Friar’s Random Rants (Part IV)

Hey, you yokels in Northern Ontario, selling blueberries off the side of the road…

…why don’t you learn to FREAKING SPELL!?

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By the way, what IS it….with geologists and beards?

They always seem to have one.

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I think anyone who uses the words “numbers game” deserves, by law, to be severely pummeled.

Like if you happen to be unemployed and you’re discouraged about being unable to find work.

And some rocket scientist (who HAS a job) dismisses your problems, and tells you:

“Oh, don’t let it get you down.  It’s only a numbers game.”

Gee, thanks.

Great advice.

I’m SURE to land that important interview, now!

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Movie/TV characters that communicate extremely well with no words:

– Lassie
– Flipper
– Chewbaca
– R2-D2
– Toot (from The Mighty Hercules)

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“If Life hand you lemons, make lemonade”.

Oh, yes.

By all means.

Let’s talk about CITRUS BEVERAGES.

THAT’LL HELP!

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John Lennon and Yoko Ono both contributed to the album Double Fantasy.

Guess whose songs I like better?

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Rejected pub names:

– The Thrusting Pig
– The Lanced Boil
– The Purple Helmet
– Anything with “Clam”.

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Okay, so Mickey hangs out with his best friend Goofy, who walks upright and talks like a human.

Yet he also owns Pluto, who can only bark and sleeps outside in a doghouse.

So where do you draw the line, between man and dog?

I’m SO CONFUSED here!

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While we’re on the subject:

Why do Mickey and Goofy wear pants, and Donald Duck doesn’t?

Why are naked feathers acceptable, but naked fur ISN’T?

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When women menstruate, it’s a fluorescent blue liquid.

I know this, because the TV and magazine ads tell me so.

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If we humans were ever captured by an advanced alien race and kept in a zoo, I wonder what they would feed us?

Some kind of standard food pellet, I suppose.

I like to think it would be Cheerios.

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Dagwood, summarized in 7 words:

Sleeps.  Bathes.  Hates work. Eats big sammitches.

*********************************************************************************

Rejected Pokemon Names:

-Hemorrhoid Blast
-Turdo
-Re-Turdo (evolves from Turdo)
-Jello Mold
– Fax Machine

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Those Smart Cars.

Wussy little things.

I just wanna tip ’em.

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I like in Elvis movies, how he can randomly turn on a radio, and at that precise moment an instrumental number is playing which he can sing along to.

How convenient.

Where can I get a radio like that?

I bet you at the same store where the cast of Giligan’s Island got theirs.

***************************************************************************************************

Have you see the Worlds Largest Tee-Pee in Medicine Hat, Alberta?

I’m sorry, that is NOT a tee-pee.

No.  That is a huge monstrosity made up of metal girders.

And it’s hardly what I’d call traditional.

Somehow, I doubt the nomadic tribes of the Great Plains had very many steel mills back then.

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Two Scoops of Raisins in a Package of Kellogs Raisin Bran

Okay, define a “scoop”.

What is that in S.I. Units?

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Thank God we use “Kelvin” degrees for the absolute temperature scale.

Imagine, if instead, it was something else?

I can just picture a high-school chemistry teacher, saying “Nitrogen liquefies at 77 MELVIN”.

God, that would sound so LAME.

We’d have a nation full of football players because no one would ever want to go into science.

********************************************************************

Godammed R.V. people.

It’s not good enough that you monopolize the campground with your gas-guzzling behemoth vehicles, with their air conditioning, wireless internet and satellite TV?

But do you REALLY need to bring along your plastic dogs and shitty lawn ornaments?

Can’t you at least PRETEND to rough it, just a LITTLE?

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28 Comments on “Friar’s Random Rants (Part IV)”

  1. veredd Says:

    I love your random rants. They always make me smile.

    Plus, now I know NEVER to use the words “numbers game”.

    🙂

  2. Friar Says:

    @veredd

    Well, just as long as you don’t say it to someone who’s unemployed! 😉

  3. Friar Says:

    @Melissa

    Beep. Boop. Tweet. Chirp. 🙂

  4. t.sterling Says:

    I’m so glad someone else talks about these things I’ve noticed or wondered all my life–espeically the deal with Goofy and Pluto. I love Goofy, but Pluto I could never figure out since he’s practically the only dog of his kind.

    I was always curious about the gloves cartoon characters like Mickey, Goofy and Bugs wore. When I was little I always wanted a pair so I could be a cartoon. Actually, I still want a pair. Why doesn’t Donald have gloves? Or Daffy? Do they have something against ducks?

  5. Friar Says:

    @t.sterling

    I wonder if you shaved Pluto, would he look like Goofy (or vice-versa). HI never could figure Pluto out. He’s the only dog in Disney comics that isn’t anthropomorphized into a man-critter.

    As for the gloves, I read somewhere that animators like to use them, because it shows the hand positions better. If Mickey was making a fist, for example, it would just look like a black blob if he didn’t have gloves.

