Viking Technical Support

“By Odin!”, exclaimed Clöst Aerfrök, the Village Elder.

“My Magical Thinking-Box has ceased to work..the Seeing-Portal has gone a strange shade of blue.    What sort of trickery is this that Loki inflicts on us?

“How shall I be able to figure out the tide schedule, so we can know when to set sail to invade the Celts?  How shall I calculate how to distribute our plunder?    How shall I count the Lute-Fisk harvest?”

it-viking-11“This is a grave situation.    Here, young Apprentice…guard the Portal, until I summon the Viking Council.”

it-viking-2

“Let ME help!…..” offered the Berserker, after Elder Clöst had left.

it-viking-3

“No…wait!”, said the Apprentice.     But it was too late.

“NYARRGH!”, the Berserker screamed.

“That evil blue glow smells of DEATH!  I shall send these vile spirits back to the realm of Niflheim, from whence they came!”

it-viking-4

Elder Clöst came back to find the Berserker standing in a pile of the broken pieces of the Magic Thinking-Box.

“HE did it..not ME!”, cried the Apprentice.

it-viking-5

Idiots“, Clöst muttered under his breath.

“Sigh…very well.  What is done, is done.     Summon the Kilted Barefoot one…he will know what to do”.

it-viking-6

The Kilted Barefoot one arrived, and assessed the carnage.

“Aye, the damage is great.  But all is not lost.   I may be able to help you.”

it-viking-7

“Bring me four logs of the stoutest Oak, thick as a man’s arm.   A heavy length of twine,  spun from the finest hemp, and two human skulls,  from our bravest defeated enemies”.

And the Kilted Barefoot one worked through the night,  applying his sorcery…

it-viking-8Came dawn, the Barefoot one presented his work:

“Behold…I have strung the pieces of the broken Thinking-Machine bits along the twine, and have formed an abacus.    This will still allow you to calculate and count.   Perhaps not as quickly as before, but I promise you, the Blue Screen of Death shall torment you no more”.

it-viking-9

“Crude, simple, but effective.   And still better than what we had before”, exclaimed the Elder.  “I thank you, O Kilted One.  We shall reward you well”.

And they did.

And the village was soon able to resume invading the Celts,  dividing their plunder, and counting their  Lute-Fisk.

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62 Comments on “Viking Technical Support”

  1. Vicki Says:

    Love it. And I totally have a copy (English translation) of Prose Edda on my bookshelf.

  2. Brett Legree Says:

    That’s totally awesome!!!

    (I wonder if it runs Linux?)

  3. Eyeteaguy Says:

    The elder did the d’oh! pose again! I love that.

    How much would it costs to get a full sized one?
    I’d pay top dollar. I need a catchy IT type phrase to go along with it.

    Hmmm, I am sensing a contest here. You make the picture, we make the phrase and you get to pick.

    How about “There is no ‘any key” on your keyboard, you can stop looking”
    Or “why is Ubuntu running on your Windows PC? Brett!?!”

    Eyeteaguy

  4. Friar's Seestor Says:

    Oh lordy … I doooo like the Viking theme … and THEIR PET BEAR makes me smile out loud.

    (Bjorn means bear in Norse, I looked it up)

    seestör

  5. mehculpa Says:

    He shouldn’t have changed over from XP to Vista. 😉

    Mer

  6. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @Mer.

    So far you are winning. Thatsa goot vun yah?

  7. Friar Says:

    Vicki
    I’m not an expert in Norse mythology, but I’ve picked up a bit from Brett.

    @Brett
    If the Magic Thinking Box ran Linux in the first place, the Berserker wouldn’t have smashed it.

    @Eyeteaguy
    Yeah..I had the Elder repeat his “D’oh” look again. I like it!

    @Seestor
    It’s BRETT’s fault that I’m into Vikings.

    Bjorn=Bear I didnt’ know that. (Though I still kinda prefer Ursaål).

    @Mer
    Loki probably tricked the Elder into buying Vista. He’ll know next time.

