Things that make me CRINGE

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When dorky pop singers stand in front of a choir, and solo,  when it’s obvious they know NOTHING about gospel music.

(No, you are NOT Aretha Franklin!…get OVER yourself!)

Why don’t any of those backup singers ever just come up, push the bozo off-stage,  and take over as lead singer themselves?

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Similarly, sappy pop songs,where the lead singer is backed up a chorus of  KIDS.

(Owww!  My pancreas!…where’s the insulin?)

Seriously…does anyone honestly ENJOY these lame-ass songs (other than the parents and grandparents of the little maggots who’re on the sound-track?)

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Shameless over-commercialized Easter chocolate  (i.e. Sponge-Bob,  Spiderman, NASCARS collectibles, or NBA Basketballs).

Whatever happened to just chocolate bunnies and eggs?

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Bagpipes…ANYTHING to do with bagpipes!

(With maybe the exception of Paul McCartney’s Mull of Kintyre…)

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Céline Dion covering an AC/DC song.

(This is so wrong, on so many levels, I can’t even begin to describe it here).

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When TV news shows  insist on interviewing 8-year-old-kids to get their opinion on relevant world events.

“Umm…global warming…is…um…like BAD.   So…um…maybe if we didn’t pollute so much…we can…um…make global warming not happen.    If we…um…maybe recycled more, …um, it would be better for the polar bears.”.

Kid:  You’re eight…no one CARES what you think!

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Two faces have I“.

Crappiest.  60’s Pop Song.   Ever.

(When I hear this monstrosity, I not only cringe, but I want to poke pencils into my ears, to make myself deaf.)

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Listening to someone being interviewed, who uses  “know what I’m sayin’ ?'”  like a punctuation mark at the end of every sentence.

On top of that, they’re too damned lazy to even pronounce all the syllables  (nome-sane…?)

No, I DON”T know what you’re sayin’… GET A #$%&ING  VOCABULARY! !

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Watching retro TV cartoons, and realizing just how bad Super Friends really is, now that I’m no longer nine years old.

(Wonder Twin Powers….Masturbate Activate! )

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Watching the idiots on the Jackass movie give themselves paper cuts.

(I dare anybody to watch this and not cringe.)

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Cartoons from the 1930’s, and  TV from the 1970’s.

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Remembering my hemorrhoid surgery.    (No, I won’t go there…)

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In the movies, when a 100-lb. chick beats the crap out of a 250-lb villain.  (Yeahhhhright.)

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“Safety lectures” at the workplace, where they try to force you to participate.

“Okay…who among you turns down their thermostat at night to save on heating fuel? ?  Stand up.  C’mon!  Stand up! ….And who here uses the Blue-box to recycle?   Stand up! …C’mon…STAND UP!

Ummm…what GRADE are we in, again?

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Bad Karaoke.  (And therefore,  most of American Idol).

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Donald Trump’s hair.

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Rosie O’Donnel’s head.

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Puppets.  (Not muppets, they’re okay)  …I’m talking about PUPPETS.

Especially from  low-budget TV shows in French,  where the kids’ voices are adults speaking in squeaky tones.

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Workplace drones who speak using the company-assigned acronyms, and sincerely BELIEVE in them.

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Yoko Ono.   Especially here.

(John, was the acid good for you too?)

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Extreme fighting.

(Normally, getting hit in the face with bare fists is something I’d think most people would want to AVOID).

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Having to listen to Jean Chrétien when he was our Prime Minister.  He actually made Dubya sound smart.

Here’s the PROOF.

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Reading a blog post from a Cool Kid that states the no-duh blatantly obvious…Then watching all the wannabees write in how great it was, because it was written by a  Cool Kid.

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33 Comments on “Things that make me CRINGE”

  1. Sal Says:

    Dude, I am so glad you wrote this. It was right on track. I vote that you be the Cool Kid 🙂

  2. Hannah Says:

    I agree with you on extreme fighting/MMA. Its silly macho crap if you ask me!
    But being a Scot, I like bagpipes, though in small amounts, LOL. Also, those French puppets are cute! Do you remember “TéléFrancais?”

  3. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Oh crap. The world is gonna end. Save yourselves, run for the hills!!!!

    I actually agree with you.

    Hoe-Lee-Chit.

    I’m going to walk off the end of the earth now because apparently it is flat.

    Eyeteaguy

  4. Brett Legree Says:

    Shouldn’t we have a *chocolate Jesus* at Easter?

    🙂

  5. veredd Says:

    “Listening to someone being interviewed, who uses “know what I’m sayin’ ?’” like a punctuation mark at the end of every sentence.”

    Haha agree. Only worse thing is using “like” at the beginning of each sentence.

  6. Brett Legree Says:

    @veredd,

    Like, like this?

