Six Things about Valentine’s Day that Suck

1.  Drug-store Valentine’s chocolate
Ugh.   Have you actually TASTED  that stuff?    Nothing but brown wax flavored with high-fructose corn syrup.   I’m just waiting for there to be a major recall, on account of lead and melanine.

2.  Valentines Day crap in the stores
Does anyone remember a time, when the stores WEREN’T decorated with red-ribbonned heart-shaped abominations starting January 2nd?     

Seems everything is merging into one major commercial in the stores.   Starting with Halloween crap in August… followed by Christmas crap  in October….followed by Valentines crap, then Easter crap.

The factories in China must be running overtime to churn out all this junk.   

3. It’s sexist
Look at all the ads in the media, and the store displays.   Look at all the frilly frou-frou flowers and rose petal/perfume gift ideas. 

Hmmm…any guesses who all this is FOR?     (Where are the ads for power tools, beer, cars and big steak dinners?).  

 It’s so obvious, this holiday is NOT for us guys (except to shell out all the money to pay for all these gifts).  

4.  It’s a conspiracy to make us men look bad
Not only are we the ones expected to buy the gifts, but it has to be the most unique, personal, heart-felt creative gift in the whole world.    A gift that will make a woman weep tears of joy and that will be remembered forever.   

And don’t forget…it has to be a different original gift…each and every year.   (Talk about pressure!)   And if we guys screw up, it’s the perfect excuse to call us insensitive and inconsiderate.

Flowers and candy?   (You might as well ask to sleep on the couch!)   No.  Prepare yourself to give your lady 3-hour backrubs, vacuum the house, scrub the toilets, and cook her a 6-course dinner while serenading her with a sonnet you wrote yourself, while playing the lute.  

5.   Mushy Bloggers
It’s already starting.   The self-appointed poets and oracles  are starting to quote romantic literature and fill the Blogosphere’s  with estrogen-filled sugary-sweet anedcotes about soul-mates and how much they adore their cat.    And it’s only gonna increase, until it reaches a peak on the 14th.  

 (Oh…my pancreas!   Where’s my insulin?)

Note to self:  Stay AWAY from the computer on Feb. 14th.    Unless I want to be in a diabetic coma.

 6.  Way to exclude half the planet
For those of us who are either  single, divorced, widowed, broken up, or on the verge of breaking up…Bah!  Humbug!

 Hey, we’re not complaining that we’re alone.  But is it REALLY necessary to bombard us with constant reminders that we’re not in a happy relationship, and haven’t found our soul-mate?   

I propose we start a Singles’ Day, and celebrate our OWN holiday.

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35 Comments on “Six Things about Valentine’s Day that Suck”

  1. Mike Goad Says:

    My wife says she doesn’t want anything.

    Yeah, right!

    I’m not going to go there!

    In fact, I think I’ll be picking up something today.

    (37 years and STILL counting 😉 )

  2. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I do Valentine’s on the 15th. Just to piss off Hallmark… and its cheaper.

    I hate Valentine’s day too. Its a money grab. But my wife and I decided that it goes both ways, she gets me a small little something and I get her a small little something… on the 15th.

    But, (and I’m gonna get mushy here) Vanentine’s day is everyday at my house. My wife and I say “I love you” 40 times a day to each other and we do small things for each other all day. A small email, open the door for her, put my cup in the dishwasher. They all say I love you.

    Fuck Valentine’s Day. I don’t need a marketing machine to tell me that I have to tell my wife that I love her. I do, and she knows it thank you very much.

    Here endeth the rant.

    Eyeteaguy

  3. Neil Says:

    Hehe… I’m on the must buy card rule, which is ok. It lets me off the hook for buying (wasting) money on something else.

    I guess I better not put any mushy posts up on the blog tomorrow or Friar will have my head.


  4. oops… walked into guy territory here..

    um…..one Valentine’s Day, my guy friend bought me tickets to the boat show…erm.. I bought him Dior Lingerie which I wore to the boat show under my clothes. We were both pleasantly surprised.

    You have to be considerate about your celebrations I think. Not cave in to mass marketing, but put some thought into it.

  5. XUP Says:

    For once I agree with everything you said. Except that Valentine’s makes me, personally very happy to be single. I’m in a most excellent relationship with myself.

  6. Beth Partin Says:

    Friar, I remember when stores didn’t put out Valentine’s Day stuff until February–it wasn’t that long ago, less than a decade. I really don’t care for Valentine’s Day. My husband and I made reservations for a dinner and then we canceled them because we decided we’re rather spend the money on Denver Restaurant Week (a meal for two for $52.80, not including drinks).

