How to be a Nouveau-Riche Yuppie

yuppieIf you’re unhappy and sense a spiritual void in your life, buy another expensive toy. That always helps.

Hire someone to do a major house renovation that you don’t even need.   Then proudly show it off to your friends, as if you had actually accomplished this work yourself.

Fill your kids’ every waking hour with pre-scheduled activities like soccer, volleyball, Tai-chi, karate, origami, and God knows what else.   You can have your Quality Time together while you’re rushing them around town in your mini-van to meet all their appointments.

Have a Kitchen Island.

Join Direct Buy, so you can pay $800 for that rug that normally costs $2400.

Book all your summer weekends months in advance, so that nobody can ever drop by on a Saturday for a spontaneous visit.

Start drinking wine.   If you must consume beer, at least make it the imported kind.

Stainless steel everything, in your kitchen.

Since you don’t have time to parent and monitor TV use, only allow your kids to watch lame-as PC cartoons like Dora the Explorer or Caillou.

Own a huge house, big-screen TV, three lap-tops, two cars, eat out five times a week, and only take vacations that involve getting on a plane.  Then tell everyone how it’s impossible to live on one income, and that’s why you both have to work.

Put cranberries in your salad.

If anyone asks you how things are going, tell them “Busy!” and be proud of it.

Give up motorized sports for the human-powered kind (i.e. sea-kayaking versus motor-boating, cycling versus driving your ATV).

Get rid of all your flannel outdoor clothing, and replace it with Goretex.

Start eating Thai and Indian food.

Shun low-brow humor like South Park, Family Guy or Trailer Park Boys. (It’s so awful, they just swear too much!)

Buy a $450,000 home in a new sub-division, where the houses are packed so tight you can’t even fit a lawnmower between them.

Own no sunglasses that cost less than $150.   Wear them on top of your head indoors.

Have only two kids, max.   Anything more, and you lose your Yuppie status.

Develop a taste for Brie.

Buy a $2000 front-loading washer to reduce water consumption.  Preach to everyone how you’re saving the planet, then fly 12,000 miles to an Eco-Tour vacation, for your own amusement.

Neglect your life-long friends who can’t keep up with your nouveau-riche lifestyle.   Better to focus on collecting as many shallow acquaintances as you can, who are closer to your socio-economic class.

“If you’re going to be making the big bucks, you’re going to have to put in the long hours”. Remember these words, and live by them.  This will guarantee your success and happiness.

Probably.

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172 Comments on “How to be a Nouveau-Riche Yuppie”

  1. Karen JL Says:

    The kitchen island and the cranberries cracked me up.

    My love of South Park automatically disqualifies me as a Yuppie, right?

    (Not to mention pretty much everything else on the list. But Brie *is* yummy.)

  2. Friar Says:

    @Karen
    I do like Brie. And I drink imported beer. (Well, non-imported too).

    Maybe I have latent yuppie tendencies.

  3. Brett Legree Says:

    I put cranberries in my salad, drink wine, and imported beer.

    But I have four kids, and watch Trailer Park Boys.

    I also want everything in my kitchen to be made of depleted uranium.

    I think I’m confused.

  4. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    You drink EVERYTHING so that doesn’t count.

    And you clear the snow off your driveway wearing nothing but Crocs. I think that disqualifies you.

  5. pcunix Says:

    Well, darn it, we have a kitchen island. Came with the house, but it’s a nice thing to have. Our summer weekends used to be booked months in advance because we had a weekend retreat that took almost three hours to get to.

    From what I’ve read, Direct Buy is a rip off.

    We own four laptops, but sheesh, two of ’em are pretty sad, and I need ’em for my business. $300,000 house, $20,000 car. ONE car. One 10 year old golf cart for driving around the community (no golf course here, but lots of golf carts).

    Take no vacations. Never fly anywhere. Eat out less than twice a quarter. Don’t own a wide screen tv yet. Work 70 hours a week unless I’m really busy.

    Like Brie. Have a $1,000 washer and dryer to match. Yes, it does save water.

    Love Family Guy, hate South Park.

    We eat Thai and Indian food. We put just about anything but meat in our salads.

    Two kids, grown and gone..

    Haven’t been able to hit six figures for several years now. One income, wife disabled. Medical bills run very high because of that.. retirement funds pretty well destroyed by the crash, have had to start drawing them down because of medical expenses..

    So I dunno: yuppie? I don’t think so..

  6. Brett Legree Says:

    Yeah, we have a lot of computers too (seven I think, three are laptops, but I don’t run all of the computers nowadays, mostly use VM’s).

    True, I do drink everything and clear the driveway in Crocs, and I wear either those toe shoes or nothing once the snow is gone 🙂

    Maybe I’m a techno-hippie.

  7. Karen JL Says:

    @ Brett – When Friar said “And you clear the snow off your driveway wearing nothing but Crocs.”

    I pictured you totally naked wearing Crocs in the snow.

    What does that say about *me*?

    (Not that there’s anything wrong with that…)

  8. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Nothing but Crocs? Doesn’t your hairy a$$ scare away the neighbours?

    Is that list complete? And where is the scientific studies to back it up.

    I thought Yuppies were an 80’s thing and died when Mr. Mister stopped touring.

    Eyeteaguy

  9. Brett Legree Says:

    @Karen JL,

    I know, I know, you want to see if I look like those statues I keep using as pictures on my blog 🙂

    (Though hopefully at least *one* part of me isn’t accurately portrayed by those statues!)

    @Eyeteaguy,

    Nah, I shave it now, since I sit on my ass at The Factory all day it was getting too itchy…

  10. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    Finally, one I mostly don’t qualify for…

    except I like wine. And imported beer. And brie. And stainless, and kitchen islands, and Cailllou, and my vacations are all plotted out in advance because my parents live pretty far away and we can’t just drop in on a whim…

    Oh, I’m hopeless. Just gosh-darned hopeless.

    But I’m laughing…

    Brett,

    I sadly (very sadly) pictured the same thing as Karen JL.

    Yikes.

    Regards,

    Kelly

  11. Brett Legree Says:

    Hmm, I think I just figured out how to make money on the internet.

    Either that, or how to scare everyone away!

  12. Kelly Says:

    *shudders*

  13. Friar Says:

    @pcunix
    In retrospect, maybe I should have weighted each question with an appropriate number of points, and people could have measured their yupppie tendencies by total score.

    Meat in salads. Hmmm… That’s something that should be encouraged more.

    @Brett
    Yeah, you wrote about those toe-shoes, didn’t you once? And everyone told you how cool you were!

    @Karen
    You see…I only meant Brett wore nothing but Crocs on his FEET. Because I don’t think of him that way….

