An Open Letter to Lucky Charms Cereal

lc_clover-star

Dear Shooting Star and Lucky Hat;

Didn’t you used to be the Orange Star and Green Clover?   Along with the Pink Heart and Yellow Moon, you used to be part of the Fab Four:  the original four marshmallows that made up Lucky Charms when it first came out.   We grew up with you and loved you.

But look at you now.  What happened?  You’ve obviously had some work done…you’ve enhanced your looks.  You’ve gone all Hollywood on us….You’ve CHANGED, man!
lc_red-balloonDear Red Balloon;

I dunno.   You don’t look like much of a balloon.  More like a blob.   I know you once helped Lucky escape from those thieving little shits who tried to steal you.  But that was like 20 years ago.  What have you done for us LATELY?

PS.  I hope your red dye doesn’t cause cancer.
lc_moon

Dear Blue Moon;

Hey, didn’t you used to be yellow!?
It’s too bad you felt you had to change your color.    You should accept yourself of who you, and embrace your yellow heritage.   We did.  It’s not about how you look, but how sweet you taste in the bowl.
lc_horseshoeDear Purple Horseshoe;

You were a late-comer.  But I admit, you’ve withstood the test of time, and you’re here to stay.  And we’ve grown to love you.   You’re the best purple breakfast marshmallow, ever.

lc_rainbow-hourglass1Dear Rainbow and Hour-Glass;

Well, Laaaah-Dee-Dah.

Lookit the new-fangled three-dimensional multicolored marshmallows!

You know, you look really cool.   And it probably took a NASA scientist to figure out a way to extrude you.    But you don’t really fool me.  You’re all show…and no substance.   If I close my eyes, you taste exactly the same as all your other corn-syrup-gelatin flavored buddies.

lc-heartDear Pink Heart;

In today’s hectic fast-paced society, where a typical attention span lasts for a minute, it’s good to see some things never change.  You’re still the same Pink Heart you were 40 years ago.   In fact, as far as I know you’re the ONLY marshmallow that’s still around from the original Fab Four.   Kudos to you for staying true to yourself.

PS.  Whatever happened to the Blue Diamond?   How come he got kicked out of your group?  He’s like the Pete Best of breakfast cereals.

And last but not least:
lc_cerealDear Cereal

Uhhh…thanks for coming out.

General Mills tries to advertise that you’re now made of “Whole grains”.   “Part of a Good Breakfast”.   (Snicker).  Yeahhh…Right.  😀

As IF that little bit of fibre will make up for the fact that the Lucky Charms itself is 40% by weight sugar! (Yes!  40%!   Check the box!)

But seriously.  You’re NOT really that important.  We don’t necessarily like you.  We tolerate you.

You’re basically filler to spread the marshmallows around, so that kids don’t end up eating pure candy for breakfast.    You could be sawdust, for all anyone cares.

If you don’t believe me, just try to make it on your own, WITHOUT the marshmallows.   (Yeah…That’ll work!)    See how long you last.

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47 Comments on “An Open Letter to Lucky Charms Cereal”


  1. Weird but there is nothing like this in the UK or here in Spain. At most we get 1 little toy or sticker in a box.

    Sounds odd indeed. Is it really 40% or am I being a fool Friar?

  2. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    I have tried eating the stuff without the marshmallows (my parents get junk cereal “for the grandkids” but forget I might like to eat breakfast when I’m visiting).

    The cereal is, in fact, sawdust. Worst crap ever.

    Can I say crap here? I feel funny typing it.

    I get mealy mouthed thinking about that cereal. Eeew.

    But I was wondering about those blue diamonds, too—you know I can still hear that commercial from when we were kids echoing in my head as I read this? 🙂

    Thank goodness the heart is still purely pink.

    Good one.

    Regards,

    Kelly

  3. Brett Legree Says:

    Lucky – wake up man – GIVE the cereal to the kids. Let them eat it for a few months. Then they’ll be too out of shape to chase you.

    Reminds me of when I was much younger, my dad was commenting on how junky one of the cereals was (and I felt bad for mom, because she thought we would like it).

    So – to the defense of mom! I compared the junk cereal (I think it was Golden Grahams) to my dad’s Corn Flakes. Other than the sugar content, the junk cereal actually had *more* nutrition than the Corn Flakes…

  4. Friar Says:

    @three dog blogger.

    Yep…cereal with Marshmallows. Been around since the 60’s. It’s a big seller in North America. You can read about it here:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucky_Charms

    And 40% sugar. No, I am NOT kidding. The nutrition informatin listed 10 grams of sugar for a 40 gram serving! (That’s not too uncommon…even the “healthier” cereals often have 25-30% sugar)

    @Kelly

    Yeah..remember that ad? “Pink Hearts…Yellow Moons…Organe Stars…Green Clovers…and NEW BLUE DIAMONDS!”

