Friar’s All-Inclusive “How To” List for Bloggers

4 Easy Tips on How to Fight Writer’s Block

  1. Step away from the effing computer.  
  2. Get off your arse.
  3. Go OUTSIDE, and get some fresh air and exercise!
  4. No, seriously.  Get off your ARSE and get some FRESH AIR and EXERCISE!

2 Tips on How to Fight Procrastination

1.  If it’s important…JUST FREAKING DO IT.
2.  If it isn’t….does it really matter? (And what do I care?  I’m not the boss of you…go figure it out yourself!)

How to earn six figures working from home just a few hours a week

  • Contact your Travel Agent
  • Book a one-way trip to La-La Land.

Three Tips on How to acheive a Google PR Number of 4

  1. Be totally oblivious as to what a Google PR Number is (like I was).
  2. Do absolutely nothing (like I did).
  3. Wait for a blogging friend to tell you that you have a Google PR Number of 4.

How to Maximize Your  Blog Traffic

  • See how the Cool Kid Bloggers do it.
  • Suck up to the Cool Kids, and leave lots of comments.
  • Spend 4 hours a day on Twitter, telling the Cool Kids how wonderful they are.
  • BE a Cool Kid.

If I could express how I felt with just one quote:

Well…F**K me!!!!

How to Acheive Inner Peace

  • Learn to relax.
  • Worship the deity of your choice.
  • Read other blogs on how to find inner peace.
  • If that dosent’ work, I dunno…go try Crystal-Vibration Yoga or some other New-Age bullshit.

How to Start a Blogging Trend

  • Find a convenient blogging bandwagon, and jump on it.
  • Leave comments agreeing with what everyone else is saying.
  • Re-post everything that’s been said in your own words.
  • Allow people to jump on YOUR bandwagon.

Six Things Almost Everyone Knows About Me

  1. My nickname is Friar
  2. Chances are, I’m NOT a vegetarian.
  3. I really believe in astrology….NOT!
  4. Getting me tickets to see Celine Dion would NOT be a one of your better gift ideas. 
  5. Sometimes I rant and poke fun at things. 
  6. Someone really needs to give me a good talking to.
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31 Comments on “Friar’s All-Inclusive “How To” List for Bloggers”

  1. Brett Legree Says:

    You better watch it or Wendi might send you to your room 🙂

  2. Sheila Says:

    “… Someone really needs to give me a good talking to.”

    Uh, I’m assuming you meant that in the perverted sense. Good post.

  3. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    Wendi’s been quiet lately….maybe she’s busy sending other people to their rooms!

    @Sheila
    Actually, that was one of my taglines on my banner a few months ago! 😉


  4. I wonder how many figures that travel agent who books trips to la la land is getting each year 😉

  5. Friar Says:

    @Melissa

    I’d like to go there myself. Unfortunately, all the flights are booked. 😉

  6. Captain Push Says:

    Something I know about you Friar.
    Your Mom loves you!
    (Having inside dope on you is like having baby pictures of you. I can embarrass you
    anytime I want to.)
    No. She’s not paying me to say that.
    🙂

  7. Friar Says:

    @Captain

    Shhhh!!! (Don’t tell anyone!) 😮

  8. Karen JL Says:

    I still don’t have a clue what a Google PR Number is.

    Or what mine is. Or why I should care.

    And I have no friends. So I guess I’m screwed.

  9. Kelly Says:

    Karen,

    I don’t go around checking other people’s PR ‘cuz it depresses me about mine, but I’m guessing yours is pretty good.

    Friar,

    “If it’s important…JUST FREAKING DO IT.”

    Aaah! I read a post at (unnamed REALLY cool kid’s blog) last week, breaking down how to do what you need to do NOW into two days’ worth of steps so maybe you can do it LATER and I almost LOST it! I went over and sharply said WTF, if a person was having a hard time before you’ve just overcomplicated this into paralysis.

    Just freaking do it.

    A-men.

    And to all the rest… LOL. Of course.

    🙂

    Regards,

    Kelly

  10. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    I’m still not sure what a PR Number is. Something to do with how popular your blog is on the Google Search Engine. I don’t know if a higher or lower number is better. Brett explained it to me, and I already forgot.

    But I can be your friend, if you like! 😉

    @Kelly
    Oh, I’d love to see that blog! (Maybe you can tell me off-line).

    I dont’ know why we place so much emphasis on other people’s advice on all these blogs.

    99% of the time, these people aren’t qualified or trained professionals. They’re just average Joes like the rest of us who just like to write. Their opinion isn’t necessarily any better or worse than our own….

    My God. HOW on EARTH did we survive 10 years ago, without the Blogosphere telling us what to do? 😉

  11. t.sterling Says:

    It’s hard to suck up to the Cool Kids on Twitter if I’m rarely there. But I strive to get there some day and have a bandwagon of my own.

  12. t.sterling Says:

    Oh and I have inner peace, but I’m not sharing that secret without a little payment.

  13. Friar Says:

    @t

    I havent’ done Twitter yet. I’m afraid to….it will be a huge time-suck.

    Mabye you can share that secret of Inner Peace for a small fee. And make a six-figure income working from home, just a few hours a week! 😉

  14. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – You should try Twitter out for ranting material alone! I bite my tongue all the time, but sometimes I’d just like to tweet sarcasm (OK…sometimes I do).

    Some people take it SO seriously and think it’s SO important. My biggest laugh is folks who always announce when they arrive and when they leave and when they are back. Like everyone is waiting with baited breath for their next tweet.

    NO ONE CARES. Just GO already.

    Here’s my official theory on the success of social media:
    All it does is feed the weird human need to ‘collect shit’. That’s it.

