Enter Friar’s Contest and Win a Prize

Okay,  now for something completely different.

I’m holding a contest.

I’m posting 10 questions.  Answer them, and the most “interesting” entry will win a PRIZE.

And I’m not talking about something abstract or intangible.  It’s not something consisting  of electrons floating around the Internet, that I’ll email to you, and tell you it’s worth a bajillion dollars.

No.  It’s a small, modest prize.   Nothing too spectacular.   But something that you can see and touch.  That you can hold in your hand.  (Providing I get the winner’s address to send it to them).

There are no rules, except to answer the ten questions.   And they have to be posted here as a comment for everyone to see. (I won’t do emails).

Entries will be accepted until…oh, let’s say, 8:00 AM (Eastern Daylight Time) Tuesday March 10th.    The winner will be announced sometime thereafter.

Hint:  Originality and/or smart-ass humor will weigh heavily on the judge’s final decision.

Without any ado…here goes:


1.  If I were in charge of the world, I would _________ Céline Dion.

2.  What’s your favorite breakfast cereal, and why?

3.  What’s your favorite quote from Bugs Bunny Cartoons, and why?

4.  What’s the snarkiest, meanest thing a cat’s ever done to you?

5.  What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever seen a dumb-ass dog do?

6.  Superman is to Kryptonite, as you are to ________.

7.  The scariest, blood-thirstiest name imaginable for a Viking Warrior would be   ________.

8.   If they had to replace “Aquarius, the Water-Carrier” with another Zodiac Sign, it should be ________.

9.  Give three tips on how to be UN-creative.

10.  What’s the most useless blog post you can think (besides this one?)

Okay…now go have fun.  🙂

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115 Comments on “Enter Friar’s Contest and Win a Prize”

  1. Writer Dad Says:

    1) Add spammers to the cage with Paris Hilton and Celine Dion.

    2) Captain Crunch, no doubt. Even though it makes the roof of my mouth feels like I’ve been digging in to the undercarriage of a porcupine.

    3) “Eeeeeeh, watch me paste that pathetic palooka with a powerful, pachydermous, percussion pitch.” Because I’m alliteration’s bitch.

    4) A cat’s never done anything snarky or mean to me. However, my sister, whom I love to pieces, is both wonderfully snarky and mean. The following is a quote from her blog I am copying and pasting where she discusses her cat “Abigail”

    “Abigail runs a company called CatCo during the day while we’re at work. It’s really just a front for a pyramid scheme – she sells something she calls “starter kits” and won’t tell us what’s in them. She claims to play the banjo, but we suspect that she’s faking it. I mean honestly, she really only has one song… it’s called “I will kill you in your sleep,” and it’s mostly sung acapela. She is a huge, huge fan of the work of Paul Verhoeven. RoboCop is her favorite movie, and after we watched Showgirls, she raced around the house yelling “I am Nomi Malone!” for days on end. She will loudly and without reservation give us her opinion on the movies we watch. Generally, if it’s artsy or foreign, she pronounces it “honky bullshit” and stomps off to go sit in the window. When she recently had an over-grooming problem and lost a lot of hair off her butt, she kept telling us it was intentional. “I’m just giving myself a Brazilian,” she’d say, “I got to look GOOD.”

    5) I saw a dog chasing a bird and then run right into a tree. That’s pretty dumb.

    6) My mom giving me her agenda, although in the last year, thinking about funny things to write about her that I know I never actually will, has been a lot like my body somehow absorb rays from a red sun.

    7) Roark the Raging Berzerker (I know Brett’s going to totally take my lunch money on that one, so I really gave it the bare minimum. If you need more, perhaps you can slip in the word ransack/ransacker. I would also add the word bloodthirsty if it didn’t feel like totally redundant)

    8) I am an Aquarias myself so I have every right to state with poise: that name already sucks so hard it’s actually kind of cool.

    9) Watch American Idol, read productivity blogs, use Thesis

    10) Anything at bloggrrl.com in the last three months.

    P.S. I forgot to tell you that my viking dude from question #7 wears boots made from meat.

    P.P.S I kind of like electrons worth a bajillion dollars. They make me warm and fuzzy.

  2. Betsy Says:

    1. Book Celine Dion on a White House Wednesday party, just to see Michelle Obama’s head explode.

    2. Oatmeal. It goes with long underwear.

    3. Anything Tweety says when a guest on the show.

    4. Expect me to dispose of the mouse I poured out the food bag into its bowl.

    5. Dogs aren’t dumb. People are.

    6. Chocolate ganache.

    7. Legree the Blogificent

    8. Slosharius, The Mop Handler

    9. Keep “but we’ve always done it this way” as a handy reference.

    10. Anything with a list. 😀

  3. 1.Chisel the Chin of
    2.Eggs because they are crunchy on the outside and soft in the centre
    3.Am I a Rabbit. Because Rabbits are dumb.
    4.Decided to live with me.Grrr.
    5.Decide it may be good to jump from the upstairs window.
    7.Sven the Puppy eating Pillager of Plumfold.
    8.Bucket, the water holder.
    9.Spend ages answering stupid questions. Spend more time thinking of stupid answers to stupid questions. Spend even more time writing your answers and wish you hadn’t bothered because the prize will be rubbish and you don’t want it anyway.
    10.The one before this one!

