Life Skills 101

My God.

It’s only the first week of 2009, and already I’ve overwhelmed.

There’s just a huge amount of advice and inspiration out there on the Blogosphere, and I can’t keep up with it.       

I feel like such a screw-up, because I’m barely trying to keep my own life in control.

Yet everyone else already has the answers.  

Everyone knows better than me on how I can improve my mundane miserable life, and save the planet.

And everyone is going to publish that best-selling novel and self-actualize in 2009 (except possibly me!)    

Well, to keep in spirit with this BlogoLand Feel-Good-About-Yourself Theme, here is my own advice for the New Year

  • Let’s stop poverty.
  • Let’s stop pollution.
  • Recycle, and try to carpool when you can.
  • Don’t procrastinate.   Do the important things NOW. 
  • Become a Good Citizen of the Planet.
  • When you have a problem, evaluate all your options, select the best one, and implement your solution.
  • Learn to be HAPPY.
  • Learn to RELAX.
  • Just be yourself.
  • Let’s not be sexist.
  • Be creative
  • Write
  • Learn to prioritize.   Do the important things first.  
  • We are all one community, let us share our love with our fellow bloggers.
  • The Children.  My God.  Think of our children!
  • Drink plenty of water.
  • Stay away from greasy foods.    
  • Eat your broccoli
  • Floss regularly
  • Don’t forget to flush
  • Hug a sequoia
  • Serenade an Orca with a Pan Flute

There…I’m done preaching now.   That pretty much covers everything you need to know about Life.  

For the rest of 2009,  I’ll try to just blog about fun stuff for my own amusement.

(I know that’s pushing the limits, but I’m willing to try something completely different!)  😉

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43 Comments on “Life Skills 101”

  1. Karen JL Says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for this thought provoking list.

    I was wandering around since the 1st with no meaning to my life.

    NOW I know what to do.



  2. Brett Legree Says:

    You forgot “put the toilet seat down”.

    Technoviking supports the use of nuclear power, everything else can and will fuck off… 🙂

    (Hey, I’ve got to look out for my livelihood!)

  3. Friar Says:

    Aw..shucks. I made you flush? 🙂

    This wasn’t so special. You only had to read the 345,891 other blogs out there that say the same thing! 😉

    I dont’ think TechnoViking would put the seat down. He’d be man enough to leave it up and face the consequences!

  4. Brett Legree Says:

    (Assuming Technoviking uses a toilet…)

    Technoviking doesn’t put the seat down, the seat puts itself down for Technoviking. Or Technoviking will smash the toilet!

  5. Friar Says:

    That’s what I figured…Technoviking probably doesn’t even USE a toilet.

    He probably goes wherever he wants to, to mark his territory!

  6. Brett Legree Says:

    That used to be my theory too. I figured if I wanted a sports car, all I had to do was pee on the tire and it was mine… 🙂

  7. Friar Says:


    If you really wanted to mark the car, pee all over the seats!

  8. Karen JL Says:

    I was being sarcastic. Read my comment again, with sarcasm.

    It’s much funnier.

  9. Friar Says:





  10. Karen JL Says:

    Are you being sarcastic?


  11. Kelly Says:


    LOL, b/c I got a preview of this rant. You made a nice post out of it.

    As I told you yesterday, I promise to be the same old schmuck in 2009 (but older… *sigh*), so you will have someone to feel superior to. All better now?

    But c’mon. “Let’s not be sexist.” We can manage that one, right?




  12. Friar Says:


    Uhhhh….yes. 🙂

    I also plan to be the some old schmuck in 2009. Maybe we can be mediocre together, while the rest of Blogoland super-acheives.

    As for “let’s not be sexist”. rest assured, the Friar can manage that.

    That’s just a generic “No brainer” item on the list. I could have also added let’s not be mean, let’s not be abusive, let’s not be racist, let’s not be cruel to animals, let’s not deal drugs…etc.

  13. Friar Says:


    Getting back to not being “sexist”.

    Acutally, some of the naughtier comments on this blog haven’t necessarily come from us guys.

    (Have we already forgotten the escapades of the Purple Pole Sisters…?) 😉

  14. Happy New Year Friar. I just stopped by to wish you that.

    Just think if some alien space invader saw all the help posts out there, they would think we couldn’t find our way out of a paper bag.