    Holy crap!!! (Yes, I can say that here). a FIFTH MARSHMALLOW? Back then, that was like, the most AWESOME thing to happen to breakfast cereal in decades!

    Damn kids today, with their multicolored rainbows and such…they don’t know how good they have it (Grumble grumble)

    @Brett

    Good point. Notice how you never see Lucky actually EAT that stuff?

    And (as per my comment to three dog blogger). You’re right….the Corn Flakes and Rice Krispies and such still have HUGE ammounts of sugar.

  5. XUP Says:

    The things that are within your realm of expertise astound me, they really do.

  6. Friar Says:

    @XUP

    Heh heh. Sometimes I suprise even myself…on what I’ll write next. (I don’t always know…it just COMES to me).

    Though I hope I don’t get scolded for not “eating healthy” 😉

    (I’m just waiting for someone to yell at me for eating Lucky Charms in the first place!).

  7. Friar's Mom Says:

    Isn’t there anyone out there who eats a hearty breakfast?

    I’m presently enjoying a breakfast of oatmeal cooked in milk, and sprinkled with a very small amount of brown sugar. This will be followed by a piece of toast and a fried egg (very little butter in a teflon pan) and a banana. Sounds like a lot, but I need this fuel for a morning of skiing in the winter or cycling in the summer.

    I have never eaten Lucky Charms. The ugly green elf turns me off.

    On that note, who comes up with these characters, like Tony the Tiger, and Snap Crackle and Pop? Can you just picture serious Marketing adults around a boardroom table coming up with these ideas?

  8. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    Oh, I know you’d never eat Lucky Charms. Never in your WHOLE LIFE. 😉

    I eat them like a treat. (Last night, I had them after supper for dessert!)

    But I do eat hearty breakfasts. Like if I’m going to be doing 4 hours of cross country skiing in minus 20C. (because sugar cereal just WON’T cut it!)

    That’s when I get my “Cardiac Breakfast”. With eggs, bacon, sausage, toast with Peanut butter, etc.

    And it gets burned off two…within 2 hours on the trail, I’m ravenous!

    PS. Stupid bit of trivia. The voice of Tony the Tiger. It’s the same guy who sang “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”.

  9. Kelly Says:

    Friar’s Mom,

    I eat a healthy breakfast daily. But your boy mocks me, so I shut up and enjoy the ride.

    Friar,

    Thurl Ravenscroft.

    I never forget an awesome name.

  10. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    “But your boy mocks me…”

    Qui….MOI??? 😮

    PS. Thurl Ravenscroft? Well, now I HAVE to Google THAT!

  11. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    Ohhh…! Thurl passed away in 2005!

    Tony the Tiger is DEAD!? Say it ain’t so! 😦

    (Oh well, he was 91…).

  12. Karen JL Says:

    I never ate Lucky Charms either…but I do remember the commercials.

    I’m not a big marshmallow fan. ANY marshmallow…never mind candy cleverly disguised as marshmallows.

    But Brett has me totally drooling for a bowl of Golden Grahams. Mmmmm…LOVED those. 🙂

  13. Brett Legree Says:

    I used to eat the bacon/eggs thing when I actually worked for a living in a shop. Now, as a paper pusher, that’s a treat. I just don’t need it here.

    I’m more likely to have just the eggs (faster) and bring along a couple of bananas to work.

    @Karen JL,

    Hmm. I think I’ll have to go get some Golden Grahams myself now 🙂

  14. Friar Says:

    @Karen JL

    Well, there’s Cocoa Puffs. Or Froot Loops. Or Apple Jacks. Lots of junk cereal without marshmallows.

    @Brett
    Yeah…if I sit at my desk and I have a cardiac breakfast, I just want to lay down and DIE. You have to do lots of excercise in order to be able to stomach one.

    Hmmm…can you GET Golden Grahams in Splat Creek?

  15. Friar Says:

    @Anyone

    Hey, does anyone remember Quisp and Quake cereal?

    (From Quaker Oats…this is the late 60’s, early 70’s).

  16. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    Oui. Vous.

    It’s like going to see some abusive comic. (You aren’t that bad, but…) I know what I’m in for if I mention healthful food, old-fashioned values, or doting on my relatively sheltered kid.

    And I love your sense of humor, and I come back. 🙂

    Yes, he was an old tiger. Sorry to distress you, but you know, if he was a famous grownup when we were kids and before, then… he’d be kinda old. So these things happen.

