Limited Time Offer: Learn SEO with this Certified On-Line Blog Course

THE UNIVERSITY OF BLOGO-LAND

Proudly presents the

U.B.L. Certified Master’s Diploma

in Über-Blogging.

Taught by the Illustrious Dr. Friar.  (Ph.D, M.Sc, P.B.S, F.U.Bar, Ei-Ei-Oh)

Course Curriculum

Session 1

  • Self-Awareness 101:  Learn why your opinion is so God-damned important that the Blogosphere cannot possibly survive without you.
  • The Fundamentals of Food Martyrdom:   Laser-focusing your productivity by neglecting to to eat and sleep.
  • Smugness 101:   Why it’s not us, it’s the REST of the non-blogging world that doesn’t “get it”.
  • Nutrition Awareness:   Learn about the Four Basic Blogger Food Groups:  sugar, salt, caffeine, and fat.
  • Open Forum:  Should you really be reading 500 blogs a day?  (Damn right, you should!) We tell you why.


Sesssion 2

  • The joys of self-actualization:  Giving up that miserable 9-to-5 cubicle job, in exchange for a stress-free 85-hour workweek being your own boss.
  • Open Forum:    SEO.  How often should we mention it?  Every post?   Or every 2nd post?
  • Network Approach to Brown-Nosing: How to maximize your traffic by sucking up to the other Über-Bloggers
  • Overcoming Anxiety: That big yellow thing up in the sky.  It’s called THE SUN.  (Try to get out more.)
  • E-book Case Study:   How I earned $1200 in one night….then nothing for the next 28 months.

Session 3

  • Support Group:   Dealing with the guilt of missing  a post. (Paramedics available upon request.)
  • Addiction Counseling:   Twitter:  Is it the new Crack Cocaine?
  • Achieving Financial Independence:  Convincing your spouse to work full-time to support you, while you pull in a whopping four-figure salary.
  • Couples Counselling:  Do I want a relationship with my blog?   Should I break up?   Or should we just be good friends?
  • Advanced Navel-gazing:   Who are we?  Why do we blog?   How does this fit in with the Grand Unified Field Theory?
  • Video Demonstration:   Yoga techniques designed to get your head out of your arse (Prerequisite:  Advanced Navel Gazing).

Session 4

  • Vacation Tips:   Finding discount tickets to Lah-Lah Land, and staying there as long as necessary.
  • Open Forum Discussion:   Benfits/downfalls of wearing Depends.  (When is it okay to leave your computer to go to the bathroom?)
  • Filling the Void:   How to blog about blogging without actually writing anything of any substance.
  • Learning to prioritize.    Blogging.   Blogging.  Blogging.  And more blogging.
  • Intro to Divorce Law:  How to keep custody of your lap-top after your spouse leaves you for blogging too much.

*************************************

Note:  This course is available for a LIMITED TIME only.

The price today is $225.17.

But by NEXT FULL MOON, it will double triple quadrulple  to $900.68

So…

ACT NOW!

(ARRRRGH!!)

KIDS!!!   For the LOVE OF GOD…!

ACT NOW!

SIGN UP for Dr. Friar’s Course!

If you don’t, you’ll REGRET it for the REST of your God-Forsaken Miserable EXCUSE for A LIFE!

If you DON’T BELIEVE US, check out these ASTOUNDING Testimonials from ACTUAL written text!

“It was…er….interesting.”
Professor F. Meigh.   University of Uptown on the Chudleigh.

“Read this…and it will make you cry”
–   Oprah Mom

“That Dr. Friar.   That guy…what a character!”
– Ölaf ThuynderFrûcken

“After taking this course, I feel that it was money spent”
– Dick Weed

“…much more pleasant than sitting in a dentists’ chair, if they don’t use Novocain”.
– Fallopia M. Ornice.

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56 Comments on “Limited Time Offer: Learn SEO with this Certified On-Line Blog Course”

  1. Brett Legree Says:

    Sign me up Friar, I’ll take six! (One for me, one for the Missus, and one for each of the triiibe.)

    I have one question though – do you have an affliate program?

    🙂

  2. Friar Says:

    Brett

    Yes, we recognize any credits gained from the Mayor McCheese Blogosphere College.

    (The Flagstaff campus, I mean!) 😉


  3. ROFLOL

    (okay I was halfway there anyway, the cat here singed his eyebrows batting a soothing spa lighted candle in the bathroom just a minute ago. )

    What no DVd’s , webinars, audios?