    @Eyeteaguy
    Old Man Legree, snow-blowing his driveway with a bare arse. Now THERE’s a sight to scare all the neighborhood kids away!

    @Kelly
    Oh, I know you’d pick up on the Caillou thing, but it’s my sworn duty to blog against the little whiny Light-Bulb head whenever I get the chance!

  14. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    Then you can write it up as an e-book, and tell everyone else how to make money.

    Soon we’ll ALL be rich! (Or we’ll grind Blogo-Land to a screeching halt).

  15. pcunix Says:

    Soon we’ll ALL be rich!

    Don’t wanna be rich. Don’t wanna. Can’t make me.

  16. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    Poor li’l lightbulbhead. One tiny flaw, and he’s blogfodder forever.

    Tony,

    I’ll take yours. K?

    Then I can have more wine, and more brie, and sit home and watch South Park and figure out what everybody thinks those brats have got that Caillou hasn’t got.

    Hehehe.

    Until later,

    Kelly

  17. Friar Says:

    @Kelly
    It’s not so much that he’s a light-bulb head, but he’s just so WHINY.

    I mean, Charlie Brown has a head like a basketball, but he’s kinda all right.

    @Tony
    I’m with Kelly. I’ll take yours, then. (That’s exactly what I also said on Alex’s blog today!)

    I would probably eat more Brie. But I don’t think I’d put cranberries in my salad. (Raisins either…*shudder*).

  18. Karen JL Says:

    @ Brett – Just blame the shrinkage on the cold. Yeah, that’s it…

  19. Brett Legree Says:

    @Karen JL,

    Well, look on the bright side, at least it won’t get sucked into the snow blower that way.

    (Yeah, and there’s all kinds of jokes in that as well – cue Friar saying, “huh huhh, you said ‘blower'”)

  20. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @ Kelly. Don’t shudder. Brett has a nice butt. Its a nice generous target for my big boots. He needs a good ash kicking now and then and it helps if I can find it.

    I sense a new blog post by Heir Friar on the shapes of the heads of various cartoon characters, right up his alley.

  21. pcunix Says:

    I’ll take yours. K?

    Careful what you wish for ‘cuz you just might get it.

    Some of the nicest people you know would stop being your friend because they wouldn’t want to impose on that relationship.

    Others will reluctantly drop away because they can’t compete with your new lifestyle and won’t accept “charity”.

    New “friends” will appear en masse, but all they’ll want is your money.

    You *think* you’d be happier, but you won’t be, because happiness comes from within.

    You’ll need to spend a lot of time and energy “protecting” what you have because so many people will want to take it away. Some of those people don’t care how much they’d have to hurt you to do that.

    If you get rich and famous, you’ll be lonelier than you could ever imagine. You’ll lose so many freedoms and realize quickly that everything that protects you also imprisons you.

    If you have any heart at all, you’ll pour out your wealth trying to help others, but you’ll taste bitterness when you see how little you can really do.

    Seriously: I do NOT want to be rich. It’s not worth it.

  22. Brett Legree Says:

    Tony’s right. My parents came into some money back in the late 80’s (a legal settlement from a car accident). They pretty much lost their friends.

    Even some of my high school friends were asking me for money.

    I have thought of what I would do if we won the lottery – though unlikely, I made a plan – and I know that plan would involve pulling up stakes here and leaving in the middle of the night, pretty much.

    You’d have to move somewhere and lay low if you wanted to be “normal”, or you’d have to move into a neighbourhood with other similar people – and that would be fake.

    It would be interesting, just like the Chinese curse “may you live in interesting times”…

  23. Kelly Says:

    Tony, Brett,

    Not meaning to be glib, nor to detract from what you’re saying, but I’m happy within now. (Or, I’m at the Kelly set-point for happiness. This is who I am, and she’s a fine gal.) Money can’t buy me happiness.

    It could buy me a big hunk of peace of mind to go with my happiness, though. And I’m confident enough in my own discretion that I’d be willing to give it a shot, should such “interesting times” ever come upon me. 🙂

    Until later,

    Kelly

  24. Brett Legree Says:

    Certainly it can work, if one is prepared. As I said, I even developed a plan in my head “just in case”.

    I would be prepared to move to another country and start over (because as you know, I sort of want to do that anyway…)

    Not everyone is, which may be why some of the rags to riches stories don’t turn out the way they might.

  25. Friar Says:

    There was a similar discussion on Alex’s blog today.

    Everybody seems to think just because you have money, you’ll be miserable. Not necessarily.

    I’ve been a starving grad student. And I’ve been laid off before. Twice. And I can tell you right now, I’m MUCH happier now than I was before.

    I can live in a reasonable nice clean house, where I’m relaxed and feel at home. Where there arent’ screaming neighbors below me, or urine puddles in the laundry room.

    I can afford (within reason) vacations and activities which nurture my spirit give me something to look forward to. I can afford hobbies and little indulgences that make life worthwhile, besides just paying the bills and going to work.

    I’m not rich. I’m middle-class. But nobody is harassing me. I’m not losing freedom or friends.

    Having money (at least some money) in my opinion, feels pretty damned good.

    Much better than being broke, at least.

  26. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    I figured if I won the lottery, I’d have some fun with some of the money. But I’d lock away a big chunk of it into an account for a year or two. So that all the hoopla will die down and all the whackos won’t be able to come after me for money.

    THen that would give me time to decide what to do with my life..and prevent me from doing something stupid or impulsive.

  27. Brett Legree Says:

    I suspect each case would be different. It may depend on how much money you have, how quickly you acquire it, if you flaunt it at all, and so on.

    Like I said, I know what I’d likely do. My folks were set up quite well (it wasn’t a fair trade, loss of limbs and so on). One of my father’s (former) friends asked him for money, point blank. It was pretty uncomfortable.

    I guess it will depend on how good your friends are!

    I agree with you though Friar – I’d rather have too much than too little! Let me figure out how to deal with a surplus…

    Ah well – for now I have enough.

  28. Brett Legree Says:

    I think having even a “5-minute plan” is fun, though most will never get to test it.

    I decided on the house I’d have, where it would be, what kind of car I’d buy.

    It would probably surprise a lot of people that the choices would not be much more expensive than what we have now. The main change would be the geographical location. Of course I’d keep a house in Canada too (for visiting family). So two houses.

    I’d probably spend a lot *less* time on the internet too (sorry guys! but it doesn’t mean you couldn’t see me, just tell me where you live and I’ll come visit…)

  29. Kelly Says:

    Dear Friar,

    Please, do not remind me of my screaming downstairs neighbors. 😉

    Thanks,

    Kelly

  30. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    I agree. Put ME in the position of having too much, and let ME decide how I like it. (I suspect I probably would).