  4. Eyeteaguy Says:

    1. If I were in charge of the world, I would teach Céline Dion how to sing. C’mon, yelling I can do. Sing, with your voice not that megaphone the yanks love so much.

    2. What’s your favorite breakfast cereal, and why?

    Mini-wheats, because its just like me! Completely skitzo! It has a sweet lovable side that posts nice comments and a harsh healthy side that posts comments that mean something.
    And if you leave me alone, I drink all the milk.

    3. What’s your favorite quote from Bugs Bunny Cartoons, and why?
    “That boy is about as sharp as a bowling ball.” Because I work with a legion of bowling balls. I keep pitchin’ them and you keep a missing’, now pay attention son!

    4. What’s the snarkiest, meanest thing a cat’s ever done to you?

    This morning, Sam puked in my slippers, shat in my office and woke me up at 5 am wanting some attention.

    5. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever seen a dumb-ass dog do?

    Its a toss up. My old dog Bandit would go nuts about squirrels (how punny) and would forget that the patio door was closed. Ouch. That and he used to eat horse pooh.

    6. Superman is to Kryptonite, as you are to ________.

    This blog. I get weak and woozy when I read it and have this urge to get away from it, but I can’t as its a part of me.

    7. The scariest, blood-thirstiest name imaginable for a Viking Warrior would be ________.

    Dirk the Deathbringer

    8. If they had to replace “Aquarius, the Water-Carrier” with another Zodiac Sign, it should be ________.

    Scrotum the Ball carrier.

    9. Give three tips on how to be UN-creative.

    1. Cut and Paste
    2. Use only black
    3. Variations on a theme

    10. What’s the most useless blog post you can think (besides this one?)

    Crap, you took my answer. Ummm…. http://1st-internet-payment.info/

    A blog about payment processors. Real uh interesting? Pardon me while I go stab my eyes out now.

    Ok, can I have my prize now? I’m not sure why anyone else bothered to enter. I’m a shoo-win
    You can mail it to:
    666 Bimstone Way
    Hell 66666-666

    Could you pack it in thermal resistant box please? Its a bit warm down here.


  5. I can haz a theem?

    1. You know that scene in The Scorpion King, where The Rock’s character is buried up to his neck in the ground and gigantic antediluvian fire ants are gonna eat him alive? No? Your taste in movies must be better than mine. Anyway, I wouldn’t do that to Céline. PETA would send assassins after me for abusing fire ants in such a way, even if I gagged her. But I would find something bloody awful, I assure you.

    2. Just Bunches. Finally, some stupid cereal-company exec figured out that flakes suck. If only cable companies and music labels would get the memo…

    3. “Why for you bury me in da col’, col’ groun’?” It’s just possible that Céline would say something similar if I did, in fact, bury her for fire ants (even though I said I wouldn’t). Actually, now I’m thinking she was the voice-actor for the Tasmanian Devil. Why didn’t I realize that sooner?

    4. Cats don’t do snarky and mean things. They just like to remind us of our place. The Ancient Egyptians may have been the last culture on Earth to really understand why cats *seem* snarky and mean, even though they’re not. A cat would never listen to popular music, and that’s why they (rightfully) look down on us.

    5. The stupidest thing I’ve ever seen a dog do is to get a recording contract under the stage name “Céline Dion.” Although that was probably a pretty smart business move. I guess that was stupidity on the part of the label, not on the part of the b-… er, what content rating are you looking for on these comments?

    6. Superman is to Kryptonite, as I am to FM radio, home of the unimaginative, repetitive, and almost entirely stupid and childish pursuit known as “popular music,” a.k.a. “howling at the moon.”

    7. The scariest, blood-thirstiest name imaginable for a Viking Warrior would be Céline Adhémarsdótter the Pregnant.

    8. If they had to replace “Aquarius, the Water-Carrier” with another Zodiac Sign, it should be “LOLcat, the pop music hater.”

    9. Haz a theem. Rite in LOLcat-speek. Lissen pop moosic on FM raydeeo.

    10. I don’t know. I could *write* the most useless blog post ever, if you like. It would probably feature the phrases “FM radio” and “pop music” quite prominently. Other than that… maybe any blog post discussing, in a positive manner, American Idol?

    P.S. I hadz a theem.

  6. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Friar, close the contest, stop the madness. Declare me the victor and let’s move on.


  7. Friar Says:


    Oh, goodness, NO. I can’t do that. That woudlnt’ be fair to the others (the ones who have lives, and don’t necessarily check my blog 20 times a day) 😉

    Don’t worry. If you don’t win…there will be other contests.

  8. Karen JL Says:

    To be clear, Kryptonite the ‘bad stuff’ for Superman right? Or is it the ‘good stuff’?

    (I’m gonna suck at this contest…)

  9. Friar Says:


    Oh sheesh!? Don’t you know?

    (sigh). Okay…. 😉

    Kryptonite is the BAD stuff. It’s poison to Superman. It takes away his powers and makes him a weak girly-man.

