever. I still get anxiety nightmares about that time of my life.

    Had another nun teach me religion in Grade 8. She just validated my Nun-ophobia. They’re all the same.

    Bunch of Old Bats. I’m not impressed, considering these people are supposed to represent God and Jesus and whatever.

  5. Amy Derby Says:

    Nuns and circus clowns: AMEN. No pun intended. Well, ok, maybe a little. 😉

    This was so funny Friar. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it.

  6. Brett Legree Says:

    Nuns are *hawt*…

    (Oh sorry, wrong web site, ignore that!)

  7. Writer Dad Says:

    Scrappy doo. No shit.

  8. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – Then ‘Sisters’ can also have scary screeching crows in it and it will be a long movie trailer that has screaming kids in the audience…

  9. Steph Says:

    @ Brett: AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    @ Friar: I’m with Panther! I get mad when Colin starts the trailers without me and sometimes I actually go looking for them online – on purpose! To see what’s coming out. I’m a big movie fan.

    I didn’t know what some of the stuff even was on your list. Who’s Scrappy Doo? What’s a McDLT? (I’ve never had a Big Mac, either.) And I’ve never heard of a four-whole punch!

    But crows and mosquitoes…now those I’m familiar with. The crows, jays, and the jack russell next door are my alarm clock. Grrr!!

    I so love your lists! How on earth did you even think of carob?!

  10. Steph Says:

    @Karen: the stuff of nightmares!!!


  11. That is one grabbing title! Hilarious.

    Mosquitoes are my number 1 as well. Number 2 are fleas. Number 3 are liars.

    Have to disagree with Movie Trailers — often they are better than the movie to follow. I love trailers.

    Yeah, Yoko killed the Beatles. Nuff said.

    Love bag pipes because they come with Kilts and no undies.

  12. Ann Onymous Says:

    Insects — I am ungrateful for black flies, deer flies, horseflies.

    Worse than crows, I despise the sound of pea-brained Mourning Doves.

    I abhor the sound of cats in heat. Why don’t they catterwaul during the daytime?

    Impenetrable plastic shrink wrap packaging.

  13. Sal Says:

    Tai-Chi
    Kung-fu for old people, who can’t move very fast.

    ROFL

  14. Karen JL Says:

    I might have to agree about the movie trailers not being so bad.
    It’s the *ads* before the movie trailers that make me nuts.

  15. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    Movie trailers—YES. I can’t stand them. I think I’m ten minutes late for the movie, only to find out it isn’t starting for another 5.

    Or worse yet, I’m on time. Eeeek.

    Carob, Sisters, LOL.

    Jaden,

    Kilts and no undies. Wow. Never thought about that horrid noise in this way before.

    I think I’m going to have to attend some bagpipe concerts now.

    Regards,

    Kelly


  16. I’m with Urban Panther, I LOVE movie trailers. If the movie’s rubbish you only get to suffer 30 seconds of it. If it’s great you get to turn to your mate and go ‘ooo, I fancy that one’.
    And Scrappy Doo – Most. Annoying. Cartoon character. Ever. Hello? Have you not seen Godzooky? Actually, thinking about it I do hate Scrappy Doo. Totally ruined a fantastic cartoon.

  17. Friar Says:

    Oboy….all these comments (See what happens when I take the afternoon off to play golf?!)

    @Amy
    Good pun. It was a NUN-PUN. 🙂

    @Brett
    How do you even know that sites like that exist ?! I’m shocked. Shocked, I am! 😮

    @Writer Dad
    Yes, you know where I”m coming from! (I wasn’t crazy about Scooby-Dumb, either!)

    @Karen
    We definitely have a book idea here. Maybe I’ll write in during NaNoWriMo.

    @Steph
    Scrappy Do was probably well before your time (Mid-Late 70’s). A crappy spin-off character from Scooby Doo. NO ONE liked him then. Nobody has since.

    McDLT’s came out in the 80’s (you were probably too young to remember). It was basically a stupid Quarter Pounder with lettuce and tomato.

    Only they served it with the bun open (so you assembled the burger yourself).

    (Ask yourself: how f**cking stupid is THAT? ) 🙂


  18. “Sisters”?
    Hot nuns?
    Endless wipes?!?

    LOL.

    You guys are all hysterical today. You can totally tell it’s Friday. Thanks for the laugh!

    PS I love movie trailers too!