    If it makes me miserable, then there’s always the option of giving it away to charity, and leaving myself a small nest egg to live off of.

  31. Friar Says:

    @Kelly
    I suspect your apartment is a few steps up from the student slum I used to live in.

    (Though I have to be careful not to make you laugh too hard when you read my posts, or your next-door neighbor will become alarmed!) 😉

  32. Patricia Says:

    I have no kitchen island, can not drink any more – except I am having champagne on my birthday – and we grow cranberries. I think I do not qualify.
    I was going to get a plane ticket to see Brett shovel his driveway in the crocs… nice to know I was not the only one to think that way…

    One full day pain free and clear headed tonight – no ER visit for me!

    And I have not traveled any place in years…super not qualified…yet am going to Scotland for my Birthday also. Does Haggis substitute for Brie?

  33. Friar Says:

    @Patricia

    Glad you’re feeling pain-free tonight.

    As for Haggis. Um…No, I don’t think boiled organ-meat is a substitute for yuppie cheese. 🙂

  34. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    ROFL about haggis substitution. Now the next door neighbors will be wondering… what’s new?

    And yes, the puddles in our laundry room are from the slow washer drain, so that’s definitely a few steps up.

    One day when I break the downstairs neighbors’ karaoke machine, we’ll really have a classy joint here.

    Later,

    Kelly

  35. Beth Partin Says:

    Guilty as charged. Except for the $450,000 house.

  36. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I have known three people who got rich suddenly.
    One, started a Motorcycl dealship. It went bankrupt. He had no business skills.
    Two, had an inheritance. Lived it up, 10 years on he was broke and had to come to work selling parts at a motorcycle shop.
    Three, got a big settlement. Speculated on the housing market… you know the rest.

    The only other millionaire I know work and sved all his life, retired at 60 and now is 75 and still living modestly doing exactly what he wants.

    I think getting rich quick, versus getting rich slow may have something to do with it.

    Brett, if your Dad had “earned” his money, would his friend have asked him for some?

    Eyeteaguy

  37. Friar Says:

    @Beth

    That’s okay…I still like you! 😉

    @Eyeteaguy
    Suprisingly, I have to agree with you…you make a good point.

    If you’ve built up your wealth over a long period of time, with hard work..you’ll probably appreciate it more, than if it was suddenly thrust on you.

    I think age has to do with it also. A good friend of mine summarized it perfectly: “People in their 40’s are F**ked up!”

    I think it’s true. As a generation, I think we (the royal “We”) tend to be materialistic, and self-centered. We feel lost. Sure we have more STUFF than our parents did..but we’re missing something, we’re not necessarily happier.

    I think by the time people hit their 60’s, they’ve reached a level of maturity, they’re more comfortable with who they are, and have a better idea of what’s important in life. That’s probably why your colleague knew how to retire at that age.

  38. pcunix Says:

    From the ancient age of 61, having seen a lot of happy and unhappy people in my life, my opinion is this:

    Moving toward goals makes you happy. Attaining goals makes you happy for a while, but then you need something new to work for.

    Goals can’t be too easy or too hard. The perfect amount of work needed varies by individual, but there needs to be at least some effort.

    The accumulation of money can be a goal, but it’s usually not satisfying. You’ll be happier with other things: learning a language, climbing a mountain, building something..

    I’ve said this so many times: at the end, what matters is how happy you were. How much money you had is unlikely to be something you care about as you lie on your deathbed. How much you laughed, how much you made your friends laugh, how much you loved, how much fun you had: those are the things that will matter to you.

    I was fortunate to understand that very early in my life. Some people never understand it at all.

  39. Friar Says:

    @Tony

    My goal is to spend whatever I earned doing the things I love (Visiting friends, focussing on family, hiking mountains, catching fish, skiing in powder snow, mastering watercolor painting ).

    I plan to have the money run out, just FIVE MINUTES before I croak! 😉

  40. hannah78 Says:

    Ahh..to be drinking wine and eating brie on a kitchen island. Yuppie life sounds good to me! (Well except for the minivan, kids and lame pc cartoons)

  41. Mer Says:

    Having been a parent during the Original Yuppie Years (TM), I can say that we were very much into educating our kids, who only watched PBS or the Discovery Channel when it was all nature-y stuff. I even gave the kids and relatives’ kids science and literature presents for birthdays and holidays. 🙂

    However, I was One of the Weird who only sent the kids to one sport (soccer) or other activity (karate) every week, as I thought anything else was too much and I didn’t want to be driving my fool head off.

    Never had a kitchen island and probably wouldn’t– unless transporting food and beverage across vast spaces didn’t involve spillage and much hiking.

    In the 1980’s we had Costco. Probably spent enough to keep a third world country going.

    I still have only a desktop PC, but I have a backup tower in my closet for when this one Goes South. (Someday, a laptop!)

    Lived on one income, not mine. Big mistake. Got divorced.

    Always shunned low brow humor. Did not allow kids to watch South Park. They sneaked it after midnight, when I was sleeping.

    Ate Brie and Camembert in the 1960’s with Dixie cups beer or wine. Was brought up on Limburger, too. 😉

    Love most foreign foods. In the 1980’s gourmet cooking was big. We made our own pasta, the works. The Former Husband (hereafter known as the FH) had a subscription to Bon Appetit.

    When you can have kids, tell me that you want to give birth more than twice! There is the raising, of course. Fewer kids = more $$ for education. We hoped.

    @ Friar

    Have you ever drunk American beer? Gah. Give me imported every time! Unless it’s Anchor Porter. (YUM)

    P.S. I could go on about $$ and the lack thereof, as I’ve been in both positions and am currently living on a very small fixed income. Am content–except for not being able to see friends very often.

  42. Mer Says:

    Dixie cups beer or wine

    * of beer or wine.

    No, I have tippled today!

  43. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Crap, there you go again Friar agreeing with me. Cut that crap out.

    I’ll make this blog descend into a fit of name calling where you have to moderate the lot of us… ‘cept Kelly, she don’t know how to swaer or be mean.

    Eyeteaguy

  44. Kelly Says:

    Eyeteaguy,

    Yup. I’m perfect and angelic and I love Caillou and Masterpiece Theatre and The Deep Friar’s incredible way with whites in watercolors. Problem?

    Mer,

    “Lived on one income, not mine. Big mistake. Got divorced.”

    Been there, done that. Big lessons in it, though. I’m a tougher cookie for it (and less interested in money!), and I’ll wager you are, too.

    Content. That is such a nice word. So many people aren’t.

    *happy sigh*

    Until later,

    Kelly

  45. Friar Says:

    @Mer
    Yeah…we Canadians kinda like to make fun of your American Beer. (Though I admit, I tend to like Sam Adams).