    I am painting pink this month myself. Nothing sexist, I just like it. It’s about hugging trees though. Well more like hugging islands. I might use some blue too so guys could like it too. Hehe, oops that probably sounds sexist. But it is actually going to be sexy, lots of potent floral recesses and such. So there. I like those as much as I like salmon…

    I guess I might have to write some haiku about it too. But mostly I ‘ll just be painting it.

    Good list. 😉

  15. Friar Says:


    Happy New Year too.

    I’m wondering with all these self-Help Posts. MY GOD. HOW DID WE SURVIVE 10 YEARS AGO WITHOUT THE BLOGOSPHERE?

    By the way, How do you mix pink with watercolor?

    I try to go very dilute with alizarin crimson. But sometimes, I can’t get what I want. I “cheat” a bit, and use pink from the tube!

    Blue, I got no problem with.

  16. We had Phil Donahue and Oprah. All the talking heads on tv.

    Rose Doré , it’s a Winsor Newton color I can’t do without. Kind of golden pink. It’s soft but just right. Alizarin is too cool sometimes, but is good to play off the warm of the rose doré to create depth. I’ll show you this month on the Magical Botanical piece.

    Do you still have snow?

  17. Friar Says:


    Do we still have snow?


    Oh, yes, indeedy doo.

    When do we NOT have snow? 😀

    That white stuff will be on the ground till at least mid April!

    PS. I’m going to have to try that Rose Dore! Thanks for the tip!

  18. Oh boy, you’re such a smart-ass and I just love it.

  19. Wow! Did that hurt?

  20. Steph Says:

    Friar: you decide whether or not you’re a screw-up or successful. My guess is that most people with their lists of accomplishments are not trying to make you feel lesser—you’re feeling that on your own, you’re choosing to feel it. Which is telling you something. Stop comparing yourself and start setting your own standards. What does successful mean to YOU? Having a better job? Making more money? Getting your books published?

    In my eyes, you are successful. You’re successful at blogging. You have a job as an engineer, and your own house. You are a talented artist, whose art is appreciated by many. You have successfully conquered many territories (with Bear by your side). You successfully completed higher ed. You are not a screw-up! You just aren’t. A screw-up is someone who has stopped trying at anything.

    Just because you haven’t done the same things as someone else doesn’t mean you’re not successful.

    It’s advice I regularly have to take. No one can make me feel anything. I choose to feel it. Which means I have some beliefs to change.

    Love ya, buddy! I know I got all serious on you, but I had to.

  21. Friar Says:

    (Just so long as the Blogo-Land Police don’t show up on my doorstep with pitchforks and torches!) 😀

    Not sure what you meant here. Did what hurt. (???) Writing this? (Well, maybe a little!) 😉

    Oh, of course, I don’t totally believe I’m a screw up. Like Melissa says, I’m just being a bit of a smart-ass here!

    But I think if we listen to each and every blog that tells us what we’re not achieving, we could end up with an inferiority complex if we let it. Sometimes it almost feels like we’re getting in shit for not having our lives in perfect order.

    That’s when I go “La la la I can’t hear you La la la”.

    (Or I write posts like this one!) 😉

  22. Brett Legree Says:

    Never mind the Blogo-Land Police, Mayor McCheese is still hunting your ass down…

  23. Friar Says:


    Oh, no, I’ll never live it down!

    (Maybe I can hide out at Grimace’s till this blows over!)

  24. t.sterling Says:

    I thought you were going to say “Drink plenty of beer.”

    Anyway, I’ve got a question. What do you do after you complete this list? The first two involve working with other people and… well… I work alone. But all that’s left that I haven’t done is hug a sequoia. I just don’t know what is it, where I can find it, and if it’s something I really want to hug.

    And as you know, I already know how to be happy and relax, I’m selling my secrets and if you buy both, I’ll give you a solution to pollution for half off but this is a limited time offer.

  25. Writer Dad Says:

    What about global warming? We could like totally stop it by singing Kumbaya…. couldn’t we?

  26. Brett Legree Says:

    Nah, the secret to stopping global warming is to make gasoline out of baby seals. Yeah, that’s it… 🙂

  27. Friar Says:

    I think after reading too many blogs this week, I NEED to drink more beer! (I’m saving that for Thursday night with Brett!)