    Yes, I remember Quisp. Well, I remember it on the shelves, anyway. I can picture the box. At home we had good ol’ Irish oatmeal, shredded wheat, or occasionally, Wheaties.

    In addition to a lot of bacon/sausage/eggs/toast, which back then, were considered just fine for you.

    Until later,

    Kelly

  17. Karen JL Says:

    Nope. Never had those either. What the heck DID we eat? I know it wasn’t healhty…

    I think Frosted Flakes (may he rest) then I got hooked on the GG later on.

    But we used to go to Vermont every summer and the best part was buying all the crap cereal you couldn’t get in Canada then. Count Chocula and Cocoa Pebbles!! Always went for the ‘cocoa’ ones…no ‘berry-anything’.

  18. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Heh heh. Yeah, I remember our family camping trips to Upstate New York in the summer. Except for Christmas, that was one of the few times a year Mom allowed us kids to eat junk cereal. I was totally amazed at the selection you could find there, compared to Canada.

    @Kelly
    Yeah…I remember Tony the Tiger when I was three or four…Thurl would have been back in his 50’s back then.

    I googled…did you know you can still by Quisp on-line from the Quaker Oats website?

    PS. Speaking of old coots. Do you remember Frank Cady (who played Sam Drucker on Petticoat Junction?) He was OLD back THEn.

    Apparently, he’s still alive. Well into his 90’s! 😉

  19. Steph Says:

    I grew up with homemade granola and yogurt (also homemade), so I suppose it’s no wonder I’m a vegetarian who eats healthy for the most part. I think the worst cereal mom every got was Shreddies, which I hated. We also sometimes got Wheatbix.

    The first time I ever ate junk cereal was in university (blech!) and I had Froot Loops for the first time in May 2000, on my first camping trip with Colin. I don’t mind those as a dry snack, but they hurt my mouth!

    Sounds like the magic is gone from Frosty Lucky Charms. Maybe that’s why they’re no longer delicious?

  20. Friar Says:

    @Steph
    Hahahah! Poor granola-Hippie child! Deprived of all that decadent sugar-junk food! 🙂

    But they DO hurt the mouth. Especially Cap’n Crunch.

    But actually, I think Lucky Charms is better than it used to be (’cause they keep pumping up the marshmallow ratio!) As for the cereal itself…like I said, it could be sawdust for all I care! (Probably is, acually).

  21. Brett Legree Says:

    I think I saw Golden Grahams at the Putrid Mart tonight, actually.

    But I didn’t get any, as I had a hankering for salad.

    (I figured I’d better have some salad tonight, because we’re having piggie burgers tomorrow…)

  22. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Oooh…YEAHHH!!!

    (At least I’ll have SOMETHING to look forward to tomorrow!)

    Can I have my piggie burger with extra LARD?

    (PS. Don’t tell XUP!)

  23. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    Vague memory of him. We saw things like Petticoat Junction about as often as we ate junk cereal, back then. Yeah, I remember him as O-L-D.

    He can’t look much different now… I guess that’s the benefits of aging too early.

    Later,

    Kelly

  24. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    I had almost forgotten about that show, but they show it on re-runs, recently. (I always had a crush on the dark-haired Petticoat chick…Becky Sue, Dipsy-Sue, or whatever her name was).

  25. Duane Says:

    Oh man after reading this I will now have to cook up a bunch of bacon and eggs. You know cook the bacon first then cook the eggs in the bacon grease, Mmmmmmm gets the flavour into the eggs.Then of course this goes between two butter soaked pieces of toast. After that I should be able to hike a couple hours in Banf.
    As for the cereal, I wonder if that leprechaun is a paedophile.

  26. Friar Says:

    @Duane

    You CAN’T go wrong with bacon. EVER.

    But I don’t know if Lucky is a pedophile….He seems to be always trying to get AWAY from the kids.

    I’ve said this in other blog posts…he should use his magic to teach those little shits a lesson.

    “Try to seal MY cereal, will you? I’ll make a sabre-toothed tiger to disembowel the brats…!!”

  27. Brett Legree Says:

    Okay, who said bacon? Now I’m hungry…

  28. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    It’s DUANE’S fault! He diddit!

    Don’t worry. You can order bacon on your Piggie Burger tomorrow.

  29. Brett Legree Says:

    I’m going to ask them to make the BUN out of bacon heh heh

  30. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    But if you make the bun whole wheat…that will negate all the bad effects of the grease and moose lard.

  31. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar

    I know how much you knock and dislike whole wheat, even when I tell you how good it is for you.

    I went shopping today, and on my grocery list was Christie Premium Plus crackers with unsalted tops.