  10. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I have a life. Its just that you are large part of it now.

    Sorry chum, I am officially a Friar parasite.


  11. Kelly Says:


    Oh, bugger all. I am so not funny at this. Skipping to the questions I like, I know I’m disqualified automatically, oh well:

    9. Give three tips on how to be UN-creative.
    One, try to compete with heavy-hitting sarcastic ranters like the folks above, on out-funny-ing The Deep Friar.
    Two, dare to call yourself a “creative professional.” Automatic Fail.
    Three, spernd more time talking about it than actually doing it.

    10. What’s the most useless blog post you can think (besides this one?)
    Every one where I welcome large influxes of visitors from XYZ site that’s just given me exposure, only to find that about three new people show up. And then run away immediately.

    OMG I’ve bored myself into a coma with only two answers. Just think what I could have done with ten!!

    Regards and good luck to the funnier folk,


  12. Friar Says:


    I give you a “B plus” for effort! 😉

  13. Kelly Says:

    Just went back and read everyone else’s, ‘cuz I didn’t want them to influence my obviously brilliant answers. You might have a hard time making a choice, Friar!

    WD: #9 use Thesis—BWAH ha ha!

    Betsy: Ganache—ME TOO.

  14. Kelly Says:

    B plus is WAY too kind and we both know it.


    P.S. All I want to do with Celine Dion is feed the chick. See? So not funny.

  15. Karen JL Says:

    Here goes.

    1. If I were in charge of the world, I would clone an army of Céline Dions.
    Then send them over to Friar’s place to serenade him. Weekly.

    2. Golden Grahams. I mean, just the song ALONE is reason enough. And they’re yummy.

    3. Daffy: “Ha! That’s it! Hold it right there. …Pronoun trouble.”
    *woosh* Right over a young kid’s head.

    4. While I love my cats and these things were not done on purpose, here’s three: When one attacked my head after freaking at a cat outside the window. When one jumped on my lap, slipped and slowwwwwly slid down my bare thigh with her claws. And when one jumped on my stomach going across me, the day after I got home from major surgery.

    5. Puppies eating each other’s poo. Enough said.

    6. Superman is to Kryptonite, as I am to listening to teenage girls yapping on their cell phones.

    7. The scariest, blood-thirstiest name imaginable for a Viking Warrior would be Arnold.
    Arnold the Viking. No one would suspect an ‘Arnold’ to attack, rape and pillage. Hence the brilliance of it.

    8. If they had to replace “Aquarius, the Water-Carrier” with another Zodiac Sign, it should be “Sarcasticus, the Eye-Roller”.

    9. Read blogs about blogging for blogs about blogging. Use clip art. Watch Caillou.

    10. Anything telling you how Twitter is the like the second coming of Christ.

    Enjoy. 🙂

  16. Kelly Says:

    I’m just gonna jump on the funny people’s bandwagons.


    ROFLOL at #1. The image in my head now is priceless.

    But wait—I like Caillou. *sigh* I guess I’m alone among grownups.



  17. hannah78 Says:

    My husband’s friends have a cat that once grabbed my arm and literally chewed on it like a cob of corn and dug his claws in, so I couldn’t get away! I hated that cat!

  18. Friar Says:

    Heh heh…as a caillou fan, you’re a minority here!

    That’s EXACTLY the a-hole type of stuff that cats do, that drive me nuts.

    When babysitting a friend’s house once, I was lying on the couch, and the cat came up and lay on my chest. Purring and wanting attention. So I petted him.

    Within a few minutes, Dr. Jekyl turned into Mister Hyde. The stupid critter got all pissed off, and started digging the claws in my chest and biting and acting like a total jerk.

    DUMB-ASS! If you don’t like it…LEAVE! (Who’s forcing you to come up and lie down on me?)

    Hmph. A DOG would never do that. Dogs don’t play mind games like this.

  19. XUP Says:

    1. If I were in charge of the world, I would use Céline Dion as our secret weapon of mass destruction.
    2. What’s your favorite breakfast cereal, and why? Used to be Post Super Sugar Crisp; it was super delicious; Sugar Bear was almost as super-cool as Der Bingo after which he seemed to be fashioned; and they didn’t even pretend to be anything but sugar. They changed their name to Super Golden Crisp and the bear is now Super Bear. Yawn.
    3. What’s your favorite quote from Bugs Bunny Cartoons, and why? If it’s the Captain’s Mess, let him clean it up.
    4. What’s the snarkiest, meanest thing a cat’s ever done to you? Eaten the head of my pet bunny
    5. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever seen a dumb-ass dog do? Fall in love with a patch of the front lawn; spend all his time rolling on it when he’s outside and sit at the window and pine for it the whole time he’s inside.
    6. Superman is to Kryptonite, as you are to Tequila Slammers
    7. The scariest, blood-thirstiest name imaginable for a Viking Warrior would be Aethelred the Cross
    8. If they had to replace “Aquarius, the Water-Carrier” with another Zodiac Sign, it should be Depends, the Water-Holder
    9. Give three tips on how to be UN-creative. Take your lithium. Watch lots of prime time TV. Smoke pot.
    10. What’s the most useless blog post you can think (besides this one?) A post about how you haven’t blogged in a long time because you can’t think of anything to write about.