    Costco isn’t really yuppie. It’s purpose is to buy in bulk and save money. Unlike Direct Buy (where you apparently pay thousands of $$$ to join!)

    I hate those Direct Buy Commercials. Yuppies bragging about saving $20K on their home renovations. (That’s a significant part of the value of my ENTIRE house.)

    @Eyeteaguy
    Yeah….I agreed with you.

    Was bound to happen, sooner or later.

    @Kelly
    I think if you lived here, you’d be a big fan of the CBC.

    But that’s okay…you don’t’ make fun of my paintings and you’re not snarky, so you’re always most welcome here!

  46. XUP Says:

    I’m sorry, dude, but you’re like, sooooo, last decade. First of all yuppies don’t exist anymore. DirectBuy has been outed as a scam. Everybody already drinks wine – wine is the new water. Stainless steel is totally out of fashion. Cranberries in your salad? Even your average drywaller is hip to that already. Gortex bites. We’re all about HYVAT now. Thai and Indian food? Please, they’re serving that in school cafeterias. To be on the leading edge of cuisine it’s all about raw food or restaurants that serve only one thing, like rice pudding or ethnic stuff like Tenji or Balti or Miao. And if you really want to be trendy, adopt a child or two from a third world country.

  47. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Friar got pwned by XUP.

    You go girl. You can take my mantle during my absense.

    Eyeteaguy

  48. Brett Legree Says:

    Quitting time at the plant. Time for supper now. Time for families. Time for a cool drink on a porch. Time for the quiet rustle of leaf-laden trees that screen out the moon. And underneath it all, behind the eyes of the men, hanging invisible over the summer night, is a horror without words. For this is the stillness before storm. This is the eve of the end.

  49. Patricia Says:

    Friar,
    Interesting discussion here, which was clearly intrigued by your post. I think you may get to 100 because people have lots of thoughts about these ideas.

    I just posted a book review about how complex our culture and society is getting and how video games are making folks more intelligent – raising IQs…but what to do with these great problem solvers, smart folks who do not understand people, society and culture because they do not read novels and classics… I look forward to your comments on it

    Come on over – Please?

  50. Friar Says:

    @XUP
    Well, I stand corrected. I didn’t realize you were so COOL. (Next time I write a post like this, I’ll consult you first).

    @Eyeteaguy
    XUP made your day, didn’t she?

    @Brett
    Okayyyyy……why the sudden Doom and Gloom ???

    (Or are you just quoting something from the Havarmamamaal? )

  51. Brett Legree Says:

    LOL it’s from a Twilight Zone episode called Third From The Sun, and also the title of a song by a band called Prong.

    (I was being a *dick* and thought I’d mix things up a bit.)

    Their song basically says the more things change, the more they stay the same.

    I thought of that when XUP had said yuppies were passe – I always figured the self-professed cool people don’t really change much. Maybe the names we have for them change, or their clothes change, or whatever, but they’re still the same shallow, shallow people.

    Shallow, and oblivious to the end 🙂

    That episode of Twilight Zone is kind of cool, some workers at an H-bomb factory discover that the world will end soon. They steal an experimental space ship to escape and travel through some kind of gateway.

    On the other side, they see a planet – third from the star it orbits.

    They hear words on the radio… the planet is called Earth…

    (cue the music)

  52. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    I FIGURED you’d have gotten that from some obscure, ecclectic movie or song!

    I agree..though. The names change, but they’re still YUPPIES. Same old, same old, even though the 1980’s ended almost 20 years ago.

  53. pcunix Says:

    I tease our youngest daughter because she drives a Saab.. I call her a yuppie. She protests that it’s her older sister who really is the yuppie (and she’s right) but I still like to tease her 🙂

  54. Friar Says:

    @Tony

    Oh, a Saab. DEFINITELY Yuppie! (BMW, too!)

  55. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Hey, do yuppies use water cooloers or did The Man take those away. If they did, its probably filled with Perrier.

  56. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy
    I think there’s a charge number for using the water cooler. You know…to keep track for billing purposes.

  57. Brett Legree Says:

    @Eyeteaguy & Friar,

    The Man took away the water coolers. Somebody *Ratted* us out.

  58. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Soon, they’ll take away potty breaks.

    We can sit at our desks and wear Depends, so we don’t ever have to get up.

    Just like the problem gamblers do at the slot machines.

  59. Brett Legree Says:

    Yeah, then I can say, “oh dRat, I just soiled myself again” 😉

  60. Kelly Says:

    Ah, I try to speak reasonably to y’all. and you decide to get goofy elsewhere.

    You know, Friar, somebody should give you a good talking-to. And your incorrigible posse, too.

  61. Brett Legree Says:

    testing a hypothesis

  62. Friar Says:

    @Brett and Eyeteaguy

    You know, I wish you guys would just ONCE try to be serious listeners , and maybe try to ask some excellent questions. For a change.

    Instead of trying to disrupt the class, and being dicks.

    @Kelly
    Maybe you should send Wendi this way to spank me. She’s the only one I might listen to.

    (Might).

    As for the rest of the posse, forget it. They’re well beyond help, at this point.

  63. Kelly Says:

    *Well* beyond.

    I’d spank you myself, but it might thrill Eyeteaguy too much.

  64. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Mr Friar,

    I am listening, but you live too far away. Can’t hear you.

    An excellent question. Hmmm, why is Pluto considered a planet and not a moon or big asteroid?

    Kelly spanking Friar. Naw, that’s not my style. Now if Friar painted himself being spanked by Kelly using lots of whites. There’s something I can make fun of.

    Oh dear, I’m being silly and off topic again.

    Mr. Eyeteaguy

  65. Kelly Says:

    Eyetea,

    Pluto is not a planet. It’s a dwarf planet. Nyah, nyah.

    The big bad rat has been chased away, I just got a charming (?) email.

    Ah, well, if you can’t take the heat and I don’t intend intend to change my ways for ya, I s’pose you ought to get out of my kitchen and leave my stainless island alone, eh?

  66. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Rat? Chased away? Crap. I was looking forward to his responses (novel length).

    What did he take offense to? Or who I should say.

    Friar, stop scaring the new guys with your gorrillas.
    If you ever want me to leave you alone, you need to find me a new target.

    “Just regular” Eyeteaguy “again”

  67. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Planet…planetoid..dwarf planet….whatever. Pluto is Pluto…still the same chunk of rock, regardless.

    @Kelly
    The big bad boogey man is gone? (Oh, dear…I certainly hope it wasn’t my gorilla references that scared him off!) 😉

    @Eyeteaguy
    Actually, you gave me a good idea. I should invent another Commenter to antagonize you…to take the heat off me.

    Now WHY didn’t I think of that before?

  68. Eyeteaguy Says:

    You already did. The resemblance between you and XUP is uncanny. I’ve just been playing along.