    @Eyeteaguy
    You forgot “Hmm..Bork! Bork! Bork! “

  8. Brett Legree Says:

    I figured the abacus ran Linux (it has skulls on it, after all!)

    …and yes, it is my fault Friar’s into Vikings. I agree with him, I think Ursaål is a good name for a bear.

    Hey, it works in the parallel Viking universe where Viking helmets have horns!

  9. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    I know the authentic Viking never had horns on their helmets….but it’s much more fun to draw them that way!

  10. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Oh, I know you did! and I agree – Vikings in *our* universe have horned helmets, and the bears shall be named Ursaål.

    Thus speaketh the Kilted Barefoot one.

  11. Brett Legree Says:

    PS – the horns on the Elder’s helmet make me smile, every time – you should trademark that or something, because it is totally original.

    And the Berserker, I think he works here, I swear I saw him in the cafeteria today…

  12. Friar's Seestör Says:

    The bear shall be named Ursaål.
    The sister shall be name Seestör.

  13. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Oh…I’m probably sure I subconciously plagiarized the Elder’s horns from Asterix comics somewhere.

    @Seestör

    Okay…from hence forward, thou shalt be called Seestör.

    Hail, Umlauts!

  14. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery of course, and Asterix is cool…

  15. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    I’ve learned a lot about my cartoon style by reading Asterix. Uderzo is one of my cartoonist heroes!

  16. Patricia Says:

    Wow this was awesome posting today and drawing – Thank you….I thought I would try nude political action for April Fools Day – on PW
    I think this will bring some good comments! Yaaah!

    Telling my IT about this post…

    Thank you I love to laugh

  17. Friar Says:

    @Patricia

    Thanks!

    Actually, this post had nothing to do with April Fools. I was just in the mood last night to draw some Vikings being stupid! 🙂

  18. steph Says:

    Hahaha! I LOVED this story!! And the illustrations.

    Daaamn. I could have used a Berserker today when my printer quit, my Outlook couldn’t connect to the server, and my phone went dead. I was on the verge of going berserk myself but I think the patients are freaked out enough by my hair.

  19. Friar Says:

    @Steph

    I think the Berserker would be a much-needed staff member, in any IT Department.

    PS. Still trying to get used to the idea of you with short hair. Did Lucy freak out?

  20. Karen Swim Says:

    So that’s what’s been keeping Brett busy these days, building an abacus! LOL! Who knew the answer to all our troubles was to build an old fashioned counting machine, does it tap out morse code too? How will we communicate without a keyboard? 🙂

  21. Brett Legree Says:

    That’s right! And sometimes, old-fashioned is best.

    I read an article about the Colossus machine a while back. This was a primitive computer used in World War 2 to decode the German Enigma machine codes, to figure out what the Germans were doing with U-boats, troops etc.

    Although primitive, it was extremely specialized and did what it did very, very well.

    The article I read said that a virtual Colossus program running on a Pentium 2 computer (so, late 90’s) is about as fast at cracking Enigma codes.

    Think about that for a minute – a machine built in the early 1940’s for a single-minded purpose was just as fast as a computer built 55 years later!

    Cool, eh?

    So, if anyone wants me to build them an abacus, I guarantee it will work 😉

  22. Brett Legree Says:

    Here is the article if anyone is interested:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/7094881.stm

    (Gotta love Google.)

  23. steph Says:

    When Lucy first saw me she jumped up and put her front paws on my chest and sniffed. She was excited but confused. It was hilarious! Seriously, a friend on Facebook said she didn’t even know my profile pic was me. She said she thought it was a picture of a model!!! Hahahaha!! Drugs.

    But seriously. Many of the patients don’t recognize me, either. The comments are killing me. I don’t think I look that different! The funniest was when one patient asked if I would still have hair next week (because it’s been getting progressively shorter), and when I visited the library where I used to work and one of the staff didn’t recognize me. When she finally did, she was like, “Holy shit, I was trying to figure out who you were. I have an albino friend…but then I recognized your voice…” An albino friend!!

