No Soup for Me!

Grrrr. I’m on a roll here….

Just when I thought customer service around here couldn’t get any STUPIDER….!

Pardon me while I rant.     But I went to Tim Horton’s after my art class this evening.   I hadn’t eaten, I was hungry.

I wanted to order the mushroom soup/sandwich combo.

But they ran out.

Not that this would normally be a big deal.

But (for those of you South of the Border), Tim Horton’s is a major donut chain in Canada.  You’d think they’d have their OWN SOUP in stock.

Especially since the store is located on the busiest and only highway that runs through the entire region.

And ESPECIALLY since the mushroom soup just recently came out, and there’s been an a NATION-WIDE ADVERTISING BLITZ!     Ads everywhere, telling us “Come try our new new country mushroom soup”   It’s on billboards.  On TV.  Radio.   Everywhere.

It was even on a big soup poster in the store I was in.

But they were out.

They told me the soup only lasts for 12 hours.  After that , they have to throw it out.

(Well….?)    MAKE @#%#ing  MORE, THEN!

Some of you might say, Oh Friar, it was pretty late.  Maybe they shut down their kitchen.

But what the hell?  And it was 9:10 PM. (Did that mean they started their soup at 9 AM for breakfast?).


I re-iterate: MAKE @#%#ing MORE…!

This is the same donut store, by the way, that’s been known to sometimes run out of DONUTS after a certain time.

Also, the same donut store that the truckers used to stop at until very recently.

Except that the local cops had started giving them tickets for stopping their rigs on the side of the road.   So now the truckers go eat down the road and the Grease-Tree Restaurant, where they’re allowed to park.

I swear…businesses here just DON’T WANT TO SUCCEED!

Anyway, since I couldn’t have my soup, I tried a sandwich.

But before I ordered, they told me anything with chicken (like a club sandwich ) was also unavailable.   Because they’re out of chicken.

For #$*& Sakes.

Only in Splat Creek.

I ended up having just a bagel and coffee.  (At least they still had THOSE…)

And as I ate, I got to watch images of steaming mushroom soup being poured into a bowl, being played over and over, in an endless-do-loop on the video screen by their front counter.

What a nice touch, THAT was.

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26 Comments on “No Soup for Me!”

  1. Brett Legree Says:

    They were just trying to save you Friar. Lord knows there’s enough shit to deal with at the Factory… and they knew you’d had enough shit for the day, so they didn’t want you to eat the mushrooms.

    (A common substrate for commercial mushroom production is strawbedded horse or poultry manure…)

  2. Friar Says:


    Well, Geez, sometimes I get the impression the whole town is trying to save me from myself, then.

    I guess I should be grateful that they CARE. 🙂

    PS. The poop they grow mushrooms in is pretty composted, so I don’t mind.

  3. Karen JL Says:

    Would it be cruel to laugh at you? You know…like in a good way?

    I*felt* your mushroom rage. Well done. 🙂

  4. Marelisa Says:

    Hi Friar: There are several businesses here in Panama that make me wonder how they manage to stay open with their poor level of customer service. I hope at least it was a delicious bagel and a great tasting coffee 🙂

  5. davinahaisell Says:

    Poor Friar. Mushroom soup used to be my favourite, until I learned that I couldn’t eat it because of the wheat. Why do they have to put wheat in everything?

    I know Tim Horton’s well. And I used to work at Country Style Donuts ages ago. Are you familiar with them? When I worked the midnight shift I had to make the soup and the chili. Um… the soup came in a frozen block. Yep.

  6. Kelly Says:

    Poor Friar.

    I’d suggest you move to the Big City, but you know, urban life has its own frustrations. ALready this morning I’ve nearly lost my temper over some customer service issues, and I never lose my temper.

    Plus, when there are more people around, they run out of the soup you want faster.

    But oh, I feel for you. It is ignorant of them if they’re starting the soup that early, or if they don’t know to make enough for a rush when they’re running a big ad campaign. And not making truckers welcome is the fast road to ruin, isn’t it? Fools all around.

