Friar’s Guide to Blogging Stereotypes

The Harmless Motivator
Hey, here are some tricks I figured out that motivate me and make me more productive.    Try them if you want.  Maybe they’ll work for you too.

The Forceful Motivator
Hey, YOU!    Here are some motivational tricks I figured out that are GUARANTEED to motivate you and make you more productive.   So LISTEN TO ME because I KNOW BETTER.   If you don’t, then it’s YOUR fault that you’re unhappy.

The Questionable Motivator
Listen to me, and I’ll tell you how to succeed.  (Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to sneak out the window, because the landlord’s at the door and I don’t have the rent money.)

The Snake-Oil Salesman
Pssst…buddy.   C’mere!…Yeah, YOU….Listen, I’ve got it all figured out.   You don’t have to work for a living.  I know how to make TONS of money blogging.  It’s SO EASY.   Now…if you’ll just send me some cash, I’ll teach you how to ask other people to send YOU money too.    Better buy my secret NOW, though.   There are only so many electrons to go around on the Internet, so supplies ARE limited!

The Substitute Teacher
Gee, with all these Motivators hogging the spotlight, I kinda feel left out.  So sit back while I state something blatantly obvious.  Then I’ll expect you to all thank me afterward for enlightening you.

The Cool Kid
I’m the dominant alpha blogger, hear me roar.  I can do no wrong.    I can write about anything (i.e. selecting linoleum patterns for your basement) and you’ll hang on to my every word, weeping tears of joy and praising me.   My blog is where the party is always happening.  Come one over…you KNOW you want to be here.   If you’re lucky, I MIGHT let you inside.   I might even acknowledge your comment.  But make it a GOOD one…don’t be wasting my time!

The Kumbaya Granola-Child.
Um, violence and war and racism are bad…like, you know?    If only we’d stop hating and being so mean to each other, then Spaceship Mother Earth would be such a happier place.  Now I’m going to appear wise by quoting  John Lennon’s Imagine.  I’ll be the first person to do that since the song came out in 1971.

Talk Amongst Yourselves
This (insert random event here) happened to me.    What do YOU do when (insert random event here) happens to YOU?

The Arrogant Liberal
Sorry I’m grumpy, but my arm is sore from patting myself on the back so much.   It’s just that everyone is STUPID…(except me and the people who agree with me).  Now, if ONLY everyone thought like us, the world’s problems would all be solved.

The Wannabee
Hey, go check out the Cool Kids’ blogs.   No, REALLY.  GO check them out.  OMG, it’s like, they are SO GREAT.  If you hang out with them, they might, like, even speak to you.  And it’s so, like (scream)..TOTALLY AWESOME!

The Oprah-Mom
Yes, I know your kids are cute.  But MINE are even CUTER.  And I would be doing the world in enormous disservice if I didn’t regale everyone with all my kids’ potty-story antics in precise, painful detail.  Because I’m the first Mom who’s ever experienced these things, you know.

The Prophet
Blogging is a responsibility I take VERY seriously.   The World depends on my wit and wisdom, and it’s my self-imposed duty to keep posting and commenting every day.  I expect you to do the same.   Otherwise, the whole Social Network will come crashing down and we’ll be forced to go outside and get some fresh air and sunshine.

Potty Mouth
Oooh, look at me.  I’m so f***cking smart and so f***cking self-important, I don’t care WHAT people think of me.   They’ll read what I have to say, and they’ll LIKE it.   See?  I don’t even have to watch my f**cking language.   F**ck, f**ck, f**ck, f**ck, sh*t, sh*t, f**ck.    You don’t like it?    I don’t give a sh*t.   F**ck you.

The Blue-Box Recycler
Hello, I haven’t strung together an original thought in months.   So I’ll just write about other bloggers and just rehash what THEY’RE talking about.   Barring that, I’ll invite someone to post something on my own blog so I won’t actually have to write anything.

The Crying Kleenex-Boxer

(Sniff…Sob! Sob!)  Did you hear the story about Little Timmy with no arms and legs?  He knew he wasn’t good at sports, but he never quit.  He offered to be the school’s practice hockey puck.  With his help, his team won the State Championship.  (Sob…)    Check him out on YouTube, you can see him sliding on the ice, he looks so happy and determined.  Sniff…It’s SO BEAUTIFUL….I just feel just so inspired and empowered reading this.    Bless you, Little Timmy….BLESS YOU (Waaah!)

The Class Clown
Hey!  You there!  Made ya look!    Did you laugh yet?   Huh?  Did ya?   Lookit me.   No….LOOKIT! Lookit!  Lookit !  Lookit!   (I won’t stop until I make you squirt milk through your nose!)  😉

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27 Comments on “Friar’s Guide to Blogging Stereotypes”

  1. steph Says:

    As always, you nailed these personalities!! Actually, the one that annoys me most is the Cool-Kid blogger, which you didn’t profile…they’re the ones with the cliché cool-kid language, who really post about nothing much, but that’s because they’re “cool like that” and don’t have to worry about the content so long as they’re witty.

  2. Friar Says:

    @Steph

    Well, I’m glad you didn’t take it too personally about little Timmy (because I know I’ve teased you about that before!) 🙂

    As for the Cool Kids…thanks for reminding me. HOW could I have left them out?

