Stereotype TWITS

twit

The Carpet-Bombers
They leave a Tweet every 5 minutes, for hours on end.   Doesn’t matter if anyone answers them or not..they’ll do it anyway.  You wonder if these people have day-jobs.

The Pimpers
“Hey, check out my new blog and http.tinyurl/lookitme.com.

( Most of us are guilty of this one, occasionally..including yours truly).

The Hucksters

“Hey, check out my friend’s blog at http.tinurl/buy-my-shit.com.  Buy their product, so you can be cool, just like me.”

(Makes you wonder if they work on commission…?)

The Cool Kids

Unfortunately, the Cool Kids from Blogo-Land have established a beachhead in TwitterLand, and are here to stay.  …Whatever.

The Free-Lance Martyrs
We can tweet about what we ate for breakfast, and we’ll call it wasting time.  The Martyrs will spend 3 hours a day doing the same, and they’ll call it “Work”.  (Even though it never generates any revenue and never gains them any new clients.)

The Peeper
Kind of like the carpet-bomber, only with less tweets.   Just wants to be noticed.   “Hello.  Anybody there?  Anybody?…”

The Troglodyte
Pick a time.  Any time.  Log on randomly.  6:00 AM.  Midnight.   They’ll BE  THERE.  (My God, don’t these folks ever sleep?)

The Addicts
“OMG…Sorry, I had to leave for a few minutes, to drop off my Mom at Emerg.  She had a heart attack.  But I”m back now.  Did I miss anything? Huh?  What did  I miss?”

The Bartletts
As in Bartlett”s Quotations.   That’s all these bozos do:  cite one famous quote after another.    Only they never answer back, or initiate any discussion.  It’s  just a one-way conversation.   (Wow…how ORIGINAL.)

The Oracles
Same as the Bartletts.   Only instead of providing just quotes, they’ll also tell you what songs they’re listening to, or what blogs they’re reading, or what color socks they’re wearing.   And of course, they won’t talk back to anybody, either.   It’s a monologue:  they just want you to shut up and LISTEN.

Talk about an ego trip.

The Yes-Men
Like Remoras on sharks,  they’ll latch onto the Oracles,  hanging on every single word they say, like it’s the Sermon of the Mount or something.

The Collectors
They’ll have thousands of followers.  I can’t conceive how anyone can follow such a converation, but they apparently do.  It probably helps to be a Troglodyte.

The Self-Perpetuating Twits
They’ll refer you to such interesting sites, such as “Maximizing your Twitter Efficiency to Increase your Blog Traffic In orer to Optimize your Twitter Followers”.

Yawn.   Dude.  You need to get a new hobby.

The Lap-Toppers
Seems to be an ample supply of lucky winners who’ve received lap-tops, and now want to tell me how I can do the same.   And according to the avatars, these people always seem to be gorgeous babes.

But that’s just pure coincidence, right?

….Right?

The Heretics
Those who openly dare to make fun of Twitter. (Very few and far between.)

I wish there were more.

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41 Comments on “Stereotype TWITS”

  1. Brett Legree Says:

    Hmm, which one am I?

    (I’ll let someone else decide)

    You forgot the PoopAssistant – just type in “poop” and the PoopAssistant will follow you, and tell you all about the Colonblow colon cleansing kit.

    Probably just what everyone on Twitter needs, because so many people are full of shit.

  2. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    I tried that Poop thing. And nobody wrote me back about the Colon Blow product.

    I was SOOOOO disappointed! 😦

  3. Brett Legree Says:

    That probably just means I’m full of shit and you’re not.

  4. Beth Partin Says:

    @Brett
    And that explains why you need the colon cleansing kit.

    The Collectors can’t possibly follow all those people, even if they Tweeted all day and night. They just want to be popular.

  5. Karen JL Says:

    #followfuckingfriday

    Just shoot me already.

  6. Friar Says:

    @Beth

    I think some people DO Tweet all day and night!

    @Karen JL

    Heretic! 😮

  7. Hannah Says:

    I wonder why people with blogs twitter or vice versa? I mean, isn’t one form of personal updates enough?

  8. XUP Says:

    I don’t twitter. I’ve thought about it, but I can’t imagine what I’d do there.

  9. Friar Says:

    @Hannah
    Yeah, it’s a big self-perpetuating hobby. People blog, then go on Twitter to talk to each other about what they’ve just blogged about. And then go back and write Blogs on how to Twitter.

    As for Twitter. Didn’t this come out, like 15 years ago? (Wasn’t it called a “chat room”?)

    Only this time, you’re only allowed to type 140 characters.

    @XUP
    Oh, within moderation (a few minutues at a time), it could be fun. I can picture you leaving a few crusty comments, and stirring up the pot. It’s kind of like “Open Mike” night at the Improv.

    But like I said..it’s good for a few minutes at a time. And there ARE better things to do with your time. (Hundreds of things).