    Can I just say , A mushroom soup ad campaign? Mushroom soup gets folks jazzed? That made me LOL, envisioning the dude at the ad agency who said, “Mushroom soup! That’s a selling point at a donut-diner! Let’s do a national ad campaign around it!”



  7. Friar Says:

    Yes…you can laugh at me. (Even call me a GEEK, if you wish) 🙂

    Typical small-town business, with no competition. (Is that what Panama’s like?)

    I would LOVE to see another donut store come to town, and give the Timmy’s run for their money.

    Oh, yes. Country Style. They’re not quite as popular in Canada. We do have them here and there…but they’re nowhere near as popular as Timmy Ho’s.

    (Images of frozen blocks of soup…YUM!)

    I spoke to some locals about the trucker thing..they said Tim Hortons is starting to suffer because of it. It’s the City Counclllors who apparenlty decided this.

    Hurling themselves at failure, like you said. 😉

    This whole town is just an Old Boy’s Club. They just dont’ want new-fangled things here. Maintain the status quo, that’s all.

    As for the Ad Campaigns. Oh yes….Tim Hortons just goes NUTS about these things. Like their new BELT sammich (Bacon Egg Lettuce Tomato). Or Mushroom Soup. Or Strawberry Tarts.

    The way they go on, you’d think it was the Second Coming of the Messiah.

    They must think we Canadians are a very boring people, who lay awake at night, and salivate at the thought of a new donut flavor.

  8. Steph Says:

    Oooohhh, my blood pressure went up just reading that! I felt angry for you! I know this is awful in light of people who are starving, but when I’m hungry and I have my heart set on something, well, yes, something being ridiculously unavailable is totally maddening!! I really hear you. Especially since mushroom soup is my very favourite. RRRRROOOOAAAARRRR!!!

  9. Friar Says:


    The final touch, was the mini 10-second movie of the soup being poured into a bowl, ever and over. I sat there chatting with my friends for an hour, and I must have seen the god-damned thing FIFTY TIMES.

    It was like it was rubbing my face in it. Taunting me. Look at what you’re NOT GETTING.

    What an asshole store. I hope they fail!

    But they probably won’t. Tim Horton’s never does.

    (Though in Splat Creek, it wouldn’t suprise me!)

  10. All for the best. Anytime I try to eat anything from kitchen section of Timmy’s, other than a bagel, I feel really sick. And CREAM of mushroom soup? No there is a recipe for serious gastrointestinal troubles…especially after sitting around for 12 hours.

    Running out of donuts is common occurence now that they are no longer allowed to make their own donuts.

    Madoc was very clever. The Tim Hortons is RIGHT BESIDE the cop shop. Obviously, the cops aren’t going to bother ticketing cars. They are too busy filling up on donuts themselves.

  11. Friar Says:


    Looks like Splat Creek should take some lessons from Madoc!

    (Now…THERE’s a happenin’ place!) 🙂

  12. Brett Legree Says:


    But can you be sure that the poop *Tim Hortons* uses for their mushroom soup is composted at all?

    Honestly, I don’t trust that place. I don’t trust a coffee shop that won’t offer you a free refill. You go to any greasy spoon restaurant and you can drink crummy coffee all day long for a buck and a quarter (used to be a buck).

    Oh no, but not Tim Hortons! They’d never give you a free refill, but they throw out the coffee every 20 minutes instead.

    And yeah, frozen soup…

  13. Friar Says:


    And, even though we’re in the year 2008, Timmy Ho’s is TOO STUPID to use Interac Cards.

    It’s either cash only, or MasterCard. (but no Visa!).

    DuhhhHHHH. Seriously, WHAT is their problem?

    Hmm…Maybe there SHOULD be another donut store in town (Even Country Style!)

  14. Karen JL Says:

    Just wanted to say they opened a Tim Horton’s down the street from me about a year ago. (Which is a big deal because we are *surrounded* by Starbucks in this city…every two blocks…I kid you not).

    And it’s right under a GYM.

    I think that’s hilarious. On top there are these big glass windows with people sweating their butts off and underneath, there are folks stuffing their faces with donuts. What a way to ruin a workout…go downstairs and see Tim Bits… mmmm.