  20. I’m still winning.

    And Friar, I am a sore loser.

    Just like Chewbaca at chess. Take 3P0’s advise.


  21. Brett Legree Says:

    If I win the contest, I will donate the prize to an underprivileged manager at The Factory.

    Anyway, I figured I’d better enter the contest as there’s so many great answers here and I’ve got an extra two cents in my pocket 🙂

    1. If I were in charge of the world, I would make Ugly Bob marry Céline Dion. I mean, I wouldn’t want their love child to be a bastard.

    2. My favourite breakfast cereal would have to be wheat thins and beer, because S.O.D. (Stormtroopers Of Death) did a song about it called “Milk”.


    (Caution, boobies.)

    3. My favourite quote from Bugs Bunny cartoons would be:

    “Oh goody! My illudium Q-36 explosive space modulator.”


    “Well, back to the old drawing board.”

    And the reason would be that I work at a nuclear facility that sometimes resembles a Bugs Bunny cartoon, complete with the Earth-shattering KABOOM.

    4. My cat Bill shit on my bed. Right in front of me. While I was watching him. Bill also shit on my couch. Right in front of me. While I was watching him. I told Bill he was going to the gas chamber. Bill is still here, because the kids love him. I can’t wait to see where Bill shits next. If Bill shits in my car, he’s going to the gas chamber, kids or no kids.

    5. My dog Daisy ate a television remote control, and pooped out the batteries about 8 hours later. I counted the batteries to make sure they were all there, and fortunately, Daisy lived for another 5 years after that.

    6. Superman is to Kryptonite, as I am to potato chips and ice cream. Together (but not in the same bowl).

    7. Korgull the Exterminator. And if you don’t think that is scary or bloodthirsty, you haven’t met Korgull.

    He’ll frak you up big time.

    8. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Come on, Aquarius the Water-Carrier is stupid. If I had to be under a sign, it wouldn’t be a dude who carries *water*. What a loser. Beerquarius the Ale Slinger maybe… that would be cool too.

    9. Read the “right things”. Say the “right things”. Believe the “right things”. Even when you agree with none of them, and you’re just doing it to kiss ass and get ahead. That’s the surest path to being uncreative.

    10. Hello world.

    (Think about it – couldn’t WordPress have come up with something just a bit more useful?)

  22. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Geez Brett, did you drink you lame jiuce today? At least put some effort into it. Granted its Friday but c’mon.

    Unless you submitted such a lame post because you wanted me to win. Gosh, you’re a good friend.


  23. Brett Legree Says:

    You’re just jealous because I linked to an S.O.D. video 🙂

    Maybe I should have linked to Seasoning the Obese instead?

  24. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I think you should you should have linked to “Tribute to Bob Marley” instead. Its about the attention span of the average Yank these days.


  25. Friar Says:

    Oh, you guys…!! C’mon. Play nice!

    And the Judge(s) will NOT be influenced by anyone threatening to be a sore loser.

    And don’t anyone count their chickens before they’re hatched. There’s still over three more days till the contest closes.

  26. Brett Legree Says:


    Or maybe Brutal Truth’s Collateral Damage – two seconds long…


    Will the judge be influenced by the 1/2 bottle of whiskey I left at his house last night? 🙂

    Three more days. Are you going to raise the price then?

  27. Steph Says:

    Whoa. One of the best ways to be uncreative is to just read other people’s stuff. Sucks the creativity right out of you. I know this for a fact. Either that, or edit other people’s stuff. That works too.

    I shouldn’t have read everyone’s comments. Now I have nothing to say.


  28. Steph Says:

    PS. The prize better not be a lame maze cut off the back of a cereal box. It had better be like the old prizes we used to get. You know what I’m talking about!

  29. XUP Says:

    I think everybody who’s being all pushy and boasty and mean to others in the contest should be disqualified…not mentioning any names…(eyeteaguy)

  30. Brett Legree Says:


    Exactly – so though I knew I’d leave an entry here (hey, Friar’s my friend!), I ignored everything until today.

    I cut and pasted the questions into a text editor and answered them without reading the other entries!

  31. Friar Says:

    Well, whatever the prize is, I’m going to make sure it’s “Safe”. (I.e not a choking hazard). Maybe it should be a lame-ass sticker like they give out in Cracker-Jack.

    That’s a good idea, raising the price.

    Okay, everyone. Get your entries in soon. Because after today, the arbitrarily-assigned “value” of the prize will double. (no…TRIPLE!)

    You make a good point. Some people are definitely being better sports at this game than others.

    If people can’t play nicely, then they shouldn’t play at all.

  32. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @XUP Just because your answers were inane and obstreperous does not mean you have to throw a hissy fit.
    It won’t help, I’ve already won.


  33. Brett Legree Says:

    No way Friar, it can’t be a safe prize.

    Why don’t you give away one of these?


    I’m sure I’ve seen a few at work in a dusty old closet…

  34. Friar Says:

    “obstreperous”. That’s gotta be the word of the day! I like it!

