Unhealthy Crap I Love to Eat, but Probably Shouldn’t.

McDonalds
Yes, I know it’s bad for me.   Yes, I know Ronald McDonald is probably  cutting down the rainforests and is responsible for Global Warming and making baby polar bears cry.

And YES, I know that “Supersize Me” guy got really sick eating McDonald’s food.

But I don’t care.  I need my regular does of Rotten Ronnie’s.   I love the stuff, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Besides, that Supersize dude was was an idiot.   If you eat 5500 calories a day of ANYTHING, you’ll get sick.


Wonder Bread

Oh, I know you Moms out there just ROLL your eyes whenever Wonder Bread is mentioned.    It’s full of formaldehyde, you’ll say.  It’s so full of chemicals, my God, it doesn’t even get moldy, not like bakery-fresh bread does.

No…don’t eat Wonder Bread, you’ll tell me.   You should stick to a seventeen-grain bread, with pieces of tree bark and wheat chaff still stuck in it.  It’s better for you, it’s got more FIBRE.

Yeah, but colon-blow whole wheat does NOT compare to the delicious taste of Wonder bread.

You know when you get a fresh bag from the store, its so soft and squishy?   Admit it….don’t those make the BEST peanut butter sammitches EVER!?

Lucky Charms and Cap’n Crunch
We didn’t have junk cereal as kids.   Mom was pretty strict about it.    It was typically Corn Flakes, Shreddies and Rice Krispies.  Anything with more sugar was reserved for special occasions, like camping trips or Christmas.

So junk cereal became a “forbidden fruit”.     And maybe this triggered a bit of my rebellious nature.  Because now as an adult, I will occasionally buy and eat the stuff.   Because I can.

By the way, every year, they seem to keep increasing the marshmallow-to-cereal quotient in Lucky Charms.  It’s only be a matter of time before the magical 50-50 ratio is reached.


Ice-Berg Lettuce

It’s crunchy,  it’s cool, it’s sweet, I LOVE the stuff.  I don’t care if it’s mostly water and is devoid of nutrition.

I much prefer it to the dark-green lettuce that I find bitter-tasting.

Dandelion salad…Hmph!!!  (Why don’t I just eat lawnmower clippings while I’m at it?)  😦


The Piggie Burger

This double-decker monstrosity is found at the nearby truck-stop.   Picture a Big Mac, but maybe three times the size.  With a side order of greasy fries and gravy, all for 8 bucks.

Mmmmm…Piggie Burger (Drool!). When I eat one of those for lunch, I usually don’t have to have supper till 8:00 PM.

And I don’t have the most productive afternoon at work either.  (Not with 8 pounds of meat digesting in my stomach).   ZZZzzzzzzzzz.

I can only handle a Piggie Burger once every 3-4 weeks.    Anything more would require an angioplasty.


The Meat Lovers Pizza

This is found in a local mom-and-pop pizza joint in the neighboring town.   A small costs 22 bucks.  But MY GOD, we’re talking a LOT of MEAT here.

There’s a least a quarter inch thick layer of sausage, pepperoni, bacon and ground beef.  That’s not counting the cheese on top.  The pizza’s almost an inch thick.    I can only eat two small slices, and I’m done.

It’s a cardiologists nightmare.  (Plus, I realize the Vegans are probably holding candle-light vigils as they read this).   But MAN, that’s good pizza!

Except you have to drink about three quarts of water afterward, it’s so salty.   My body can only handle so many of these cardiologist’s delights a year.    I need at least a month or two before I can eat the next one.   I do this maybe 3-4 times a year.


A Big Honking Steak

My family is not into eating big steaks.   To them, 6 ounces is plenty, that’s all you need.  Fill up on salad instead, they’ll say.

In fact, my Dad’s opinion was that NEVER IN HIS WHOLE LIFE would he eat something like an 18-ounce steak.

Even though I pointed out to him that one can regularly find such items on restaurant menus.

Well, those people are PIGS, he’d say.

Imagine if he knew that I did a FORTY-FIVE OUNCE steak once.   My buddy and I both walked into a restaurant in Niagara Falls, and ordered one…EACH.   (That was back in the days when we were really into weight lifting and we both had huge appetites).

The manager was so thrilled, he came out and delivered them to us personally.  “Now that’s-a good-a steak“, he proudly announced to all the other customers.  Each steak covered the entire plate, and was two inches thick.

I don’t care what anyone says.  This wasn’t gluttony.  This was the best damn steak I ever ate.  It was all tender meat, with not one bit of fat or gristle.

I still remember that day, 15 years later.    To me, that proves it was worth it.