    Probably the only time I’ve cared about VD in my life was when I was a teenager and when I was single. I could SO live without it.

  7. Karen JL Says:

    I don’t give a flying fig about Valentine’s Day.

    My birthday is the 13th (Friday this year…YES!) so that’s WAAAAAAAAAAYYY more important.

    It should be a year-long thing anyway. One day?? Total money grab. Tho a little card and a little chocolate never hurts… 😉


  8. @Karen- Woot! Happy Birthday!!!!

  9. Kelly Says:

    Happy Birthday Karen!!

    Friar,

    Um, so, I like Valentine’s Day. Yeah.

    No good reason to this year, but I still like it. (3-hour backrubs, flowers, candles, a clean toilet, a 6-course dinner, and s-e-x? What’s not to like? Wait… you forgot the champagne.) I don’t like mushy-girly-gooey, but I like a little extra effort and thoughtfulness and concentrating on each other to the exclusion of all else. That’s cool.

    And news flash, Friar, it’s up to your woman to be just as surprising and creative as she requires you to be. Plenty of ladies put themselves under pressure to figure out what makes their dude extra… happy on Valentine’s Day.

    So there, nyah, I like it.

    Regards,

    Kelly

  10. Karen JL Says:

    @ Janice & Kelly – Thank you! Though…you know…I’m like old and stuff…(thank goodness for my immaturity).

    You tell ’em Kelly. I agree that it’s not one-sided. I got a little card and a little chocolate for my swell guy. 🙂

  11. Allison Day Says:

    1. I agree completely… that stuff is disgusting disgusting disgusting!

    4. LOL Son gets me programming books. I don’t think I’ve EVER gotten flowers or chocolate or any of the “typical” gifts from him… just programming books, or cookbooks… and I don’t make him sleep on the couch either. 😀

    And I can definitely kiss goodbye to any hopes of a nice dinner on V-Day this year… it’s the NBA All-Star games or something all weekend. Sadly, I am no competition for Kobe Bryant in Son’s eyes. 😉 (I kid, I kid… he loves me very much, really!)

  12. Friar Says:

    @Mike

    When they say they don’t want anything, you’re right. Don’t believe it for ONE second.

    That’s probably why you’re stayed together for 37 years and counting.

    @Eyeteaguy
    Hey, that’s not a bad rant! That could be a blog post in itself!

    @Neil
    Oh, you can post something mushy. I’ve already gotten my rant out of the way. (Plus, I’ve already had my insulin shot!) 😉

    @XUP
    Yep…I’m somewhat relieved I don’t feel the pressure of having to come up with the perfect thoughtful gift.

    @Beth
    I agree…you can go out another night instead,and not fight the crowds and over-priced Valentine’s meals.

    It’s refreshing to hear a woman say they don’t like Valentines.

    @Janice
    That sounds like a nice suprise. (Bet you he didn’t remember too much of the boat show) 😉

  13. Friar Says:

    @Karen
    Yessss!!! Someone else who dosen’t like Valentines! (Damn! Howcum I’ve never had any girlfriends like that? !?)

    And HAPPY BIRTHDAY…!!!!

    @Kelly
    Well…of COURSE you’d love a three hour backrubs and six course dinners. (Who wouldn’t?). But why is it always the GUY who seems stuck with this responsibility?

    Yes…theoretically, it’s up to the woman to be just as attentive and loving to her man on Valentines’. But how often does this really happen? (I think it’s more of a special day for women, not for men).

    @Karen (again).
    See? You got chocolates and you’re happy. That’s reasonable.

    Other posts I’ve read say DON’T give chocolates. DON’T give this….DON’T give that. (Sheesh!). We guys dont’ even know what’s appropriate anymore.

    Why don’t I just pull the blinds and stay indoors all day?

    @Allison
    You also sound like someone easy to buy things for (Again…why don’t I meet women like this?)

    Though if Son is watching NBA all day…you COULD make him sleep on the couch, and get away with it 😉

  14. Brett Legree Says:

    Hey Friar, you don’t need a singles day, you get every Thursday night with your Viking buddy 😉

    (Which reminds me, you’ve missed the last two, so you’ll have to drink about 18 pints or so next Thursday to make up for it…)


  15. Yeah, you could say that…He was a great guy.

    So Friar you could make snow angels and photograph them. Bet your mom would love one… 😉

  16. Allison Day Says:

    Haha yeah, half the time Son doesn’t know what to do with me because I’ll tell him I don’t want anything, and ACTUALLY mean it. Weird thing is, sometimes he actually WANTS to buy me useless stuff… we have a bit of a backward relationship. 😛

    I could make him sleep on the couch… if we actually had a couch. Then again, he did just finally spring for a real bed so maybe I’ll let the NBA obsession slide for now. 😉


  17. Friar, you are a genius. Singles’ Day! Everyone who is in a couple showers the singles with gifts. That’ll sure make up for the tens of thousands of dollars in past V-day presents, wedding and baby and shower presents… omg. This is brilliant.