    Those atomic kits weren’t dangerous back then, because they didn’t know any better. It’s only radioactive if you know it is.

  35. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar,
    I thought about entering your contest, but it would be nepotism if I won.

    I did some research and came across this Viking Names website: http://www.20000-names.com/male_norse_names.htm


    My favourite is SKÍÐBLAÐNIR. Hence, I hereby name you “SKÍÐBLAÐNIR”. In mythology, it is the name of the magical ship of Freyr, said to be the best of ships. Freyr, is the name of a god of rain and sunlight.

  36. Nepotism, I have always loved that word. I hate what it means, but is sounds great.

    The Deep Skidbladnir, it doesn’t have the same ring.

    Freyr, rain and sunlight? That is one mixed up god…. which actually sheds a lot of light…..

    I’m glad Mrs. Deep Friar bowed out of the competition. Smart woman that.


  37. Brett Legree Says:

    Yeah, I’ve seen that site too but the real Norse names just didn’t sound scary enough… 🙂

  38. XUP Says:

    eyeteaguy’s thesaurus ought to be disabled before he’s allowed on the computer again.

  39. I must complain most vociferously. I do use such crude things as thesauri for my abundant verbiage. I have read copiously and glean my vocabulary from these tomes.

  40. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – If I win, I’ll show you some cleavage. 😉

  41. Brett Legree Says:

    I think Karen JL wins.

  42. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Eyeteaguy
    I commend for your amassed vocabulary. Nonetheless, “complain” and “things” are such wonted words. Couldn’t you discover something more erudite.

  43. Brett Legree Says:

    I’ve noticed something interesting.

    Words for important things that we cannot live without – air, water, food, house, man, woman, child – are either one or two syllables.

    Bulldust words that mean not much at all tend to have a lot of syllables to make them seem important – words like management, deliverables, operational excellence…

    Note that a lot of your higher paid people use these words. Maybe they have to hide the fact that they’re full of crap and if anyone knew they were full of crap they wouldn’t be commanding such large salaries?

  44. Karen JL Says:

    @ Brett – P.S.: They’re real and they’re spectacular.

  45. Brett Legree Says:

    @Karen JL,

    I’ll take your word on that 😉

  46. XUP Says:

    I believe the law does not permit anyone under the age of 18 to participate in contests and/or games of chance, therefore I suggest eyeteaguy needs to be removed from this competition before we all get into trouble.

  47. Karen is going the expose herself and you are worried about my age?

    Besides I’m only mentally under 18. Young at heart y’know.

  48. Brett Legree Says:

    Hey, babies see boobs all the time, so you’re cool, Eyeteaguy… young or young at heart 🙂

  49. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom
    Hey, that’s a really cool link. Now I have lots of Viking names for future posts!

    Yeah…Eyeteaguy’s liable to hurt someone with those words. Someone oughta do something about this.

    So what you’re saying is, you get yer high-fallutin’ perfessor words, from that fancy Thesaurus-book.

    REALLY? (Hmmmmm). This puts the contest in a whole other light, now! 😀

    You forgot “Functional Implementation” and “Action Oritentation”.

    I’ve met Eyeteaguy at Brett’s house once. He’s actually 30-something, just a bit younger than me.

    (…so we try not to say anything and make him feel too bad!)

    Well, I know Karen’s roughly about my age. So if she wants to expose herself to me…well, that’s her choice as a consenting adult. I certainly won’t argue against her choice!

    Boobs should be for men to play with. NOT for babies to nurse on. (It ain’t natural!)

  50. Friar Says:


    We’re talking REAL cleavage here, right?

    (And NOT like the photo of Cartman’s butt crack…!) Right?

  51. Karen JL Says:

    @ men – I said ‘cleavage’ not ‘expose’. Not some ‘Girls Gone Wild’ shit. I’d don’t do that crap. (Well OK, maybe *one* guy gets that. Lucky him. 😉 )

    @ Friar – Ha! If you got suckered in, I had thought of that. But no, real cleavage. No nipples. Cause it’s all about the nipples with you guys.

    No nipple = no nudity. (I have a whole theory based on this.)

  52. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – You may start getting lots of spam because I said “nipples”. Sorry. 🙂

  53. Brett Legree Says:

    Whaddya mean it’s all about the nipples? Cleavage will do 😉

  54. Brett Legree Says:

    Speaking of spam, say “poop” on Twitter and you’ll get a reply from @PoopAssistant, then you can find out all about Colon Blow…

    (If this makes no sense to you, go say “poop” on Twitter and you’ll see)

  55. Karen JL Says:

    @ Brett – Just the visual I got about something called ‘colon blow’ is enough to NOT make me use ‘poop’ on Twitter.

  56. Brett Legree Says:


    Oh, I know… but it was one of those things, I just had to click. It was getting to me… kind of like pulling off a band-aid…

  57. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar
    This post began as an inocuous contest. Eight people participated (yes I counted them. And 57 comments later you guys are discussing “poop” on Twitter?

    Would you call your contest a success? Contest closes when? I think you can make your decision now.

    Beware, you have strange Bloggy Groupies.

