Running with the Pack: How to Blog Inside the Box

Anyone who strings 500 words together describing what the cat upchucked at breakfast automatically qualifies as a serious, professional “Writer”.

The only reason we’re not all best-selling novelists has nothing to do with our writing skills or talent.  It’s because we haven’t decided to write that first draft yet.   That’s all it takes, really.

Our entire economy can apparently run on the basis of everyone sitting at home, typing to each other on our computers.   Anyone can earn six figures doing this:  the only reason we aren’t is that we’re obviously not trying hard enough.

You know those blogs that everyone likes?    Let everyone know how COOL you think they are.   (You can never praise the Cool Kids enough!)

Freelance writers who work 70 hours a week, shivering in basement apartments eating Ramen Noodles are infinitely superior to the poor bastards working 9-to-5 cubicle-jobs earning $90K.

The market can easily accommodate hundreds of thousands of new authors.    It’s just that those Fat-Cat publishing companies won’t allow it.

If you must discuss politics, just remember to keep it Left-of-Center.    (We know Conservatives are evil, because the Blogosphere tells us so).

You can never post enough itemized lists on how to Improve your Life.   The more lists, the better.

Word of advice:  the Emperor always DOES have clothes!   (Just go with the flow).

Every one of us, regardless of our background, is a Qualified Life Coach.   What works for us, will work for the whole planet.  If ONLY they would listen.

Forget Doctors, Teachers, Engineers, Social Workers, Aid Workers, etc.   It is We…the BLOGGERS, that the world depends on.

In fact, pick a problem.   Any problem.  Like Global Warming or World Hunger.    We can solve it by talking about it for one day.

You can never get enough famous quotes.   They answer all of Life’s challenges or tough questions.  The more you post, the better.

If you don’t post any quotes, then comment how reading one made you burst into tears of inspiration and self-awareness.

It’s important to get lots of blog traffic and comments, but not TOO much, otherwise it wastes your time.   It’s up to your readers to know the perfect balance.

Anyone with a digital camera is capable of producing National Geographic-quality photos.   There is no such thing as bad lighting or poor composition.  Whether it’s a pristine mountain scene or a fetid cesspool, it doesn’t’ matter:  any photo that’s posted is absolutely EXQUISITE, and is worthy of goosebumps and gasps of awe.

It’s crucial to maintain that emotional instability:   at any given moment, be prepared to roll of the floor in hysterical laughter, or burst into fits of uncontrolled sobbing.

Remember that Cool-Kids’ blog that everyone likes?    If they fart,  it’s important to comment how it smells like oven-fresh cinnamon buns.

Forget about posting any actual ORIGINAL creations (like passages from your novel, some poetry or a short story).   What IS important is to write about that fact that you’re writing.

Our blogs are SO IMPORTANT, that we have a RESPONSIBILITY to keep posting our random thoughts.    If we go away for the weekend or miss a post,  it’s important to let the World know.   Otherwise,  our readers will rend their garments, lose Faith in Humanity, and and Civilization (As We Know It) will END.

Finally…

Group Hug, everyone.  (Then weep with joy, as we all are one community).   😉

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40 Comments on “Running with the Pack: How to Blog Inside the Box”

  1. misainzig Says:

    This post is great news, as all I post is meaningless bullshit. 🙂

  2. Steph Says:

    Oh boy. I think we’re all guilty of one of these!!

    I’m going to cheat a little here and write what I wrote you already: I hear your rant. At the same time, that’s not to say I think some people shouldn’t be allowed to write. If they want to, they can, of course, and about what moves them. Far be it for me to tell people who love or want to do something that they can’t.

    What bothers me is not that some people love what I might consider drivel, after all, it’s a matter of personal taste, but that most people don’t seem to think for themselves. They just go along with everyone else, either because they have no thoughts of their own or because they think it’s the cool crowd and want to belong. I also really, really hate the ego that gets in the way of good writing. I understand that one needs confidence and sometimes even has to fake it. But you can fake without ego, without arrogance. Unfortunately, confidence is often confused with arrogance, and false confidence is often very noticeable, to some people, anyway.

    We just need some originality, for sure, as you say, but also for people to start really writing from the heart, really finding their voices, and just writing without being so conscious of TRYING to make an impact. If you write in a genuine way, you are sure to automatically make some sort of impact.

  3. Friar Says:

    @misainzi
    Well, at least you’re honest enough to admit it! 😀

    @Steph
    Oh, I think it’s great that people write and post whatever they want. That’s what blogging is all about.

    Just that sometimes I think we bloggers take ourselves WAY TO SERIOUSLY. I just felt like shaking things up.

    GROUP HUG! 😀

  4. Mike Goad Says:

    Wow.