    Having said that, stay away from my blog on Friday because there’s a Valentine’s post.

    Yes. I know. Shame on me.

  18. Steph Says:

    Hmmm. While I enjoy the thought C puts into it (now that he’s no longer a bah humbug to V Day kind of guy), I agree with many of you. I couldn’t care less if the day didn’t exist. Like any holiday, I’m more interested in its roots. Besides, my b-day is 4 days after. Though I admit I don’t care much about that, either, but I would never turn away a gift or effort to make it special!

    I guess in the end I’m with Eyeteaguy: every day is about love here. Cheesy but true.

  19. Steph Says:

    PS. Oh my god, my comment went through – after like five minutes! My connection is bad…

  20. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    I am an awesome masseuse and a great cook. It isn’t only up to the dude. (I’m also humble, lol.)

    Diamonds. Always appropriate. No need to read those blogs for hints any more. 🙂

    Must go write my Valentine’s post now…

    Later,

    Kelly

  21. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    I’ve had quite a few pints of beer while I’ve been here. Especially a few evenings ago at dinner when I had to listen to ski instructors talk about ski instructing and ski technques for 3 hours.

    But it isn’t the same as our Viking Beer Evenings. Can’t wait to get back.

    @Janice
    Knowing my Mom,she’d probably be out there with a camera telling me how to take the snapshots!

    The snow’s so deep here, I don’t know if snow angels would work…I’d just sink to the bottom!

    @Allsion
    Ahh…buying furniture. So THAT’s the secret to a happy relationship! 😉

    @Steph
    I just think the holiday has been blown out of proportion and it’s put a lot of self-imposed pressure on couples.

    By the way…HAPPY BELATED BIRHTDAY! 😀

    @Kelly
    A masseuse and a cook? (Wow…!) I’m impressed. Those two reasons ALONE would make you a good catch!

  22. Karen JL Says:

    @ Steph – Are you an Aquarius too? Yay!

    @ Friar – Now may I go off on a flower rant? I must be one of the very few women who HATE getting flowers.

    Not living, in the garden flowers (or even potted flowers), but cut flowers.

    “Look, here’s these beautiful living things that I have now KILLED and paid an incredibly inflated price for so you can put them in water and watch them slowly shrivel and DIE over the span of a week.”

    Ooo, yeah. That’s romantic as all hell.

    (rant over) 🙂

  23. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – I got the card and chocolate for HIM.

    He’s off the hook for V-Day because of the B-Day. 😉

  24. t.sterling Says:

    First of all, I think Single’s Day should be in August since there are no holidays during that month.

    And I am one of those romantic poet types you speak of but I am not that person this year. This year I’m apathetic and on my blog I’m not taking a pro-Valentine or anti-Valentine side… although I’m leaning more towards anti. Every post this week except today’s (Thursday) is about V-Day, just because. I completely whole heartedly agree love should be celebrated everyday, and whatever special thing you do for your lady, or man, can be done any other day of the year.

    Perhaps this Saturday, all singles should be the opposite of romantic, as if to rebel. Just be rude and disrespectful, knock over trash cans, flood public toilets and throw water balloons filled with paint at people’s houses… or people. Any couples found participating in these events will be immediately tarred and feathered, so it’s a good idea for these people to stay home. A bit extreme? I apologize.

    Anyway, I personally enjoy giving 3 hour back rubs. Maybe not for 3 consecutive hours… but who is counting?

    @Karen and Steph
    Happy birthday and Aquariuses unite!

  25. Friar Says:

    @t

    I prefer a passive-aggressive protest to Valentines. Just drink lots of Viking Beer, and watch a movie where lots of stuff blows up.

    The go to the drugstore the next day, and try to find decent left-over Valentine’s chocolate at 75% off.

  26. Karen Swim Says:

    Friar, I agree with you! #3 really gets me too, isn’t it Valentine’s for men too? It’s insane. Al the holidays in my opinion have been tainted by retailers. My hubby and I didn’t pay attention to all that stuff. We loved each other every day, no grand gestures required. If I wanted a gift I’d just tell him what to get and where, I mean geez why torture the poor guy.