  24. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Bet you didn’t know your Kilted Wonder Friend was so versatile, eh? 😉

    @Brett
    You know, that would make a pretty cool blog post. Something like Perfessor Brett’s Moments in Commputer History!

    @Steph
    So, even with her keen sense of smell, you dog was STILL confused? LOL!!!

    As for your patients…they..um…wouldn’t happen to be SENIORS, would they? 😉

  25. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    I will probably do one at some point. When we went to New Zealand, I wanted to go to one of the museums in Auckland.

    They had the computer that was used in the design of the bouncing bomb used by the Dambuster raids in WW2 there.

    The NZ government bought it from the UK government after WW2 and modified it for a different purpose. Because it had been capable of modeling dams (of course), they used it to *design* dams for their hydroelectric power.

    (Hydro power is big in NZ, along with geothermal – that’s one reason I want to live there.)

    Yeah, you could make a cool post about historical computers for sure.

  26. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I was thinking about the D’oh pose on my drive in this moring (more during the glide phase then the pulse)

    The pose is completely static. No movement. But there is the appearance of movement. The appearance of the arm moving up and slapping into the face. I can even hear the sound.

    Second, I can see the expression on his face…..but you cannot see his face.

    That is truely amazing. This is where brain mechanics meets art. Friar drew that knowing that our brains would make it move. Would know what his expresion would be, would fill in the sound of the slap and the d’oh!

    And that is why I love it so.

    But here is the cool part. My d’oh (slap) might be a Arg! (rub) to Brett. Or an Oh My (cover eyes) to Friar’s mom.

    We all interpret the specifics differently. But we all got the point and the joke.

    Yup, very cool.

  27. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    That’s cool stuff you’re talking about here. You should just cut and past these last two commments and post it on your blog.

    @Eyeteaguy
    Hey! You’re back! We wondered where you were! (Did the Conflictor Worm keep you busy at work?)

    Anyway, thanks for the complimenst. This is what I love about cartooning. Conveying all those expressions and emotions, with a few strokes of a felt-tipped marker.

  28. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I never left, I was takin’ care of bidniss.

    Had another JC in my personal life and had to be real honest with him. He didn’t like it, threw a fit then wrote me a nice email this morning.

    Hopefully he will modify his behavior, but I am more interested if the rest of us will modify ours to suit his new outlook. I hope so.

    Anyway, do you take commissions? I’d like a 6 foot D’oh Viking.

    Hey Brett, Remember my 6 foot Mr. Spock? I wonder if I still have that picture.

    Eyeteaguy

  29. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    I may just do that some time, expand on it a bit.

    Hey, we should let Eyeteaguy in on JTFC except we’ll be replacing the JC part… heh heh heh

    @Eyeteaguy,

    Oh yeah… I remember Mr. Spock. That was totally awesome.

  30. Friar Says:

    EyeTeaguy

    I’m not really set up to make a 6-foot Viking. By if you’re good, maybe I can send a doodle your way.

    @Brett

    T stands for Tacos, right? 😉

  31. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Just ask Taco Belle 😉

  32. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @Brett JTFC? I’ll bite. What’s it stand for?
    When I was refering to Mr. Spock was also referring to Breanne performing a sexual act on him. He has a blue phallis by the way.

    @Friar,

    I’d be over the moon to have an original Friar Viking.

    Eyeteaguy

  33. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Noooo….Taco Belle SCARES ME! 😮

    @Eyeteaguy

    Really?

  34. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Really, really.

  35. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    Love this toon. I was giggling right along until the Kilted Barefoot One arrived, then I fell off my chair. Oh, my. That’s brilliant. Laughed my way through all the comments, too. Seestör? LOL, LOL, LOL.

    As always, delightfully twisted.

    Regards,

    Kelly

  36. Friar Says:

    @Kelly
    Yeah…aint’ it great? Now Seestör has joined in. Soon I’m have the whole Friar clan here.