    These crackers have not changed since I was a toddler. However, next to the familiar red box of Christie crackers was an identical box but in brown. I kid you not. Christie now makes a new cracker “Baked with Whole Grain, 0 Trans Fat” and I quote “9 g of whole grain per 19 g serving”. Can you guess what I purchased??

    Next time you visit, and crave a snack of melted cheddar on crackers, either you cave in and eat the whole wheat crackers or you might want to bring your own crackers.

    I can just hear you Arrrrrrgh!!!!

  32. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    They’re messing with Christie Crackers now? SHEESH! Is NOTHING sacred anymore?

    Well, hopefully we’ll do a run to the grocery store on the way to the ski hill, and I can buy some “REAL” crackers.

  33. Duane Says:

    I think that if you put enough grease on any whole grain product. You can flush the whole grains out. Yeah I think I will try this. And if it works we can call it Friars law.

  34. Friar Says:

    @Duane

    Friar’s Law…heh heh. I like that 😉

    Hey, maybe I can try it on Friar’s Mom’s whole grain crackers. Mabye they’ll go down good with a big dollop of bacon on top.

    I should try it out, and get back to you.

  35. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar

    You won’t believe this. When we were travelling in Poland we went to a restaurant, which instead of serving buns with butter, or bread with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, they served us rye bread with small bowl of solidified rendered fat.

    It was pork fat seasoned with onion, garlic, salt, and spices. There were jars of at the cash, available for purchase.

    Now, is that your kind of country?

  36. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    Poland sounds like they sure know how to enjoy their meat and meat products.

    Definitely my kind of country. I’m proud to have 50% Polish blood!


  37. Oh how I love you Lucky Charms! For all the teeth-rotting, belly-gorging glory that you bring, I thank you (and so does my sweet tooth).

    I’m going to go have a bowl right now. And no, I’m not kidding.

  38. Friar Says:

    @Melissa

    You know…that sounds like a good idea. I might have a bowl right now, myself.

    Brett just left…we had our Weekly Beer Night/Thinkfest. And I’m hungry.

  39. t.sterling Says:

    Hey Friar, I’ve been sick but I’m playing catch up now and I’ve got a question… what the stank are those cereal pieces supposed to be anyway? I know they aren’t important… but still. Are they a charm, or part of the bracelet the charms go on?

    And I think I recall seeing Quisp or Quaker cereal. I overlooked it if I did because it looks bland like Cheerios, Rice Krisbies and Life and all those other dried up cereals that are a notch above cardboard flavor and might be saved with a table spoon of sugar.

    I’ve been away from Lucky Charms for a while though and didn’t realize the Blue Diamond was gone, yet I remember it and the Hour glass was added. I’m still stuck on the commercials when the wee brats chanted happily “hearts, stars, horse shoes, clovers and blue moons! Pots of gold and rainbows, and the red balloon!” Memories.

  40. di Says:

    i haven’t eaten that cereal in 30 years; it was probably 50% sugar then.I always picked out the marshmellow stuff and gave it to my brothers, and they didn’t even have to coerce me to do it. But after reading you, I might just have to go out and get a box to see what’s in it… ‘they’ll always be magically delicious.

  41. Friar Says:

    @di

    You should definitely check out Lucky Charms again…it’s changed considerably since the 70’s.

    If anything, they’ve increased the amount of marshmallows.

  42. Dolly Girl Says:

    You guys are so wierd!!!!!

    who writes to cereal??

  43. Friar Says:

    @Dolly

    There’s nothing wrong with writing to cereal. (Just so long as you dont’ expect it to answer back!)

  44. trishothinks Says:

    Oh….an “ode” to “Lucky Charms”! I wrote an ode to “Nacho” (a guy), and someone thought it was going to be an ode to “nachos”….ha! Now I have to write and ode to nachos….so..hey, I’m glad I’m not the only person to write “odes” to food.

    Trisho


  45. Hmm, I see some people commenting negatively about the cereal. Can’t talk much since I think those are not available here in Indonesia. I sometimes give cereal too to my kid and he really loves it. Even, I myself also like the taste. Here the cereal comes with ginger and green peanut porridge taste. I believe it represents what traditional people like here. When you come to Bali or Indonesia, I suggest you to try one.

  46. Izzy Says:

    Hi. I heard that you guys are trying to make your cereal without artificial flavors and colors. I also heard that you are having trouble with your marshalmelows. Well I had an idea for the marshmallows. I just kinda guessed at this. Well first cut the marshmallows into the shapes you make them then spray them or dip them in liquid nitrogen. That way they will still have that nice crunch in the marshmallows. And I don’t know about the coloring but I only have the idea for the marshmallows. Well that’s it. I hoped this worked for you guys.


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