  4. Brett Legree Says:

    Oh, for a limited time, I’ll throw in my Ultimate Self-Help Tool, completely free (until December 21st, 2012).

    http://6weeks.ca/2009/01/12/ultimate-self-help-tool-free-for-a-limited-time/

  5. XUP Says:

    Can I do this course online?

  6. Betsy Says:

    Is this about SEO??

  7. Karen JL Says:

    “Professor F. Meigh”. Hahahaha!

    Yeah, I’ll throw in my eBook as a bonus too: “Social Media: Friends, Followers and Other Stupid Shit to Collect”

  8. Monika Mundell Says:

    Oh YES PLEEEASE take me for the course. I need to earn money fast and my dog has just run off with his best mate.

    I’m also keen to promote your affiliate program if you’ve got one. Any freebies you might want to throw in to tempt me even more. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha……..

    You deserve a medal you crazy son of Canada. 😉

  9. Jenny Says:

    That was absolutley hysterical! Kind of cheered me up a bit tonight! Can always count on you to do that!

  10. Friar Says:

    @XUP

    I have to find an on-line classroom first…but yes, you can do this on-line. You can even sit in the front, next to Professor Meigh. 😉

    @Betsy
    Well, ONE of the sessions involved SEO.

    I used “SEO” in the title, as an experiment to see if my blog traffic increased significantly.

    Survivor says…ANNNNH (Insert buzzer sound here). I don’t think it did.

    Oh well.

    @Karen
    Yes…throw in the book, please. I’ll assign it a “equivalent value of over $5000” and I’ll raise my prices by $1000. And I’ll cut you in on the deal! 😀

    @Hey, there’s Monika!
    How’s my favorite Aussie visitor?

    Yes, I can throw in a Friar-Toon (equivalent value of $1500).

    And Brett and I can hijack your blog (an additional value of $3,000).

    I’ll even let your birds join in on the Open Forum (worth $500)

    All this, if you sign up NOW (before Jupiter aligns with Saggitarius!)

    @Jenny
    I’m glad I cheered you up!

    (The other Über-Bloggers, I’m not so sure!)

    No pitchforks and burning torches on my front doorstep….YET 😉

  11. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    heh heh heh.

    You said TOOL.

    heh heh heh.

  12. Friar Says:

    @Janice

    Hahah! Dumb cat! (is he okay?) 😀

    Webinar? DVD’s?

    Well…that will cost EXTRA.

    That’s for the DELUXE PhD Course in Über Blogging!

  13. Friar Says:

    @Betsy

    I stand corrected. 177 views in just over 4 hours. And still climbing! 🙂


  14. The cat is fine. Though he smells a little like uh, singed fur… silly cat.

    I hear the deluxe course comes with a hand signed Premium Yoga Matt for facing in the exactly correct SEO position.

  15. Karen JL Says:

    Woo Hoo! I’ll finally be able to buy that house in Hawaii!

    I am SOOOOO tempted to design a cover for it…(since I’m an unemployed bum again)

  16. Mike Goad Says:

    As the alternative to divorce, get your spouse to blog on her computer. That way you are kind of doing something together…, or at least in the same room.

    Which we are doing right now. 😉

  17. Friar Says:

    @Janice

    Not that I have a mean streak. I love critters. But somehow, this seems so much funnier with a CAT doing this, than if a DOG had done it…

    (Mabye because cats think they’re so great all the time, and I love to see them taken down a few notches!) 😉

    And yes, they’re Deluxe Estrogen Tantric Yoga mats. Endorsed by the Mahareeshi Svirnambhakabarham himself.

    Once you “assume the position”, just watch….the SEO action will REALLY start happenin’ 😉

  18. Friar Says:

    @Mike

    Good point. You can keep your intimacy by commenting and guest-posting on each other’s blog!

    That would be something I’d mention for the Advance Couples course, though!

    @Karen
    You’ve been unemployed for what? 48 hours now?

    But hey, if you help out with my course, I can make you “Adjunct Prof.”


  19. ROFLOL.

    Okay. I am still laughing to hard to type.

    And the silly cat…no decent dog would do that.

  20. Friar Says:

    @Janice

    Nooo…the dog probably would have tried to EAT the candle.

    Now…let me get back to my tantric Yoga-Matt

    (*making yodelling sounds now*)

    Ai-Yi-Yi-Yi Ohhhhhm. 😀

  21. davinahaisell Says:

    I love you Friar! THIS made my day. LMAO.

  22. Friar Says:

    @davina

    Heheheh! Glad you liked it.