Coffee

I know some people who swear off caffeine.  They don’t want to depend on it.  They feel more alert and more healthy without it.   They’ll drink blueberry-dandelion-PMS herbal teas instead, and then go watch Oprah.

Well, that’s fine for them.  But I NEED my damned coffee! (You dont’ wanna see me without it!…especially given how “stimulating” my office job is!).

And it has to be a “double-double” (That’s two creams and two sugars, for any American readers not familiar with Tim Hortons).

Geez.  I have so many other vices in life right now.   I’ll take care of those ones first, before I tackle my caffeine addiction.


Beer

They say alcohol in moderation is good for your health.   One drink a day is actually GOOD for you.

Well, I don’t drink anything all week.  But then I make up for my weekly quota in one night.  Usually with my Beer Therapy sessions with Brett.

But still…that averages to one drink a day..so that’s okay.

Right?

….Right?  😉

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41 Comments on “Unhealthy Crap I Love to Eat, but Probably Shouldn’t.”

  1. Brett Legree Says:

    Bastard! That just made me hungry 🙂

    Who would eat an 18 ounce piece of meat (or more)?

    Well, if you were a hunter-gatherer like we all were 10,000 years ago (and you weren’t a vegetarian), almost everyone would eat like that.

    Probably because most of the time you’d be eating nuts and seeds and berries, but every so often Grogg would take down a deer and everyone would pig out, not having eaten meat for a month and knowing they likely wouldn’t again…

    If you don’t believe me, think about how you feel when you get a craving for something – say orange juice.

    I don’t drink a lot of orange juice (not for any particular reason, I just don’t) – but about once a month or so, I get an insane craving for it. So I go buy the best quality I can find, and drink it until I’m stupid 🙂

  2. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Oh, now I”M HUNGRY too! Dammit.

    Too bad this stupid hick-town didn’t have anything open this time of night.

    Grogg want meat…!! A good mastodon steak would go down well, right now.

  3. veredd Says:

    I don’t eat any of these (well I eat steaks but small ones), but I do love beer. I accompany almost every dinner with either a glass of red wine (supposedly healthy) or a bottle of beer.

    I do love butter and use it generously when cooking, baking and on toast. Mmmm.

  4. Friar Says:

    @vered

    Well, you do alcohol and butter, so all is not lost. 😀

    You can’t go wrong with butter.

    I dont’ do lo-fat stuff. I’d rather do without it altogether, and then later splurge with the real thing.

  5. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    You hit a couple of mine: I despise salad with a bloody passion, though to be polite if a restaurant serves it to me I’ll play along; I adore a really fine steak (a little one is fine for me); and NO ONE is going to take my a.m. caffeine away from me. I’ve cut back, and these days I do diet Coke instead of coffee, but lordy, I have to have that wake-up. Blah-blah bad for me. Much worse for you if I don’t!

    And no low-fat stuff. Either do it (in moderation), or don’t do it, IMO. What’s the point in eating cardboard to try and fake yourself out? 🙂

    Regards,

    Kelly

  6. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    I’ll eat a salad if it’s put in front of me. But I certainly wont’ go out of my way to make one.

    Some salads I don’t mind and actually (if they have MEAT in them). Like a good Caesar salad, with real BACON.

    But lawn clipping with lo-fat dressing? Ugh. Might as well be rabbit food.

    As for Lo Fat. I’m with you. It’s either ALL, or NOTHING.

  7. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    I forgot to mention: I make pizza at home that sounds just like your meat-lovers’. If I’m gonna put out the effort, I want it to be joyously decadent. I’ll eat the watch-your-figure food on other days.

    Amy’s rabbits will be mad at you for insulting their food… but I’m with you.

    Until later,

    Kelly

  8. Friar Says:

    @Kelly
    Oh, man. Home-made meat pizza..that’s gotta be GOOD!!!

    As for Amy’s rabbits…ahhh. What do THEY know? They’re herbivores!

    (Sorry, Amy). 😉

  9. mehculpa Says:

    @ Friar and Brett

    I have two words for you: Wild Boar. That’ll hit your paleolithic appetite where it lives. 😀

    Mer


  10. French Fries. Loaded with salt and glistening with grease. I can’t get enough. Glycemic index my ass.

  11. Friar Says:

    @Mer
    Oh, that sounds delicious! You can’t go wrong with wild game!

    If its’ good enough for Obelix, it’s good enough for me! (..is you follow Asterix comics!) 🙂

    @Rebecca
    Yeahhhhh!!! GREASY fries. From a chip-wagon parked on the side of the road.

    Have you ever had poutine? (That takes the decadence one step further!).