    (I’ve just edited this post and added them!)

  3. veredd Says:

    Hmm. I did a Kumbaya Granola-Child post recently. I have some Talk Amongst Yourselves posts and sometimes I can be The Arrogant Liberal. I’m trying hard to avoid being The Oprah-Mom.

    Which of these are YOU?

    😉

  4. Captain Push Says:

    You left out “Scream of Consciousness” blogger. Or did I miss something?

  5. Friar Says:

    @Veredd
    Gee…can you GUESS which one I am? (Hint: towards the end!) 😉

    @Captain
    ??? Hmm….I’m not aware of THAT one.

  6. davinahaisell Says:

    Hi Friar. I like Potty Mouth. I’m a Wannabee Potty Mouth 🙂


  7. Hahaha….a true Friar classic! I also didn’t like the cool kid blogger, now that you nailed his personality even more so. I’m not even sure which of these I am.

  8. Friar Says:

    @Monika

    Hey! Welcome back! It’s been a while! 🙂

    Actually, I don’ think you fall in any of these categories (which might be a good thing, it means you’re unique, not a stereotype!)

  9. Friar Says:

    @davina
    I admit…I’m a closet potty mouth. Maybe not as bad as some of the worst offenders, but I do like to drop the odd f-bomb here and there.

    If properly used, some profanity is actually pretty clever and funny, I think.

    But we have a lot of “genteel” readers here, so I try to tone it down, lest I scare them away.

    (But you should see what I sometimes rant about, off-line, to Brett!) 😉

  10. Brett Legree Says:

    You forgot one:

    The Viking Berserker.

    🙂

  11. Brett Legree Says:

    PS – good list (I knew it would be good…)

    Heh heh, yes, Thursday night chats could sometimes make a sailor blush.

    (Hey, we’re Vikings, dammit, we’re prone to say “blargh” once in a while!)


  12. Okay, I have self identified as:

    Talk Amongst Yourselves
    This (insert random event here) happened to me. What do YOU do when (insert random event here) happens to YOU?

    If we weren’t all so concerned about playing nice-nice, it would be fun to actually link to different bloggers under each category. Oh, but then that would be a Wannabee post wouldn’t it? Or a NotWannabee post, depending on your perspective.

  13. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    A Viking Berserker wouldn’t blog….he’d be too busy pillaging and burning things. (Besides, I dont think he’d be able to write…except ARGGHH and NYARRGH)

    @Panther
    “If we werent’ all so concerned about playing nice-nice…”. Oh, that’s FUNNY.

    Can you IMAGINE the kerfuffle if I had linked to ACTUAL blogs?

    Oh, but noooo…..I couldn’t do that. Even the Deep Friar knows his limits! 😉

  14. Karen JL Says:

    Yeah, linking to other blogs for this post would be a baaaaaaaaad idea, methinks. Oh, the wrath!

    Not sure where I fit on the list either…you tell me, Mr. Class Clown (but even you know you’re not *always* that one). 😉

    At least I’ll NEVER be an Oprah-Mom! *shudder*

  15. Karen JL Says:

    BTW – “He offered to be the school’s practice hockey puck.” is GOLD! Bahahahaha!

  16. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Yeah…if I did that…oh the Wrath! Oh the Humanity! 🙂

    I don’t think you fit anywhere on this list either. Animator/Storyboard/Movie Buff/Consultant…?

    It’s hard to make fun of bloggers like you who never say anything stupid! 😉

  17. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Hmm… you got me thinking.

    A Viking Berserker blogger would “pillage and burn” other blogs, by showing up in the comments section and spamming them with ARRRGGHH BLARGGGGHH NYARRRGHHH!!!!!!

    If I could draw cartoons… oh, I’d have fun with this one!

  18. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Regarding Timmy. I was originally going to make him the team curling rock…but I thought our readers down south would better identify with hockey.

    Hur-REEEE, little Timmy. Hur-REE Haaaaard! 😀

  19. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Hmmm….maybe the Berserker will pay a visit to your blog soon! 😉

  20. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – “TimmAAYYYY!!!”

  21. Brett Legree Says:

    You guys ever seen that handicap vanity plate that says TIMMAY on it?

    I’m serious, I’ve seen a picture of it.

  22. Friar Says:

    @Karen
    (Mumbling)….Livin’ a LIE….Livin’ a LIE! 😉

    @Brett
    Aw..shit. That plate is taken? (or is it still available in Ontario?)

  23. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    I don’t think it was an Ontario plate!

  24. veredd Says:

    Oh, you’re the CLASS Clown, of course.

  25. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    Hmmm…that’s tempting, isn’t it? 😉

    @veredd
    NO…..HOW did you ever GUESS? 😀


  26. Where’s the arrogant conservative? Heheh. I could easily become The Kumbaya Granola-Child sort of blogger but I think I’ll spare the blogosphere 😉

  27. Friar Says:

    @Melissa

    Good point! To be honest, that totally slipped my mind.

    Oh, I know the arrogant conservatives exist….heh heh, that could almost be ME…if I decided to talk politics on the Deep Friar (which I WON’T do!) 😉

    Just that I haven’t come across too many conservative-types in the little blogging circle I visit. If anything, most people I’ve read tend to be left-of-center.

    Maybe I need to “expand my horizons” 😀


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