I know these things to be true, because Hollywood tells me so.
Forget the Middle East. The only really plausible terrorist threats today come from white supremacist Neo-Nazis.
Gay males must act like the flamboyant, colorful, over-the-top stereotypes they’re always portrayed as. God Forbid, should they ever behave like boring average everyday Joes.
Always remember: Republicans = BAD; Democrats = GOOD.
If a black and white cop are paired together, the black cop will always be the smarter one. He’ll teach the white guy a thing or two, and ultimately help him become a better person.
A 110-lb woman will kick the ass of a 220-lb. man, each and every time. The guy may be bigger and stronger, but she’s quick and knows martial arts.
Speaking of which, everyone in Asia practices kung-fu…everyone! The mailman, the gardener, the old lady down the street…they all do it.
There are are “secret organizations” that even the President and the CIA don’t know about, that control the media and run the country. But all it takes is one individual to expose them, and truth and justice shall prevail.
Students fail out of college because the preppie kids from the rich fraternities keep conspiring to get them thrown off campus. Not because maybe they’re stupid and don’t study.
Furthermore, nobody in college ever studies science, math or engineering. The only lectures that are ever given are artsy-fartsy humanities classes, taught by some pompous English Professor wearing a tweed suit and a bow tie.
Any time a female tries out for a male-dominated elite organiziation (the Navy Seals, a Pro football team, a police academy, etc.), they never screw up or fail out like the other male candidates. No….most likely they’ll excel and become the strongest member of the team.
Audiences will truly not be satisfied, until there’s a feature movie based on each and every comic book character from the Marvel and DC universes.
A captive who’s been tied up and unable to move for hours on end can be freed within seconds by a rescuer simply untying one single knot. The only evidence of any discomfort or cramping, will be for the victim to rub their chaffed wrists for a few seconds, after which they’ll be 100% back to normal.
There’s nothing funnier than a man collapsing in pain after getting hit in the groin. Everyone cheers when this happens because, well, he’s a MAN…(he probably deserved it!)
The only purpose of those dry aqueducts on Los Angeles is to serve as a drag strip for car chases.
There’s nothing funnier than to watch middle-aged women talk about their relationships, followed by a musical number where the ladies pretend to dance while lip-synching some cheesy Mo-Town song.
Any out-of-control object (rock, baseball, toy airplane,etc.) that flies off-screen is guaranteed to hit a cat. You’ll know this by hearing the sound of broken glass, followed by a “Meowwrrr!”
About the most times a movie can be made into a sequels is five. After Part V, then it’s time to start calling them “pre-quels”.
When dogs are upset, they don’t run away in fear with their tail between their legs. Instead, they cover their eyes with their paws and whimper in a human fashion.
Whenever kids are travelling at high speeds, in danger of a crash, they always shout out the same thing: “Whoooooooaaaah!”
In any comedy, the intelligence ranking of the family members are as follows (in decreasing order of IQ): Mom, Sis, Brother, the dog, and Dad.