    Though you make a good point. What’s up with Daffy and Donald? Howcum they have bare hands?

  6. Davina Says:

    Flourescent blue liquid… or red… it’s still a curse!


  7. Boy, those RV folks are really roughing it. I hope they don’t call that “camping” — that term should be reserved for real campers only.

  8. Friar Says:

    @Davina

    Yes…but the TV ads almost make it look like FUN. You just spill a small beaker of Windex…it gets absorbed, and that’s it, game over, end of problem.

    I mean, that’s how it works in real life, ….isn’t it? 😉

  9. Friar Says:

    @Rebecca

    What’s really ironic, is where I took that photo, the big RV sites were on the prime location, right along the lake front.

    The people in smaller tents and trailers had to camp further back into the woods.

    It should be the opposite.

    Dont’ get my started on RV’s! (I see myself ranting about them in a future post)!

  10. Mania Says:

    What really ticks me off is when these huge RVs run their noisy generators to create power for their TVs, air conditioning, and vacuum cleaners. Yes, a vacuum cleaner. They were cleaning their outdoor carpet under their picnic table. Heaven forbid, if they should track a bit of outdoors indoors.

  11. Karen JL Says:

    Is that roadside stand just selling *one* bluberry? It must be a doozey!

    And Daffy and Donald don’t wear gloves because they have *feathers*, not hands. You can’t put gloves on feathers! Duh! 😉

  12. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Wasn’t sure if he was selling whale fat (blubbery), or just berries.

    PS. Okay, you answered the question about feathers.

    But why does Donald have no pants? 😉

  13. Friar Says:

    @Mania

    I especially love it when you’re at a quite campground, and it’s morning, the birds are chirping, and you get woken up by the HMMMMMMMMMMMM of all the stupid RV generators going off. (For vacuuming and/or air conditionning and their washer/dryers and God knows what else).

  14. Steph Says:

    I TOTALLY know what you mean about the campground rant! It’s bizarre to me.

    And I never noticed that about Goofy and Pluto – holy crap!! How weird that is!!

    I did, however, notice Donald had no pants, and I always wondered about that.

    PS. The Thrusting Pig?! LOL! Please tell me you made that up!

  15. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – Feathers again.

    Have you ever seen a duck with duckjigglies? No. Because feathers hide all the naughty bits.

    But rodents and dogs? Animaljigglies everywhere! You’ve got to cover up all that dangling nastiness with pants or kids will be traumatized the world over.

    There. How’s that? 😉

  16. Karen JL Says:

    …not that there’s anything wrong with traumatizing kids. I’m all for it. 😉

  17. Friar Says:

    @Steph

    Well, yes, I admit, I made up the Thrusting Pig.

    I think it woudl be a good pub name….having an old-time wooden sigh hanging on hinges, of a randy little piglet.

    @Karen
    I knew I’d get the straight answer from the Animation Expert!

    Duckjigglies. You said duckjigglies.

    Heh heh heh heh. 😀

  18. Steph Says:

    Oooh. Karen. Wow. I never thought of it that way. Even if you’re not being serious (or are you?), that actually makes a lot of sense!

  19. Brett Legree Says:

    You know… I’m still laughing at this Friar – The Thrusting Pig…

    There is (was?) a pub in Hamilton called The Pheasant Plucker… don’t try to say that too quickly. Which was the whole idea, I suppose.

  20. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    I was also going to include the Spotted Dick (but I googled it and apparently there’s a real restaurant called that)

  21. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar & Steph – Yeah, I was pretty much talking out of my ass. But I think it actually makes sense!

    Duckjigglies for everyone! Meet me at the Spotted Dick… 🙂

  22. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    You can tell us anything, and we’d believe it. After all, you’re the Animation Story-Board Master!

    As for Spotted Dick…did you know it’s Micro-waveable?

    http://www.abitofhome.ca/page/C1/PROD/2022103

    (Shudder…!)

  23. davinahaisell Says:

    Hi Friar. Oh, if only it were that easy! 🙂

  24. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – “Hey Grandma, would you like some warm Spotted Dick?”

    Hahahahahaha!

    That’s all sorts of wrong…

  25. Friar Says:

    @davina
    Yes, women certainly got the short end of the stick on THAT one. (Give me my man-jigglies, ANY DAY!) 😉

    @Karen
    You’re right…that’s so very WRONG.

    I couldn’t imagine microwaving whatever horrid monstrosity comes out of that can.

    I never could understand some of the Brit’s taste in foods.

    (But what do you expect from a country that likes “mooshy peas”? 😉

  26. Amy Derby Says:

    Friar — Here’s what I want to know. How come when donald gets out of the shower, he wraps a towel around himself? (He never wears pants. We’ve seen it what he’s got.)

    Karen — duckjigglies? *DIES LAUGHING*

  27. Friar Says:

    @Amy

    You know…I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!!!

    Great! Now I won’t be able to sleep tonight!


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