    And thanks for the Tweet. 😉

  23. Karen Swim Says:

    Bwahahhahahaah! Oh my gosh I can’t tell you how hard this made me laugh! Oh my gosh, can’t even type a good comment, too tickled,lol, lol

  24. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Yeah…heh heh. I think I was “in the Zone” when I wrote this one! 😀

  25. Liz Says:

    Ahahahaha Too funny. I feel smarter already. What did I learn? I should never read your blog with a cup of coffee in my hand. ROFLMAO Dang it you’re good.

  26. Brett Legree Says:

    Remember Friar:

    YOU are the tool heh heh

  27. Friar Says:

    @Liz

    But…the important question is…did you learn SEO? 😀

    @Brett
    Yes…..BE the TOOL…

    …I AM the TOOL.

  28. XUP Says:

    Do I have to have a blog in order to do this course?

  29. Friar Says:

    @XUP

    Well, you can’t be an Über-Blogger without a Blog!

    (..though you WOULD qualify for Assistant Blogging-Apprentice, Level 1…)

  30. Amy Says:

    Friar,

    I want the affiliate program too.

    I would also like a course in how to get those little dots over the U.

    Thank you, Professor.

    😉


  31. Perfessor Friar: Please sign me up! Well … only if the “cool kid” bloggers will be there. Wait: Will there be breaks in the schedule for me to blog???

  32. Friar Says:

    @Amy

    Actually, I’m putting together a Bloginar on how to use Microsoft Word symbols and ASCI characters to make wørds āppēar VikĩŅg

    @Rebecca

    Dear me…this class is filling up. But I think I can fit you in the back corner, next to Amy’s bunnies. (And don’t worry, but bunnies are pretty cool).

    As for blogging breaks. You’re encouraged to blog during the course. (Actually, it’s EXPECTED). Bonus points if you also use a Crackberry at the same time.

  33. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Amy

    Those two dots are called an “umlaut”. That’s your word for the day.

    Wikipedia defines a “metal umlaut” is an umlaut that is sometimes used gratuitously or decoratively over letters in the names of heavy metal bands, such as in Mötley Crüe or Motörhead or Amon Düül. (That’s what I learned today.)

  34. Steph Says:

    Oh. Gasp. My. Gasp. God!!!

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    There is so much to say but I can’t. It’s all fighting to get out at the same time, which sounds kind of like this:

    a;kldf;alkhd;fiheowirhpqioehpaiodhfklahdf;!!

    Rough translation: I GET it.

    Very accurate, and very fucking funny.

  35. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    Very good! 🙂

    Hey, do you want to be a guest lecturer at my University?

    @Amy
    If you type “Alt 154” (using the Number keypad), you can get a capitol U with an UMLAUT.

    @Steph

    Heh-heh. I KNEW you’d like this! 😀

    I was almost tempted to email you a sneak preview a couple of days ago….but I thought I’d just surprise you!

  36. Kelly Says:

    Darn. Late to a very good party.

    Friar,

    You are a delightfully evil child, thank goodness.

    I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.

    & you stole from our emails again, didn’t you. Probably stole from everybody’s emails.

    This is just about the funniest Friar post ever. Except for the other four I said that about. I’m dying of laughter here.

    My neighbors must HATE me.

    Ah hahahahahahahahaha!

    Hehehe,

    Kelly


  37. There’s no podcasts. I want my money back.


  38. Achieving Financial Independence: Convincing your spouse to work full-time to support you, while you pull in a whopping four-figure salary.

    I need the advanced course in this. So far the Lion is not responding to my efforts.

  39. Kelly Says:

    James,

    I tried to get my money back from this dude yesterday. You wouldn’t believe the trouble he gave me!

    One day it’s blog-by-numbers, the next day it’s Certified Courses. I don’t think this guy’s on the level.

    🙂

    Friar, I’m still laughing. I’ll still be laughing tomorrow at noon. You rock.

    Later,

    Kelly

  40. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    Oh…so THERE you are (I was wondering when you’d show up).

    I think I’m going to have to tone back on my posts, or I’m gonna end up getting you evicted!

    @James
    Wellllll…..I dunno.

    I prefer to give credits towards the next course. My Post-Doctorate in Über-Blogging Conference is coming up. You interested?

    @Panther
    You know, if I had a spouse to support me, I’d even be willing to compromise, and earn a THREE-figure salay!

    @Kelly again.
    Well, it this fast-paced age of Blogging and E-books, I have to keep changin’ with the times.