  58. Brett Legree Says:

    It went something like this, someone I know on Twitter who lives in New Zealand said “poop”, the way you would say “oh poop, I forgot to buy milk at the store” or something.

    Someone else we do not know who works for a company which sells herbal colon cleansing products jumped in on the conversation telling her to check out the web site if we needed help with poop.

    We had a good laugh about it, and then for fun I said “poop” too.

    Same result.

    You say poop, you get spammed by the PoopAssistant.


    Not sure whether it is we who are strange, or the whole of the internet that is strange…

  59. Friar Says:

    Well, nothing wrong with cleavage…! (But if you wanted to do “Story-Board Animators Gone Wild, I don’t think anyone would here complain).

    I tried to enter poop on Twitter…still no answer.

    Sigh. Oh well. I guess I have to find another way to Colon Blow.

    @Friar’s Mom
    Yeah….EIGHT entries. Aint’ that great?

    Ironic, with all these blogs written by free-lance writers, and people giving tips on how to write and how to be creative

    …well, here’s their chance to prove themselves,and write something original. Guess now one wants to.

    (Just shows how “Popular” I am with the Cool Kids).

    I seriously doubt anyone else is gonna enter. But to be fair, I’ll stick to the original Tuesday closing date.

  60. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar’s Mom – That’s what happens when you get bunch of smart-ass blog hi-jackers together. The comments take on a life of their own.

    And I bet the prize is a clothes pin or something anyway… 😉

  61. Brett Legree Says:

    Perhaps the PoopAssistant only works Monday to Friday?

    I’m with you Karen, we are birds of a feather 😉 now did anyone see that inflatable gorilla?

  62. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – I’d probably make a *heck* of a lot more money if I did topless storyboarding by webcam.


  63. Friar Says:

    Poop knows no boundaries, and answers to no one’s schedule.

    If you ask me, there should be a round-the-clock poop assistant. It should be an essential service.


    Hmmm….I’d almost consider paying money to see that…:-)

    If you need help setting up an web-cam, and direct links to a paypal account, I’m sure techno-savvy Brett could help you.

  64. I’m with Friar’s mom.

    Friar, listen to your mother.

  65. Friar Says:


    I do…


  66. Brett Legree Says:

    The scary thing is Karen, I’d probably make more money doing topless engineering by webcam than I do now.

    Err, assuming there’s ladies out there who still like the “Sean Connery chest look” these days…

  67. Friar's Mom Says:


    Yes, Friar listens, but he does as he pleases.

    If this nonsense continues until Tuesday. Friar might reach 100.

  68. Friar Says:

    I would probably make a lot of money if I threaten to go topless…and people pay me to keep my clothes ON.

    @Friar’s Mom
    Glad you brougth that up. Otherwise, Eyeteaguy would accuse me of being a “Mommy’s Boy”.

  69. Friar’s mom is right this is nonsense, but I quite enjoy it. And she brought him closer to 100 by one.

    I think 100 is an admirable goal to reach by Tuesday.


    P.S. I’m still winning. Though with the rather pitiful entries its not surprising.

  70. P.S.S. Friar is a Mommy’s Boy.

  71. Brett Legree Says:

    Oh come on, we’re all Mommy’s Boys at heart.

  72. Friar Says:

    Mommy’s boy?

    Am NOT….Am NOT!!! 😦

    Brett, make him stop.

  73. Brett Legree Says:

    I’ll call my Mommy.

    She’s a Viking, you know… 😉

  74. Kyddryn Says:

    1. If I were in charge of the world, I would muzzle Céline Dion.

    2. What’s your favorite breakfast cereal, and why? Oh, erm…does oatmeal count? You didn’t specify hot or cold…

    3. What’s your favorite quote from Bugs Bunny Cartoons, and why? I always loved when he held up the signs with, say, a screw and a baseball.

    4. What’s the snarkiest, meanest thing a cat’s ever done to you? Vomited in my shoe. Oh, once, one of our cats peed on my Mum’s face…

    5. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever seen a dumb-ass dog do? Chase its tail, catch its tail, bite its tail, yip, growl at itself, repeat.

    6. Superman is to Kryptonite, as you are to good vocals. No kidding, a top-notch voice will melt me like butter.

    7. The scariest, blood-thirstiest name imaginable for a Viking Warrior would be Norm. Think about it…with a name like Norm, you just know he’s ready to blow…

    8. If they had to replace “Aquarius, the Water-Carrier” with another Zodiac Sign, it should be Aquarius, the skinny-dipper.

    9. Give three tips on how to be UN-creative. I can’t – it takes too much creativity to be truly un-creative.

    10. What’s the most useless blog post you can think (besides this one)? Any of the ones on my blog.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  75. Damn, that was funny.

    Who are you…. nevermind that. Go away, you are wrecking my chances.


  76. Friar Says:


    THANK YOU! Finally, another legitimate entry! 🙂

  77. Allison Day Says:

    Heh my first reaction to seeing this was, Heeeeyyyy… is Friar making fun of me? 😉

    I’m so not even close to funny, so like Kelly I’ll just answer a couple and accept my disqualification. 😛

    6. Superman is to Kryptonite, as I am to the cold. All you Canadians and northerners can make fun of me, but what can I say… I’m a SoCal girl through and through. 😀

    10. What’s the most useless blog post you can think (besides this one?)

    When people write a blog post solely to announce that, “sorry, but I won’t be able to comment on all your blogs for the next week because of [insert silly reason here].” Like we care?

