Comic Strip Characters in Need of Serious Therapy

Margaret Wade

Passive-aggressive control freak.   I never liked her.  The rod up her butt has a rod up its butt.   This kid ain’t right.   She’ll definitely be logging lots of time on the therapists’ couch before her Sweet Sixteen.

Shaggy, Dagwood and Jughead


We typically associate eating disorders with teenage girls, but these three men obviously have issues.  Look at the huge amounts of food they put away, yet they stay so slim.  Methinks there’s a bit of binging and purging going on.   Maybe Shaggy, Dag and Juggie can form their own support group.

Big Moose


How many times has this lummox committed aggravated assault on his classmates, just because they spoke to his “gurl”, Midge?     There are serious anger management problems here.

Somebody better intervene and help this boy, before he ends up in Maximum Security and starts forcing his cell-mate to do unspeakable things.

Little Dot


Give me an “Oh”!   Give me a “Cee”!   Give me a “Dee”!  What does that spell?    OCD!    OCD!  Rah! Rah!

This unhealthy obsession with dots needs to stop.   This poor girl needs a good talking to.   And maybe a bit of Effexor on the side.


Beyond help.  She’s such a basket case, I’m surprised she hasn’t offed herself yet (or that someone else hasn’t).   (Aaaack!)


Obviously this little brat’s got ADHD.

Nothing a little  Ritalin in his sippy-cup wouldn’t fix.

Jokey Smurf

He spends all this time giving exploding packages to everyone.   (…and he thinks it’s FUNNY?)     Word of advice, Jokey: plead insanity and check yourself into a mental hospital right now…before the boys at Homeland Security come and give you a luxury suite at Gitmo.

Ted Forth

This man-gina is so whipped it’s not funny.    I think he’d do well with some hormone therapy.    Get the testosterone levels up back up there, Ted, and learn to be a man again.


See Ted Forth.

Billy from the Family Circus

Another victim of ADHD.   Damned kid can’t even walk home without zig-zagging all around the neighborhood.

Fat Albert

This lad’s gotta do something about his morbid obesity.   He’s just two steps away from lying in his bed in his own waste, and having the Learning Channel film the firemen cutting  him out of his house.

General Halftrack

He needs to be sent on Sensitivity Training, for leering at Ms. Buxley and making suggestive comments to her.

(No…wait…actually, he already HAS).

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58 Comments on “Comic Strip Characters in Need of Serious Therapy”

  1. Friar's Mom Says:

    Hi Wee Friar,

    You forgot Denis the Menace. As much as I love children, I’d hate to have him living next door.

  2. Brett Legree Says:

    Speaking of the Smurfs…

    What about Smurfette? I mean, 99 Smurfs and one Smurfette? I’m sure she needs therapy, of some kind.

  3. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I’ve got nothing to say here. I think cartoon characters have to be flawed by their very nature.

    I love Calvin and Hobbes best though. Mostly because Calvin is Tyler Durden when he was young.


  4. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom
    Yeah…Dennis is a little shit. But I dont’ think he needs psychotherapy. Just a bit more discipline (Stop trying to solve problems by sending him to “Time Out” corner…instead, maybe try a good SPANKING).

    I blogged about that a couple of weeks ago. How DO the Smurfs deal with just one female? (Either she’s a whore and SHE needs therapy). Or you get 99 sexually frustrated Smurfs and THEY need therapy.

    Calvin is one of the most normal comic characters. I identify with him…especially the way he daydreams in class when he’s bored.

  5. Brett Legree Says:

    I think all kids are Tyler Durden when they are very young (minus the blowing up stuff, for most of them).

    They do what they want and they don’t care what others think. They will try anything, without fear of failure.

    Then we send them to school where someone else tells them what to do and how to think.

    Sometimes as adults, they wake up, and sometimes they do not.

  6. Friar Says:

    My theory is that people don’t become sociopaths. All kids are born that way….it’s just that some haven’t UNLEARNED how to be one. (Takes about 15-25 years…give or take…)

    There are probably tons of Tyler Durden0-type of comic strip characters out-there. But not very many that would appear in a mainstream daily newspaper.

  7. Brett Legree Says:

    It’s a careful balance for sure. I think most kids would (hopefully) learn how to be ‘good citizens’ from parents and relatives.

    The problem I see is that the “normal” education system teaches kids to be good little sheepwalkers – people who fit in well at factories and so forth, work their 8 hours, consume consume consume, etc.