    🙂

  7. mehculpa Says:

    @ Friar

    Along with Trump’s hair, Michael Jackson’s latest face.

    re: Jean Chrétien

    I had no idea! 😮

    @ Brett

    Shouldn’t we have a *chocolate Jesus* at Easter?

    LOL. 😀

    –Mer

  8. Friar Says:

    @Sal
    Shhhh…dont’ call me a Cool Kid! (You might disillusion some of my fans!)

    @Hannah
    For some reason, they played the pipes at my Dad’s funeral (and he was POLISH!) 😀

    As for puppets, it’s ESPECIALLY the French ones who drive me nuts! (Shudder!) Like fingernails on a blackboard.

    @Eyeteaguy
    What? No commmets or criticisms? SAY IT AIN’T SO 😮

    I’m sure once you’re over your cold, you’ll be back to your normal snarky self.

    @Brett
    Jesus…? Does he have ANYTHING to do with Easter? (Because the stores seem to suggest otherwise!)

    @vered
    You forgot “what-EV-arrr” after “like”.

    @mer
    Ooooh…GOOD ONE! I forgot about Michael Jackson’s face. (He kinda looks like a marsupial right now, doncha think?)

  9. Brett Legree Says:

    Since Easter comes from Ostara, which is sort of a fertility festival in spring, the egg is of course more appropriate than a chocolate Jesus.

    (Hey, the Christians had to do something with the pagan festival, right?)

    I guess if we wanted to modernize it a little we could have a chocolate pregnant lady or something.

  10. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Hannah

    I too like pipes in moderation.

    I have to explain the pipes at the funeral for my Polish-born husband. My dear friend offered to play the bagpipes at the church. My first reaction was, ”No way!” My husband despised bagpipes. My second thought “This is a great way to get even with him for all the things he promised and didn’t do”.

    I had to think it out and make a rational decision. The funeral service at church was simple with a soloist who accompanied herself on the piano. There was no organ to belt out the recessional “Ode to Joy”. Once everyone followed the funereal procession outside, there would be no sound outside but the shuffling of feet, quiet whispers, and sniffling. So I took up my friend’s offer to play the pipes outside, as the hearse made its way to the crematorium. It was an elegant and touching sendoff.

    My piper friend told me he selected a Lament called “A Song for (my name)”. I was teary-eyed when I gave him a hug and thanked him.

  11. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    What did the Vikings do around Easter? (Probably burned things and drank a lot, I suspect)

    @Friar’s Mom

    Well, it was touching for some people at the funeral. Thought I bet you Dad would have been LIVID if he knew we played the pipes for him! 🙂

  12. Brett Legree Says:

    Well, Ostara was a fire festival for some people, and I suppose a good party is one way to take advantage of “fertility” 😉

  13. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    We just need to have a pole to dance around, and the ladies will all come!

  14. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Hmmm.. things that make me cringe. CBC-FM when they go on and on about a piece of music they are gonna play. They ethuse, emote and gush about it. Then they play it and it sucks!

    Everytime Iggy (Leader of the opposition) opens his mouth. He is a smart guy, but why does he say and do such dumb stuff.

    and lastly, reading Mer’s responses to my comments.

    Uber-cringe

    Eyeteaguy

  15. Friar's Mom Says:

    I cringe at the thought of being on the operating table, feeling the excruciating unbearable pain of abdominal surgery, and waiting to die.


  16. @Friar’s Mom,

    You are one tough lady of you go under the knife without anesthetic. I for one would go for the old fashioned method. Scotch or Brandy, and lots of it. Oh, and a belt between the teeth.

    Eyeteaguy

    P.S. I think Friar’s Mom is a Viking.

  17. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy
    I think CBC-FM makes me cringe, PERIOD!

    God forbid, should they actually play music that’s POPULAR…that people acutally LIKE.

    No…it has to be something ecclectic that some pony-tail wearing English PhD thinks is wonderful.

    I once listened to some combination jazz sax…with hindu and Arab music..all combined! And like you said…the announcers told you how GREAT is was.

    Oh, yeah…like I’m gonna rush out and by THAT album!

    As for Iggy…the guy’s out of touch with Joe Public. (He didn’t even live in Canada for 30 years!)

    @Friar’s Mom
    That’s pretty rough. Nobody should ever have to go through that experience…the doctors screwed up on that one, didnt’ they?


  18. Actually, the “new 2” as they call CBC-FM now has a good show on in the afternoon. An actual musician in his own right hosts it. (Rich Terfry (sp?)) Anyway, he plays some good stuff such as Elliott Brood, Feist, and today I heard Danny Michel. They are all excellent artists (Canadian). Check them out.

    I still listen to Espace Musique on Radio-Canada (french) because they play music from around the world. Most of the US and Canada have forgotten that other places are allowed to make music. I’m a big fan of the new music coming from Cuba, Africa and South America. Very cool stuff…. even if I don’t know what they are saying.