    If you already know the secrets, I say put it into an E-book, and go for it! Sell it and make big $$$$. (There’s certainly a market for it, I can assure you!) 😉

    @Writer Dad
    D’OH! I forgot about Global Warming! I should have also added that we should drive Hydrid Cars (like the Pious Model from South Park!) \

    (Derka Derka!)

    I saw that on “Futurama”. In one episode, they showed that in the year 3000, diesel engines are powered by whale-oil!

  28. Friar Says:


    PS. A sequoia is one of those giant red-wood type of trees found in California. (You know, the one ones that are 20 feet in diameter).

  29. Friar's Mom Says:


    You’re uncanny.

    I have used your precise words in the past.

    Déjà vu

  30. you’re welcome. I love that color….it woud be great to use on salmon…course so would lemon. munch munch…;-)

    So you could go out and make rude snowmen? Just a thought…. Or one like your cartoons? Uh oh, that ‘s probably me being a bad influence. But it would be funny.

  31. Friar Says:


    You can only make snowmen at right conditions (when there is a fresh snowfall, close to the freezing point, when the snow is wet and sticky).

    Which dosen’t happen too often, so contrary to urban legend, you can’t really make snowmen that often.

    Right now, it’s considerably colder, and the snow is powdery and crusty. It’s more like flour or sugar, that just blows away.

    So we’ll have to wait till the next warm spell to make any snowmen. (Which might be days…or weeks!). You never know with January.

  32. @Friar, There better not be any blogo-land police. Then we’d all be in trouble! Well, most of us.

  33. Friar Says:


    Oh, most definitely, there are Blogo-Land Police.

    They tap my phones, keep me under surveillance, and they have a 3-inch thick file on me.

    It’s only a matter of time before someone turns me in and sends me off to Re-Education Camp! 😮

  34. davinahaisell Says:

    Friar, I won’t give you the benefit of a reaction… just a comment 🙂 Happy New Year! Can I say Happy?…

  35. Friar's Mom Says:


    Friar doesn’t make snowmen. Our front yard had an igloo, a pyramid and a huge snow rat.

    @Wee Friar

    Which snow sculpture did you set fire to? Was it the pyramid?

  36. Friar Says:

    Yes, Happy New Year to you to. (And Yes, you can say “Happy”. As you can siee, it’s on my approved list…!) 😉

    @Friar’s Mom

    It was the snow Pyramid I set fire to. Along with my brother Spalpeen.

    Well, actually, it wasn’t so much as set fire to it, as to make a “snow-oven” inside it, with flaming cardboard.

    To get the flames started, we used the remaining Polo cologne. (That had been used to previously make fire-balls in the garage with).

    Though I wasn’t so “wee” when I did this. I was in University at the time.

  37. Kelly Says:

    Friar and Friar’s Mom,

    Oh, the Snow Rat was bad enough. But the Flaming Pyramid? When you were old enough to know better?


    Laughing so loudly I just woke The Kid up. “What’s so funny, Mama?”

    Happens every. darn. time I come over here to read at night. “Nothing, dear, go back to sleep.”

    Thank goodness I have a girl.

    (Wait, is that sexist? I take it back.)

    Thank goodness I didn’t have a friar.


    Still laughing…



  38. Friar Says:


    Actually, I think I have a photo of the snow rat (if I can dig up the photo album somewhere).

  39. ROFLOL Holy flaming pyramids, Batman! And a snow rat? Sheesh! Okay now the challenge is ON. Next good snow sculpting weather… ooh I hope you have the snow rat photo , Friar’s Mom. Somehow though…. is anyone surprised?

    Very clever with the cologne and cardboard… honestly, wish I could animate Friar’s Guide to Fun with Snow.

  40. Friar Says:


    Well, I can’t promise anything, but we’ll see (the next good snow sculpting weather!)

  41. Friar Says:


    PS The underlying foundation of the snow pyramid was made with four big snow balls (three on the bottom, one on top).

    It left a natural hollow in the middle, which made the perfect “oven” in which to start our fire! (My brother can attest to this!) 😉

  42. Mutters to herself…. Janet? … I see you smiling.

  43. Friar Says:


    (DO’H!) 😦

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