    “Friends”, “followers”, “bookmarks”…they are just stuff to collect and somehow feel important about.

    Whew…glad I got that off my chest. Can’t really do it on my blog. 🙂

  15. Kelly Says:

    Karen,

    “Friends”, “followers”, “bookmarks”…they are just stuff to collect and somehow feel important about.

    … Territories, countries, scalps, buffalo, women, mastodons… it’s a genetic thing. Quantifiable success. A way of demonstrating superiority. We’re all just cavemen, with better tailors.

    Friar,

    The scale goes up to 10, but it gets *really* hard to move up after about 4. Or, ahem, after about 3, if you run the MCE blog. And it has to do with backlinks, mostly. The more inbound links you get from different sources, the higher your PR.

    It means you’re popular! You’re a cool kid!

    So I need a lot of fresh faces to link to me if I ever want to get out of PR3. But I don’t chase it much, ‘cuz it doesn’t bother me (mostly, kinda), so the needle doesn’t move. Ah, well, there are other scalps to collect. Like in real life.

    Here’s when I would do Twitter: When I discovered that I had time in my day that I wasn’t doing anything with. If not, something’s got to go, and what am I willing to jettison to make room for Twitter?

    Nothing. So it’s not for me.

    Later,

    Kelly

    P.S. Just went back to read my comment, I was nicer than I thought. Guess I didn’t want to piss off the cool kids that day, but I was *thinking* WTF.

    I’ll send you the link.

  16. Friar Says:

    Karen

    I already take too much time blogging. I’m afraid if I go on Twitter, it will be like Crack Cocaine and I won’t be able to get off of it.

    Though I hear (from others) that apparently there is a lot of patting on the back and self-promotion (the cool kids selling themselves). As a class clown, I wouldn’t fit in….like Kelly, there is nothing in my life I want to jettison to make froom for Twitter.

    PS. Too bad your blog is a professional one. I’d love to hear more of your rants! (But feel free to do so here anytime, I promise I won’t tell the Animation Police!) 😉

    @Kelly

    I like your analogy of collecting things. We haven’t really come much further than cavemen collecting scalps and shiny beads, have we?

    As for my PR number, I DENY being a Cool Kid. No, no, no. Don’t wanna be one. (They can’t make me!) 😦

  17. t.sterling Says:

    Twitter can be addictive when I’m reading what interesting people are actually doing or if they are trying to figure out a problem and ask questions. But I agree with Karen, there are some people that announce EVERYTHING as if we all care they are leaving. I’ve only tweeted random thoughts or occurances like a hissing humidifier or delivery men throwing packages at my front door.

    However, I also found some people watching the same TV show I’m watching, so it’s interesting to “converse” with them on the events on TV in real time.

  18. Brett Legree Says:

    Don’t worry Friar, Twitter will be replaced by something else and you won’t have missed anything 😉

    Actually, it depends on how you use it, it can be pretty funny.

    Why, just yesterday Karen JL “outed” me concerning my love for NZ sheep LOL

  19. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – I was worried it would be a time suck too. But if you’re ‘normal’ about it, it doesn’t have to be.

    I think of it as an open mike night (see Brett’s comment 🙂 ). And you can find some good info. I found a new domain host by someone tweeting it and it saved me money on renewing my domains. But you’re not missing THAT much, cause there’s also lots of the stuff you mentioned.

    @ Kelly – SO right about the caveman thing. Ever go to celebrity gossip blogs? (Gads, I’ve outed my secret shame!) Read the comments ( I rarely do anymore) and see how low humanity really is. It’s quite pathetic. The anonymity of the internet shows our true caveman-ness. 😉

  20. Friar Says:

    @t and Brett and Karen

    Aw…Gee. It sounds like fun….mabye I SHOULD join. (If only to stir things up!).

  21. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Celebrity gossip blogs? 😮

    What’s the latest with Paris Hilton?

  22. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – She’s still a stupid, spoiled whore. 😉

    I mostly read just one, Dlisted.com. He’s a very funny, bitter gay guy and I get a kick out of him. He calls Paris “Wonky McValtrex”… 😀

  23. Brett Legree Says:

    Friar, it is true if you use it right it is handy – depends who you follow. Michael Martine gave me a tip to a really cool band (well, stuff we like anyway…) just now.

    Always something going on – hey, you can always turn it off 😉

  24. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Oh, dear. Such language! What would Wall-E think? 😉

    @Brett

    That’s the problem. I dont’ think I’d be able to turn it off. 😮

  25. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – But…but…it’s a South Park quote!

    I would *never* say such on thing on my own.

    ….Pffffftt!

  26. Friar Says:

    @Karen
    Poor Paris…do you think she’ll ever meet Lemmikins? 😉

  27. Kelly Says:

    Karen,

    I check OMG once in a blue moon to see if my dream date has gone & gotten married without, y’know, dating me. (How dare he!) Other than that, never. But yeah, the commenters are Bizarre with a capital B. They make my why-the-hell-not crush look positively normal.

    🙂

    Bitter gay guy riffing on celebs? Might have to have a peek.

  28. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    “Bitter gay guy riffing on celebs ….?”

    Now THERE’s something you don’t come across to too often!

  29. Kelly Says:

    Oh, Friar, if you didn’t go, you should. Karen’s guilty secret is LOL funny. I almost died laughing. Thanks, Karen, I laughed until I cried. He’s vicious!

  30. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    Yeah, I checked it out. The guy’s all right! 😀

  31. Ron Schmidli Says:

    Great post, I especially found it interesting how you presented such a fragile issue with kid gloves.


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