    That’s deep…. Friar! 😉

  5. davinahaisell Says:

    Hey Friar. Thanks for the wake-up call! I do take life seriously and sometimes more than I need to.

  6. Friar Says:

    @Mike

    Thanks! (And please don’t think I was poking fun at your photos…I think yours are actually very good!) 😉

    @Davina
    Oh, it wasn’t intended as a “serious” wake-up call. It’s just a Friar Rant.

    When I say we shouldn’t take blogs too seriously, that ESPECIALLY includes the Deep Friar! 🙂

  7. Betsy Says:

    Well…kum-friggin’- ba-ya! Seriously, you make $90K? 😉

  8. Friar Says:

    @Betsy

    No…that’s not my salary…(I wish!) That was just a generic example!

  9. Writer Dad Says:

    I would feel bad about myself right now if that wasn’t both hilarious and accurate. Thanks as always, Friar.

  10. Friar Says:

    @Writer Dad

    Oh, dont’ feel bad. Like Steph says…we ALL do some of these things once in a while. 🙂

  11. Karen JL Says:

    *Whew!* Thank goodness I’m not a writer… 😉

    And don’t forget ranting about what everyone else is doing so you can be the rebel of the blogging world and everyone ends up thinking you’re one of the ‘cool kids’ too.

    You know…kind of like a goth kid (who “hates conformity”) that looks like *every other* goth kid out there.

    (Heehee…just yanking your chain, buddy. Good rant. 😀 )


  12. […] add a highly relevant paragraph that I just found in my feed reader, from the always-entertaining Deep Friar: “Freelance writers who work 70 hours a week, shivering in basement apartments eating Ramen […]

  13. veredd Says:

    Great minds think alike… I’m defending the 9 to 5 grind today in my own HIGHLY PROFITABLE blog. 😉

  14. Tricia Says:

    Crap! I hadn’t posted in several days and was losing sleep over the fact that readers would lose faith in humanity. And here you are to confirm my neurosis. What was it you said about a group hug?

  15. Ian Parker Says:

    I see you found my site, Friar. I guess I’m busted for pointless drivel. No hard feelings. 😉

  16. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Noooooo!! No! No! No!

    I do NOT want to be the Cool Kid!

    But I wouldn’t mind being the Class Clown! 🙂

    @veredd

    Hurray! Someone else who gets what I’m trying to say! (I’m going over to your blog now and drop off a comment!

    @Tricia
    There..there…don’t feel too bad. You can always post twice tomorrow. (Insert Virtual Hug here). 🙂

    @Ian
    Oh, yeah. Like I NEVER post pointless drivel…! 🙂
    (Anyone for pumpkin smashing? )

  17. Brett Legree Says:

    Hey, I *like* Ramen Noodles… 😉

    Did someone fart? I smell cinnamon buns.

  18. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    Well, now I see that the really cool kids are over here, with the coolest kid of all, I understand the crickets chirping at MCE. This is one of those posts where I have to read, comment, read more, comment again, because you’re really making me think. In that “Friar never means to make anyone think” kind of way, all innocent.

    And laugh my head off, of course.

    Our entire economy can apparently run on the basis of everyone sitting at home, typing to each other on our computers. Anyone can earn six figures doing this: the only reason we aren’t is that we’re obviously not trying hard enough.

    Best use of sarcasm ever? Well, pretty close. Oh, how I love that paragraph.

    I do think the poor bastards in their nuclear cubicles should make a lot more than 90k, though, so I guess you’d better move to the States with Brett.

    Wait. Famous quotes solve all of life’s problems? *note to self: maybe start dispensing a few on Wednesdays* So why do I have so many problems?

    Stupid cinnamon buns. I can’t tell you how tired of them I am.

    “If we go away for the weekend or miss a post…” Yeah, yeah. When I didn’t go away for the weekend and didn’t even miss a post due to the miracle of pre-posting, I remember a few rent garments, buddy. I got my eye on you, Sir.

    Hugs,

    Kelly

  19. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    Well, I’m SO glad you didn’t take me too seriously at my poking fun of famous quotes! (Because your Wednesday posts are my favorite…it opens up a huge discussion, and I never know where the comment threads are going to go!)

    I don’t make $90K, but I’m not complaining, either.

    There seems to be a lot of Cool Kids this week…there are a few here today, but not that many. (Only seventeen comments..!?). I think some Mommy Bloggers get more comments on poopy diaper photos! 😀

    PS. I’ve had too many cinnamon buns this week. I need another snack! 😉

  20. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Ramen noodles are okay….just as long as you eat them by choice, not by necessity!

