Another Ungrateful List

Today, many of our friends are celebrating American Thanksgiving, and some are blogging about the things they’re grateful for.    But (since we’ve already had our Thanksgiving in Canada, and since it’s my nature to be a crotchety old Friar), I feel it’s my duty to do the complete opposite.

So here is another list of things I”m UNGRATEFUL for…

*************************************************

The entire Month of November.   

Awww…The pumpkins have all gone (especially if you live in Canada). 

Red squirrels (see my rant here).

Early snow on my driveway (I dont’ care if it’s a foot deep, I won’t shovel it…I WON’T.  Not in November, dammit). 

The Little Drummer Boy Song (Pahrum-pa-pum DUMB…!)

Early Shopping-Mall Christmas Carols (There oughta be a law…NO Christmas music until we’ve finished raking the leaves).  

Warm Raisin Pie. (If you wanted to go out of your way to pick the ultimate food to make me gag…MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!)

I know I’ve probably said this before…but Bunny balls (from crummy toilet paper).

Lo-Fat ANYTHING.

Inspirational stories about people worse off than me overcoming great odds, that just make me feel like a total screw-up for not getting my own mundane life in order. 

Sitting down at Thanksgiving Dinner, and being made to go around the table with everyone telling each other what we’re thankful for.  (Yes, yes….I know I’m being a Grinch here.  But we’re not six years old any more.   Plus there’s something about being forced to participate in this Morality Play that just sets my teeth on edge!)

Plugging the toilet.  (I won’t elaborate here.)

IKEA’s premium parking spots for families with kids.  (Way to make me feel like a 2nd class Citizen, just because I haven’t chosen to breed yet!)

Smart Cars (…you drive that and call yourself a MANI?) 

Whole Wheat.  (Is it just me, or does it give bread a BITTER after-taste?)

Cryptic Crosswords (my Mom tried to get me to do one once…I burst a blood vessel in my brain!)  

New York Times Crossword Puzzle clues that only English-Major Artsy-Fartsy’s can get.  i.e.  17th century Welsh novelist.   (Oh…COME ON!!!)

Pokemon (can this fad just please DIE already?) 

Being asked at the very last minute to say Grace at dinner in front of 20 people.  (Nothing like being put on the spot!)

The seventh consecutive day of turkey left-overs (Next year, can we just order pizza instead?)

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14 Comments on “Another Ungrateful List”

  1. Beth Partin Says:

    Friar,

    I believe Christmas Carols should never be played over a public system. If you want to sing them at your neighbor’s door, fine. If you want to sing them in church…or play them on the radio…fine. But don’t make me listen to them while I’m shopping or eating lunch. It’s cruel!

  2. Friar Says:

    @Beth
    The religious carols I dont’ mind so much…at least they’ve been around for a few centuries and they tend to be less commercial.

    But the pop-songs…UGH! I was in the drug store the other day, and there was this “Up to the Chimney, Quick Quick Quick” sung by the Jackson Five, circa 1971.

    My God, it was SO awful, I didn’t know whether to drive skewers into my eardrums to make myself deaf, or just run screaming form the building!

  3. Cath Lawson Says:

    LMAO Friar – I’d not heard of bunny balls before. Trust you to come up a list like this. I was getting bored stupid reading what other folk were grateful for, so I really appreciated this post.

  4. steph Says:

    What gets me is when people go all pious and wax poetic about what they’re grateful for – only on Thanksgiving. The rest of the year they forget about it! So instead people get irritated in the blogging world by a gazillion posts just like all the others. I don’t know why it bothers me when everyone blogs about the same thing at the same time, like on blogging day or Thanksgiving, or whenever. It just gives off a weird vibe for me. At the same time, far be it for me, seriously, to tell someone they can’t feel thankful and express that, or concerned about world poverty and express that. I guess it’s just that it all happens at the same time and seems unoriginal and even somewhat hypocritical at times. Especially if it’s done only to drive traffic… Not that I want to be offensive here! I don’t have anyone in particular in mind…

    Anyway, I actually agree with most of these! Like Cath, though, I’ve never heard of bunny balls! And if by warm raisin pie you mean mincemeat – YUM!!!

    I haven’t done turkey in about 6 years or so. We actually DO do pizza for holidays, homemade by yours truly. I could eat it every day. I figure I’m some kind of heroine if I can make spelt-crust, dairy-free, vegetarian pizza taste amazing.

    🙂

  5. steph Says:

    PS. I much prefer traditional carols too.

  6. Friar Says:

    @Steph

    When I went to church on Christmas Eve with my family, they’d project the song lyrics on the wall with an overhead projector for us to sing along.

    When “O come all ye Faithful” came along, the words said

    “Oh, come let us adore him (bis)”.

