Getting to Know More People in Your NeighborHood.

(*) Revisiting an old Meme.

I am:      Count Chocula
I think:   I should be classified as a “candy”, not a breakfast cereal!
I know:  I will turn your milk brown.  (Ah!  Ah!  Ah!)
I have:   A cousin who works for Sesame Street
I hate:   Sunlight, crucifixes, and dietary fiber.
I love:   How the advertisers have the nerve to call a chocolate cereal with marshmallows “Part of a good breakfast”.
I miss:   Frankenberry. (Whatever happened to him, anyway?)
I fear:    That stupid Cuckoo-for-Cocoa Puffs bird is gonna lose it and go postal one of these days.
I hear:   The kids bouncing off that walls, after eating five bowlfuls of my stuff.

I am:      Barbie Blogger
I think:   It’s wonderful how we Bloggers are single-handedly saving Humanity from itself.
I know:  How to solve the worlds’ problems, IF ONLY people would listen!
I have:   A big heart, no sense of humor, and rose-colored glasses.
I hate:    Negativity, ignorance and racism (only the politically-correct things to hate).
I love:    Rainbow fairies, marshmallow unicorns, and elf clouds.  (Insert Smurf song here.)
I miss:    Direct sunlight and fresh air (I really should get out more!)
I fear:     Being disconnected from the Internet for more than an hour.
I hear:   The landlord pounding on my door.  (Oh crap!)  The rent is due!

I am:     The Acting Director of The Work Strategy Safety Operations Initiative
I think:   My poo doesn’t smell, but everyone’s below me does.
I know:  The company manual inside-out (but don’t remember my kids’ names).
I have:   No soul.  Nor any idea what my job description means.
I hate:   Leisure time, because I don’t know how to deal with myself.
I love:   Procedures, documents, and documents that describe the procedures.
I miss:   My wife and kids. (Well, no, not really, I’m too busy working.)
I fear:    Someone calling my performance “Unacceptable”. (No, Jacques!  Surely, not THAT ONE!)
I hear:   The VP coming.  Oooh, I hope he notices I tattooed the company mandate on my forehead.

I am:     That guy from that fishing show on Saturday mornings.
I think:  I have the best job in the world, compared to all you poor cubicle-bastards.
I know:  Two words in my vocabulary:  “NICE FISH!”
I have:   A baseball cap, that also comes with a 13,000 horsepower bass boat.
I hate:   Canoes, fresh vegetables, and cardio workouts.
I love:   My bass boat.  Largemouth bass.  And my family.  In that order.
I miss:   My wife and kids (Well, no, not really.  I’m FISHING!)
I fear:   This might not last forever and I’ll have to get a REAL job.
I hear:  The director instructing me to talk to the camera.  “…..NICE FISH!”

I am:      North Dakota
I think:   I’m one on the least-appreciated States in the Union.
I know:  I’m at least as good as Arkansas.  (Or even Delaware!)
I have:   A border with Manitoba. (Heh heh.  At least I’m not as far north as they are!)
I hate:    Colorado.  (They think they’re so great, with all their high-fallutin’ mountains and such!)
I love:    Flatness.
I miss:    The Great Potash Rush of 1919.  (That’s about when I peaked.)
I fear:     Trees.
I hear:    The wind, blowing all they way from Northern Saskatchewan.

I am:     Ubu, the dog you see after every episode of  “Family Ties”.
I think:  I’m tired of sitting here.    Where’s my master?
I know:  He’ll come back by the end of the show. (He always does.)
I have:   To constantly listen to Michael J. Fox’s cracking post-pubescent voice.
I hate:   The MTM Cat.
I love:    Chuck Wagon, Kibbles ‘n Bits, and rolling on that dead squirrel rotting under the porch.
I miss:   Tina Yothers, before she stopped being cute.
I fear:    Vacuum cleaners, thunder, and baths.
I hear:   My master telling me to sit and calling me a good dog.   Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must bark ONCE.

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17 Comments on “Getting to Know More People in Your NeighborHood.”

  1. Steph Says:

    THIS IS HILARIOUS!!!!

    I love them all!!

    And hey, you have to come up with more questions for me. I think they’re fun. 🙂

  2. Writer Dad Says:

    Two Ubus in one week? And it’s not Christmas? Who cares about the recession!

    Even so, Barbie Blogger has to be my favorite.