  10. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ XUP

    I must admit I’m Twitter-challenged. I communicate via a non-cell phone, e-mail, and in person. I too have no desire to Twitter.

    I found this definition of the word twitter: A succession of chirps as uttered by birds; to utter a succession of bird’s chirps; (of a person) to talk in an excited or nervous manner.

    I Googled Twitter and discovered there is actually a Twitter dictionary called a Twittonary.

    I’d be embarrassed to say I Twittered.

    I’m embarrassed to say I wasted my time researching Twitter. But hey it’s not futile, I take pride in learning something new each day.

  11. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I tried Twitter, couldn’t see the point.
    I use Facebook, although not as much as I used to.
    I couldn’t understand why people who wouldn’t give me the time of day (or me give them the day of the week) back then would want to be my friends now. Hell, I hadn’t even heard from them in 20 years! Why now?

    I wonder if the species will split into those that have implants so they can twiiter 24/7 and those of us who actually live. Y’know, talk to people face to face, or on the phone if they are far away. I’d rather have a nice 60 minutes visit. But if I can’t a nice email will do in the interim.

    Eyetwitguy

  12. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Yeah…I always wondered what’s the big deal with Twitter.

    What’s it do..that blogging, chat rooms or emails can’t do?

    Give it six months…let’s see how popular this flavour-of-the-week is.

    Something else will come along that the Cool Kids will like even MORE.

  13. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    Based on your personality, on a scale of 10, I’d say you would probably enjoy Twitter 0.045.

  14. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Friar

    Probably -0.

  15. Eyeteaguy Says:

    This totally off topic but does anyone know how to fix DNS resolution at remote sites over an IPSEC tunnel when there are no DC’s on the remote sites?

    Or am I posting on the wrong blog.

    Eyeteaguy

  16. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom
    I think you already used up your 0.045, just trying Twitter once.

    @Eyeteaguy

    What you need to do is optimize the Spool-Disk Rectifier, and apply MCm.//llb, to link the Unix E-Prom with HtmL12oo//lcb.bx.

  17. Patricia Says:

    I am twitter challenged, though I love to follow the news feeds so I don’t have to watch the news unless the feed gets me to go read the page.

    I am facebook challenged also, but am glad to have communications from one child regularly on it and to see the pictures of her trip. Also my cousins in Canada and Australia make lots of comments and do political things and I feel like I can keep in touch

    when I try to post one of my blog pieces I can never find it? And then they keep changing it.

    I am looking for communication and connection and to sharpen my writing skills, which I hope will bring me some income…I am not a flash in the pan – were talking gourmet here…

  18. Friar Says:

    @Patricia
    I can count the times I’ve used Facebook on one hand (only to look at a few links froms from friends or family members).

    Makes you wonder…my God. HOW did we ever survive 20 years ago? (With just crummy computers with floppy discs?)

  19. Patricia Says:

    Friar,
    I am just on the phone/well text messaging my youngest child and glad to hear from her, but would not a phone call be easier? Well no not for her, she sends about 4,000 text messages a month! plus facebook….She is my hyper active social butterfly – I got her a cellphone originally as a leash and it worked well.
    I don’t know whether I want to keep up, then again I look at my husband who now has no idea of how we pay bills – I don’t wish to be that far behind either!

    What are we supposed to do about the April Fools Worm Scare?

  20. Eyeteaguy Says:

    1989. I used a BBS. The chat rooms were boring. “Hey, what do you do with the red wire on Space Quest 3?”

    Actually, I would walk to my friends house to see what he was doing. Then we would walk to the library to find if there were any good book/magazines to read. Then walk to the ice cream store.

    Lame, yes. But I sure do miss those days. Actual human contact, real paper with printed ink on them. No guilt about snacks.

    Twitter can take a flying leap. Skype is better, ‘specially with video. Now I can see and hear my friends now that they live a bazzillion miles away.

    Eyeteaguy

  21. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Windows update, update your anti-virus, run Linux or Mac.

    Run, hide, turn off your computer, find a cave.

    Your pick.

  22. Patricia Says:

    running my Norton’s right now….
    Thank you

    Did you see the ad for Mercedez Benz new concept car…you can drive from either seat because the steering wheel is a joy stick…most people my age will not be able to drive the car because they did not learn computer gaming early enough in life to use a joy stick to navigate a car! The car is quite interesting on many levels but that is an interesting side effect!

  23. Friar Says:

    @Patricia

    Oh, I can just imagine it…a bunch of seniors, trying to drive a car with a JOYSTICK!

    Oh…like THAT’LL work! 🙂

    And I have no idea what the April 1 worm is all about. Best listen to Eyeteaguys’ advice.

  24. Brett Legree Says:

    I suppose people pick different forms of communication that suit them, and some seem alien depending on what you’re used to using.