  69. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    No, I can ASSURE you, XUP is a totally different person.

    (I think she’d agree!)

  70. Patricia Says:

    Video game addicts use depends too…or pop bottles…like truck drivers…very overwhelming

  71. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @ Friar, That’s exactly what you’d like me to think….

  72. Friar Says:

    @Patricia

    I think anyone who can’t leave a video game to go potty has serious problems!

    Wouldn’t surprise me, though.

    @Eyeteaguy
    Well, why don’t you go visit her blog, and try to see if it’s ME, then? 😉

  73. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I already have. Your style of typing is remarkably similar.

  74. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Oh, I think she’ll be THRILLED to hear that! 😉

  75. Patricia Says:

    On my counseling journeys through the countryside, it was so awful to find these addicts and then the homes with little children where the parents were cooking methamphetamine in the kitchen, but there were equally as many video addicts…it is awful…

  76. XUP Says:

    First to Friar – yes I am remarkably cool, hip and with-it and you could be too if you’d read my “How to be Cool Over 40” post (http://exurbanpedestrian.wordpress.com/2008/05/13/how-to-be-cool-over-40/.

    Second to Eyeteaguy – Not only are the Friar and I completely different people, we are of a completely different species. I believe our good friends the Urban Panther and/or Urbane Lion could clear this up once and for all as they have met us both (though admitedly, not at the same time…hmmm)

  77. Friar Says:

    @XUP

    It’s true…we’ve never been seen together in the same room. Like Michael and LaToya Jackson.

  78. Friar Says:

    @XUP

    Does your daughter think you’re Cool? (Based on your “home movies”, it seems doubtful). 😉

    @Eyeteaguy

    It’s true…XUP and I have never been seen together in the same room. Kinda like Michael and LaToya Jackson.

  79. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Or the Polkaroo?

  80. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Don’t forget the Snuffle-uf-aguss.

  81. XUP Says:

    There is not now, nor has there ever been such a thing as a “Polkaroo” There is kangaroo, honeydew, mountain dew, and whoop-dee-doo, but no Polkaroo. Understand?

    And yes, of course my daughter recognizes my coolness. Thanks for asking

  82. Mer Says:

    @ Kelly

    Been there, done that. Big lessons in it, though. I’m a tougher cookie for it (and less interested in money!), and I’ll wager you are, too.

    I was never really into money, which made me a poor match for the FH. He always said, “You’re not like other women…” He married one he had to buy lots of jewelry for.

    @ Brett

    I regret I imagined the same thing (re: you in the crocs) that Kelly and Karen did. I thought you must be one heck of a Viking! 😮 I did like the Twilight Zone reference.

    @ Friar

    I had to go to the store to see if I’ve had Sam Adams. Nope. I was thinking of Sam Smith’s Taddy Porter and Oatmeal Stout.

    Isn’t Sam Adams like Light Beer?

    Costco isn’t really yuppie. It’s purpose is to buy in bulk and save money. Unlike Direct Buy (where you apparently pay thousands of $$$ to join!)

    Costco was yuppie back in the day. I think the FH still goes there to buy diamonds for the new-ish wife.

    Direct Buy? I think I’ve seen one of those commercials. The one with two doctors who redid a kitchen or something. (Not as if we got to see it. I might remember.) I’m really not sure how they could save $20K. Isn’t that about what kitchen (or is it bathroom?) renovations cost? Did they get one free for making that lame commercial?

    Re: wearing Depends at work. The Man hasn’t imported Dick Cheney, has he? Sounds like something A Dick would do. 😦

    @ XUP

    I think it’s too late for me to be that cool. I only have a few months of forties left.

  83. Kelly Says:

    Mer,

    LOL. I hear you on the mismatch. Mine’s now married to one who can buy the jewelry for him.

    Later,

    kelly

  84. Friar Says:

    @XUP
    What? You never watched TVO?

    @Eyeteaguy
    By the way..what the HELL is Polkaroo supposed to be?

    I always found it so LAME that a big polka dot just HAPPENED to be in the middle of the neck, at a human being’s eye-level.

    Gee…can you BE any more OBVIOUS?

    @Mer
    I remember when Costco was “yuppie”. They didnt’ allow regular people to join. You had to be an engineer, or doctor, or some kind of Professional.

    But now they let just about ANYBODY in…including yours truly.

    @Kelly
    That’s what I need to do. Find me a rich woman to pay for my extravagant sophistimacated Lifestyle.

  85. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I sense some bitterness here.

    For my wife’s next birthday I’m going to buy her a dildo and some earrings. If she doesn’t like the earrings she can go f**k herself.

    Gosh, did I just write that? Its ok, only 7% of the message will get through.

  86. pcunix Says:

    Hey, we’re all bitter about something.

    When we were dating, my wife told me that she was wealthy and tall. I knew then that she was lying about the wealth, but it was only after we’d been married a while and were standing up more that I realized she’d lied about being tall..

  87. pcunix Says:

    And Friar:

    I remember when our discount club started letting in the commoners.. ticked us off, it did..

  88. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    I heard a similar version of that joke, but it involved a fur coat.

    Good thing Friar’s Mom is travelling and isn’t checking this blog, or she’d give you an earful for your 7% foul language!

    @Tony
    I had a yuppie friend who was a “Special Member” back in those days. He was pretty smug about it.

    Now Joe Public is allowed in those clubs. Nyah! Nyah! Now you guys have to mingle with the unwashed masses! 😉

  89. pcunix Says:

    Nyah! Nyah! Now you guys have to mingle with the unwashed masses!

    No, we don’t. We go to “another place”. And we aren’t telling you where that is 🙂

  90. Brett Legree Says:

    @Mer,

    Hmm, that’s three with you, Kelly and Karen. I could put a video of that up somewhere, whether you buy it for the comic relief or something else is beside the point 😉

    (It’ll be an extra $50 to remove the strategically placed black bar, of course…)

    @Tony,

    “When we were dating, my wife told me that she was wealthy and tall …it was only after we’d been married a while and were standing up more that I realized she’d lied about being tall..”

    That was danged funny 🙂

    (Hey, I wonder where this other place is? “Costco Cosa Nostra” perhaps, or is there a Mafia version of Sam’s Club called “Vinnie’s Club”?)

  91. Brett Legree Says:

    @Mer again,

    Samual Adams makes a beer called Utopias that is 27 percent alcohol. I have not tried it myself, but I have tried another of their extreme beers called Triple Bock that is 17 percent.

    Three of those and you’re done like dinner.

    Technically they are “beers” as they are malt beverages, but they taste nothing like beer as you know it. They are not carbonated to speak of and are best at room temperature, like some liqueurs.