    I swear I’ve spent more time teaching my kids that, yes, it is okay to be an individual than I have anything else…

    Example: my 8-year old thinks he has to have a favourite hockey team so that he will “fit in”. But he doesn’t really like hockey…

  8. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Way to kill the comments Brett, or should I say JHJ?

  9. Friar Says:


    Yeah..I wonder if we should call him Brett the Buzz-Kill?

    But I don’t think we can blame this solely on him.

    Ever since you guys went on vacation, things seemed to have lost a bit of momentum here. Without my cheering section it’s been pretty quiet lately…The comments seem to have have died off…

    I dunno. Is it possible BlogoLand has gotten tired of the Deep Friar, and people are losing interest?

    (Mabye that means…God Forbid, I’ll have to take up a hobby or something!) 😮

  10. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Its my fault. I have come back rested and calm. Once I get stressed out again I’ll return to tearing strips off of and generally causing mayhem.

    Please stand by…

  11. Brett Legree Says:

    Here, I’ll start it off:

    You guys are dicks.


    PS – anybody seen a 20-foot inflatable gorilla with a big banana?

  12. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Geez man, get some new material. That was sooo March 2009.

    How about, your comments are inane and infantile. I find your post poorly thought out and quite frankly irrelevant.

    But your mom is still cool,…. Wee Friar *snicker*

  13. Friar Says:

    To continue this exchange:

    No….YOU’RE a dick.

    PS. But better yet than a big banana, what about a geo-stationary banana?

    Oh, boy. Are you getting a crush on my Mom or something?

  14. Donald Mills Says:

    Hello young Friar,

    Good call on Billy. That meandering little shit has bugged me for years. Just walk to school you idiot and get off my lawn!

    In fact, I think the whole Family Circus family is pretty suspicious. They’re just a little too bland for my liking. You know there is something untoward going on in that house.

    Great post Friar. Thanks.

  15. Karen JL Says:

    Sorry, I’ve been off sailing and enjoying the outdoors and shit. How dare I?

    So for the record, you guys are ALL dicks.

    And yes, Eyeteaguy has the hots for your mom.

    That is all.
    (But is Caillou really a comic book character? Methinks not.)

  16. Friar Says:

    Glad you dropped by to check up on me.

    Seems that Billy kid does that a LOT…meandering all over the neighborhood.

    It’s either that, or he and his siblings break something in the house and blame it on the “Not Me” or “Ida Know” ghost.

    You’re right. They ARE getting bland. The comic strips’ been around for so long, those kids should have grandkids of their OWN, at this point.

    Ahhh….I can breathe easy. The Peanut Gallery is returning. Now we’re going back to the juvenile name calling and writing silly comments.

    All is right again, with the Deep Friar Blog. 🙂

    PS. As for Caillou. Cartoon, comics strip..whatever. I’ll take any opportunity I can to poke fun of that spherical-headed rug-rat.

  17. Karen JL Says:

    Well, one good thing to come from Family Circus is that Bill Keane is the father of Glen Keane.

    One of the best animators of our time. (the Beast in Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Tarzan and many others)

    So we’ll give lame-ass Family Circus a break today.

  18. Friar Says:


    No matter how lame-ass Family Circus is, it’s still WAY better than Caillou.

    And I didn’t’ know that about Glen Keane. Interesting bit of trivia.

    Too bad we couldn’t combine the humor of Seth Greene (i.e. Robot Chicken) with high quality animation of Glen Keane.

    Now wouldn’t’ THAT be AWESOME?

  19. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ You All,

    Ah! Come on. What’s with you guys?

    Eyeteaguy based his comment on my occasional comments. And I know why he *snickered* at the name “Wee Friar”.

  20. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @ Friar’s Mom.

    Well said. Let us not descend into the petty gossip that so often inflicts this otherwise bastion of good conversation.

    @ the rest of y’all

    Grow up. Geez its like a kindergarden class in here.

    And I’m not sure why calling everyone Richard is so funny? (let me know if that one went over your heads.)


  21. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    Oh, you know what it’s like here. When the Peanut Gallery gets going, there’s no stopping them.

    I’ve noticed some comments here are silly. They may be amusing, but they’re not all that helpful.

    And then there are some excellent comments, where people ask relevant questions, and we can all learn from them.

    We should all strive to be more like the latter.

    I know YOU are.

  22. XUP Says:

    My God! This is shocking! Shocking that these are the people we’re holding up as role models for our children. I don’t know how many times I’ve sat my daughter down with a comic book advising her to try and live her life a little more like Little Dot or Betty Cooper when all this time her impressionable little mind was being subliminally warped by these dysfunctional sociopaths. Someone should do something.