  3. Brett Legree Says:

    I am: Ahab.
    I think: Moby Dick is a stupid name for a whale – I mean, come on.
    I know: I have a peg leg – what about it?
    I have: a harpoon – do not frak with me.
    I hate: duh. The white whale, Moby Dick. You’re new around here, aren’t you?
    I love: Ishmael. (Hey, it gets lonely out here.)
    I miss: my leg. My stump really itches, especially when the salt water gets in there.
    I fear: Queequeg won’t harpoon for me anymore.
    I hear: that Gregory Peck played me in a movie – good choice, he’s almost as handsome as me.

  4. Amy Derby Says:

    Ah, Ubu’s back. 😀

  5. Steph Says:

    Brett: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    Oh my God, the two of you together are just hilarious. I can’t wait till you write books together.

  6. Brett Legree Says:

    Thanks Steph – winter’s coming, and we have to do something while we’re drinking beer 🙂

  7. Friar Says:

    @Steph

    Are you SURE you want more questions? (Haven’t you had enough of Friar’s stupidity for one week?) 🙂

    @Writer Dad and Amy

    You two are responsible for the 2nd Ubu reference . (I was inspired by your enthusiastic response from the first one earlier this week). 🙂

    @Brett

    I am: Moby Dick.
    I think: Ahab’s a pussy name. Oooh…look at meee. I’m AYYY-HAB.
    I know: Who ate Ahab’s original leg! (Nyah Nyah Nyah, I’m not gonna tell).
    I have: A Whale-Jiggly. (You DON’T wanna know how big it is!)
    I hate: Ahab. (What an asshole!)
    I love: Krill. Scrumptions, chewy KRILL.
    I miss: Opposable thumbs. If we whales had those, it would be US with the boats, harpooning the humans.
    I fear: Pooping and eating in the same water I’m swimming in.
    I hear: Ahab’s boat coming. Well…BRING IT ONNNN.,..!!

  8. Marelisa Says:

    Hi Friar: My favorite was the one with the breakfast cereals. I ate all of those growing up. Now you’re making me crave Lucky Charms.

  9. Friar Says:

    @Marelisa

    I loved those cereals, but my Mom was pretty strict. We almost NEVER had them, except as special treats. Maybe summer camping trips.

    Or we’d each get a box of “Junk Cereal”, wrapped up as a Christmas Gift, under the tree!

    I’m glad I’m old enough to by Lucky Charms now, whenever I want. 🙂

  10. Brett Legree Says:

    Luckily Friar translated for us – for those who speak white whale, here it is:

    I am: eeeruuuuooooohhhhh… eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…
    I think: eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…
    I know: eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…
    I have: eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…
    I hate: (stares at Ahab with one beady eye)
    I love: eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…
    I miss: eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…
    I fear: eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…
    I hear: eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…eeeruuuuooooohhhhh…

  11. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    HAHHAHAH!

    What about Flipper?

    I am: Klack klick klickety-klack
    I think: Klick Klick
    I know: Klick Klick Klickety-klick
    I have: Klack klack klack KLICK!
    I hate: Klick
    I love: (Does a double back-flip)
    I miss: Klickity (does a thrusting motion with hips)
    I fear: KLACK! KLACK! KLACK! (Expressed alarmingly).
    I hear: Klack Klick Klack.

  12. feefifoto Says:

    Hey Friar: I know you’re friends with Rita. What’s happened to her blog? Do you know anything? Thanks. I’m going through Rita withdrawal.


  13. I love these.
    Count Chocula is my favorite of them, but I am a Cocoa Puffs supporter.

  14. Friar Says:

    @feefifoto

    Sorry, I don’t really know much more than you do. All I know is that her blog has changed today, it’s now missing the posts between June and October!

    @Jaden

    I’m a Cap’n Crunch man myself! (And Lucky Charms, as well).

  15. Karen Swim Says:

    ROFL! Hey, I think I know the Acting Director dude! LOL! These were hysterical Friar. Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, you gotta admit it was a good slogan! LOL!

  16. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    WHICH actiing director dude? (There are hundreds of these fishing shows!)

    I remember the Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs commercials from the 70’s. What ever happened to Sonny? (If you remember, that’s his name!) 🙂

  17. feefifoto Says:

    Friar: thanks for answering my question. I know she’s not writing any more and her blog has been taken over by someone else, but I don’t know why. I hope she’s okay. If you learn anything would you let me know, or ask her to get in touch with me? She should have my email address. Thanks.


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