  12. Brett Legree Says:

    @Mer,

    Never had that, but I’ve had:

    Moose
    Deer
    Rabbit
    Squirrel (yes, I have, believe it or not – Scouting survival camp, we tried it)
    Bear
    Turkey
    Grouse
    Quail
    Duck
    Lots of fish (my fave)

    Maybe if there were wild pigs in this area! Note, I don’t hunt – but when people do, they give stuff away.

  13. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Well, you grew up in Hicksville. They probably didn’t have a grocery store till 1975 or something. It’s no wonder you folks had to subsidize your diet with wild critters.

    I’ve had 2/3 of your list. And Canada Goose a few times. But no rodents. 😉

  14. Kelly Says:

    From Brett’s list:

    Turkey and fish.
    And I hate fish.
    Nearly got tricked into rabbit once, in Spain.
    Other than that I’m a total suburban American. Never touched a thing on the list.

    I ate ostrich once in a posh Australian restaurant (here in the States, not in Oz) once… a bite off my friend’s plate.
    I had steak.

    I’ll eat the food of any ethnicity, any preparation, but now I’m feeling like I am totally unadventurous. Well, that and I’ve never lived near any hunters!

    Until later,

    Kelly

  15. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    I have a few fast rules.

    I don’t eat rodents. Or reptiles. (Though I had a few nuggets of fried gator ONCE in Nashville).

    And I only eat “Voluntary Muscle”. No organs or glands.

  16. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Some would say we still don’t have a grocery store. The KrappyMart has less stuff than a typical 7 Eleven.

  17. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Yeah, and Mr KrappyMart bought out the OTHER grocery store, and then shut it down.

    And now it’s being rented out as office space.

  18. steph Says:

    Friar: I came damn near to having a conniption reading your post. I was spluttering. Seriously.

    Still, I’ll give you this: at least you know it’s unhealthy. My in-laws think that if it’s made from scratch, it’s healthy, even if it’s pound cake made with tons of sugar and butter. An ex-coworker, who was obese (all I ever saw her eat was McDonald’s, danishes, and once a white-bread sammich with a piece of bolonga in it, all washed down with Pepsi only) said to me one time in the lunch room, “You eat salad a lot.” PAUSE. ” I had a salad once. It was in December, I remember. It was pretty good.”

    Now I’m no angel, and my guilty pleasure is Lay’s All Natural plain chips. Sometimes I’ll have some dark organic chocolate, or picked-up pizza rather than my usual homemade. I do love New York Fries, too, with lots of malt vinegar.

    Still, I think you’d blanch or even pass out altogether if you saw what I eat on a regular basis, and not only because I don’t eat meat!

    @ Brett: Dude, up your vit. C. How often do I have to tell you? 🙂

  19. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    I haven’t talked to a cow like your mom has, but I’d say all the muscles fall into my hamburger involuntarily.

    ^^
    . .
    ^
    o

  20. Friar Says:

    @Steph

    Heh. Pound cake with butter and sugar. My grandma used to make Polish cakes like that. You take one bite, and it falls down like a brick and goes BOOM in your stomach. And then you’re too full to eat for the next 5 hours. (Even I can’t handle rich food like that!)

    Of course, I’m listing the WORST things I like to eat, here. I’m not perfect, but I DO eat healthy stuff too….including veggies and salads. (At least, more often than once in December!) 😉

    I can just imagine, though, if Friar’s Mom reads this. She’s probably rolling her eyes and shaking her head as we speak. 😮


  21. I am a total sucker for a Double Big Mac Meal. I order it when the Lion’s out of town. I don’t tell him. Shhhhhhhh

  22. Friar Says:

    @Urban

    NO WAY!!! (That’s my favorite meal deal too!)

    Geez…what would Lion think, though? (You eating that junk, after all the gourmet cooking he does for you?)


  23. @Friar – exactly! It’s our little secret. Okay?

  24. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Steph

    Yes, I’m rolling my eyes, shaking my head, and biting my tongue.

    I must admit, I do eat healthy, but once in a while I crave KFC, or an O’Henry chocoate bar.

    And every few years Wee Friar and I go for a disgusting poutine. So few places make a good one. Restaurant poutines are to be avoided. They’re shams–food knock-offs. There’s nothing worse than cheeze curds that squeak, because the gravy isn’t hot enough to melt them.

  25. Friar Says:

    @Panther
    I promise, I won’t tell. 😉

    @Friars Mom

    I’m still surprised that you actually eat O’Henry or KFC. (Shouldn’t you have a SALAD or an Apple instead?)

    Though I admit, you DO enjoy a good poutine (Speaking of which, we haven’t gone in a while).

  26. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    Yeah, I don’t suppose the cow would give up their flesh on their own accord!