    Damn. Now I want mushroom soup and donuts…

  15. Karen Swim Says:

    Oh Friar, lol! That is frustrating! In Michigan, Tim Hortons has plastered the TV with ads for potato bacon soup. Michiganders have this strange fascination with pork. The ads are everywhere. There’s a new Tim Hortons across the street I should pop in one day just to see if they’re out. I wouldn’t eat it but it would be interesting. By the way, I’ve gone there for coffee and the service was not stellar,. Must be part of their brand! 🙂

  16. @Karen – potato bacon soup. Now there is a healthy option if I’ve ever heard of one!

  17. Brett Legree Says:


    You forgot the sour cream. No self-respecting potato bacon soup would be caught dead without a big dollop of sour cream.

    The word of the day is dollop. Use it in a boardroom meeting if you can, for example, “a dollop of bullshit will really make this marketing proposal shine.”

  18. Ian Parker Says:

    I feel your pain, Friar. We have a small shopping center near my house and damned if every restaurant that attempts to make it there fails for the same reasons. They either don’t have the food as advertised, or have horrible hours, or charge too much for the food. I’m hungry for some mushroom soup now. Damnit.

  19. Friar Says:

    @Karen JL

    I didn’t know Vancouver was into Tim Hortons. Coffee and Donuts? I thought the West-coasters would all be into Mocha-chino-Double-Grande-Knobbo Lattes and Biscotti!

    @Karen (Swim)

    No way? They have Timmy’s in MICHIGAN?

    I must admit we never had an ad blitz for potato-bacon soup). Must be a local thing. (Though all their soups tend to taste the same).

    Just wait till they decide to start making Poutine!

    Oh, thanks. Now I’m trying to shake the image of a dollop of shit out of my head!

    Small business mentality,eh? (And then, when a major restaurant like Denny’s or Kelsey’s comes along and puts them out of business, they’ll be the first to cry.

    They should all read Kelly’s blog, and learn a thing or two.

  20. Karen JL Says:

    Off topic: sent you an email, if you’d be so kind to get back to me. 🙂

    And yes, the Vancouverites still love their Mocha-chino-Double-Grande-Knobbo Lattes! Just not me. I’m the freak who hates coffee.

  21. Kelly Says:


    That’s it. I’m using “dollop of bs” in a meeting tomorrow. See if I don’t. ROFL!


    Thanks. 🙂



  22. t.sterling Says:

    I feel bad for laughing at your continued rage. But I can relate. I can’t remember of a specific personal lack-of-desired-goodness I went looking for other than finding out what I wanted has been discontinued OR the place has since been knocked down. I wanted to cry that day.

    But I dunno if there are Olive Gardens around there… but my friend went to an Olive Garden and absolutely loves their endless bread sticks. Sadly, that day, they ended.

    For me, once I learn that what I want is no longer available, I’m too upset to be hungry. Only for a little while, then I’ll try to settle for something else. It never works though.

  23. Friar Says:

    @t. sterling.

    We HAD Olive Gardens in Canada, but it’s been at least 15 years since I’ve seen one.

    It was great student food. All you can eat breadsticks and salad. And stuff your face with pasta.

    Another think I miss are Ponderosa Steak Houses. Last time I saw one was in New York State about 8 years ago.

  24. t.sterling Says:

    Well Ponderosa is what I have a problem with. A lot of people like it, but I had a bad experience my first and only time. Most of the food I attempted to eat had a strange bland taste. It’s hard to explain, but it just wasn’t tasty.

    What really stands out is the so-called dessert I had. I got “ice cream” that didn’t taste like ice cream AND didn’t melt. I sat there watching it for a while, and it didn’t change it’s shape. I attempted to eat what I learned were called ranger cookies. Those were different. I’m sure they taste fine, but no one could tell me what they were made out of and how they got their name. It looked like a combo of all the cookies they served. Kinda tasted like that too. So based on my first impression of this place, I will invoke my inner Viking and… well… you already know.

  25. Smalltown Says:

    That’s a pretty unfortunate story. On a side note, it’s amazing how many phrases from Seinfeld I use or read in my life on a regular basis.

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