    Hmm….I smell burning toast! 😀

  21. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    Now that I backed up and read your uncle post, I need CHOCOLATE. And there isn’t a shred in the house. *sigh*

    Definitely no more frackin’ cinnamon buns. Enough already!

    Later,

    Kelly

  22. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    What? You don’t have any left-over Halloween candy? 🙂

  23. Mike Goad Says:

    nuclear cubicles?

    What is that about?

    I guess I’m just sensitive about the word “nuclear.” I don’t know why.


  24. Tsk..

    I was here last eve to comment and got distracted by my at home version of the Friar, listening to his own stuff…Were you two seperated at birth?

    I COULD send you to your room for this post you know…

    picking on those of us who choose to inspire the world with positive quotes and inspiration and a drop of sunshine to combat all the gloominess..

    TSK TSK….

    But I won’t…cause your just a silly old bear and it won’t do any good anyhow….but you have to bring both me AND Kelly chocolate…


  25. Oh….I forgot your hug….

    (((HUG)))

  26. Friar Says:

    @Wendi

    YAY! A hug!

    (That’s better than being spanked and sent to my room). 🙂

    – Crustry Ol’ Friar

  27. Friar Says:

    @Mike

    Nuclear? As Schulz would say on Hogan’s Heroes:

    I….SEE….NUSSINK!!!

  28. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Hmm, hug vs. spanking, depends what you’re into I guess…

  29. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    From Wendi, I’ll take BOTH. 🙂

  30. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    The little person was with the monster for Halloween. Sadly appropriate, no?

    He’s deathly allergic to peanuts, but no smart neighbors slipped in a Reeses’ peanut butter cup for him to choke on. *sigh*

    Um, is that too negative for this blog?

    😉

    Brett,

    I could see that joke coming from a mile away. Shame on you. Have a beer.

    Later,

    Kelly

  31. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    No…NOTHING’s too negative for the Deep Friar!

    In fact, I highly encourage cynicism!

    (It helps balance out the rainbow faeries and marshmallow unicorns, ..not to mention all the oven-fresh Cinnamon Buns!) 🙂


  32. “what the cat upchucked at breakfast”
    Seriously! Too funny.

    “economy can apparently run on the basis of everyone sitting at home”
    I have thought much about this and am totally perplexed.

    About what and how most bloggers write goes against everything that is taught about good storytelling and quality writing. Still, there are many terrible writers I love for their positive spirits, humor, and tenacity. Finding blogs like yours that take risks and shed new light on the same old things is refreshing. *stroke* stroke*

  33. Friar Says:

    @Jaden

    Thanks. I appreciate the compliment about being refreshing…I wasn’t sure how this post would be received.

    Yeah, I always wondered about that too…bloggers earning six figures…by telling OTHER bloggers how to earn six figures….

    It’s all “virtual” knowledge…nothing tangible (that you can touch, or hold in your hand) is actually being made. Just electrons being pushed around on a video monitor.

    How can such an economy support itself? (Unless enough people working from “Outside” (i.e. the real world) regularly inject huge amounts of cash into the system.

    Basically, I think the Real World is subsidizing blogging. We shouldn’t pity people who work 9-to-5 desk jobs. We should be thanking them! 🙂

  34. Jenny Says:

    Friar! So sorry I’ve been MIA! But this post is so totally you! I’m glad I chose tonight to stop by, Iwas beginning to wonder why I write. I love the way you approach your writing, it is simple yet thought provoking. Keep up the great work and trust me you are definitely one of the cool kids!

  35. Friar Says:

    @Jenny

    Hey, welcome back. Haven’t heard from you in a while!

    This post is totally ME? (Well, I guess I’ll take THAT as a compliment!) 😉

    But I am definitely NOT one of the Cool Kids. In fact, I probably ticked off a lot of the Cool Kids writing this post! 🙂


  36. You definitely walk the plank, Friar, that’s what makes you great.

    In general, humans are all doing the same stuff: work, eat, sleep, socialize, hobbies; the challenge is to add some flavor to the noodles, ya know?

    Tell me something I don’t know. Give me new perspective. Rock my world. Don’t regurgitate your boring day to me. I’ve got my own boring day.

    The most successful writers just might be the people who have the most boring lives of all, yet, who manage to write in a unique or funny way. There has to be a twist on the norm to ring my bell.

  37. Friar Says:

    @jaden

    Aww…Geez. You’re making me blush here. (Usually, Kelly does that!) 😉

    But thanks for the compliment. That means a lot.


  38. […] Running with the Pack: How to Blog Inside the Box at The Deep Friar […]


  39. […] case you were considering rending your garments if you don’t hear from MCE for a few days, I’m letting you know: I have not a thing […]


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