  92. Brett Legree Says:

    Samual / Samuel (oops)

  93. Friar Says:

    @Mer

    Brett always introduces me to strange brews…I don’t think he ever buys the same kind of beer twice.

  94. Friar Says:

    @Tony
    Oh, it’s probably one of those “Double Secret Probation” Places.

    Like Direct Buy, but more exclusive?

  95. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    Good luck with that matrimonial plan. then you can figure out whether you like old-school or new-millennium yuppiedom best… at your leisure.

    Tony,

    LOL at the tall joke.

    P.S. Building 19 1/5 doesn’t count as another exclusive discount place.

    Brett,

    *Three* of those? Ay yi yi!

    I wish I could drink like a lady
    I can take one or two at the most
    Three and I’m under the table
    Four and I’m under the host
    —Dorothy Parker

    Until later,

    Kelly

  96. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    It’s something fun I like to do – see if you say, “what the heck is that?” – it would work better in the city, though…

    @Kelly,

    I had six once… that was pain.

  97. Friar Says:

    @Kelly
    Well, seeing how I live in Splat Creek, I should perhaps set my sights lower.

    Perhaps a starting point would be if my potential mate still had her own teeth.

    @Brett
    Remember that weird CHOCOLATE beer?

    I must admit, drinking with your is always a learning experience.

  98. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    I miss that actually. It was a very good brew.

    Samuel Adams has a chocolate bock too 🙂

  99. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    I like that 6.6% cider too (but more than 2 bottles a night is a bit much). Too much fruit.

    PS. Did you know we just got 100 comments (without trying to be stupid about it?)

    I think that’s because since last night, we’ve learned to be “good listeners”, and ask “excellent questions”. 😉

  100. Kelly Says:

    Chocolate beer is awesome. Somebody makes a double chocolate that’s great… maybe Samuel Smith?

    My favorite Sam Adams is their cranberry lambic, which you can only get during the holidays. Yum.

    Brett, did you order that mead yet from the monks over in England? Might be good for an advanced-beer-yuppie night with Friar.

    Friar, less stupid than a countdown, but… still within the comment-guidelines for goofyness. 😉

  101. Brett Legree Says:

    Sam Smith might make one, but I haven’t checked. I have had Young’s Double Chocolate Stout and that was excellent.

    No, I have not ordered the mead yet 😦 but I found some meaderies in Ontario and plan to track some local stuff down this summer.

  102. Kelly Says:

    Young’s, that’s it. Yummy.

    Local meaderies? How cool is that. Wine in southeastern PA, beer all around, but no mead.

    Uh-oh, now I’m devilishly thinking of ordering mead and tempting you down to the States with it.

    ^^
    . .
    ^
    o

  103. Brett Legree Says:

    I’d be there like flies to honeywine 😉

    Funny, we have the beer and the mead, but the wine is about 7 hours away (Southern Ontario).

  104. Kelly Says:

    Mmm. Ontario’s got great icewine. Yet another (yuppie) reason to like the place.

    Beware, summer is coming, and the memory of that mead lives strong in me. It’s irresistible even without using it to pull friends over the border. 🙂

  105. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Do you think maybe we can convince the local Splat Creek liquor store to stock up on Mead?

    @Kelly
    Yep…even people like ME like the Ice Wine!

    (Don’t tell Eyeteaguy I have some latent yuppie tendencies).

  106. Friar Says:

    Funny, with all these comments going back and forth, between just a few people…

    It’s like Friar’s equivalent of Twitter.

    (Or FRITTER…!) 😉

  107. Patricia Says:

    I was given Ice Wine for Christmas – it was lovely…I drank it even though I am not supposed to drink any more
    I would do it again

  108. Kelly Says:

    LOL at Fritter.

    (The thought had crossed my mind, but I didn’t come up with the awesome name!)

    Latent yuppie tendencies: I think Eyeteaguy suspects.

  109. pcunix Says:

    Building 19 1/5 doesn’t count as another exclusive discount place

    Are you kidding? That place is way too upscale for me..

  110. Eyeteaguy Says:

    *lurking, lurking, taking notes*

  111. Kelly Says:

    Tony—ROFL.

    Friar’s Mom’s right. I should get a seat belt. I fall off my chair laughing way too frequently.

  112. Friar Says:

    @Patricia
    Ice wine is so expensive, it moderates itself (nobody can afford to drink too much).

    @Tony and Kelly
    Dunno what this 19 1/5 thing is you’re talking about. Must be some high-fallutin’ store that you only get in the Big Cities, in the States. (None of those in Canada yet)

    @Eyeteaguy
    You’re quiet….actually TOO quiet. 😮

  113. Mer Says:

    @ Brett and Friar and @ Kelly

    I’ll look into the Sam Adams and try it if they have singles. I’m trying to remember whether I had their wheat bock or someone else’s, but I do like that. It was about 10 years ago, so I’m not sure. Might have been Pyramid.

    I don’t think I saw Sam Smith carrying the chocolate, but maybe I wasn’t looking close enough.

    Brett, we have mead here, too! In fact, I live within biking distance (1 mile or so) of two stores that carry mead. The Co-op especially has a good selection of brews. Wines, not so much. Too expensive for what you’re getting, but beer, yes. And all that mead. 😉

    @ Patricia

    What is ice wine?

    P.S. Friar, there are so many comments to this post that you now have your own folder. 🙂

  114. Patricia Says:

    @ Mer
    My understanding of Ice Wine is that it is made from a specialty grape in both Ontario and the interior in BC (there is some place in Eastern Europe too). The grapes are not harvested until they are naturally frozen by the weather. The wine is served chilled and has a very crisp, sweet taste like nothing else I have every tried…I got a bottle about the size of a champagne split as a gift and I did not share it was so good! (It is extremely expensive)

    @Friar….Can I come to your house for pickerel?…I will bring the Ice Wine!
    I have not been fishing since I was 16 at DogTooth Lake near Kenora…My brother keeps promising to take me deep water salmon fishing but he never does… Oh Pickerel – yum

  115. Friar Says:

    @Mer
    I dunno what’s up with the 100-plus comments.

    This is the post that just keeps on going and GOING.

    @Patricia
    I don’t catch them that often from a canoe. (I drift too much). Mabye I’ll have to freeze some for when guests arrive.

  116. Patricia Says:

    Sounds like a plan to me! Happy Easter!
    Did you get some chocolate – good chocolate?

  117. Friar Says:

    @Patricia

    I was skiing in Vermont all weekend, so I didn’t have time to get chocolate.

    I’ll try today (with the stuff at a discount).

  118. TonyLawrence Says:

    Skiing in Vermont? Talk about being a yuppie…

    I never could afford to ski because my children could.