  23. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @ Friar!

    AAaaaaaaahhhhhhh hahahahahahahahah!

    Gosh, you sound familiar for some reason…..


    P.S. Strive to be more like the latter? Who talks like that anymore?

  24. Friar's Mom Says:


    I “strive” to learn something new each day.

    Did you know the past participle of strive is “striven”, and the past tense is “strove”? I have yet to utilize either word in my course of conversation.

    @Wee Friar,

    Do you think anyone “learned” anything from this comment?

  25. Friar Says:

    Well, it’s like the average population. Most people are quite normal and function well in society. Same as comic strip characters.

    Nothing wrong with Betty Cooper. She seems like a decent girl who has a big heart. (Veronica, on the other hand…)

    Hi and Lois. Fred, Daphne, and Velma. Thel (the Family Cirucs Mom). Joey and Gina, and Dennis the Menace’s parents. Handy Smurf (the carpenter guy). Rex Morgan, M.D….

    They’re all stable, average, normal people with no major issues.

    Plenty of role models to go around for all the kids…if we just look in the right place.

    @Mr. Eyeteaguy

    I am respectully delighted that you and I are in agreement.

    I think it’s about time we started to bring a new level of maturity to this blog. Just like they do in board meetings in private industry.

    (Signed, Mr. Friar)

  26. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Most Honoured and Respected Mr. D. Friar,

    Umm, the last board meeting our GM demonstrated the versatility of the f-word. And I quote “I think we should fsck the fscking fscker.”

    I think we should use another board room as an example.

    Sincerely and most humbly yours truely,

    Mr. I.T. Guy

  27. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar & Eyeteaguy,

    Frak off.

    Respectfully yours,

    Mr. Legree

  28. XUP Says:

    Betty Cooper is a terrible role model for young girls. She’s pathetic and borderline stalker in her relentless pursuit of a guy who prefers someone else but will throw old Betty a bone once in a while. She’ll subjugate and debase herself in all manner of embarassing and humiliating ways in order to get Archie’s attention. And let’s not even go into the passive-aggressive relationship she has with her so-called best friend. And back when I said Archie prefers someone else, I didn’t mean Veronica. Oh no! Can we discuss the homo-erotic undertones of the Archie/Jughead relationship? Jughead is the outspoken mysogynist, but everything Archie does to women, the way he talks about them, the way he is with them makes it clear that he’s in the same boat. So taking all this into account, how very sad does that make Betty?

  29. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar,

    Howcum, you didn’t sign off as Dr. Friar? Eyeteaguy would have addressed you as the Honoured and Learned Dr. Friar.

  30. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @ Most Honoured Mr. Legree.

    Its people like you what cause unrest.

    Dear Honoured and Learned Dr. Friar,

    My humblest apologies for my oversight. If I had know you were a doctor I would have addressed you as such. My mistake was genuine as most doctors I know had to give their frontal lobes in exchange for their degree. You obviously retain yours, or did yours just grow back? Perhaps you subsituted someone elses?

    Most intriguing.

    Most humbly and respectfully yours,

    Mr. I.T. Guy
    Hons. B.A.,MCSE,CNA,BSA

  31. Friar Says:

    @Mr. Eyeteaguy
    My buddy used to be in the military reserves. He told a story of a sergeant, who once referred to a piece of machinery as: “Fsking fsker’s fsked”.

    Adjective, noun, and verb. In one sentence. Pretty impressive.


    …No. YOU Frak off!


    Dr. Friar

    Oh, come on. I think we should give Betty a break. After all, she’s still a teenager.

    How many kids that age AREN’T fsked up? They’re dealing with raging hormones, emotional schoolgirl crushes , and trying to fit in with the cool kids.

    At least she’s not malicious and selfish like the others. She’s just a bit immature, that’s all.

    Give her time. Once she’s in college, she’ll find her true self, and she’ll stop hanging out with bitchy rich kids, and stop chasing boys who treat her like crap. I think she’d made quite a good catch by the time she was 25.

    As for Jughead, I wonder if his mysogny and eating disorder are related to insecurties he might have over his sexual identity?

    (NOT that there’s anything wrong with that!)

    @Friar’s Mom
    The “Mr.” Thing is a bit of an inside joke. Too boring and too lengthy to explain here.

    Eyeteaguy’s just being Eyeteaguy, that’s all.

    @Dear Mr. Eyeteaguy

    No, I didnt’ have to give up part of my brain. But I did burn out part of it while getting my doctorate. And I don’t think the neurons have ever grown back..