    I guess the “bis” part is Latin for sing the same line twice.

    Of course, me and my brother would look at each other, and DELIBERATELY sing the words “bis” (And of course, we were adults in our 20’s at the time).

    It’s just part of the Gitchi Manitou Friar Christmas.

  7. Friar Says:

    @Cath
    Heh heh. Bunny balls. I used that expression around my friends all the time. (Mabye its a local thing!)

    I also got a bit bored about reading blogs that say the same old thing. Hence this blog. (I bet you there arent’ too many people who bitched like me on Thanksgiving, eh?) 😉

    @steph
    I agree. Some people have written some really sincere thankful posts (like Wendi)…but I find a lot of the posts are the typical knee-jerk-predictable-lets-be-thankful variety.

    Whatever.

    Like that Blogging World Hunger Day. Everyone predictably writing and commenting that if only we would share the wealth, people wouldn’t go hungry, yadda yadda yadda…(…Yeah..NOooooo shit!)

    That kept the blogosphere’s interest for ONE day…then everyone moved on to the next flavour-of-the-week topic.

    (Ooooh, yes, but at least we TALKED about it, they’ll say…and that’s the first step towards solving the problem) ..blah blah BLAH).

    When everyone’s jumps onto the general consensus, I’m not so much bothered as BORED. That prompts me to do two things: either I don’t even bother to read blogs that day, or I write something Deep-Friarish.

    PS. I have a phobia/disgust for moist gooey raisins that have been baked. If they’re dry and chewy in trail mix, I love em. But if they’re in a pie or some kind of pastry….GAGGGGG!

    (Of course, I know a bunch of bloggers are going to tell me how wonderful raisins are, especially when combined with Lima Beans). 😉

  8. Brett Legree Says:

    You forgot snow.

    Yes, I know you like to ski, but the skiing where you and I live sucks (I’m talking downhill, not cross country, as it is pretty good).

    But – if I wanted to ski, I’d vacation in BC or some place where there is lots of snow.

    I’d rather not have to slog through it every day to work for 6 months of the year!

    I mean, you can’t even eat it! At least you can eat lima beans.

    And yeah, “Smart” cars. My GTI actually gets better fuel economy than the Smart on the Canadian market (they effed up the motor on it for some reason), holds three more people, is safer, and gets to 60 mph in 6.5 seconds.

    Now who’s smart?

  9. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    I like snow to ski on. And I like it to cover the ground just enough to make things white and pretty.

    But that’s ENOUGH. But when it was 5 feet keep like last winter, and it damaged my roof and I had to constantly shovel it…#$%*&!

    The minus 30C doesn’t make things easier, either.

    The secret is to live in Kelowna or Vernon BC (where my Mom spends the winter).

    It doesn’t get cold, there’s hardly any snow on the ground, even in the dead of winter. But you drive 45 minutes up the mountain road and you get world class-skiing.

    In the month of March, my Dad was known to ski and golf on the same day. How awesome is THAT?

    Unfortunately, all the retiree baby-boomers are gobbling up all the houses, and the prices are going up. By the time I’ll be able to move there, I wont’ be able to afford it.


  10. Anything Christmas related before Remembrance Day is WRONG. Bunny balls, bhwa-hahahaha, never heard that term before. Warm raisin pie, gagging just thinking about it. Cryptic crosswords … oh thank goodness. My mother does them and tries to make me do them, and I end up feeling STUPID. And on the topic of feeling stupid, can we add suduko (or however you spell it!)?

  11. Allison Day Says:

    Gooey raisins with lima beans? Eeeewwwww!

    As for the smart car, my brother and our cousins were joking yesterday that they want to put a V8 engine in a smart car. My brother is expecting to get his license in the next week, so understandably this scares me a little… 😉

  12. Friar Says:

    @Panther
    My mom and sister are into those cryptics. They’re so messed up, that even when they look up the answers, they sometimes can’t figure it out.

    If it’s THAT difficult…then WHAT’s the point?

    As for Sudoku…I only have one word: Meh.

    @Allison

    A V8 into a Smart Car? It would probably bend the chassis! But I like the way your brother thinks. (Brett would approve). 😉

    As for Lima Beans and Raisins. I just googled it for fun, to see if I was exagerrating.

    I shit-you-not…some sadists have actually come up with such putrid recipes. Check this out…it’s un-freaking belieavable 😦

    http://www.calraisins.org/recipes/recipe.cfm?id=669


  13. I love the idea of pizza on Thanksgiving. Then again, I love the idea of pizza on Christmas, Halloween, Hanukkah, uh – how about we just have it every day?

  14. Friar Says:

    @Melissa

    I get where you’re coming from. If I was stuck on a desert Island, and had to pick just one food to eat, it woudl be pizza. 🙂


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