  119. Brett Legree Says:

    Tony just 0wn3d Friar 🙂

  120. Friar Says:

    @Tony
    Well, I dont’ have any kids…that’s how come I can afford to ski.

    Plus, this weekend trip was subsidized by Friar’s Mom…I’m using some of the Christmas Present money she had given me.

    @Brett
    Own3d Schmown3d. What am I supposed to do? Live like a monk right now and save my money…so that in 2046, I can retire a few days earlier?

  121. Brett Legree Says:

    Of course 🙂 you should also sell your house and live in an army tent heh heh

  122. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    Yeah…I was told by someone that for $20K, I could set it up with a generator and hot water heater.

    Yep…that’s EXACTLY how I want to live my golden years…in an Army Tent, in Northern Ontario.

  123. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Actually, that IS exactly how I want to live my golden years.. and my silver years and bronze years for that matter.

    I spent the weekend at my family farm and I realize every time I come back how far away were are from where I/we should be.

  124. pcunix Says:

    We used to live almost half the year in a 37 foot long trailer. It was our “vacation” home, up on a mountain (well, it was a mountain in the Triassic).

    I had DSL so that I could still earn a living, but other than that, it was fairly primitive living. Walk to the communal showers in the morning, campfire at night.. we had heat but we didn’t use it at night (fear of CO and fire).

    Primitive, yeah, a little. Inexpensive, definitely. It was incredibly beautiful and peaceful living up there..

    Unfortunately my wife’s health problems forced us to give that up. We miss it.

  125. Brett Legree Says:

    A small cabin or house with wood heat for me, within spitting distance of the ocean.

    Electricity and running water are optional.

  126. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy and pcunix

    I wouldnt’ mind having a place out in the bush. It dosen’t have to be a mansion. If it’s a getaway place, it can be primitive.

    But if it’s going to be my permament residence, I want heat, electricity, running water, and my own bathroom. Especially during the minus 30C winter months.

    @Brett
    I dunno…if you get sick, or have the stomach flu or something…running water is nice to have.

  127. Brett Legree Says:

    Friar, you forget that I have four children – that’s the only reason why I get sick.

    Once they leave home, I’ll be nigh indestructible…

    Plus, if you live by yourself, you’re probably not going to get stomach flu. My uncle up north hardly ever gets sick.

  128. Brett Legree Says:

    PS – depends where you live too. You mentioned -30C winter weather.

    If I have anything to say about it, I will *NEVER* see -30C again.

  129. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    I’m a selfish materialistic yuppie who likes to leave a huge carbon footprint. I want my hot and cold running water, and shower and electricity!

  130. pcunix Says:

    “I’m a selfish materialistic yuppie who likes to leave a huge carbon footprint.”

    Hey, maybe it doesn’t matter. It may be too damn late to do anything. Why go out shivering in the dark? Let’s ride this puppy to Aarmageddon..

  131. Friar Says:

    @Tony
    If I want to have heat and light where I live…if THAT makes me a bad person, then so be it! 😉

  132. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Oh great, good idea! So the selfish crowd just keeps on keeping on. And my kids get to die in the great famine/heat wave/terrorist strike.

    Good plan. How about we kill and eat anyone over 50. That will solve the food problem. And with no more SUVs and trips to Florida the co2 problem will be gone. If weship all the yuppies we didn’t eat to Afganistan for the Taiban to kill they will feel vindicated and leave the rest of us alone.

  133. pcunix Says:

    Being serious for a minute: it’s a question of how much heat and light.

    Nobody wants Grampa Guv controlling our lights and thermostats, but if we don’t start doing things voluntarily, it may come to that.

    There’s tremendous waste and tremendous greed. If that doesn’t change, we’re going to force it to change.

  134. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Holy crap…I mention that I like to have heat and light, and you’d think I said I own a Hummer that runs on the oil of baby Orcas.

    I think there’s a case of West Coast SMUG going around today…we’re all quite pleased with ourselves at how enviro-concious we are.

    I might like to point out that pretty much everyone commenting here enjoys the benefits of a heated home, hot and cold running water, and drives a car and owns a computer. Which is more than most of the planet has.

    Unless we’re willing to grow our own food and live off the grid, we’re basically no better than anyone else.

    Mabye we should give our arms a rest. They’re getting tired from patting ourselves on the back too much.

  135. Friar Says:

    @Tony

    I think there will be a “Crisis” and it will force people to conserve.

    Just like WWII pressured us to create the atom bomb, or the Cold War pressured us to put a man on the moon.

    I think if we really REALLY wanted to, we could develop commercial fusion power in a few decades. (How badly we want to…is another question).

  136. Eyeteaguy Says:

    *snort, snort* I got your knicklers in a twist!

    I was pulling a JHJ on you. Even when he doesn’t do it, doing it in his style has the same effect.

    Yes, we all contribute to the mess, yes we all have to change, yes it will be hard. But we still have to try, at least do something.

    That being said, let’s fuck the planet royaly. If your gonna do it, do it right. Burn the trees, pave the planet and crap in the river. Let’s ride this puppy to armageddon. Oh wait. Someone already said that. Crap.

  137. TonyLawrence Says:

    You keep the hell off my puppy, Eyeteaguy.

  138. TonyLawrence Says:

    I certainly hope we’re going to change.

    I don’t want to live out my golden years scavenging in garbage dumps and hiding from mobs..

  139. Eyeteaguy Says:

    *kick, kick* That was me kicking your puppy.
    *yipe, yipe* That was him yelping.

    Now I’m gonna have the SPCA and PETA on my case.

    Oh well, I’ve already got CIA, NSA and CSIS.

    Come one, join the party.

    *kick, yipe*

  140. TonyLawrence Says:

    Oh, I don’t care if you kick it. Just don’t ride it – I don’t have insurance if you fall off.

  141. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I already scavange from garbage cans and hide from mobs.

    You keep the hell off my garbage pile, TonyLawrence.

  142. TonyLawrence Says:

    Figures. Kick the old guy out of the dump. Next thing you’ll say that I can’t eat road kill..

    Watch out or I’ll thump my cane and yell impotently at you.

  143. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy
    Not to mention Mr. HJ and Mr. WaterCooler are annoyed at you too.

    PS.
    Depends what kind of puppy it is you’re kicking.

    If it’s one of those hyper yappy little poodles, I wont’ protest to much.

    In fact, I might even spike it for you, so you can take a running head start and kick it across the goal-posts.

  144. TonyLawrence Says:

    And if that doesn’t scare you off, I’ll mumble incoherently.

    Don’t mess with the old farts.

  145. Friar Says:

    @Tony
    Have you been watching Trailer Park Boys?

    Ricky’s Dad lived in the dump.

    Didn’t look so bad, actually (except for the piss-jugs).