  19. Friar Says:

    @Screenwriting
    I seem to have a lot of people agreeing with you. People like trailers.

    If it’s a good movie, often the trailers are good. Like Batman or Star Wars, for example.

    But if it’s marginal movie, barely worth seeing, then the trailers are often WORSE. Like the latest Golden Retriever that plays soccer, or Rob Schnieder is a Carrot. (That’s when I want to run out of the theater screaming).

    @Ann
    Yeah, something about mourning doves that annoys me. Robins, Blue Jays, Cardinals, Sparrows…they all sound nice in the background.

    Then I hear the “Woooo Wooooo Wooooooo” it resonates with my brain, and just grates on my nerves. They’re so depressing sounding…they’re the buzz-kill of the bird kingdom.

    @Sal
    They probably invented Tai-Chi so the seniors wouldn’t feel left out.

    @Karen
    What about the ads that tell you to be quiet? (Listen, I’m an adult, I know how to behave, and I paid 10 bucks to come here…don’t start lecturing me!).

    @Kelly
    YESSSS! Someone who FINALLY agrees with me about movie trailers. I knew I could depend on you.

    (They annoy me so much, I deliberately show up to theaters 15-20 minutes late, and I still get there on time)

    @Tara
    I’m a bit out of touch…I don’t know who Godzooky is. But if it’s comparable to Scrappy, then I’ll take your word for it.

  20. Friar Says:

    @Rebecca
    Welcome to the party. It’s insane here.

    What’s funny, is I had no idea where this post came from (Wrote it last night, off the top of my head).

    Maybe the 3 pints I had with Brett helped.

  21. Eva G. Says:

    I’d like to shout out to God about the job well done as far as earwigs and box elder beetles. Real comedian, that God.

  22. Friar Says:

    @Eva
    I suppose there is a purpose to the all annoying insects, in the Grand Scheme of Things.

    Just that we haven’t been able to figure it out.

    Maybe there isn’t one. Maybe it’s all Someone’s idea of a big joke! 😉

  23. Evelyn Lim Says:

    Some of the lines here are really funny! Thanks!

  24. Steven Smith Says:

    I like your post.

    And you’re right silly, slow Tai Chi!

    But…check it out.

  25. t.sterling Says:

    It’s taken me forever to get around to commenting on something or anything on your blog which is simply hilarious. I want to agree with most of it, but I must disagree (like so many others) regarding the movie trailers. I will further agree that you are correct about so-so movies having less than so-so movie trailers. However, I’d much rather see the trailer to such a movie than the actual movie itself. Maybe I might rent it during a slow week if I remember.

    As for Tai Chi, it makes me laugh anytime it’s mentioned or I’m witnessing it in action. It’s funny you say “old people” because an old person tried making me do it. It was my art teacher, who was quite awesome, but had flakyness to match. She had her own sense of style, and at times her own language. But when it came to grades or why you weren’t in class, she was in teacher mode. Anyway, for the first couple months she had us doing Tai Chi at the start of each class. “Us” being about 15 16-18 year olds who just wanted to paint and/or graduate already. It’s cool, I still visit her sometimes when I have the chance… just to make sure I’m not as eccentric as she is… yet.

  26. Friar Says:

    @t.sterling.

    Yeah, it seems me and Kelly are on our own about Movie Trailers..everyone else is taking the opposite stand.

    Well, I’m STILL Ungrateful for them! 🙂

    As for Tai-Chi. I bet you if you filmed old people doing it and sped up the movie, they would look as good as Bruce Lee!

  27. Friar Says:

    @Evelyn Lim
    Sorry I forgot you there. Thanks! Glad I can brighten your day.

    @Steve
    Thanks!

    Drop in anytime, I never know what I’ll write about next.

  28. goldenzen Says:

    I didn’t see this until you left the link in my commnets for my list.
    Yours is far superior, but you did not..DID NOT top my mouse story! 🙂

  29. Friar Says:

    @Harmony

    No, your mouse story is pretty good. ;-D

    (What does a grilled mouse sandwhich taste like, I wonder?)

  30. Beth Says:

    I love the first two. But movie trailers…once I screamed out in a movie theater, “More previews!”

    My friend hasn’t gone out with me since.

  31. Friar Says:

    @Beth
    Aww…I think I’m the minority here. Almost everyone seems to love movie trailers.

    (Oh, well, that’s why this post is titled the way it is…things I am ungrateful for (regardlesss of what the planet thinks).


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