    I must admit..Brett was the inspiration for this post, though.

  37. Brett Legree Says:

    @Kelly,

    You’ll get to see the Kilted Barefoot One again at another blog that will eventually be something I’ve been working on in the background.

    (He kind of looks like “someone” we know, a little bit…)

    I have to admit I am still pissing myself every time I look at the Berserker smashing the computer to bits, that is the best…


  38. OKay, that was funny…..I am just going to giggle awhile Friar.

    NIce of you to take time off from your tantric yoga for this. You have so many facets….

  39. Friar Says:

    @Janice

    The cartoons help calm me down, after my yoga.

    I also like a bit of blackberry/mango herbal PMS tea, afterward.


  40. And a scone… While listening to wind chimes…;-)

    You know I don’t know why ya can’t see these kinds of cartoons in the New Yorker…maybe the New Berserker has the exclusives?

  41. Eyeteaguy Says:

    You need to calm down after yoga? You are one angry guy.

    But if you anger makes you draw these, stay angry man. And if you need help staying angry, I can certainly help you out.


  42. I could say something here about Eyetea being the sand in Friar’s oyster but….they would probably start throwing things…;-P

  43. Eyeteaguy Says:

    *throws sheep at Friar*

  44. Friar Says:

    @Janice
    I think the New Yorker is too “Tortured Intellectual” to show Berserker Cartoons.

    @Eyeteaguy
    *ducks*, and then sics 20-foot giant inflatable gorilla at Eyeteaguy.

  45. Brett Legree Says:

    Alright, that’s it, I’m getting my neutron bomb.

    (Dubya would spell that nootron bomm.)


  46. And they’re off…

    …artist sips margarita and watches some real good sheep tossin’, Viking Smashing, Gorilla throwing, nootron bommin’ going on….

    Ahhhhh. Yep…it’s friday…;-)

    Tortured intellectuals take that. We got REAL entah- tainment heya.

  47. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    Sure, nuke the people, and save the buildings.

    How Viking of you.

  48. Friar Says:

    @Jancie

    Foh-tunately, ah keep mah neutrons numbuhed, for jest such an em-Muh-gency.

  49. Brett Legree Says:

    @Janice,

    Enjoy the margarita 😉 I could use one of those.

    @Friar,

    Yeah, it’s the ultimate pillage weapon – you get to take the whole village, as long as you detonate it high enough so it doesn’t torch the buildings…

    Nookular Foghorn Leghorn eh?


  50. I declaya Colonal . 😉


  51. Here Brett, virtual beverage for you. Enjoy.;-)

    I gotta go do dinner….

  52. Brett Legree Says:

    @Janice,

    Thank you – I shall now walk around wobbling and slurring, in a virtual stupor 🙂

  53. Friar Says:

    @Janice and Brett

    Yeah, I gotta go eat too.

    And build my bomb-shelter, so the Viking hordes don’t nuke mah Plan-Tay-shun.


  54. *throws another sheep* (with a stick of TNT up its ass.

    How do you know its TNT? Because it has TNT written on it, dats how. And its fizzing…..

  55. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    *removes TNT from poor sheep*

    *throws it back at Eyeteaguy*

    *ducks and covers*


  56. *Pulls out baseball bat*
    *Swing and a hit*
    *Ducks and covers*


  57. See? They could do this fo’evah…ever notice how creative guys are when they get to pull their toys out?

    Okay, that’s SOUNDS all kinds of wrong, but you know what I mean….;-)

  58. Brett Legree Says:

    @Janice,

    Some of us get lots of practice doing that at The Factory?


  59. Oh sure Janice, we were having a nice intellectul discuission and YOU have to take it to the gutter.


  60. I live to serve. 😉

  61. Friar Says:

    Can we resume our game of sheep baseball, now?


  62. Yes, If I read the comments right I swung my bat and hit a dynomite home run in your direction.

    *throws another sheep* This is to distract you from the TNT.


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