  146. TonyLawrence Says:

    I don’t know what Trailer Park Boys is but sometimes I really feel like we’re living the Last Days of Pompeii.

    How much more can we take before we descend into insurrection, mob rule, riots, more wars.. ?

    I really am hopeful. I’m very happy about Obama’s efforts. I just feel like he’s not even shoveling shit against the tide but trying to shovel the tide itself.

    I’m holding my breath and hoping for the best.

  147. Brett Legree Says:

    Friar,

    Of course you’re a materialistic bugger – and that’s okay.

    While you’re all riding puppies and scavenging in garbage dumps and giving your arms a rest from back patting, I’m quietly working on a project in my garage.

    I figure 50,000 megatons, heavily salted with cobalt, ought to do it.

    Once it’s done, I’ll give the world ONE warning.

  148. TonyLawrence Says:

    “Once it’s done, I’ll give the world ONE warning.”

    Better than most would give us..

    Are you asking for a bazillion dollars? Nubile virgins? World peace? Or are you holding out for a secure OS?

  149. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    Where did you get the fissile material?

    From 50,000 smoke detectors?

  150. Friar Says:

    @Tony
    Trailer Park Boys is an AWESOME Canadian show. (You can watch in on YouTube).

    But you might hate it. (It seems binary…people either hate it or love it).

  151. Brett Legree Says:

    @Tony,

    Hmm… how about nubile virgins with the source code to the secure OS?

    @Friar,

    Well, I *do* work in waste management heh heh heh

  152. TonyLawrence Says:

    @brett

    Hey, it’s your ultimatum – get whatever you want.

    Just remember what happened to those pirates Sunday – keep your head out of sight.

    Me, I’d take the source code. At my age, I can do more with it.

  153. Brett Legree Says:

    @Tony,

    Oh, I figured I’d give the nubile virgins to the Navy SEALS… hee hee

    Though speaking seriously about that. Anyone who has seen any special forces team in action who has any sense at all would surrender immediately.

    Which of course, shows you that those pirates had no sense.

  154. TonyLawrence Says:

    I’m wondering what technology lets them shoot that accurately at a bobbing life boat..

  155. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    I have no pity for those pirates.

    Q: How do you NOT get shot by Navy Seals?

    A: Umm….DON’T FREAKING KIDNAP AMERICANS!

  156. Friar Says:

    @Tony
    Knowing the Navy Seals, they probably just tread water with a mouth full of lead, and spit the bullets out of their mouth.

  157. Mer Says:

    How about we kill and eat anyone over 50.

    Hey, I resemble that remark! (Almost)

    But I’ll make sure to get all buff, so I’m tough and stringy. 😀

  158. Brett Legree Says:

    @Tony,

    Well, lots of practice as you might imagine (I’ve seen some videos about these kinds of folks and they’re pretty hardcore).

    @Friar,

    True enough. Of course, the sad thing is, there are enough idiots like those guys on the planet that it could turn into a full time job escorting ships in that part of the world.

  159. Brett Legree Says:

    Don’t worry Mer, the Soylent Corporation has a process that can tenderize even the fittest 50-something 🙂

    Mmm, Soylent Green is made of people.

  160. TonyLawrence Says:

    No, it was more than practice.

    I saw a clip where they asked a former SEAL about that. He said “They have technology I can’t talk about”.

  161. Mer Says:

    @ Brett

    ROFLMAO! 😀

  162. Brett Legree Says:

    Depends where they are shooting from, I suppose. The technology used to stabilize the main gun on a tank is pretty simple and well known – it would not be difficult to install this sort of mount on a boat or an aircraft / helicopter.

    If they were using any sort of aiming aid it may be something like that (well, beyond what most people know like thermal imaging sights and so forth).

    Other things like very high velocity rounds (e.g. discarding sabot ammunition) to cut down on the time of flight are useful.

  163. Friar Says:

    @Mer
    On the Deep Friar, we talk about ANYTHING. Including eating people!

    @Tony
    Like…if they told you..they’d have to kill you? 😉

    @Brett
    Mabye they were Double-Secret Probation NINJA Seals.

  164. TonyLawrence Says:

    “Like…if they told you..they’d have to kill you? ;-)”

    Maybe. I only saw that clip once. They had the same ex-SEAL on again, but next time he just said how well trained they are. I think he might have screwed up by alluding to something classified.

    Wait a sec.. there are black helicopters circling overhead.. I better go out and see what they want..

  165. Friar Says:

    @Tony
    That must have been on the Discovery Channel or History Channel, right?

    (I love how they take topics like blowing things up or killing people, and justify it by airing these shows on the “Educational” stations. )

  166. TonyLawrence Says:

    “That must have been on the Discovery Channel or History Channel, right?”

    No – CNN news. Interviewing various people after the rescue. They just asked how three shooters could all hit their target under such difficult conditions. He said something like “they are well trained and they have technology I can’t talk about”.

    Later when they asked he just said “well trained”.

    I think he said more than he meant to the first time.

    Think about it – both boats are moving with the waves. How can a gyro stabilizer help you with that?

  167. Friar Says:

    @Tony

    Well, I know it would have definitely NOT been Fox News.

    They’d have run a special, something along the lines of:

    “When Chimpanzees Burst into Flames!” Or “Worlds’ Worst Magic Trick Tragedies”.

  168. Brett Legree Says:

    I did a bit of digging (as I had only seen one clip about it on the news).

    Apparently the shots were all made within 100 feet, and the shooters were using “night vision scopes” – the media does not distinguish between thermal imaging sights and image intensifier sights of course – but either would do just fine. Probably image intensifiers, my guess.

    So I expect that the fellow on the news was just “being mysterious”. I’d fully expect that guys like this would be able to make shots like that without any sort of fancy tech.

    I’m not a pro, but when I used to play paintball I could probably make a head shot at 20 yards – so 30 yards for a pro like these fellows doesn’t seem out of whack.

    I’m not aware of any sort of stabilizer mounts for a small caliber weapon like a rifle, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

    On the other hand, the stabilizers on armoured vehicles can allow first round hits on moving targets at distances over a mile, from a moving vehicle, so they do work 🙂

  169. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    I heard on the news..now apparently all the pirates in general are pissed off..they say they’ll now kill any American hostages. And French ones too.

    Whatever….

  170. Brett Legree Says:

    We’ll just have a bunch of dead pirates then. I’m sure that any unidentified ships will be fired upon too.

  171. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    I bet you the States are saying “Bring it ONNNN!”

    Don’t blame them, either. I like what Obama did. Pirates messing with one of our citizens? Take them out!

    If Canada were in charge, we’d probably give the pirates refugee status, and bring the captain who was held hostage in front of the Human Rights Tribunal for being insensitive.


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