    Dr. Friar

    B.A.Sc, M.Sc, PhD, PBS, NBC, SnA.F.U. W.TF, E.I, E.I, Oh.

  32. Friar Says:

    Mr. Legree

    Comments such as the one you made are not at all helpful, and nobody can learn from them.

    In the future, please endeavor to not be such a dick.

    Invariably yours;

    Dr. Friar

  33. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Dr. D. “Wee” Friar,

    In future I suggest you moderate any comments from Mr. Legree that refer to Richard or Dick as we know him, sucking, blowing or other such actions.

    This blog needs to remain a bastion of good will, well thought out ideas and a forum of decorum.


    I. “Tea” Guy

    P.S. Brett is a Richard.

  34. Friar Says:

    @ Mister Eyeteaguy

    I cannot control Mr. Richard Legree, any more than I control you.

    However, I encourage all my genteel readers to kindly refrain from comments which refer to fecal matter, or any other bodily excretions.

    Try to stay on the topic, folks. We’re all here to LEARN.


    Dr. Friar.

  35. XUP Says:

    Okay, you might be right to a certain extent – -although Betty has pulled some pretty malicious stunts; often she gets caught out and then feels bad, but if it results in her getting a date with Archie she just gloats. I know my teenage daughter isn’t this pathetic, but then I will assume that Betty is perpetually a teenager in the 1950s. Which also explains Jughead and Archie’s relationship angst. I think Reggie is the only authentic teenager of the bunch. (I wish I’d thought of this topic for my master’s thesis instead of stupid Faulkner)

  36. Friar Says:

    One thing about Betty. I bet you she puts out for Archie. (I can picture Veronica just being a malicous ****-tease).

    As for Master’s These. Yeah, it wouldnt’ suprise me if there are entire graduate programs now, focussing on the Cultural Anthropology of Archie Comics.

  37. Brett Legree Says:

    You guys suck ass.


    Richard Legree

  38. Eyeteaguy Says:

    You’re right, we do. Bunch of dick’s sucking ass.


  39. Friar's Mom Says:

    Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!

    Behave yourselves or go to your rooms.

  40. Friar Says:

    @Brett and Eyeteaguy

    NOW lookit what you’ve done! You’ve gotten us into trouble with Friar’s Mom! 😦

  41. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Umm, I’m already in my room. Now what?

    And I didn’t get “us” into trouble. I got myself into trouble. You’re on your own… although you do a pretty good job of it on your own.


  42. Eyeteaguy Says:

    43 comments, I guess I’m back.

    You’re welcome, what would you do without me.

    My invoice is in the mail.

  43. Friar Says:


    Too bad Wendi wasn’t around. Sometimes she visits here, and if people mis-behave, she’ll often send them to their room. Sometimes even threaten to spank them.

    Maybe I should ask her to come by, and give you and Brett a talking to. Between herself and Friar’s Mom, maybe we can get a bit of order and decorum back here.

    Like they do in private industry, at board meetings, for example.

  44. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Blah, blah blah, *sticks tongue out*. You can make me, nanny, nanny boo boo!

    *running amok*

    I tried decorum, made me break out in a rash.

  45. Friar Says:


    By Jimminy, I must say, you deserve a hand…I have to applaud you.

    Good job! 😉

  46. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Yeah, yeah. Stop blowing smoke up my butt. Just fix the broken image at the top of this page.


  47. Friar Says:


    Okay, okay…JHJ, you don’t have to yell. 😉

  48. Friar Says:


    What’s weird, is on my computer at home, I don’t see any broken image. But I do on another computer…

  49. Brett Legree Says:

    Hmm, no broken image here (being serious now) what browser are you guys using?

  50. Eyeteaguy Says:

    The latet and greatest from from MS, IE8.

  51. Friar Says:

    Uncle Big Brother’s browser showed a broken image. But nothing here where I am right now.

    And Eyeteaguy can’t even fix it. And he’s an IT guy.


  52. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Never said I tried to fix it. Its Friar’s blog, let him fix the fscking thing…

  53. Eyeteaguy Says:

    That is the URL its trying to display.

  54. Friar Says:


    Well (even though it didn’t bug me), I fixed it (hopefully).

    Just for YOU. (Because I wanted to do you PROUD).

    Let me know if I fixed it (Because I can’t tell on my browser).

  55. Eyeteaguy Says:

    My hero! All fixed….

  56. Brett Legree Says:

    You guys still suck.

    Love & kisses,


  57. Friar Says:


    I so ROCK…and you know it.


    Love and KISSES? Since WHEN?

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