    I’m so GLAD I’m on top of the food chain!


  27. Aarrghhh,

    Now I’m just hungry. Wonder if the Dogs have any bones left!
    Seriously though, a giant steak would go down a treat. And lettuce? You can’t include that unless it’s covered in chocolate!

  28. Friar Says:

    @three dog blogger

    Like me, you sound like a true carnivore. (Mabye we were dogs or wolves, in previous life!) 🙂

    But lettuce on chocolate? (???) I never did that!

    I DO like broccoli (if it’s smothered in cheese sauce). But then again, I’d probably eat cardboard, if it was smothered in cheese sauce.

  29. Neil Says:

    Well with the exception of the coffee (I’ve never had a cup in my life, I order chocoloate milk when I’m at Timmies, my co-workers look at me like I’m nuts) I’m all over your list. Steak, dirty burgers and pizza loaded with meat! I want it all…

    Though I do try to eat healthy sometimes you just have to cut loose and enjoy the stuff that you know could kill you if you at it often enough.

    I think I’ll walk over to McDonald’s for lunch today, I’ll probably regret it about 2 hours later but it’ll be worth it at the time.

  30. Friar Says:

    @Neil

    “Dirty hamburgers” Hahahah! I like that expression…that’s so fittign. I think I’ll adopt it.

  31. Brett Legree Says:

    To be a true dirty burger (at my house anyway) it has to be:

    – homemade
    – dropped on the ground and then put back on the grill when no one is looking
    – seasoned with whatever beer is in my hand at the time

    So far no one has expired 🙂

  32. Friar Says:

    @Brett and Neil

    Hey, isn’t the “Dirty Burger” the name of the hamburger/hotdog truck in Sunnyvale Trailer Park?

  33. dianewb Says:

    Okay, so I’m one of those hippie, organic foodies who would totally give you crap about your whole list. (Well, not really, because I’m a nice person, but you get it.) And even though I eat whole-grain bread and organic produce from the local co-op, I still have a secret love affair with Milk Duds and Twizzlers. Shh. Don’t tell anyone. I know they’re plastic. I don’t care. They’re GOOD plastic. So, I’m cheering you on, Friar. Eat what’s tasty.

    Oh, and screw moderation with beer. 😉


  34. Lucky Charms and Capt’n Crunch are probably my two favorite cereals and beer – I love beer. I’d have a beer with you anytime Friar 😉

  35. Friar Says:

    @dianewb
    I think everyone has a secret food vice (somthing bad they like to eat but shouldn’t!) . Even the hippie organic foodies!

    Hahah! Thanks for not lecturing me! (I’m suprised nobody has, so far!) 🙂

    @Melissa
    I’m assuming you like the cereal and beer….separate!!! 😉

    Yeah, I think it would be fun to have a beer with you. Too bad you’re too far away, you could take part in our weekly Beer Therapy sessions.

  36. pcunix Says:

    You are what you eat.

    Look at me as proof positive: more than anything else I eat peanuts, almonds, walnuts, cashews.. in other words, nuts! And bananas. As everyone knows I am nuts and apt to go bananas at any moment.

  37. Friar Says:

    @pcunix

    At least that’s better than eating crap (which I just admitted in this post!) 🙂

  38. Duane Says:

    Friar, with an appetite like that you can only be called a bag rotter. I mean who could possibly eat a 45oz steak. I bet you probably even thought of going for desert after that.

  39. Friar Says:

    @Duane

    Yeah..WHO could POSSIBLY eat a 45 oz steak like that?

    And what if someone did that with their buddy, only 5 hours after finishing and all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet?

    I can’t imagine that. I just can’t. 😉

  40. t.sterling Says:

    I love meat-lovers pizza as well, but my friends have learned that I order an ultra-meat pizza that they named after me and request I call and order it whenever we hang out. It includes: cheese, extra cheese, chicken, bacon, ham, hamberger, sausage, pepperoni, and on special occasions, steak.

    I’ve also noticed that about Lucky Charms, and Capt’n Crunch? I prefer the berries alone although they hurt my mouth. They are just so good its almost worth the pain.

    Oh yeah, and a big huge steak? I had something very similar. Like a 2 in prime rib that took me 2 1/2 days to finish. That was so good that I might request it as a last meal if I ever got the chance.

  41. Friar Says:

    @t

    Sorry, I musta just missed you there.

    I love shoes Crunch-Berries. Unfortunately, Canada just dosn’t have the junk food selection you guys have in the U.S. I only see Crunchberries whenever I visit south of the border.

    Aww..now you got me hungry for a meatlovers pizza, all over again. (Or a Prime Rib!)


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