Take the Friar-Q Test: Is your intelligence above or below average?
Answer “Yes” or “No” to the following:
1. At the cashier, do you find yourself taken by surprise that you’re suddenly expected to PAY for your purchases? (i.e. Do you only start fumbling for your wallet after they’ve already bagged your groceries?)
2. Do you read The National Enquirer for real, and not just to pass the time in the supermarket line-up?
3. Do you blindly accept everything that comes out of Oprah’s mouth as gospel truth?
4. Is Wheel of Fortune a bit too complicated for you?
5. When they come up with lame-ass acronyms at work (like S*A*F*E or S*M*A*R*T), do you think it’s a great idea, and you make a point of memorizing what the letters stand for?
6. Do you get upset when other people don’t?
7. Do you take those horoscopes in the daily paper seriously?
8. Does it take you more than 2 minutes to order a burger and fries at a fast-food joint?
9. Do you agree that we can never get enough chimps on TV?
10. Do you consider “Entertainment Tonight” legitimate news?
11. Does breaking a bill cause you anxiety? (…must you always pay with exact change?)
12. Do you always drive BELOW the speed limit?
13. Does it take your brain longer than 5 seconds to register that the traffic light has turned GREEN?
14. Does the concept of depositing your paycheck in a BANK elude you? (…as opposed to using Money Mart?)
15. Are you unable to pump your own gas?
16. Do you feel the need to explain to grown adults that smoking is unhealthy? (…because you can’t grasp the concept that anyone with half-a brain probably already knows this?)
17. Do you think there’s nothing wrong or blatantly idiotic about Gilligan’s Island?
18. Do you prefer Elmo over Grover?
19. Do you think Political Correctness is a GOOD thing?
20. Do you go years without taking any of your entitled vacation, because you want to “save it” for when you retire?
21. Have you been known to say “Yee-Haw” for real?
22. Do you applaud the Berenstain Bears?
23. The Sun moves around the Earth: Yes, or No?
24. When a product on TV promises that you can lose weight without diet or exercise, do you believe them?
25. Do you Twitter?
SCORING: Count how many questions you’ve answered “Yes” to.
If you have no idea, because you can’t be bothered wasting your time on this stupid test, EXCELLENT! You’ve passed with flying colors! You’re close to genius level!
(2 or less )
You’re smarter than the average bear. And maybe just bored because you actually counted your answers.
(5 or less)
You’re still okay. Above average. But watch it buddy, you’re on the verge of slipping.
(5 to 10)
You’re borderline, you probably have an IQ of 100-105. May I suggest that the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle might not be for you. Best to stick to the Word Jumble instead.
You probably breathe through the mouth a lot. But that’s okay. You’re still functioning at a high level.
You might consider wearing a hockey helmet to work. Even if you don’t’ play hockey.
Suffice to say…you’re a few fries short of a happy meal. But don’t feel bad. You could have a promising career in Senior Management. Just stay away from shiny objects, as they tend to distract you