  78. Friar Says:


    How could you think I was singling out you? (You write about sushi…there’s only so much fun I can can poke at that!) 🙂

    Aww…you and Kelly chickened out. Oh well. At least you answered a few.

    What’s worse than those bloggers who “ask permission” not to blog while they’re away, are the ones who comment back and let them know it’s okay.

    You wanna tell them: Umm….you know what? I managed to live 44 years and have a full life before I knew your blog existed. So I THINK maybe I can survive!

  79. Allison Day Says:

    Friar – Heh, because you posted this just a few days after I posted my contest, and I KNOW you like to poke fun at people. 😉

  80. Friar Says:


    Actually, I was thinking of doing this for several weeks….(you can ask Brett). I only just got around to it.

    Pure coincidence, that I posted this a few days after you posted your own contest! Honest! 🙂

  81. Allison Day Says:

    Friar – Heh, alrighty then, I believe you. 🙂

    Speaking of contests, did you get my email?

  82. Patricia Says:

    1. I would sing a song with Celine Dion.
    2. Oatmeal and applesauce – just feels warm and cozy
    3. BEEP, BEEP All I can think of is the Road Runner and Tweety saying something about that darn puddy cat.
    4. 3 kittens went up an 11 foot Christmas tree – ended up on one side and the tree came down – smashing everything.
    5. Chase a squirrel up a huge apple tree and then realize he could not get down
    6. yelling in anger
    7. Bush Beguiled Rover
    8. Carbon Neutral Seeker Sign
    9. Overeat
    Attempt to make something perfect
    Have everyone tell you that you are so creative,repeatedly
    10. I stumbled on a blog post that said it was the end of the Internet…the complete end…it played a beautiful piano- Keith Jarret style piece…and then a naked guy’s bottom appeared and shot diarrhea and all around him were needles and spoons…useless and gross…and I don’t know how it got on SU?

  83. Friar Says:


    Number #10 certainly ranks up there as the STUPIDEST thing I’ve ever heard on a blog!

  84. Allison Day Says:

    OOH… I came up with an answer for #4…

    We got in the car earlier today, and noticed paw prints all over the windshield. Turns out our neighbor’s cat(s) walked all over the car, leaving dirty paw prints behind.

    You just wait, at this rate I *might* come up with answers to all 10 questions by the time the contest is over. 😉

  85. Beth Partin Says:

    1. If I were in charge of the world, I would canonize Céline Dion.
    2. What’s your favorite breakfast cereal, and why? Cracklin’ Oat Bran, because it makes me choke every time.
    3. What’s your favorite quote from Bugs Bunny Cartoons, and why? “What’s up, Doc?” I think of that every time I’m in the gyno’s office.
    4. What’s the snarkiest, meanest thing a cat’s ever done to you?
    Vomited on my favorite chair.
    5. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever seen a dumb-ass dog do? I’m a cat person, despite the above. I honestly don’t pay that much attention to dogs unless they’re right underfoot.
    6. Superman is to Kryptonite, as you are to chocolate.
    7. The scariest, blood-thirstiest name imaginable for a Viking Warrior would be Eowyn.
    8. If they had to replace “Aquarius, the Water-Carrier” with another Zodiac Sign, it should be Bill, Wait a minute, Mr. Postman.
    9. Give three tips on how to be UN-creative.
    1. Go to the UN headquarters and attempt to enter an unauthorized area, and write a poem about the bureaucratic response.
    2. Conduct a survey to see if anyone remembers the name of a single UN ambassador.
    3. Oh, wait, you meant “uncreative”—hmm, blog until you’ve run out of ideas?
    10. What’s the most useless blog post you can think (besides this one?) Another damn post about becoming a successful blogger!

  86. Karen JL Says:

    This is just a useless comment to try to get the count to 100 by Tuesday.

    *sways cleavage back and forth*

  87. XUP Says:

    Does Beth know that “canonize” doesn’t mean to shoot out of a cannon?

  88. 1. If I were in charge of the world, I would _________ Céline Dion.
    Give her a weekend with Dennis Rodman, see who out diva’d whom.

    2. What’s your favorite breakfast cereal, and why?
    Muselix…cause it makes my mouth happy, or Cheerios, like a circle, endlessly complete and yummy.

    3. What’s your favorite quote from Bugs Bunny Cartoons, and why?
    Fast becoming… ahhh… maaaag- NOL-ia

    4. What’s the snarkiest, meanest thing a cat’s ever done to you?
    Played cute kitty, ooh, I love it when you pet me.. and then wrapped its scratchy, biting self around my arm and did not let go.

    5. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever seen a dumb-ass dog do?
    Eat poo.

    6. Superman is to Kryptonite, as you are to ________.
    Peyote. I am not sure, but I think it would be true.

    7. The scariest, blood-thirstiest name imaginable for a Viking Warrior would be ________.
    Vladisssima Clarice….The Bachelor Hunter.

