Things About the Workplace I Don’t Wanna Understand
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
This is what they teach in the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
But (as I mentioned in a recent post), there are certain things that are so inherently screwed up and so WRONG…that I just CAN’T bring myself to understand them.
Nor do I WANT TO.
Especially, when it comes to the work place.
(Disclaimer: I mean, ANY workplace in general: not necessarily mine, no sirree, Bob!) 😉
So without any further ado, here’s Friar’s list of:
THINGS ABOUT THE WORK PLACE I DON’T WANNA UNDERSTAND
– Rectal Managers who hold four-hour meetings, right through lunch without so much as a coffee or pee break. And expect everyone to do the same. (Ah…How nice. Another graduate from the Marquis de Sade School of Leadership!)
– The No-Lifers who work late every day, bring work home on evenings and weekends, but don’t claim any overtime or extra time off. Even when it’s in the Collective Agreement and they’re rightfully entitled to do so. (For Chris-sakes…give us your overtime pay! We’ll put it to good use!)
– The Betty Brown-Nosers who deliberately skip meals to meet a minor deadline. Then proudly announce in a meeting that they’ve barely eaten in 24 hours, because they were working so hard. (Excuse me…WHOSE FAULT is THAT? )
– Those Touchy-Feely-Group-Hug Team-building “Courses” you get sent on, where they make you play “Interactive” games like solving jig-saw puzzles with sign language, and running relay races with Koosh-Balls. (Umm….what GRADE are we in?)
The Walking Brain-Dead who really “get into” these above-mentioned games. (A mind is a terrible thing to waste…)
– Company Borg who ENJOY communicating in Corporate Thought-Speak acronyms. (Sigh. Yet another one assimilated by The Collective.)
– The Money-Bag Pensioners who haven’t had enough work after 30 years, so they return as consultants at $100 an hour. (Thanks a lot…THIS is why there’s no money left to give the rest of us decent pay raises, or hire new staff!)
– Why some bosses think it’s okay to openly scold a staff member in front of their peers, to the point of almost making them cry. (Just WHERE did you learn your leadership skills, again…?)
– The same bosses who get upset and take it personally, when the person they repeatedly scolded transfers to another department. (Well, DUH.)
– Fake-Green Companies that lecture you on recycling, reducing waste, car-pooling and saving the planet, but will not permit any telecommuting.
– Big Brother Wannabees who actually wear those company-propaganda laminated plastic cards that are supposed to be hung around the neck like dog tags. (Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog!)
– Workaholic Insomniacs who routinely answer emails at 3:30 AM. (I’m sorry, whether they’re just finishing their workday, or starting a new one, it doesn’t matter. That’s just SO WRONG!)
– “Safety” consultants who feel the need to teach us Life Skills 101. Like reminding us to wear a hat and mittens when it’s cold outside. Or how to wash our hands. Or to eat sensibly over Christmas. (Again: Umm…what GRADE are we in?)
– Obsessive supervisors who badger a subordinate to put in extra hours. At the boss’s house. On a long weekend. (Get a life. Seriously…GET A LIFE!)
– …and any subordinate who is HAPPY to do this! (Oh, no, another candidate for the Management Chip-Implant Device!)
….Nope. I DON’T UNDERSTAND any of these things. None of them make ANY SENSE to me.
(And I’m PROUD of that!!)