  27. Well, I have officially begun to ignore it. I just don’t do it anymore and the good lady (thankfully) is fine with it.

    Instead I show the LOVE every day. That is what a partnership is about. A HUG and an I LOVE YOU is more genuine when it is NOT for a made up money making ocassion.

    Now, what can I get her at this time of the evening!

  28. Lisa Says:

    Well I must admit you’ve got a good point in the blog marking one of the things as “money spending” during this day…for gifts, flowers, chocolates etc…

    But … Don’t You think that this could bring up so many new feelings in your partners heart… Or wouldn’t you be happy to see the perfect sparkle in her eyes when she gets that LITTLE gift, besides it doesn’t have to be something huge it can be very little but EXTREMELY significant especially on V-Day…

    We are not that picky we can appreciate small but still so important things, as they show attention and care from your side…

    P.S. HAPPY V-DAY!!!))))

  29. Friar Says:

    @Karen Swim

    “..why torture the poor guy?”.

    Exactly! Some people expect to much out of this holiday, that they’re setting themselves up to be disappointed.

    It’s like New Years Eve. So many people feel they “gotta” go out and party and ring in the New Year. And they’ll feel like losers if they don’t.

    @three dog blogger

    What can you get your wife at this time of evening? Drugstore chocolate? (They you’d be in the dog house with your three other critters).

    I was thinking…you should blog about what to get a DOG for Valentines. (Stuff like a dead animal to roll around in….or expensive shoes to destroy.) 🙂

    @Lisa

    Well, see, what you’re saying is exactly what I was talking about. Getting your partner a gift that can be “EXTREMELY significant”.

    Not that I woudln’t want to do that. But OMG…talk about pressure.

    Think…think. OMG. What would that gift be? Can’t be the same thing as last year. Can’t be just the traditional chocolates…no…that would make me look boring and inconsiderate. What will be EXTREMLY significant?

    We guys are dense at times, and we can’t always come up with these perfect ideas.

    I think it’s easier for women to please men on Valentines. Getting intimate with the boyfriend is a guaranteed no-brainer. Or, barring that, give him a big steak dinner. 🙂

  30. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    I wasn’t going to step back in this muck but I can’t resist. My last word, I (almost) promise:

    If the girlfriend was Halle Berry, a guy would suddenly find himself inspired, creative, surprising, etc., with no whining. When you suspect there’s a line around the block willing to be creative if you can’t be bothered, suddenly you have the energy.

    I appreciate a comfy mature relationship where neither one wants much on a special day because all the days are lovely, but guys aren’t “dense” about Valentine’s Day. I just think that’s selling guys short. Guys, after all, have written much of the music, poetry, prose in the world devoted to love. No brain deficiencies there.

    “Extremely significant,” involves spending more than 15 minutes the day before thinking about it. Adore your lady as if she’s your own personal Halle Berry, as if you’re the luckiest dude in the world, and suddenly “I’m dense” will seem a bit lame.

    (Of course, she should adore you right back as if you’re her own personal George Clooney.)

    /rant

  31. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    I was being a bit facetious about being “dense”.

    Sometimes we guys are sincerly trying our best, but we might have picky girlfriend (or a spoiled one) . These women can be dificult to please, no matter what. And sometiems we have no clue what they want.

    I once gave a girlfriend one of my original framed watercolor paintings for Christmas. It got a “ho-hum” response. I might as well have given her a store-bought card.

    Another girlfriend was mad at me because I didnt’ spend lots of $$$$ on her 30th birtday.Never mind that I was a grad student at the time and broke. I was expected to STILL spend a ton of cash. I even baked her a birthday cake, but she sulked so much, she refused to even try some.

    Hally Berry. Hmph..

    Mabye that’s why I’m still single. 😉

  32. Kelly Says:

    LOL. The Deeply Sensitive Friar, who knew? Aww.

    Okay, if you’re done with the dense excuse, I’ll love you again now. 🙂

  33. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    I used to get stressed out about the Big Three gift-buying days. Christmas, Birthday and Valentines. That’s THREE thoughful perfect gifts that I had to get every year. And GOD HELP ME if I didn’t.

    After I broke up…it was a relief to not have to go through that anymore. 🙂

    Though one of the girlfriends DID give me Junior Bear one year. (She’s long since gone…but the bear remains…he’s assumed his own identity! )


  34. […] Also be sure to check out 6 things about Valentines Day that Suck (Humor) […]


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