    I have very little use for the telephone personally – if I want to engage in a deep discussion with someone, why limit it to only one sense, when you can go and visit the person, or at the very least, have a video chat?

    But generally, I figure telephones should be used to arrange real meetings, both at work and at home. People who sit on the telephone all day at work blabbing away bug me. Go have a frigging meeting already.

    Facebook is a strange bird. Like email and a web page combined, only it takes more work and I have to go to a particular page, it doesn’t come to me like email.

    Annoying.

    Twitter has it’s uses for me, to fire off a quick message to someone – yes, it’s not much different from chat programs, but then again they were an extension of IRC or BBS chat programs.

    Evolution of communication. I think it is kind of interesting.

    Use what works for you, discard the rest. That seems to be a good way.

    The Mercedes joystick car – back to the future we go. This concept was tested by GM back in the 60’s, and Volvo in the 80’s.

  25. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    To drive that joystick car, you’d have to have a pretty strong GRIP, I think. 😉

  26. Eyeteaguy Says:

    So working at the Factory would be good experience then.

  27. steph Says:

    Never mind Twitter! I come here as soon as I can after work and there’re already 26 comments! Don’t you people work, too? Or do you all work from home? Or get off way earlier than I do?

    Friar: The Addicts made me laugh aloud. In fact, you have an uncanny knack, as I’ve said before, for pinpointing people. It’s very funny. I’m not sure what I am anymore. I feel as though all I do is work. Bah.

    Sigh. Yes, I’m jealous. I don’t work at a job where I can check email or blogs.

    And now I’m off to proofread…

  28. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Suffice to say, Brett and I would have the most road-worthy vehicles on the highway.

    @Steph
    Most of my 26 comments come from Eyeteaguy. It’s not my fault he slacks off at work.

  29. Brett Legree Says:

    Here’s another “off-topic” thought (like that never happens here), about controlling a car with a joystick instead of steering wheel and so on.

    Some of the very first farm tractors did not have steering wheels – they had reins instead, because the theory was, farmers were used to holding the reins of the plough horse, and wouldn’t know what to do with a wheel.

    And so it may be with cars – perhaps someday the user interface will change – but for now, we keep it the way it is because that’s what people know.

    It may not be the best way to control it, but everyone knows it.

    Kind of like the difference between a QWERTY keyboard and a DVORAK keyboard.

    The DVORAK is a lot faster when you learn how to use it, and easier on your hands, but because typewriters used to be slow and jammed a lot, the QWERTY pattern was used to slow the typists down and reduce jamming.

    Logically we should teach people DVORAK nowadays, but we don’t…

  30. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Shows how ignorant I am. I didn’t know there was such as things as DVORAK.

    Isn’t that the Capital of Derka-Derka-stan?

  31. Eyeteaguy Says:

    No, he is a Czech composer from the 19th centurey. duh…

    And you found my secret to pumping up Friars numbers…. I comment a lot.

    And I am not slacking, I am utilizing my time to the fullest extent while fulfilling my personal needs.

    Eyeteaguy

  32. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Hope you don’t mind that I slightly edited your last comment. I hardly ever do that…

    I’ll explain it to you via email…(if I can get my computer at home to work!).

    I think I got that worm!

  33. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I do mind…. you pillock.

    Please see my latest post.

  34. Friar Says:

    Okay…I DON’T know what a pillock is…I’ll have to google that after I finished this comment.

    I’ll have to wait till I get home to read your latest post. The Computer Police have blocked your site here…

  35. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Mother fucking, cock sucking, sons of bitches. Why the fuck would they do that? Bunch of pricks, for fuck sakes, what’s so bloody offensive here.

    Maybe we use bad words like DVORAK and IPSEC.

    Eyeteaguy

    P.S. Sorry about the swearing Friar’s Mom. I was making a point.

  36. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    You’re testing me, right? To see if I moderate this comment?

    Well, I WON’T. 😉

    I hope Friar’s Mom doesn’t see this. If she did, you’ll be getting quite an earful!

  37. Brett Legree Says:

    They blocked Eyeteaguy’s site because I went there – today – once.

    Fracking Websense.

    And yes, I know how to get around Websense. But I could go to jail for doing it…

  38. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    I know MY blog is approved. And maybe four others, as far as I can tell.

    You and Eyeteaguy are definitely BANNED from the network.

    (And with good reason, I might add). 😉

  39. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Obviously someone in IT Security likes your blog.

    That makes *you* a Cool Kid, my friend 😉

  40. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Hahahahahah, Brett totally owned the Friar…did I say that right? I’m not a cool kid so I don’t know the lingo.

    Eyeteaguy

  41. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    Maybe I’m perceived as less of a potential security risk to Big Brother. (Or maybe I hide it better)

    @Eyeteaguy
    Nobody owns me! Whachoo talkin’ bout Willis?


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