    Eyeteaguy

    P.S. I must be ill, no snarky-ness or smart-ass comments there. I’ll try harder tomorrow.


  19. Two words: Ice breakers. shudder.

  20. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    ALL karaoke is bad karaoke.

    “… sappy pop songs,where the lead singer is backed up a chorus of KIDS.”

    But Raffi doing the same, that’s okay, right? ‘Cuz I like Raffi. (Yes, I do.)

    *ducks and runs for cover*

    Regards,

    Kelly

  21. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Yeah, Friar’s Mom is one tough lady. (She wasn’t SUPPOSED to wake up during the surgery though…someone really screwed up!)

    As for the CBC, the only time I really listen to it is when I’m driving across Canada in the middle of nowhere. That’s the only thing you can get on the radio out in Upper Butt Crack, Northern Ontario.

    I DO like Randy’s Vinyl Tap (hosted by Randy Bachman from BTO) On Saturday nights). He not only plays classic rock, but he explains how the music was composed and how the chord progressions work (which he’ll even play along on his guitar in the studio).

    Mainstream music on CBC. (WOW!)

    @Rebecca
    (???). Icebreakers? How do you mean? Like crushing ice cubes and such?

    @Kelly
    Well, I’d EXPECT a comment like that…from a Caillou-Lover! 😉

  22. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    The anesthetic wore off. They were pumping me full of drugs, but I didn’t respond to them.

    I’m tough. I come from the Ottoman Empire line on my dad’s side. I believe they were as vicious as the Vikings?

    Beware of Friar!

  23. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ CBC Knocker-Downers

    I agree with Wee Friar. I enjoy Randy Bachman’s Vinyl Tap.

    Each week he has a special theme. Two weeks ago, he played excerpts from classical music and showed how it became part of popular rock music.

    For those of you who live across the border you can hear him on http://www.cbc.ca/vinyltap/. Play it in the background when your blogging.

    Vinyl Tap is on Saturday 7:00-9:00 p.m., and repeat on Monday same time.


  24. Frair, I hate to say this, but your mom is cooler than you are.

    Hang you head in shame man.

    Eyeteaguy

  25. Beth Partin Says:

    Friar,

    the only thing better than this post is your mom’s comments.

  26. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy
    Well, I never claimed to be Cool. I guess my Mom’s “Got it”, and I don’t.

    @Beth
    She’ll be thrilled to hear that! (She doesnt’ comment very often, but she lurks around here a lot!)

  27. Patricia Says:

    I am holding my breath, because the Canadian Lawyers against torture are going to attempt to have Bush arrested and prosecuted for war crimes…I think folks are still too afraid of him here?

    Hard boiled eggs are the best part of Easter…more candy now sold at Easter than for Halloween…yuck…if you don’t wish to celebrate at least enjoy the Spring and maybe pantheism?
    (wonder if I spelled that correctly) my reader and email went out again…and I am very angry about it and along with it my spell checker…I had to use the dictionary today – took me hours…I miss these modern things too much…thanks for another fun post

  28. Friar Says:

    @Patricia

    Oh…I disagree. I like hard-boiled eggs…but I like the chocolate ones MORE!

    Easter chocolate has always been commercial, but I think they’ve really gone over the top the past 5 years.

    You gotta get the good kind (Laura Secord in Canada). The cheapo chocolate is like brown wax (and is probably made in China and full of lead or something).


  29. You’re not familiar with icebreakers?? Maybe it’s an American term. It’s when a group of people get together (like at a conference or a business retreat) and have to go around the room saying/doing stupid things to get to know each other better (i.e. “break the ice”).

    Some examples: “If I had a magic wand, I would … ” (fill in the blank). Or, take a handful of candy. Now tell us something about yourself for every piece of candy you took. UGH.

    Surely your company must perform this kind of torture on its employees?

  30. Friar Says:

    @Rebecca

    Nooo…never heard of that term before. It’s probably an American Thing.

    That DOES sound like torture, though. (Our company doesn’t torment us with this kind of stuff…YET.)

    In Canada, the only ice-breakers we talk about are the ships that smash through the ice in the Arctic, or the Great Lakes, to clear shipping lanes)

  31. Patricia Says:

    Friar, I always send SEES chocolate eggs and scotch mallow eggs to my kids…cheap chocolate is not worth the headache.

    I eat chocolate nothing! except 2 times a week I melt an 82% dark chocolate (milk free) square on my tongue..I have to get it from Fair Trade Shop and my church group sells it at Christmas time as a fundraiser.

    Scanning the news to see how the Bush speech and/or arrest went!

  32. Friar Says:

    @Patricia

    I don’t know SEES chocolate…don’t think we have that in Canada.

    As for Bush being arrested….Um….don’t hold your breath. (I don’t suspect the U.S. govt. is necessarily concerned about what a bunch of Canadian lawyers think!)


  33. Huh. Well, count yourselves lucky. 😉


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