    Try to stop laughing, though. So your neighbour can sleep! 😉

  41. t.sterling Says:

    Are there work-study programs? Or maybe internships? I’m already stuck in loans but I need this class!


  42. [F F F F ! ! ! ! I just accidentally deleted my long ol’ comment… unless you see it pop up at your end? Dagnammit! Sorry if you get 2 comments from me. ]

    Laughing out loud here. Another off the hook post.

    You ought to put a PayPal button on this so we can actually pay for your course. I’d bet you’d make some money on this one!

    I vote for SEO daily! I still don’t get it. That, twitter, and memes.

    I can teach the course on TIME MANAGEMENT.
    1:00pm to 6am – write and edit your post
    6:00am – shower (do your business, #1 & #2, standing, got to squeeze as much exercise in a day as you can)
    6:03am – eat dinner
    6:04am – drink whiskey as a sleeping agent
    6:05am – go to bed

  43. Friar Says:

    @t

    I think there might be a Co-Op Program. Available after the 3rd Full Moon in Spring.

    @jaden
    Ohhh…sorry. I didn’t get any comments except this one. (Sorry you lost all your writing!) 😦

    Heh heh. TIME MANAGEMENT. That’s a good one, I should have remembered that.
    Especially the 1:00 pm to 6:00 am part! 🙂

    The SEO trick seems to have worked, though. I put “SEO” in this title, and I got more hits in one day, than I usually get in four!


  44. Best post i’ve read in ages.

    Have you been spying on me?

    Now, how can I put SEO in a Doggie post? Hmmm.

  45. Friar Says:

    @three dog blogger

    Scottish Terrier
    English Setter
    Otterhound

    There you go…instant doggie SEO!

  46. Amy Says:

    Umlaut sounds dirty…

    I refuse to use dirty words in the presence of Friar’s mom.

    (I’m not sure why.)

  47. Friar Says:

    #Amy

    Oh, don’t worry. Friar’s Mom has probably heard WORSE!

    (After all, she raised ME, didn’t she?)

  48. Amy Says:

    #umlautsforthetechnilogicallychallenged — News at Nine?

  49. Karen Swim Says:

    Friar, funny story, today my friend called and said “who’s that Deep Friar?” I laughed and said oh my gosh you actually read my blog? After a year of begging, she digs through my archives and what did she love the most – you! LOL!


  50. @ Karen Swim — Yeah, a Friar post is the only blog I ever sent out to all my friends and family.

    You B famous Friar. You know we all expect the book to come out some day! A lil’ sometin’ special to read while we’re on the crapper.

    I just might have to do an SEO post and be a traffic tramp too. I’d have to throw in a few other of my top key words that really rile ’em up. 😉


  51. Can I be one of the presenters? I’ll take the Nutrition topic. I don’t think I’ve even looked at a vegetable in months!

  52. Friar Says:

    @Amy

    I think Umlauts will be the next hottest thing, under Obama’s new administration.

    @Karen
    Well, THAT’s funny, because I tell MY friends about MY blog and I get the same thing. They’re just not into reading the Deep Friar! 🙂 (Mabye they visit YOUR blog)!

    @jaden
    Famous? ME? (ROFL!). (Snicker). Hardly.

    I get modest traffic (mostly from the same 20 loyal readers like yourself). Which I truly appreciate).

    But I don’t get a bajillion hits a day and 80 comments on what I had for breakfast. Not like the Cool Kids.

    Try SEO on your blog, though. Like “Using SEO to write a movie script” Bet you’ll double the hits you get.

    @Alex
    No vegetables?? YOU???? Mr. Someday Syndrome? I would have expected the complete opposite..that you’d be a nutrition guru or something.

    Hey…you’re all right! I’ve suddenly gained even more respect for you…I feel that we share a common bond! 😀

  53. Lisis Says:

    OMG!! This is brilliant! I am SO stumbling and linking to this post!!!

    🙂


  54. […] you are one of those people, then you are the primary target for the Snake Oil peddlers of this current trend. (The snake oil link is a brilliant, humorous example by a fellow […]


  55. Hehe, I like this one: “How I earned $1200 in one night….then nothing for the next 28 months.” That averages out at over $40 per month which is exceedingly attractive given my current blog earnings of $0000.00 after appox 2846 hours work:)

  56. Friar Says:

    @Annabel

    I’ve sold 1 cartoon and 2 paintings in the past year, from my on-line contacts. Total income is ~ $380. So I hit the three-figure mark.

    But then again, I wasn’t even trying. People approached me..not the other way around.

    If I tried really hard, I bet you I could have got up to $500. 😉


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