    8. If they had to replace “Aquarius, the Water-Carrier” with another Zodiac Sign, it should be ________.
    Hey, I’M an Aquarious….Your Highness is fine.

    9. Give three tips on how to be UN-creative.
    Keep yourself tied with a very small chain. Like they do elephants.
    Drive everywhere.
    And never, ever fail at anything.

    10. What’s the most useless blog post you can think (besides this one?)

    Branding by anonymous.

  89. Friar Says:

    Okay, kiddies.

    It’s 8:00 Tuesday.

    The contest is now CLOSED.

    Winner will be posted later this week.

    Thanks for playing! 🙂

  90. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Wee Friar,

    Awwwww! It’s finally over.

    I was hoping you’d reach 100. You were close.

    I thought Eyeteaguy and Brett would give you a boost.

  91. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    I’m suprised that Eyeteaguy hasn’t dropped by to harass me, and demand that HE get the prize.

  92. Well, Are you shooting for 100?

  93. Cause i can play for a few minutes.

  94. Karen JL Says:


    (C’mon Brett, finish it off.)

  95. Hi,

    Just dropped by to harrasss Friar.

    I demand that I get the prize. Mostly because I deserve it. I am damned funny.


    P.S. Why does your mother call you Wee Friar? I know she used to changed you diapers but you must have grown since then….. right?

  96. I think Urban Panther should do the 100 honours again. Start A Deep Friar Tradition!

    Then you can mail me my prize.


  97. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Eyeteaguy

    Some mom’s call their sons Stevie instead of Stephen, Joe instead of Joseph, Bob instead of Robert.

    Fry instead of Friar sounds weird. So I call him Wee Friar.

    I bet your mom calls you Eye instead of Eyeteaguy?

    @ Wee Friar

    Yippee! You’re over 100. Are you one-hand clapping?

  98. Friar Says:


    YAYY!! (And there was much rejoicing). You beat Panther to it. 🙂

    @Friar’s Mom
    I think this must be some kind of record for me. Thanks to all my persistent stalkers/commenters. 😉

  99. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – I’m living vicariously through you because I haven’t a hope in hell of *ever* getting near 100 comments.

    @ Eyeteaguy – My cleavage shall prevail!

  100. Friar Says:


    Well..perhaps if someone HIJACKED your blog..your comments would go up. 😉

  101. Brett Legree Says:

    Could always call him Frylet I suppose…

    My mom calls me Brett. Which is kind of convenient, I guess.

    Eyeteaguy used to call me “Rotten Bastard” though…

  102. Patricia Says:

    I am reading a historic novel about Scotland right now and all the mother’s call their sons Wee Jaime, Wee Mac,Wee Ian, even when they are in their forties – I personally think it is lovely – endearing and special

    My youngest is of Korean heritage and her Korean name is Jin ( like Gin the drink, means truth) and her second name is OK ( pronounces Oak like the tree – means pearl) her Father calls her Okay Dokey…or just Oak…

    you guys are just jealous…

  103. @Friar’s Mom
    OK, that’s cool Wee Friar it is. Actually my mother calls me Tan-Tan. Mother’s are weird that way. Now my father calls me Get-Back-Here-You-Son-of-a-Bitch-And-Take-What’s-Coming-To-You. I always know when I’m in trouble when he uses my full name.

    I thought I called you Bretticus Maximus?

    @Karen JL

    You have no chance, Friar is gay.

  104. Brett Legree Says:


    Well, it flip-flops between Bretticus Maximus and Rotten Bastard…

  105. @Bretticus Maximus
    Rotten implies decay. How are those kettle bells?
    Bastard implies…. Well that’s all wrong, you look just like your dad.

  106. Friar Says:

    I’ve had so many nicknames…I’ve lost track

    What’s funny about the “Wee Friar”, is that physically, I’m about the OPPOSITE of being “Wee”.

    Me…gay? (Um…NO, I don’t think so!)

    I like cleavage too much!

    Hey..while everyone was hanging out over here, I just announced the contest winners.

    Yah (and there was much rejoicing)

  107. Brett Legree Says:

    Well, you know what my mind is like heh heh

    Kettlebells are good.

    I did this last night, with a 16 kg bell:

    Swing :30 per hand
    Rest :30
    Plank :30
    Swing :30 per hand
    Rest :30
    Bodyweight squat :30
    Plank :30
    Swing :30 per hand
    Rest :30
    Row :30 per hand
    Bodyweight squat :30
    Plank :30
    Swing :30 per hand
    Rest :30
    Clean and press :30 per hand
    Row :30 per hand
    Bodyweight squat :30
    Plank :30
    Swing :30 per hand

    *ouch* but highly recommended

  108. Friar Says:


    You must have a pretty strong hang-grip by now.

    You know…to grip things with.

  109. Brett Legree Says:


    Whenever I need a rod chafed, I let someone at The Factory do it. My hands are too strong now, might damage the rod… 🙂

  110. Friar Says:


    Well, a strong grip certainly would qualify you for Senior Management.

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